Ranting Again...

[Dubbyaman]

Fuck this stupid noise. These stories piss me off because there is no healing from this bull shit. I still had things I wanted to do with my life too until this asshole entered my life back in 2014. It was self inflicted but not on purpose. I fell victim to it because of the repeated blind eye the world has turned to it all this time. I was unaware like most people. I think about death all the time too!

 

[glynis]

Hi Dubbyaman,
What support have you had or using anything to help you ?...lots of love glynis

 

[Dubbyaman]

glynis I have a sound generator that helps me sleep at night and this site is a great support beam as well. Other then that, I don't really have that much support. My mom is supportive, a few friends but the rest of my family are complete assholes. Very sad too because you really find out what people's true colors are when push comes to shove.

 

[DebInAustralia]

Derp...

Are you using hearing aides?

 

[glynis]

Hi Dubbyaman,
Glad you have a sound generator to help you.
This forum is lovely and between us all think we cover everything so great support.
I don't get any support off the family so wait till they want mine...lots of love glynis

 

[Dubbyaman]

glynis Lots of love to you as well. How are you? I hear menieres can be awful. How do you cope?

 

[glynis]

Hi Dubbyaman,
Menieres can be tough going but have two lots of meds to help.
So glad I have my duel purposes hearing aids and have a fantastic doctor and audiologist .
Just stay my happy self and push through the tough times as they come....lots of love glynis

 

[Sailboardman]

Why? Why does this have to happen to me? This is so cruel. I have mega T and I'm so young. I still had things I want to do but now I just want to die. I need a cure or I'll die, I know I will. I've gone through this three times now. I need a cure because I can't hold on anymore. I've tried and succeeded only to have my success taken away again and again.

@derpytia,

Why does this have to happen to anyone of us? Because it just does. I know a girl who contracted MS at 36 years of age. My cousin was born crippled and lives in a wheelchair. My Dad died at 59 of a massive heart attack. My aunt died at 48 years of age of cancer. Etc.

I Know when we are suffering immensely, these stories are of little consequence, but bad things happen to people. It's a human condition.

We can fight, or die at our own hand, it's our free will to do either. Search deep within yourself and ponder both carefully. I have and I'm still here. Still here, hoping I awake tomorrow and this will be gone.

 

[LadyDi]

Don't think I can add much to what @Sailboardman said. We all need to rant and cry sometimes, and I am glad @derpytia and others feel they can do that here, without being judged. I feel for all who are in pain and despair. I have been there. Trust me. I was considering taking my life, in the beginning.

But ultimately, we must accept we have a medical disorder which, at this point, has no cure -- like many other diseases and medical disorders. Accepting doesn't mean we stop trying to find ways to better manage our tinnitus.

Also, @derpytia: I wouldn't trust the results of a self-administered hearing test, especially if the questionable results are going to send you into despair. I have a test done every six months by an audiologist, so I can chart if my hearing is staying the same or changing. So far, two years in, its basically the same. I have moderate loss in one ear, minor in the other.

And I want to send LOL (lots of love) to @glynis. You are so kind and patient, my dear - and grateful for what you DO have (good doctors, friends, the ability to help others), despite your tinnitus. You are an inspiration to me.

 

[glynis]

@LadyDi,
Thank you for your lovely post and sending me lots of love too,
Your a lovely person too and help so many on the forums...lots of love glynis

 

[hoper]

can i have lots of love too?

 

[glynis]

@hoper,
You always make me smile with your moving pictures so sending you lots of love too...glynis

 

[LadyDi]

All you need is luv! So here's some for ya, @hoper.

 

[hoper]

oh thank you

 

[derpytia]

I just want my hearing back. I was so happy 1.5 years ago before all this happened. So very very happy. The happiest I had ever been in life and it was all taken away because of music. I should have never pursued music as a career. (I probably shouldn't have ever been born either but I had no choice in that) I feel like I'm going to constantly throw up and I can't eat and antacids aren't doing anything. I sleep 8 hours but it helps nothing. I just want to curl up and die. And I'm completely alone. I won't go home and see my mother for another two weeks and there's no one here.

