Severe Misophonia to Loud Cars and Motorbikes

[Sevv]

Hello everyone,

I need to vent a bit and I am looking also for some advice.

In my country a certain group of foreigners often likes to drive obnoxiously loud cars with loud exhaust, loud enough that it might induce actual hearing loss if you stand to close to them when they accelerate. Every time I hear those cars I get both very anxious and extremely aggressive to the point that I fear very much losing control of myself if one of those car drivers actually manages to give me a spike and there would be an opportunity to get back at him. The same problem exists with loud motorbikes or anybody who makes obnoxious, unnecessarily loud noise.

I generally try to avoid walking besides streets just in case and wear earmuffs or at least earplugs (which probably would only be borderline sufficient as protection) when I have to, but there are still situations where I might get caught off-guard. I mean I could walk around all day with ear muffs but it makes me feel excluded somewhat so I try not to overdo it. I also fear provoking idiots if they see me using hearing protection.

I don't really know what to do. All my setbacks were at least partially the fault of other people and because of that I have a very short fuse for noisy behaviour of other people. I feel like a dog in a corner that can't to anything but lash out in case something happens. I have difficulty accepting that I can't really do anything against people who are partially or fully responsible for my problems. The chance of successful legal action here is quite bad as I read of a case where a guy was honked at by an asshole for 30 seconds and developed at least moderate tinnitus because of it and his case was dismissed. I would feel a lot more at ease if I knew that I could get justice by suing those irresponsible people. But since that isn't really possible I am left alone with this urge to become violent which would lead me to even more problems in the end.

Any suggestions? How do you deal with these situations and emotions?

 

[starrynights]

Hello everyone,

I need to vent a bit and I am looking also for some advice.

In my country a certain group of foreigners often likes to drive obnoxiously loud cars with loud exhaust, loud enough that it might induce actual hearing loss if you stand to close to them when they accelerate. Every time I hear those cars I get both very anxious and extremely aggressive to the point that I fear very much losing control of myself if one of those car drivers actually manages to give me a spike and there would be an opportunity to get back at him. The same problem exists with loud motorbikes or anybody who makes obnoxious, unnecessarily loud noise.

I generally try to avoid walking besides streets just in case and wear earmuffs or at least earplugs (which probably would only be borderline sufficient as protection) when I have to, but there are still situations where I might get caught off-guard. I mean I could walk around all day with ear muffs but it makes me feel excluded somewhat so I try not to overdo it. I also fear provoking idiots if they see me using hearing protection.

I don't really know what to do. All my setbacks were at least partially the fault of other people and because of that I have a very short fuse for noisy behaviour of other people. I feel like a dog in a corner that can't to anything but lash out in case something happens. I have difficulty accepting that I can't really do anything against people who are partially or fully responsible for my problems. The chance of successful legal action here is quite bad as I read of a case where a guy was honked at by an asshole for 30 seconds and developed at least moderate tinnitus because of it and his case was dismissed. I would feel a lot more at ease if I knew that I could get justice by suing those irresponsible people. But since that isn't really possible I am left alone with this urge to become violent which would lead me to even more problems in the end.

Any suggestions? How do you deal with these situations and emotions?

It sounds like you live in a major city or in a very noisy neighborhood. Are you in the US?

I'm actually going through the exact same thing, I live in between two very busy avenues, one is Broadway and the other is an avenue that leads to a bridge to New Jersey and the port authority. It is a very active neighborhood and there is tons of traffic pretty much everywhere, especially on weekends. The street I live in is very narrow and there are about 8 buildings sandwiched in this one long block. Thankfully, I live on the highest floor but the walls are as thin as paper so you can hear most noise coming from outside pretty well. So well, that it'll sound like the noise is literally in my apartment. I kid you not when those people you mention drive around all day in my neighborhood with their extremely loud cars with loud exhausts that aren't even meant to be built into the cars they have. What makes matters worse is that because the streets tend to be a lot less active in the evenings they will choose to start speeding and revving their cars up and down residential streets including my own! It sounds extremely loud from my apartment and has sent me into a rage, I'm sure other people in the neighborhood are feeling the exact same way, it is exhausting because the police will not do anything to stop this considering how those noise levels are deadly and are an actual threat to the wellbeing of others.

