Quality of Life Gone: Depressed and Suicidal

SBlue

Member
Author
Jan 28, 2025
2
Tinnitus Since
10/2024
Cause of Tinnitus
Unknown
Tinnitus started for me in October 2024, just a few months ago. Out of nowhere, I began hearing a high-pitched noise in both ears. The frequency seems to be around 14,000 Hz. It is always there, no matter what I am doing; I have not stopped hearing it since it began. I can hear it over everything—whether in a loud environment or complete silence.

I have seen several ENTs, undergone hearing tests, and even had an MRI. My hearing is normal, with no signs of hearing loss. The MRI results also came back normal, though I had to push the ENT to order it. In the end, every doctor has told me the same thing: they see nothing wrong, and I will have to live with it.

The problem is, I cannot live with this. I cannot focus on anything other than the tinnitus. This 14 kHz tone is so loud and piercing that I do not see a future in which I can endure it for years to come. I do not see how I can have any quality of life while hearing this constantly.

I have tried to be strong. I have a son who needs me, but I struggle even to enjoy the time I have with him. I do not want to feel this way—I want to live my life without this affliction—but it seems impossible. Recently, I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed a low dose of Xanax. While it helps temporarily by reducing my anxiety, it does not lessen the tinnitus. It is the only thing getting me through parts of the day. But I cannot take benzodiazepines long-term; I have an addictive personality, and I know that at some point, I will struggle with withdrawal, which will likely make both the tinnitus and my anxiety worse.

I have read about the Lenire device, but I am skeptical because of the mixed reviews on this forum and elsewhere. I am so desperate that I feel like I have to try something—anything—even if it costs thousands of dollars. But I also know that the chances of anything actually helping are slim.

I do not know what to do with myself or my life. I do not know how to habituate, and everything I have tried or read has made no difference. I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and I do not know how much longer I can keep going like this. I am beyond depressed and hopeless. The only thing keeping me from giving up is my son, but I do not know how much longer I can hold on.

I know everyone on this forum is going through something similar. I have read many of your posts, and I am not expecting a solution or a "magic cure" by sharing this. I just needed to vent because I cannot express myself this way to my family or anyone close to me. They would worry, and I have to appear strong. That is what everyone expects of me, and if they saw how much I am struggling, they would panic.

I wish I could scream, I need help! But I feel so let down by the healthcare system in this country (United States). No matter how many doctors I see, the answer is always the same: We don't see anything wrong, and we cannot help you. And for that, I am charged thousands of dollars, even with insurance. It is unsustainable. I do not know if I have the energy to keep searching for relief. I feel completely hopeless and alone.

Thank you for reading this. I do not know what I am looking for by posting here, but I needed to write this down and get it out because I have not been able to tell anyone how desperate I truly feel.
 
I understand the desperation. There probably isn't much I can suggest that you haven't already looked into.

We can't control tinnitus, but we can control how we respond to it. Maybe consider looking into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). They're not cures, but they provide tools to help you get through the worst moments.

Life is short, and AI is about to change a lot of things very quickly. Try to stick around for a few more years—not just for yourself, but for your family. I'm just over a month into this journey, and I've had those same thoughts.

I've had only a few, but very real, moments of acceptance or habituation. They're fleeting, but in those moments, I feel like myself again. I hope to have more of them, and maybe you will too. Those moments are worth living for.
 
Hi @SBlue,

I am sorry to know of the difficulties that you are going through with tinnitus at the moment. This condition can be very distressing in the early stages which you are in. If you are also experiencing any oversensitivity to sound or hyperacusis, it can make your situation worse.

It is good that the advice from your ENT doctors has said the tests on your auditory system haven't revealed an underlying medical problem within your auditory system that is causing the tinnitus. Please don't feel let down by the medical doctors you have seen or your healthcare system, for I am sure they are trying their best to help you.

Many people do not realize that doctors don't treat tinnitus; they treat underlying medical problems that cause it. Although tinnitus can appear for no reason, something usually causes it. One of the most common is exposure to loud noise or listening to audio through headphones at too high a volume, or using them too frequently without giving the ears sufficient time to rest. This includes earbuds, AirPods, headsets, noise-canceling, and bone-conduction headphones.

Attending concerts or clubs where loud music is played can cause tinnitus, too. If you are experiencing any oversensitivity to sound or hyperacusis, then there is a strong possibility that your tinnitus is noise-induced. This type of tinnitus usually improves with time.

