Quality of Life Gone: Depressed and Suicidal

ShuaBlue

Member
Author
Jan 28, 2025
1
Tinnitus Since
10/2024
Cause of Tinnitus
Unknown
Tinnitus started for me in October 2024, just a few months ago. Out of nowhere, I began hearing a high-pitched noise in both ears. The frequency seems to be around 14,000 Hz. It is always there, no matter what I am doing; I have not stopped hearing it since it began. I can hear it over everything—whether in a loud environment or complete silence.

I have seen several ENTs, undergone hearing tests, and even had an MRI. My hearing is normal, with no signs of hearing loss. The MRI results also came back normal, though I had to push the ENT to order it. In the end, every doctor has told me the same thing: they see nothing wrong, and I will have to live with it.

The problem is, I cannot live with this. I cannot focus on anything other than the tinnitus. This 14 kHz tone is so loud and piercing that I do not see a future in which I can endure it for years to come. I do not see how I can have any quality of life while hearing this constantly.

I have tried to be strong. I have a son who needs me, but I struggle even to enjoy the time I have with him. I do not want to feel this way—I want to live my life without this affliction—but it seems impossible. Recently, I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed a low dose of Xanax. While it helps temporarily by reducing my anxiety, it does not lessen the tinnitus. It is the only thing getting me through parts of the day. But I cannot take benzodiazepines long-term; I have an addictive personality, and I know that at some point, I will struggle with withdrawal, which will likely make both the tinnitus and my anxiety worse.

I have read about the Lenire device, but I am skeptical because of the mixed reviews on this forum and elsewhere. I am so desperate that I feel like I have to try something—anything—even if it costs thousands of dollars. But I also know that the chances of anything actually helping are slim.

I do not know what to do with myself or my life. I do not know how to habituate, and everything I have tried or read has made no difference. I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and I do not know how much longer I can keep going like this. I am beyond depressed and hopeless. The only thing keeping me from giving up is my son, but I do not know how much longer I can hold on.

I know everyone on this forum is going through something similar. I have read many of your posts, and I am not expecting a solution or a "magic cure" by sharing this. I just needed to vent because I cannot express myself this way to my family or anyone close to me. They would worry, and I have to appear strong. That is what everyone expects of me, and if they saw how much I am struggling, they would panic.

I wish I could scream, I need help! But I feel so let down by the healthcare system in this country (United States). No matter how many doctors I see, the answer is always the same: We don't see anything wrong, and we cannot help you. And for that, I am charged thousands of dollars, even with insurance. It is unsustainable. I do not know if I have the energy to keep searching for relief. I feel completely hopeless and alone.

Thank you for reading this. I do not know what I am looking for by posting here, but I needed to write this down and get it out because I have not been able to tell anyone how desperate I truly feel.
 
I understand the desperation. There probably isn't much I can suggest that you haven't already looked into.

We can't control tinnitus, but we can control how we respond to it. Maybe consider looking into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). They're not cures, but they provide tools to help you get through the worst moments.

Life is short, and AI is about to change a lot of things very quickly. Try to stick around for a few more years—not just for yourself, but for your family. I'm just over a month into this journey, and I've had those same thoughts.

I've had only a few, but very real, moments of acceptance or habituation. They're fleeting, but in those moments, I feel like myself again. I hope to have more of them, and maybe you will too. Those moments are worth living for.
 
Hi @ShuaBlue,

I am sorry to know of the difficulties that you are going through with tinnitus at the moment. This condition can be very distressing in the early stages which you are in. If you are also experiencing any oversensitivity to sound or hyperacusis, it can make your situation worse.

It is good that the advice from your ENT doctors has said the tests on your auditory system haven't revealed an underlying medical problem within your auditory system that is causing the tinnitus. Please don't feel let down by the medical doctors you have seen or your healthcare system, for I am sure they are trying their best to help you.

Many people do not realize that doctors don't treat tinnitus; they treat underlying medical problems that cause it. Although tinnitus can appear for no reason, something usually causes it. One of the most common is exposure to loud noise or listening to audio through headphones at too high a volume, or using them too frequently without giving the ears sufficient time to rest. This includes earbuds, AirPods, headsets, noise-canceling, and bone-conduction headphones.

Attending concerts or clubs where loud music is played can cause tinnitus, too. If you are experiencing any oversensitivity to sound or hyperacusis, then there is a strong possibility that your tinnitus is noise-induced. This type of tinnitus usually improves with time.

Please go to my started threads and read the following posts:
  • New to Tinnitus, What to Do?
  • Tinnitus, A Personal View
  • Hyperacusis, As I See It
  • The Habituation Process,
  • How to Habituate to Tinnitus
  • Tinnitus and the Negative Mindset
  • Acquiring a Positive Mindset
  • Can I Habituate to Variable Tinnitus?
  • Medication and Tinnitus
Tinnitus can affect a person's mental and emotional well-being quite profoundly, especially within the first 6months of onset. It takes time for the brain to adjust to this strange new noise. Over time, the tinnitus will reduce. More is explained in my articles. I strongly advise that you print them instead of reading them on your phone or computer screen. They are a form of counseling, and this way, you will absorb and retrain the information better. Refer to them regularly, as this will help to reinforce positive thinking.