You might find this article interesting because this is a very recent phenomenon:

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/16/nyregion/loud-cars-noise-complaints-nyc.html

...and many people are talking about it. I felt so relieved reading through the comments as people could really put all I was feeling in words, and believed that this is a pressing matter that needs to be addressed by the city.

I don't think you are experiencing misophonia, I think this is an extremely rational fear as this is even a threat to people with perfectly healthy ears. I have literally jumped out of my sleeping from how loud these people rev their engines, it was at its worst during the Summer and I was absolutely miserable as I was also experiencing a spike in my tinnitus. It was a very anxiety ridden time for me but I am trying to learn to cope better.

I understand exactly how you feel though and becoming violent won't resolve anything, its not guaranteed to stop anything either as these people clearly do not care for the wellbeing of others, so you are putting yourself at risk trying to approach them especially in an aggressive way. I can't really give you a solution on how to better deal with this because I'm feeling the same way as you, I genuinely get so angry because that extremely loud exhaust sound will come out of nowhere down the street and it just blows my mind how some people in this world are so careless and selfish. I sometimes think that they themselves will develop pretty moderate tinnitus because if it's loud for us imagine how it probably feels to be the one driving, it's bound to do some sort of damage. It sucks when you are trying to get better but experience setbacks because of the careless doing of others. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and I really hope that government officials in our respective cities do something about this as it poses a serious threat to not only us who are already very susceptible to further hearing damage, but even to people with relatively healthy ears. Noise pollution is becoming a huge crises and no one wants to address it. I've read that in some countries you can get a serious fine for this sort of stuff, it is illegal to even honk for too long. Where I live, people honk just to honk but that is apparently a New York thing.

 

[Sevv]

It sounds like you live in a major city or in a very noisy neighborhood. Are you in the US?

I'm actually going through the exact same thing, I live in between two very busy avenues, one is Broadway and the other is an avenue that leads to a bridge to New Jersey and the port authority. It is a very active neighborhood and there is tons of traffic pretty much everywhere, especially on weekends. The street I live in is very narrow and there are about 8 buildings sandwiched in this one long block. Thankfully, I live on the highest floor but the walls are as thin as paper so you can hear most noise coming from outside pretty well. So well, that it'll sound like the noise is literally in my apartment. I kid you not when those people you mention drive around all day in my neighborhood with their extremely loud cars with loud exhausts that aren't even meant to be built into the cars they have. What makes matters worse is that because the streets tend to be a lot less active in the evenings they will choose to start speeding and revving their cars up and down residential streets including my own! It sounds extremely loud from my apartment and has sent me into a rage, I'm sure other people in the neighborhood are feeling the exact same way, it is exhausting because the police will not do anything to stop this considering how those noise levels are deadly and are an actual threat to the wellbeing of others.

You might find this article interesting because this is a very recent phenomenon:

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/16/nyregion/loud-cars-noise-complaints-nyc.html

...and many people are talking about it. I felt so relieved reading through the comments as people could really put all I was feeling in words, and believed that this is a pressing matter that needs to be addressed by the city.

I don't think you are experiencing misophonia, I think this is an extremely rational fear as this is even a threat to people with perfectly healthy ears. I have literally jumped out of my sleeping from how loud these people rev their engines, it was at its worst during the Summer and I was absolutely miserable as I was also experiencing a spike in my tinnitus. It was a very anxiety ridden time for me but I am trying to learn to cope better.

I understand exactly how you feel though and becoming violent won't resolve anything, its not guaranteed to stop anything either as these people clearly do not care for the wellbeing of others, so you are putting yourself at risk trying to approach them especially in an aggressive way. I can't really give you a solution on how to better deal with this because I'm feeling the same way as you, I genuinely get so angry because that extremely loud exhaust sound will come out of nowhere down the street and it just blows my mind how some people in this world are so careless and selfish. I sometimes think that they themselves will develop pretty moderate tinnitus because if it's loud for us imagine how it probably feels to be the one driving, it's bound to do some sort of damage. It sucks when you are trying to get better but experience setbacks because of the careless doing of others. I'm sorry you have to deal with this, and I really hope that government officials in our respective cities do something about this as it poses a serious threat to not only us who are already very susceptible to further hearing damage, but even to people with relatively healthy ears. Noise pollution is becoming a huge crises and no one wants to address it. I've read that in some countries you can get a serious fine for this sort of stuff, it is illegal to even honk for too long. Where I live, people honk just to honk but that is apparently a New York thing.