Please go to my started threads and read the following posts:
  • New to Tinnitus, What to Do?
  • Tinnitus, A Personal View
  • Hyperacusis, As I See It
  • The Habituation Process,
  • How to Habituate to Tinnitus
  • Tinnitus and the Negative Mindset
  • Acquiring a Positive Mindset
  • Can I Habituate to Variable Tinnitus?
  • Medication and Tinnitus
Tinnitus can affect a person's mental and emotional well-being quite profoundly, especially within the first 6months of onset. It takes time for the brain to adjust to this strange new noise. Over time, the tinnitus will reduce. More is explained in my articles. I strongly advise that you print them instead of reading them on your phone or computer screen. They are a form of counseling, and this way, you will absorb and retrain the information better. Refer to them regularly, as this will help to reinforce positive thinking.

I am a believer in taking medication to help cope with tinnitus. Please listen to your doctor's advice about meds.

I advise you not to listen to audio through any type of headphones, even at low volume. Try to avoid quiet rooms and surroundings, especially at night. Use a sound machine for low-level sound enrichment. More about this is explained in my articles.

I wish you well,
Michael
 
Tinnitus started for me in October 2024, just a few months ago. Out of nowhere, I began hearing a high-pitched noise in both ears. The frequency seems to be around 14,000 Hz. It is always there, no matter what I am doing; I have not stopped hearing it since it began. I can hear it over everything—whether in a loud environment or complete silence.

I have seen several ENTs, undergone hearing tests, and even had an MRI. My hearing is normal, with no signs of hearing loss. The MRI results also came back normal, though I had to push the ENT to order it. In the end, every doctor has told me the same thing: they see nothing wrong, and I will have to live with it.

The problem is, I cannot live with this. I cannot focus on anything other than the tinnitus. This 14 kHz tone is so loud and piercing that I do not see a future in which I can endure it for years to come. I do not see how I can have any quality of life while hearing this constantly.

I have tried to be strong. I have a son who needs me, but I struggle even to enjoy the time I have with him. I do not want to feel this way—I want to live my life without this affliction—but it seems impossible. Recently, I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed a low dose of Xanax. While it helps temporarily by reducing my anxiety, it does not lessen the tinnitus. It is the only thing getting me through parts of the day. But I cannot take benzodiazepines long-term; I have an addictive personality, and I know that at some point, I will struggle with withdrawal, which will likely make both the tinnitus and my anxiety worse.

I have read about the Lenire device, but I am skeptical because of the mixed reviews on this forum and elsewhere. I am so desperate that I feel like I have to try something—anything—even if it costs thousands of dollars. But I also know that the chances of anything actually helping are slim.

I do not know what to do with myself or my life. I do not know how to habituate, and everything I have tried or read has made no difference. I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and I do not know how much longer I can keep going like this. I am beyond depressed and hopeless. The only thing keeping me from giving up is my son, but I do not know how much longer I can hold on.

I know everyone on this forum is going through something similar. I have read many of your posts, and I am not expecting a solution or a "magic cure" by sharing this. I just needed to vent because I cannot express myself this way to my family or anyone close to me. They would worry, and I have to appear strong. That is what everyone expects of me, and if they saw how much I am struggling, they would panic.

I wish I could scream, I need help! But I feel so let down by the healthcare system in this country (United States). No matter how many doctors I see, the answer is always the same: We don't see anything wrong, and we cannot help you. And for that, I am charged thousands of dollars, even with insurance. It is unsustainable. I do not know if I have the energy to keep searching for relief. I feel completely hopeless and alone.

Thank you for reading this. I do not know what I am looking for by posting here, but I needed to write this down and get it out because I have not been able to tell anyone how desperate I truly feel.
I'm in the exact same situation. My right ear suddenly worsened for no apparent reason, and I've been feeling suicidal and desperate for the past week.

My tinnitus is multi-tonal and over 14,000 Hz. Strangely, when I press on my skull, it temporarily goes away or becomes more tolerable. I'm wondering if I should try dexamethasone. Unfortunately, the only thing that gives me any relief is benzodiazepines.

I don't have any hearing loss, and I'm only 29. Mine also started in October and was bearable until last week, when it suddenly worsened after a fleeting tinnitus episode. This has happened twice before and eventually went back to normal, but this time, it isn't going away. The 14,000 Hz tone is audible everywhere.
 
I just want to say that I understand what you're going through. I also have a toddler, and I'm desperately trying to hang on for her. I'm over 10 months into this, and I also have hyperacusis, which makes it difficult to spend quality time with my daughter.

