So Upset Today When I’m Normally Smiling

[Angeline]

I woke several times during the night again, then 7.08 I woke again and as always it's still there.

When I woke this morning I cried my heart out and I'm still extremely upset thus writing this. I have never had silence, I've never experienced just hearing nothing, I've ALWAYS had my ringing and I thought everyone had it. I only found out last year when I had an ENT appointment to investigate loss of hearing in my right ear, then found out I also have slight loss in my left and that I have Tinnitus. It's never bothered me because I have never known anything else and 44 years of what I thought was normal turned out not to be so normal.

Yesterday I attended the Tinnitus Expo in Birmingham, helping out on the Tinnitus Hub stand and I met lots of lovely people, all suffering with tinnitus. Lots of people I spoke with are really struggling with their tinnitus and this was extremely hard for me to understand because for me it's normal but I then thought about it and understood how frightening it must be to suddenly hear this noise that never goes away.

However this morning I'm so upset, I'm really sad because I want to know what silence sounds like. I said many times yesterday that I just get on with it because I know no different it's always been there and I'm still smiling......yet today I'm so sad, I can't explain how I feel or why I'm so upset but I can't stop crying.

 

[glynis]

Hi @Angeline,
It was a pleasure meet you yesterday at our stand and I know we all felt so proud Supporting Tinnitus Talk and Tinnitus Hub and what a great team we made.
Try not to be upset as I know hearing people struggling with tinnitus can be hard face to face if not use to it .

Silence I don't know also what it's like after well over 14 years and know how having silence taken away replaced by horrific sound for some can take your smile away and anxiety take hold.

Some times it's good to step back for a couple of days to focus on yourself .

We are here for you too and what a lovely smile you have.

love glynis

 

[Jazzer]

I woke several times during the night again, then 7.08 I woke again and as always it's still there.

When I woke this morning I cried my heart out and I'm still extremely upset thus writing this. I have never had silence, I've never experienced just hearing nothing, I've ALWAYS had my ringing and I thought everyone had it. I only found out last year when I had an ENT appointment to investigate loss of hearing in my right ear, then found out I also have slight loss in my left and that I have Tinnitus. It's never bothered me because I have never known anything else and 44 years of what I thought was normal turned out not to be so normal.

Yesterday I attended the Tinnitus Expo in Birmingham, helping out on the Tinnitus Hub stand and I met lots of lovely people, all suffering with tinnitus. Lots of people I spoke with are really struggling with their tinnitus and this was extremely hard for me to understand because for me it's normal but I then thought about it and understood how frightening it must be to suddenly hear this noise that never goes away.

However this morning I'm so upset, I'm really sad because I want to know what silence sounds like. I said many times yesterday that I just get on with it because I know no different it's always been there and I'm still smiling......yet today I'm so sad, I can't explain how I feel or why I'm so upset but I can't stop crying.

I am so sorry Angeline.
We all suffer so much with this unmentionable thing, and yet sharing each other's experience makes us long to love each other better, to take away each other's pain, and to make everything alright for them.
To actually experience the loving human nature of another human being is an amazing thing to me.

Sometimes people ask me whether I believe in anything at all?
Yes I did
I believe in people,
good, kind, loving people, just like you.

Big....big....big... {{{{{ HUG }}}}} Angeline,

love

Dave x

 

[Jazzer]

We are here for you too and what a lovely smile you have.

So true glynis - despite the horrible pain,
that smile is 'a show stopper.'
xx

 

[Angeline]

Bless you're hearts, both of you. I suppose I'm just a wee bit overwhelmed today, it was a long day and as a result my back is in agony, tinnitus ringing away to but it's just another day to me.
Going to kick my backside out of bed, stop feeling sorry for myself and try to put that smile back on my face.

Loved the hugs yesterday even though some were sad ones, I truly am humbled to have been in the company of some truly amazing people. Lots of love x

 

[Christophe_85]

Bless you're hearts, both of you. I suppose I'm just a wee bit overwhelmed today, it was a long day and as a result my back is in agony, tinnitus ringing away to but it's just another day to me.
Going to kick my backside out of bed, stop feeling sorry for myself and try to put that smile back on my face.

Loved the hugs yesterday even though some were sad ones, I truly am humbled to have been in the company of some truly amazing people. Lots of love x

Dear Angeline,

You have the right to be sad or disapointed by Life !

Especially us who are afflicted by this very difficult thing called Tinnitus !

Hope you will be fine very soon and wish you peace in your mind !

All the Best !

Christophe

 

[TuxedoCat]

Yesterday I attended the Tinnitus Expo in Birmingham, helping out on the Tinnitus Hub stand and I met lots of lovely people, all suffering with tinnitus. Lots of people I spoke with are really struggling with their tinnitus and this was extremely hard for me to understand because for me it's normal but I then thought about it and understood how frightening it must be to suddenly hear this noise that never goes away.

