- Nov 25, 2015
- 398
- Tinnitus Since
- 2012, H 2016, 12/2018(?)
- Cause of Tinnitus
- loud noises, ringing came back 12/2018 after 1year of silent
Ok, so the eternal question:
Is this is a spike or a forever?
I had had tinnitus for 5 years and then it stopped suddenly, hyperacusis stopped too. Even though the tinnitus/hyperacusis stopped I suffered from chronic back pain and leg pain etc but I have pretended to be a normal human being, since the tinnitus was just a hell or a prison kinda thing inside my head.
Last Saturday I went into a restaurant or bar or whatever to meet some people, was nice and all, we had a cabinet and it was quiet but after an hour suddenly a house band or whateverthefukk started playing REAL loud. Couldn't hear anything what people were saying, so I left with hands on my ears (didn't even have the habit of carrying earplugs anymore), but had to walk straight past the band to get out of the restaurant and then had to open the door since the door opened inside the bar.
I had not been near that loud volume since 4 years ago maybe? My ears felt fuzzy and it was just sad.
I dunno WHY (I wasn't intoxicated) I guess the people were too nice but 2 hours later I went back to the restaurant/bar because I was informed that the band had stopped playing. But our cabinet reservation had expired and we had to communicate in the bar room where we were given a table. People were communicating real loud in that space, some where shouting out of their drunken stupor. I'm so ewghgrfe stupid, I don't know why I didn't just leave again. I thought it would have been safe to stay, I don't really have any friends at all if being honest, I had met the people I were with one time before, and they were super nice so I just stayed and thought I could pretend enough to pass as a normal non-broken human.
I thought the volume would have been safe since the bar was full of people and I thought my ears were ok, but my ears are not healed, I'm not a normal person, it was just so stupid idea to stay. I thought it would not have been "too loud" since there was no band playing or this was no rock concert or anything.
Now this "tic-tic-tic-tic" tinnitus tone is back and it just sucks to be back in this headspace. Like this morse like tinnitus, unregular tone. Why was I so stupid mofo and stayed. The second time I went there we were there for an hour and a half.
I don't know if this is a spike or if this is what it is forever from now on. And I don't know if this is because of the band playing real loud or because I stayed in that bar too long the second time I went there.
And the worst thing is I had read just the exact same kind of stories like this before here on Tinnitus Talk, but I had like just FORGOT them. And now I don't know if this is just a fukked up SPIKE or if this is forever????? Really I had not even habituated, my tinnitus tones had really quietened down until last weekend's mistake. It was not like I wasn't just concentrating on the sounds or not being bothered by them, no no no no, they were GONE. Now I'm back to where I had been for 5 years and it sucks big time.
iiIIIIIII iiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII iiiiIIIIIIIIIII
Would rather read what other people have already written on the forum, I know there are a hundred threads like this but can't concentrate at all.
I don't know what to do, kinda just want to kill myself or really not, just always felt like I "had to" even if I didn't want to. All the thoughts I used to have are back, like the second I realized "nononononono it's on again, I can hear it again after being without for a year" I instantly thought if I should kill myself quick or what to do.
If this fuknnn spike goes away I swear I'll never spend time in that kinda places again and rather be just alone and try to avoid that kind of places, just like I HAD avoided but then was an idiot and stayed for 90 minutes or whateveerfghjm,khjgtr. The tinnitus and hyperacusis can stop ye but the ears will never be normal. Just 1 stupid mistake and boom all the healing time is flushed down the toilet.
I don't want to go through THE TINNITUS ORDEAL again because there is no any ordeal, it just is or is not forever. Tried to seek help from everywhere and had ketamine infusions and all and nothing helped with the tinnitus or hyperacusis. And I have done this same stupid mistake (being in loud places) a few times before and they have only worsened my ear ringing permanently (or at least until suddenly the ringing stopped last time). Took so many years and now it's all ergtpgf pojthfdsalknbgffdskln
Is this is a spike or a forever?
I had had tinnitus for 5 years and then it stopped suddenly, hyperacusis stopped too. Even though the tinnitus/hyperacusis stopped I suffered from chronic back pain and leg pain etc but I have pretended to be a normal human being, since the tinnitus was just a hell or a prison kinda thing inside my head.
Last Saturday I went into a restaurant or bar or whatever to meet some people, was nice and all, we had a cabinet and it was quiet but after an hour suddenly a house band or whateverthefukk started playing REAL loud. Couldn't hear anything what people were saying, so I left with hands on my ears (didn't even have the habit of carrying earplugs anymore), but had to walk straight past the band to get out of the restaurant and then had to open the door since the door opened inside the bar.
I had not been near that loud volume since 4 years ago maybe? My ears felt fuzzy and it was just sad.
I dunno WHY (I wasn't intoxicated) I guess the people were too nice but 2 hours later I went back to the restaurant/bar because I was informed that the band had stopped playing. But our cabinet reservation had expired and we had to communicate in the bar room where we were given a table. People were communicating real loud in that space, some where shouting out of their drunken stupor. I'm so ewghgrfe stupid, I don't know why I didn't just leave again. I thought it would have been safe to stay, I don't really have any friends at all if being honest, I had met the people I were with one time before, and they were super nice so I just stayed and thought I could pretend enough to pass as a normal non-broken human.
I thought the volume would have been safe since the bar was full of people and I thought my ears were ok, but my ears are not healed, I'm not a normal person, it was just so stupid idea to stay. I thought it would not have been "too loud" since there was no band playing or this was no rock concert or anything.
Now this "tic-tic-tic-tic" tinnitus tone is back and it just sucks to be back in this headspace. Like this morse like tinnitus, unregular tone. Why was I so stupid mofo and stayed. The second time I went there we were there for an hour and a half.
I don't know if this is a spike or if this is what it is forever from now on. And I don't know if this is because of the band playing real loud or because I stayed in that bar too long the second time I went there.
And the worst thing is I had read just the exact same kind of stories like this before here on Tinnitus Talk, but I had like just FORGOT them. And now I don't know if this is just a fukked up SPIKE or if this is forever????? Really I had not even habituated, my tinnitus tones had really quietened down until last weekend's mistake. It was not like I wasn't just concentrating on the sounds or not being bothered by them, no no no no, they were GONE. Now I'm back to where I had been for 5 years and it sucks big time.
iiIIIIIII iiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII iiiiIIIIIIIIIII
Would rather read what other people have already written on the forum, I know there are a hundred threads like this but can't concentrate at all.
I don't know what to do, kinda just want to kill myself or really not, just always felt like I "had to" even if I didn't want to. All the thoughts I used to have are back, like the second I realized "nononononono it's on again, I can hear it again after being without for a year" I instantly thought if I should kill myself quick or what to do.
If this fuknnn spike goes away I swear I'll never spend time in that kinda places again and rather be just alone and try to avoid that kind of places, just like I HAD avoided but then was an idiot and stayed for 90 minutes or whateveerfghjm,khjgtr. The tinnitus and hyperacusis can stop ye but the ears will never be normal. Just 1 stupid mistake and boom all the healing time is flushed down the toilet.
I don't want to go through THE TINNITUS ORDEAL again because there is no any ordeal, it just is or is not forever. Tried to seek help from everywhere and had ketamine infusions and all and nothing helped with the tinnitus or hyperacusis. And I have done this same stupid mistake (being in loud places) a few times before and they have only worsened my ear ringing permanently (or at least until suddenly the ringing stopped last time). Took so many years and now it's all ergtpgf pojthfdsalknbgffdskln