Hey there, thanks for the answer. I do not live in the US and neither in a city. You still get exposed to loud cars even in the countryside, so it's difficult to escape them completely. I think the EU is banning loud cars in the coming years.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Any suggestions?

First of all, don't call it misophonia. What you have is a rational desire to stay away from something that can cause serious problems.

Have you tried wearing a good set of earplugs (e.g., 3M 1100 foam plugs) when you have to walk by the roads where you could be exposed to these noises?

I hate the people who make noise in public with a passion. But we have to be aware of the fact that those people don't know that what they are doing can literally hurt someone's ears.

 

[Mary97]

I'm new here and have just come across this thread. All I can do is say I completely sympathize with you Sevv. It's just God awful where I live. Loud rumbling cars, trucks and motorcycles all day and night. I literally have my noise reduction earphones within arm's reach at all times. It's an absurd way to live and I hate it.

I'm sorry to say I hate the drivers of those vehicles. I wish tinnitus, hearing loss and hyperacusis on them.

 

[Kriszti]

My new neighbor has a motorbike and I'm pretty much catastrophising right now. I knew that they would have a bike, but today I actually heard the loudness of it from like 20 meters and it is extremely loud. I even spike from a hairdryer and have (probably) noise induced tinnitus and, as you can probably tell, horrible anxiety about potential worsening of tinnitus. Streets are narrow here and I'm sure I won't be able to always avoid being exposed to the bike passing by me while walking in our street.

Do you think it's reasonable to ask the neighbors in advance and in general that what times are they planning to use the motorbike? My family thinks I'm a freak, because I worry about it, but they are not the one who lives with a torturing cacophony in their head.

 

[Zugzug]

My new neighbor has a motorbike and I'm pretty much catastrophising right now. I knew that they would have a bike, but today I actually heard the loudness of it from like 20 meters and it is extremely loud. I even spike from a hairdryer and have (probably) noise induced tinnitus and, as you can probably tell, horrible anxiety about potential worsening of tinnitus. Streets are narrow here and I'm sure I won't be able to always avoid being exposed to the bike passing by me while walking in our street.

Do you think it's reasonable to ask the neighbors in advance and in general that what times are they planning to use the motorbike? My family thinks I'm a freak, because I worry about it, but they are not the one who lives with a torturing cacophony in their head.

What I would do (my neighbors know I have hyperacusis and have been really kind about it, texting before they do loud work on their home, etc.):

I would explain the situation. I would shoot for a very reasonable compromise, such as them walking the bike a certain distance away from my house before starting it (whatever is below my setback range), and being careful not to rev it up too much. Honestly, bikers should do this regardless, IMO.

The plan of asking them to text you beforehand or getting a rough schedule of their use may work as a backup plan, but assuming the bike use is daily, this gets to be too confusing and rigid. Most people like the "hop in and out" mindset, since riding schedules are all over the place based on weather, free time, work schedule, etc.

This plan is also much more full-proof since it becomes a routine and is less prone to you both being by your phone and remembering, etc.

Regardless, and I'm biased because I wear Peltors 24/7 in my home, I would have hearing protection on hand. Also, would be a good idea to have a source for prednisone ready in the event of a trauma.

 

[Kriszti]

Thank you, @Zugzug.

These are good ideas.

I'm actually more scared about the motor passing by me and not the starting (that I think I can avoid or be in a safer distance), but there is only one way to reach our neighborhood, our street is a cul-de-sac, so nowhere to hide and run to. I don't leave the house without ear pro, right now not even to the garden due to construction work going on and loads of barking dogs, but I'm afraid that it might not be enough for the sound of a motorcycle while walking. I have been very stressed and anxious lately and another stressor and source for loud noise is the last thing I needed.

Again, thank you very much and sorry for venting here.

 

[AbeS]

I can very much relate to this, almost all my setbacks have been from stupidly loud vehicles or fireworks.