I am a believer in taking medication to help cope with tinnitus. Please listen to your doctor's advice about meds.

I advise you not to listen to audio through any type of headphones, even at low volume. Try to avoid quiet rooms and surroundings, especially at night. Use a sound machine for low-level sound enrichment. More about this is explained in my articles.

I wish you well,
Michael
 
Tinnitus started for me in October 2024, just a few months ago. Out of nowhere, I began hearing a high-pitched noise in both ears. The frequency seems to be around 14,000 Hz. It is always there, no matter what I am doing; I have not stopped hearing it since it began. I can hear it over everything—whether in a loud environment or complete silence.

I have seen several ENTs, undergone hearing tests, and even had an MRI. My hearing is normal, with no signs of hearing loss. The MRI results also came back normal, though I had to push the ENT to order it. In the end, every doctor has told me the same thing: they see nothing wrong, and I will have to live with it.

The problem is, I cannot live with this. I cannot focus on anything other than the tinnitus. This 14 kHz tone is so loud and piercing that I do not see a future in which I can endure it for years to come. I do not see how I can have any quality of life while hearing this constantly.

I have tried to be strong. I have a son who needs me, but I struggle even to enjoy the time I have with him. I do not want to feel this way—I want to live my life without this affliction—but it seems impossible. Recently, I started seeing a psychiatrist who prescribed a low dose of Xanax. While it helps temporarily by reducing my anxiety, it does not lessen the tinnitus. It is the only thing getting me through parts of the day. But I cannot take benzodiazepines long-term; I have an addictive personality, and I know that at some point, I will struggle with withdrawal, which will likely make both the tinnitus and my anxiety worse.

I have read about the Lenire device, but I am skeptical because of the mixed reviews on this forum and elsewhere. I am so desperate that I feel like I have to try something—anything—even if it costs thousands of dollars. But I also know that the chances of anything actually helping are slim.

I do not know what to do with myself or my life. I do not know how to habituate, and everything I have tried or read has made no difference. I feel like I am at the end of my rope, and I do not know how much longer I can keep going like this. I am beyond depressed and hopeless. The only thing keeping me from giving up is my son, but I do not know how much longer I can hold on.

I know everyone on this forum is going through something similar. I have read many of your posts, and I am not expecting a solution or a "magic cure" by sharing this. I just needed to vent because I cannot express myself this way to my family or anyone close to me. They would worry, and I have to appear strong. That is what everyone expects of me, and if they saw how much I am struggling, they would panic.

I wish I could scream, I need help! But I feel so let down by the healthcare system in this country (United States). No matter how many doctors I see, the answer is always the same: We don't see anything wrong, and we cannot help you. And for that, I am charged thousands of dollars, even with insurance. It is unsustainable. I do not know if I have the energy to keep searching for relief. I feel completely hopeless and alone.

Thank you for reading this. I do not know what I am looking for by posting here, but I needed to write this down and get it out because I have not been able to tell anyone how desperate I truly feel.
I'm in the exact same situation. My right ear suddenly worsened for no apparent reason, and I've been feeling suicidal and desperate for the past week.

My tinnitus is multi-tonal and over 14,000 Hz. Strangely, when I press on my skull, it temporarily goes away or becomes more tolerable. I'm wondering if I should try dexamethasone. Unfortunately, the only thing that gives me any relief is benzodiazepines.

I don't have any hearing loss, and I'm only 29. Mine also started in October and was bearable until last week, when it suddenly worsened after a fleeting tinnitus episode. This has happened twice before and eventually went back to normal, but this time, it isn't going away. The 14,000 Hz tone is audible everywhere.
 
I just want to say that I understand what you're going through. I also have a toddler, and I'm desperately trying to hang on for her. I'm over 10 months into this, and I also have hyperacusis, which makes it difficult to spend quality time with my daughter.

For me, things did get a little better after six months, but recently, I changed my medications—a bad decision that caused a spike in both my tinnitus and hyperacusis. Now, I have to go through the process of habituation all over again.

Try to stay calm, avoid loud places, and be cautious with psychiatric medications.

You are not alone in this—we have to hang on somehow.
 
I'm sorry. Tinnitus appearing out of nowhere is the worst; it feels like we've been betrayed by the universe.

Try to ignore the sound and focus on the things you enjoy. You are not alone in this, and you have a son. Many people never get the chance to have a family because they develop tinnitus in childhood or early adulthood, and it completely disrupts their lives. You already have something that many others with this condition may never experience. That is something positive to hold onto.

I will pray for you. Sending you strength from Europe. Keep going. You will eventually accept it and forget what life was like before this affliction.
 
For me, things did get a little better after six months, but recently, I changed my medications—a bad decision that caused a spike in both my tinnitus and hyperacusis. Now, I have to go through the process of habituation all over again.
What change did you make to your medication?
 

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