Dear Angeline,

Thank you for giving so much.

Please be as kind to yourself today as you were to others yesterday.

You are a beautiful person, both inside and out!

TC

 

[Steve]

@Angeline It was fantastic to meet you, you're such a warm, lovely person.

I felt emotionally drained after yesterday. It is quite demanding to hear all of the stories and discuss tinnitus with people, especially the ones who are really in need of help and support.

Being surrounded by tinnitus and having it front and centre pushes it to the front of your mind and the emotions you had from yesterday can spill over. I hope you can get your smile back thinking of how much you helped people yesterday and made a difference to their lives.

(PS I still maintain it was you that lead us astray on Friday night! Although you also came to my rescue with some painkillers )

 

[GregCA]

Lots of people I spoke with are really struggling with their tinnitus and this was extremely hard for me to understand because for me it's normal but I then thought about it and understood how frightening it must be to suddenly hear this noise that never goes away.

The other thing to keep in mind is that Tinnitus varies a lot in intensity/intrusiveness. Some people have mild Tinnitus, others have severe Tinnitus (I like to call it "MegaTinnitus"). For this reason, it's probably better to not assume that they are struggling with something you think you've known as "normal": what they go through could be radically different from what you go through.

One thing I learned through the years is that one should be very cautious when comparing T cases. We are not in anyone else's shoes, or rather, heads!

However this morning I'm so upset, I'm really sad because I want to know what silence sounds like. I said many times yesterday that I just get on with it because I know no different it's always been there and I'm still smiling......yet today I'm so sad, I can't explain how I feel or why I'm so upset but I can't stop crying.

I'm sorry. I imagine it's quite upsetting indeed, but I suspect it's only temporary.
It sounds like you've only recently decided to look into your T? Have you done any root-causing at all? You may have something that is treatable (since "forever"). Also there are some treatments in the works that could get us closer to silence in the next few years: don't despair!

 

[Jazzer]

(PS I still maintain it was you that lead us astray on Friday night!

(.............lucky swine.........!)

 

[Ed209]

I'm sure you all did an awesome job, so I'm sorry to hear how it's affected you, @Angeline.
I can assure you that you have made a difference to people's lives just by having a heart to heart with them. I can imagine that some of the visitors have never had the chance to really be 'heard' and 'understood', as only tinnitus sufferers know what's it's like and what feelings and emotions it can bring on.

When one experiences this it can often be overwhelming and the floodgates of emotion can open right up, resulting in an outpouring from the heart. Unloading all that baggage can be quite profound for all involved.

What a beautiful soul you must be. Take care of yourself.

This also applies to everybody else who attended. Huge respect.

 

[glynis]

@Angeline ,
Are you feeling any better duck after a tearful start to the day ?
love glynis xxx

 

[Starthrower]

When I woke this morning I cried my heart out and I'm still extremely upset thus writing this.

Yesterday I attended the Tinnitus Expo in Birmingham, helping out on the Tinnitus Hub stand and I met lots of lovely people, all suffering with tinnitus.

@Angeline I understand. It is hard to de-attach one's personal feelings seeing the suffering of others. So sorry this affected you so much. Know that simply being there to help out made a difference for people.

The loss of silence for us is a grief stricken state for quite a while. I don't remember silence either anymore. I wonder what it is like to have silence. For a long time I grieved over the loss and went through the grief process. Adjusting life took a long time and I am living life again.

Let your sadness turn into pride knowing you helped someone by just being there. And you may never know what or who was helped. But it happened.

This is not easy.

 

[Angeline]

Thank you for all your words of encouragement and support. It was a wonderful day and I guess I was simply overwhelmed (I'm the most emotional person you'll ever meet, so I assume I just sucked in everyone else's feelings, emotions like a sponge)

I've had a good day today with my daughter and I'm still smiling. I think it's difficult for others to understand my tinnitus sometimes, I've never known anything other than the ringing, since childhood it's been what I call normal yet I now know it isn't so normal. That doesn't mean it I'm content and accepting of it, it's loud, tiresome and at times like now as I type, it's a constant companion I could do without but yet I have no control over it. Yesterday was a learning curb for me too, I've never researched or looked into my tinnitus because I genuinely thought everyone had it and it was normal. So I just get on with it but meeting others yesterday was just brilliant, it's a unique condition that's very personal yet so many opened up and discussed how it affects their day to day living. It's sonething I'd gladly help out/attend again.

@Steve I'm not accepting full responsibility for that extra nightcap x

 

[glynis]

@Angeline,
Were you trying get our @Steve drunk as a skunk ? hahaha

 

[Steve]

@Steve I'm not accepting full responsibility for that extra nightcap x

Keep lying to yourself if it makes you happy

Your attitude to me is spot on, it mirrors how I feel. I have to accept that I have tinnitus because otherwise I would go mad. But you still have to fight for the cure and not accept that you should have to have it.