We've been going on walks during my day off. The first couple of weeks I was really bad. Just shaking non stop. Barely eating. A week ago I was barely able to sleep, so I took 4mg of melatonin and slept better for a week. This week, I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall back asleep until 6am. I work a full time job at a grocery store, so things are a bit stressful there too. Wearing a mask for eight hours can get to you and everyone is sleeping as poorly as me. I've been eating bananas and yogurt for breakfast. I try and eat a waffle energy cookie, 2 of them with yogurt for lunch. I eat organic yogurt with a ton of probiotics. I eat other solid foods, in smaller portions. If I need to get my calories, I'll eat chunky lentil veggie soup. I stopped drinking beer and coffee. But this waking up is making me shaky. I used to look forward to going to bed and now I worry about waking up super early and laying in bed. Last night, my spouse went to hang out with friends and I stayed with my son. Ate a homemade broccoli cheese soup, cheese sticks and I drink water with every meal because I get scared that food isn't going to go down. I tried to take a nap and woke up to a panic attack with loud tinnitus. My spouse is going to rub my shoulders because I carry a lot of stress there and sometimes that lowers the ringing.
I can handle trying to get past my phobia again but with the tinnitus potentially spiking, it sends me over the edge.
I do take 1mg of Clonazepam at night but before I got pregnant with my son, I took it for years. When I got pregnant with him four years ago they put me on Zoloft. My doctor took me off Zoloft in October and let me go back on Clonazepam. The only reason I stay on Clonazepam is because year ago when I tried to get off of it my tinnitus started up. That was eight years ago.
It's just with all the shaking, hard time sleeping, trying to get over my phobia that started 10 years ago, its pushing me into a dark place. It scares the hell out of me. I did breathing exercises last night, ate a few spoon fulls of yogurt and took some magnesium.
I'm scared I'll get desperate and end up on an SSRI again. I'm seeing a therapist right now and she's going to speak to a psychologist for me.
My husband keeps telling me to get vape pin and try THC. I don't know what to do. I'm scared of losing myself, my family and my job. Everyday I drag myself through everything and now I can't get enough sleep.