For me, things did get a little better after six months, but recently, I changed my medications—a bad decision that caused a spike in both my tinnitus and hyperacusis. Now, I have to go through the process of habituation all over again.

Try to stay calm, avoid loud places, and be cautious with psychiatric medications.

You are not alone in this—we have to hang on somehow.
 
I'm sorry. Tinnitus appearing out of nowhere is the worst; it feels like we've been betrayed by the universe.

Try to ignore the sound and focus on the things you enjoy. You are not alone in this, and you have a son. Many people never get the chance to have a family because they develop tinnitus in childhood or early adulthood, and it completely disrupts their lives. You already have something that many others with this condition may never experience. That is something positive to hold onto.

I will pray for you. Sending you strength from Europe. Keep going. You will eventually accept it and forget what life was like before this affliction.
 
For me, things did get a little better after six months, but recently, I changed my medications—a bad decision that caused a spike in both my tinnitus and hyperacusis. Now, I have to go through the process of habituation all over again.
What change did you make to your medication?
 
I would look into pharmaceuticals or natural remedies to help with your anxiety. The original poster is right where I was at the beginning of my tinnitus journey. Get out in nature—listen to it and feel it. We spend most of our lives in cities with toxic environments filled with unhealthy air and large electrical fields. The background sounds of nature are beneficial, and if you can get to a shoreline, even better, because there are a lot of negative ions there. We know that negative ions benefit our health in many ways, especially when it comes to our moods and overall well-being.

Don't sit in front of a computer all day! That's a trap I fall into often, but it's smarter to get outside—even if it's just a bike ride.

In the beginning, I was very much ready to end my life, but I didn't. What saved me was an outdoor nature walk. Believe me, when I walked over a small arched bridge and heard the rushing water completely mask my tinnitus, that was my turning point.

I've had tinnitus for a long time—25 to 35 years or more—and during that time, it has fluctuated. Sometimes it was difficult to mask, while other times it was so quiet it seemed to disappear. We do habituate to it, and I seldom get overwhelmed because I know it has always eventually settled down. I'd be lost without my little sound machine and the 20-inch box fan next to my bed—both are great sleep aids.
 
We spend most of our lives in cities with toxic environments filled with unhealthy air and large electrical fields. The background sounds of nature are beneficial, and if you can get to a shoreline, even better, because there are a lot of negative ions there. We know that negative ions benefit our health in many ways, especially when it comes to our moods and overall well-being.
I am convinced there is something in the area because I live in a moderately sized city. I know it sounds crazy, and many of my family and friends have told me so. But I can only come to two possible conclusions.

The first is that I have developed sudden onset tinnitus for no apparent reason. It could be due to an underlying medical issue that doctors have either been unable to find or have decided is not worth investigating further because, in their view, "everything seems fine."

The second possibility is that something in the city is permeating the walls and causing this distress.

I will try escaping to nature. Fortunately, there is a shoreline close to my house, though it is still within the city. Right now, I am desperate to try anything, and I think this might be a good way to quickly assess whether my symptoms are related to something in the area.

Am I crazy, or is it possible that I am hearing some kind of electrical field or something else that no one else seems to pick up on? I feel like I am losing my mind.
 
Am I crazy, or is it possible that I am hearing some kind of electrical field or something else that no one else seems to pick up on? I feel like I am losing my mind.
That is not possible. Unfortunately, it seems to be a delusion caused by something making you believe or suggest it.

The phantom noise is not real. If it were, that would actually be great news for most of us. We could simply put ourselves in a Faraday cage for some relief! Haha.

If you truly believe these thoughts, you might want to consider seeking psychiatric help or therapy. They could help you cope with the noise, especially if it does not go away.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Best of luck.
 
Am I crazy, or is it possible that I am hearing some kind of electrical field or something else that no one else seems to pick up on? I feel like I am losing my mind.
No, you're not crazy. You're hearing your tinnitus. Sometimes it just sounds like an electrical field.
 
I started taking Wellbutrin for four days, and it caused a spike.
The same thing happened to me. I started Lexapro because my nervous system had been wrecked by this condition, but it made my reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis worse and caused other horrible side effects.

I recently started taking a natural hemp supplement called MAGU, which has helped a little with the anxiety. However, I am only one week into it so far.
 
Hey man, sorry to hear what you're going through. I know it sucks, but you need to stick it out for a few years before considering anything drastic, especially since you have a child.

