Hey all,
I have had tinnitus since October due to what I think is fluid that is still in my ear from a TERRIBLE cold. I was a complete wreck in the beginning of this all. I was suffering immensely.
But now, sometimes the tinnitus is completely gone. From October through early December, I honestly thought for awhile that my life was going to be devastated and ruined. This is because I let tinnitus get the best of me. Also I have OCD, which does not help at all.
It is now January and my life is basically entirely back to normal!
Some days tinnitus has gone away, even when I try to listen for it, and on days that it sounds a bit more present, I have completely habituated... I feel happy again and back to my old self. I barely hear tinnitus. I have almost completely removed an emotional component/response to any levels of tinnitus that I have. I also realized that I am hearing noises 24/7 that are external to me (like air conditioning, music, other people, etc.) and that tinnitus is just merely a noise that I also hear along with all these other noises. If I do hear it at night, I pretend it is a noise machine that people use to help themselves sleep. My boyfriend's mother has an overactive imagination and also cannot stand the silence, and requires a noise machine to sleep, so I pretend that I have a built-in noise machine. This actually works for me. I use it as a sound that helps me sleep. A nice, soothing consistent sound.
I am thankful for tinnitus, as crazy as that sounds. NEVER thought I would be saying this a few months ago!
Now, I don't get super angry or anxious or depressed if/when I hear it anymore. Ok maybe still a tad anxious... but not NEARLY as much as before
Tinnitus has made me a better person, and a more thankful one at that. It has very much helped me understand my anxiety and my OCD (and put them more in their place. They have haunted me for far too long). It was about time that I wrangled in my anxiety and OCD, and tinnitus really helped me do that.
I feel more appreciative of my health, and I feel so lucky that I do not have a worse condition. There are so many things that people have to go through. If this sound of tinnitus is all I get forced to deal with/inflicted with in my life (as far as medical stuff goes), well that would be fantastic. There are many worse things that I hope to never to have to deal with.
I have also learned to trust doctors, but also not be afraid to question them or suggest things to them, and keep pushing on if I feel something is wrong and that the care I am receiving is less than it should be. Of course, I do this within a REASONABLE LIMIT. But don't let one a**hole doctor make you feel invalid, or don't let some stupid doctor mess up with their treatment of you. Don't be afraid to try different doctors and question things. They are only people too. I finally saw a doctor that gave me a good answer to treatment, and fingers crossed, it works. But even if it does not work... I would be ok with that too. I haven't even been bothered enough by tinnitus in the last week to start the treatment.
I feel more mature now than I was before having tinnitus, after learning all these lessons and learning about myself . Sure, it was a ROUGH beginning of this journey, filled with tears, depression, and anxiety. I had a few breakdowns because of it. But I pulled through every time.
For example, I did have a major break down a few weeks ago, randomly, after being good for about a month. But I feel this break down was the last major one. I came out of it stronger, and feeling better about everything. In a way that felt more solid and real than before. Plus, I think OCD had a hand on that emotionally distressing day.
Anyways, I hope that I have helped whoever is reading this. I hope that in 5, 10, 15 years people can find my post, as well as other posts, and find comfort in them.
As of right now, I can say that I am basically at peace. May you all get to that point, or continue staying in that point if you are already there.
I have had tinnitus since October due to what I think is fluid that is still in my ear from a TERRIBLE cold. I was a complete wreck in the beginning of this all. I was suffering immensely.
But now, sometimes the tinnitus is completely gone. From October through early December, I honestly thought for awhile that my life was going to be devastated and ruined. This is because I let tinnitus get the best of me. Also I have OCD, which does not help at all.
It is now January and my life is basically entirely back to normal!
Some days tinnitus has gone away, even when I try to listen for it, and on days that it sounds a bit more present, I have completely habituated... I feel happy again and back to my old self. I barely hear tinnitus. I have almost completely removed an emotional component/response to any levels of tinnitus that I have. I also realized that I am hearing noises 24/7 that are external to me (like air conditioning, music, other people, etc.) and that tinnitus is just merely a noise that I also hear along with all these other noises. If I do hear it at night, I pretend it is a noise machine that people use to help themselves sleep. My boyfriend's mother has an overactive imagination and also cannot stand the silence, and requires a noise machine to sleep, so I pretend that I have a built-in noise machine. This actually works for me. I use it as a sound that helps me sleep. A nice, soothing consistent sound.I am thankful for tinnitus, as crazy as that sounds. NEVER thought I would be saying this a few months ago!
Now, I don't get super angry or anxious or depressed if/when I hear it anymore. Ok maybe still a tad anxious... but not NEARLY as much as before
Tinnitus has made me a better person, and a more thankful one at that. It has very much helped me understand my anxiety and my OCD (and put them more in their place. They have haunted me for far too long). It was about time that I wrangled in my anxiety and OCD, and tinnitus really helped me do that.
I feel more appreciative of my health, and I feel so lucky that I do not have a worse condition. There are so many things that people have to go through. If this sound of tinnitus is all I get forced to deal with/inflicted with in my life (as far as medical stuff goes), well that would be fantastic. There are many worse things that I hope to never to have to deal with.
I have also learned to trust doctors, but also not be afraid to question them or suggest things to them, and keep pushing on if I feel something is wrong and that the care I am receiving is less than it should be. Of course, I do this within a REASONABLE LIMIT. But don't let one a**hole doctor make you feel invalid, or don't let some stupid doctor mess up with their treatment of you. Don't be afraid to try different doctors and question things. They are only people too. I finally saw a doctor that gave me a good answer to treatment, and fingers crossed, it works. But even if it does not work... I would be ok with that too. I haven't even been bothered enough by tinnitus in the last week to start the treatment.
I feel more mature now than I was before having tinnitus, after learning all these lessons and learning about myself . Sure, it was a ROUGH beginning of this journey, filled with tears, depression, and anxiety. I had a few breakdowns because of it. But I pulled through every time.
For example, I did have a major break down a few weeks ago, randomly, after being good for about a month. But I feel this break down was the last major one. I came out of it stronger, and feeling better about everything. In a way that felt more solid and real than before. Plus, I think OCD had a hand on that emotionally distressing day.
Anyways, I hope that I have helped whoever is reading this. I hope that in 5, 10, 15 years people can find my post, as well as other posts, and find comfort in them.
As of right now, I can say that I am basically at peace. May you all get to that point, or continue staying in that point if you are already there.