It is the biggest cause of anxiety for me through the days and I just don't know how to deal with it. I'm constantly on alert at home which I feel is not sustainable. I hate it.

I wish I could move to a different place as I live centrally (albeit in a very small town) one floor up close to a road.

As it is now I sleep with earmuffs on because I can never be sure that something loud won't happen outside during the night.

 

[dan]

I wear Peltors 24/7 in my home,

I wish I could do that but catastrophic tinnitus won't allow this.

 

[Exit]

I can very much relate to this, almost all my setbacks have been from stupidly loud vehicles or fireworks.

It is the biggest cause of anxiety for me through the days and I just don't know how to deal with it. I'm constantly on alert at home which I feel is not sustainable. I hate it.

I wish I could move to a different place as I live centrally (albeit in a very small town) one floor up close to a road.

As it is now I sleep with earmuffs on because I can never be sure that something loud won't happen outside during the night.

This is really not a tolerable living situation for you...

If you can, you should really proceed with the struggle and cost of moving.

 

[Zugzug]

Thank you, @Zugzug.

These are good ideas.

I'm actually more scared about the motor passing by me and not the starting (that I think I can avoid or be in a safer distance), but there is only one way to reach our neighborhood, our street is a cul-de-sac, so nowhere to hide and run to. I don't leave the house without ear pro, right now not even to the garden due to construction work going on and loads of barking dogs, but I'm afraid that it might not be enough for the sound of a motorcycle while walking. I have been very stressed and anxious lately and another stressor and source for loud noise is the last thing I needed.

Again, thank you very much and sorry for venting here.

Definitely don't be sorry. This is something that greatly impacts my mental health as well. I haven't left my house in well over a year, even for walks, almost entirely because of the reasons you mentioned. Hell, sometimes, even in my own home, with earmuffs on, motorcycles bother me from way off in the distance.

It's really a damn shame. I've considered maybe driving 5 minutes down the road to a park or something. That lack of an "out" is just a total mental health killer.

You have always been kind to me so I'll let you know if I think of a solution for either of us.

 

[GeorgeLG]

I have been through many of the same things, my "good" ear was damaged by construction in the grocery store of all things. It's part of the condition and unless we live in isolation at the top of a mountain we will be exposed to loud noises randomly. I wear plugs and/or phones anytime there can be random noise damage like driving.

It does us no good to get mad about it or to get anxious from the loss of control. Have conversation with neighbors or friends that are willing to help, carry "protection" and increase your situational awareness so you can avoid or protect when necessary. There is damaging noise pollution everywhere. I have read that over 50% of todays youth are damaging their hearing as we speak. No PSA is going to move that needle, they are invincible.

George

 

[Kriszti]

@Zugzug, I talked to the neighbor about my ear issues and he was very understanding about it. Offered - without having to ask for it - to start the bike a bit further down the street.

The other problem is unresolved, but I hope that I will hear the motor from afar, so it hopefully gives me enough time to put on earmuffs as double protection.

 

[Zugzug]

@Zugzug, I talked to the neighbor about my ear issues and he was very understanding about it. Offered - without having to ask for it - to start the bike a bit further down the street.

The other problem is unresolved, but I hope that I will hear the motor from afar, so it hopefully gives me enough time to put on earmuffs as double protection.

Great to hear, @Kriszti.

Regarding the second issue, I completely agree. I don't know your case too well, but if double protection prevents setbacks, you should be okay. It truly is disturbing though to be on a peaceful walk and having to be looking for this stuff.

A year ago, when I could walk around the neighborhood, it was like walking on egg shells. I would chaotically adjust my route based on lawn mowers, dogs, etc. Really fucking sucks

 

[Mary97]

I actually set my alarm for 4.20 am to take my dog for a quick walk and try to avoid the loud work trucks, cars, motorcycles etc. Even with earplugs and muffs sometimes they sound like an explosion in my ears...

@Kriszti, I'm so glad your motorbike neighbor was understanding. I feel like around here they'd say screw you and rev it as loud as they could... that's the charmers who live around me..

 

[Derek26]

Yes I have the same fears and afflictions. These acts have caused my tinnitus to increase. I have to stay away from anything that is moderately loud. It's an added stressor to this condition.