People often overreact to tinnitus in the first few months. Most eventually habituate, some manage to reduce the volume, and others learn to live with severe tinnitus. While some do, unfortunately, take their lives, that's not the majority. Many who experience suicidal thoughts early on go on to live their lives.
 
I developed persistent, louder-than-everything tinnitus in October 2023. I was extremely distraught and often considered suicide.

One year later, it hasn't faded in volume at all, and I haven't habituated. But I want to tell you that the fear and anxiety have dropped dramatically. I know it's hard to imagine from where you are right now, but you can get used to it. It becomes your new normal.

Sure, your new normal isn't as good as your old normal when there wasn't a constant screeching in your ear. But the new normal is okay, and you can find joy in life again.
 
It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now. I know how hard it is to ignore the sound you are hearing. I totally understand—I was born with tinnitus, and I have always lived with it.

You have to stay strong and tame the beast. Do not let it rule your life. There are things you can do to distract your mind. I love to draw, golf, read, and make jewelry.

Taking breaks from electronics helps. Ignoring it as much as you can also helps. Surrounding yourself with loved ones can make a big difference.

As time goes on, you will heal and feel better. You have a whole life ahead of you, and that is something to be excited about!
 
It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time right now. I know how hard it is to ignore the sound you are hearing. I totally understand—I was born with tinnitus, and I have always lived with it.

You have to stay strong and tame the beast. Do not let it rule your life. There are things you can do to distract your mind. I love to draw, golf, read, and make jewelry.

Taking breaks from electronics helps. Ignoring it as much as you can also helps. Surrounding yourself with loved ones can make a big difference.

As time goes on, you will heal and feel better. You have a whole life ahead of you, and that is something to be excited about!
It's different when you're born with it compared to developing it in the middle of your life.
 
It's different when you're born with it compared to developing it in the middle of your life.
I had no idea—I just discovered this site recently. I'm now studying more about the symptoms and will definitely look into this further to educate myself.

I just got hearing aids for my tinnitus. There is sound therapy available to help! Seeing an audiologist is also a great option. It's the only answer I have at this time.
 
I had no idea—I just discovered this site recently. I'm now studying more about the symptoms and will definitely look into this further to educate myself.

I just got hearing aids for my tinnitus. There is sound therapy available to help! Seeing an audiologist is also a great option. It's the only answer I have at this time.
Audiologists are crooks when you have hyperacusis, tinnitus, and visual snow.
 
I had no idea—I just discovered this site recently. I'm now studying more about the symptoms and will definitely look into this further to educate myself.

I just got hearing aids for my tinnitus. There is sound therapy available to help! Seeing an audiologist is also a great option. It's the only answer I have at this time.
They are just bitter. You don't have to apologize because your suffering—or in this case, lack thereof—is just as valid as someone who developed it suddenly.

You are simply used to it. That's the big difference. You have what they do not.

Tinnitus doesn't need a "pity Olympics." It's unproductive and helps no one. Imagine saying someone born without an arm has it better than someone who lost an arm at 30. That would be ridiculous.
 
I am convinced there is something in the area because I live in a moderately sized city. I know it sounds crazy, and many of my family and friends have told me so. But I can only come to two possible conclusions.

The first is that I have developed sudden onset tinnitus for no apparent reason. It could be due to an underlying medical issue that doctors have either been unable to find or have decided is not worth investigating further because, in their view, "everything seems fine."

The second possibility is that something in the city is permeating the walls and causing this distress.

I will try escaping to nature. Fortunately, there is a shoreline close to my house, though it is still within the city. Right now, I am desperate to try anything, and I think this might be a good way to quickly assess whether my symptoms are related to something in the area.

Am I crazy, or is it possible that I am hearing some kind of electrical field or something else that no one else seems to pick up on? I feel like I am losing my mind.
@SBlue, I used to be a regular on Tinnitus Talk, but I barely check in these days. I was where you are about two years ago. My tinnitus frequency was around 13000 Hz, very piercing. I had suicidal thoughts during the first year and was ready to give up on life. After about two years, I have been able to move on with my life. It is still there and bothers me about 30% of the time, but it does not consume me.

For now, just try to keep yourself busy. Do not sit around focusing on it. Keep doing the things you enjoy and are passionate about. Do not try to make sense of it, because it does not make any sense.

In another post, I will share how this beast has changed me, mostly for the better. Take care.
 

Log in or register to get the full forum benefits!

Register

Register on Tinnitus Talk for free!

Register Now