Hey buddy, I know it can be tough, I really REALLY do. Trust me, I woke up this morning hating life with my right ear making cricket noises for the first time. Like an idiot, I recently started smoking cigarettes again on vacation, and I've been chewing through a pack a day almost the last week or so. Stress is a very VERY real thing, and in my opinion, or at least my personal experience, one of the worst instigators of a rise in T.
All that being said man, don't lose faith. Like I said, I don't want to rub it in AT ALL, not at all my intention, but from the sound of if your T is more reactive, problematic, and loud than my own. That being said, it's all a matter of mind over matter. I know it sucks. I really really do. This is a difficult thing we are both dealing with at a very young age in comparison to most on this forum, but life is still good. This morning, I caught myself about to cry and whine about not being able to go to shows or listen to loud music anymore. I get upset that I can't roll down my car windows and let the air in. But the fact of the matter is, #1) Loud/Live music is only ONE aspect of life. I'm realizing that I really don't have much of a desire to rage shows anymore, it's just the fact that my brain is fixated on what "could've been." That being said, even last year when I didn't have T, I pretty much NEVER rolled my car windows down. It was too loud and windy then, but now that I truly shouldn't do it, my mind is fixated on the "could've beens."
I don't know what the bar scene is like on your side of the pond, but I know that here in the US, while they may seem alluring, especially since it's been less than a year since I became of age to visit them, ultimately, it's a loud room with TV's and people I don't know and probably don't want to paying WAY too much for alcohol. That's it. That being said, do I still get upset that I can't go to a bar with a couple of friends and grab a drink? Sometimes. But ultimately, I think I'd have a more enjoyable time at this point in my life just hanging out, watching Netflix, and having a NORMALLY priced beer in my own home.
Gegg, I understand that these are absolutely not the only way that T is affecting your life, I totally understand that. But there are lots of things in life that AREN'T absurdly loud that are probably much better for you and more enjoyable in the long run. Exercise, being outside, being with family, DOGS (Not sure if you're a dog/animal person, but they're basically the highlight of my life.) As difficult as it is to believe sometimes, I frequently remind myself that while I made a stupid mistake, I know people whose mistakes landed them in prison. Hell, a guy I used to know in high school is in prison FOR LIFE because of a mistake he made when he was 21. Would I want to trade places with him just so I don't have ringing ears? No. Would he trade places with me? I have to believe that yes, he would, in a heart-beat.
My cousins boyfriend is someone else I keep in mind frequently. He lived a completely normal life until he was 34. He was a very talented musician, an athlete, and he still is literally a GENIUS. Not just smart, but literally well into the genius level IQ range. Then one day, he woke up with numb legs. A tumor developed on his spine. He lost the use of his legs, lost all but 15% of his hand-eye coordination and dexterity, and then on top of it all suffered from 98% Sensorineural hearing loss, which of course gave him T, I'm sure far worse than you or I. He didn't even make a mistake! It just happened.....it may be difficult at times, but try to remain grateful.
These are very difficult days for you my friend, I understand where you're at to some extent, but at the end of the day I can never totally and completely understand your struggle, just as you could never fully understand mine. Regardless, I am here to support you and help you anyway I can over the computer. Hell, maybe one day I'll take a trip over there and we can grab a six pack and watch some Netflix
Just please, always remember, regardless of what qualities of life you may lose, be it money, a car, a girl, or even your hearing, there are always things to appreciate and be happy with in life.
Feel free to message me anytime bud, and I 100% mean that, ANYtime. We'll both get through this, one way or another.
Sending positivity and love your way brother. Stay strong.
- Steve
Any noise I play, my T just plays above it, no rest at all! Could this be temporary?! I've noticed it for a good few weeks now but just been hoping it will subside.
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