Reasons Not to Check Out, Are There Any?

[Starthrower]

Thank you for all the kind messages. My situation is so utterly devastating and irreversible it's impossible to see any light. I was part of numerous underground music scenes it's such a personal and social thing. and the audiophile electronics design was my life and career, engineer and lecturer in audio electronics for 30 years. I cannot imagine life without music, it isn't life...
I read up about benzos, apparently they can cause fluctuating hearing loss too, I was forced to take those as well...I had no idea about these horrific side effects, and additionally desperate to fix everything have fucked up so badly. I am not capable of living.
Music was such an important part of my life ive made the decision.
I'm out of here, just wish I knew how to make that painless I've been through so much already, God bless my soul

Don't give up. Don't let tinnitus in the brain keep you from hearing and believing. Don't reach that point of desperation that robs you of the ability to see the smallest speck of life in the darkness. There is a nano-second of time just before that "moment" the nano-second...don't let the tinnitus keep you from seeing that single moment before any decision is made....

I know this from first hand experience after losing a best friend with a similar situation. But he lost everything and ended up in a rat motel with little hope and increasing problems from diabetes. No health insurance. Nothing. No one. Now he is gone and I am left holding the guilt, shame and blame because I was with him on the phone when he pulled the trigger. His tinnitus was so loud he couldn't reason anymore. Not with me or the police/swat teams surrounding his room for seven hours.

You have SO much to offer. Don't lose that. Don't let go. Your life will influence many other people and without you..they will not have that chance.

Your situation will improve. Do not let go of hope.

Now I will probably disappear for a while. This is part of my life I never share.

 

[billie48]

Thank you for all the kind messages. My situation is so utterly devastating and irreversible it's impossible to see any light. I was part of numerous underground music scenes it's such a personal and social thing. and the audiophile electronics design was my life and career, engineer and lecturer in audio electronics for 30 years. I cannot imagine life without music, it isn't life...
I read up about benzos, apparently they can cause fluctuating hearing loss too, I was forced to take those as well...I had no idea about these horrific side effects, and additionally desperate to fix everything have fucked up so badly. I am not capable of living.
Music was such an important part of my life ive made the decision.
I'm out of here, just wish I knew how to make that painless I've been through so much already, God bless my soul

You need to exhaust all options which I don't know if you have. Have you tried Trobalt, Keppra, stem-cell treatment etc., etc. These may not help everybody but enough members report positive result and should worth trying it if it means your life.

You need to give it time. All the folks who have gotten better say they take some time to get better. Check their stories, 6 months to 2 years or 3. I had same suicide ideation with severe T & H, but I said anything that would force me to X myself must prove it can bother me continuously 3 to 5 years before all options have been exhausted. Then I would attempt all sorts of dangerous adventures that I longed to try but dared not before, like Rose in Titanic, lol. I would rather God take me in one of the adventures doing things I like than submitting to the T bully cowardly. Well it didn't take me long to get better and I am glad I didn't X myself.If you care about your soul, you must ask yourself is that all you have done for saving yourself? Your T is only 2-3 months old. Most people will get better but it will take time. You are not the first nor the last musician who ever have T so why X yourself over it. Google musicians with tinnitus and you will see a long list, including Peter Townsend, Streisand, Phill Collins, Eric Clapton, etc. etc. Offing yourself would not solve anything in terms of suffering from those NDE videos on youtube who have attempted to X themselves but came back. Hang in there.