 

[glynis]

Derpytia,
We are your tinnitus family and always around for each other xxx.
You will love life again and don't let your tinnitus ruin that,it's just a noisy one but you will adapt in time but still get spikes that you need to push hard through and you will,so cheer up duck .....lots of love glynis

 

[derpytia]

Derp...

Are you using hearing aides?

No. I could never ever afford them and I don't think they'd be a good idea as they can actually lead to more hearing loss because they amplify sound.

 

[DebInAustralia]

Amplify sounds that youre missing out on..

How do you know this would b the case?

 

[LadyDi]

No. I could never ever afford them and I don't think they'd be a good idea as they can actually lead to more hearing loss because they amplify sound.

There is no evidence that properly fitted hearing aids cause additional hearing loss. Not true, although many people have this misconception.

Too expensive? Sadly, yes for many. You are looking at around $2,000 just for starters and many insurance plans in the U.S. don't cover it.

 

[glynis]

Would not be without mine.
Thank goodness for our NHS....lots of love glynis

 

[JohnK]

So I did a little self test to see how much hearing loss I have. I'm in the moderate to severe range according to that test and I can 'hear' my hearing loss in the high pitched things of everyday noise. It's not that high pitched noises are quieter for me. They're gone entirely.

What is this self-test?

 

[derpytia]

What is this self-test?

You can look it up on google. Just type in hearing test and you can find a bunch.

 

[walkthroughwalls]

You can look it up on google. Just type in hearing test and you can find a bunch.

Please don't trust these too much. They very much depend on the quality of your headphones/speakers and the volume level you happen to listen at. Have you taken a test at a 'hearing aid store'? They're free over here, and quite a bit more accurate.

Sometimes I think that my hearing got worse, but it's probably just the full feeling in my ears, as my tests come back fine.

 

[Gosia]

Have you considered the standard way when you know for sure new hearing loss appear which is taking PREDNISONE ? Or NAC at least ? There are things to do when this appears, you're not totally helpless.

 

[Sailboardman]

@derpytia,

Try Vinpocetine, it does help me somewhat. 10mg, 3 times a day. I also take NAC, 600mg, 3 times a day. You can buy this stuff online or at GNC or a Richards health food store.

 

[Zimichael]

With all due respect...In regards to people "understanding" @derpytia and what she is dealing with.

I don't think you do.

Just look at her 'history' here on TT. She is not falling into the: "It will all get better box".

I can say from experience, unfortunately, that unless you are in that same box, it only "hurts" more to be told that things will be fine when they only, in reality, get worse. It requires a more nuanced form of helping, as this hard core T & H stuff is very attuned to what source and type of advice "gets it" and what does not.

Plain, practical, simply stated suggestions with solid foundation, are I suspect the most useful, and likely to 'get through' - so to speak.

Best... Zimichael

 

[awbw8]

@derpytia

I don't know that there's much I can say to "help," but I do have a few suggestions if you're not already doing these things:


1. Talk to your psychiatrist about medication. It might not be the right option for you, but it might be worth exploring. As others have said, it can help a lot when you're in an especially bad/desperate place.

2. Consider getting a professional hearing test. The free online tests are not reliable, some frequencies cannot even be emitted by computer speakers well. If you get a professional test as a bench mark every now and again then you can see how things are either really changing, or how they're staying the same. For me, at least, this helped curb my panic and ground me just a little.

3. Try to give yourself a little credit for having habituated before. Yes, it's been 1.5 years, but it took me almost that long to habituate the first time, so you're way ahead of the game compared to many. From where I'm standing, you're this powerful, strong, resilient person. I'm sure it doesn't feel that way at all, but for what it's worth, I'm pulling for you.


If you just need to rant and say everything is awful, I totally understand, I think we all do understand that need. We're all here to hold that for you. If there's anything we can do to help, let us know.

 

[Willyt1392]

Derpytia, I have been where you are. I know the pain all too well. I highly recommend considering medication with your doctor. They can be very effective at stopping mental rumination and so can facilitate long-lasting habituation. At least, that has been my experience. Celexa has been an absolute lifesaver for me. Good luck, and please hang in there.