Still Not Accepting It After 7 Months...

J

Jason37

Member
Author
Dec 12, 2017
243
Tinnitus Since
06/2017
Cause of Tinnitus
Gunshot
#1
Still can't get past the thought of having tinnitus forever after one stupid mistake from one shot.

Therapy hasn't done much and and I still spend every hour regretting causing hearing loss and tinnitus. All my relationships are suffering and most of the day I am in disbelief at the current state of things. My children know something is wrong and that is what kills me the most.

I can't bear the thought of this interfearing with their young lives...All day I think God what have I done.
 
#3
@Jason37

Try and find a Hearing Therapist or Audiologist that specialises in the treatment and management of tinnitus and hyperacusis. Also have a word with your doctor and if an antidepressant is suggested I believe you should try it. Give it at least 6 weeks to reach full effect.

Tinnitus is not an easy condition to cope with and this can cause stress and anxiety. Talk therapy (counselling) can help with this but it has to be with someone that understands tinnitus and therapy takes time.
All the best
Michael
 
#4
yes there is improvement and some days are near silent but I suppose It's just a matter of me beating myself up over it and the extreme fear of it getting worse somehow...t
 
#5
Hey man,

I know exactly how you are feeling, every day I beat myself up about damaging my hearing over a stupid alarm. I was in such a dark place. Have a look at some of my posts from 2016 and 2017, They do not make for good reading but I am sure you will understand what a state I was in.
Fast forward to today and my tinnitus has gone. It was more than a year before things started to improve and I started to feel like myself again. Now I am around 20 months from the acoustic trauma that caused all my problems and I was just thinking today about how messed up I was. I was sitting in my car, no music on and it was silent. I checked with the app on my phone and it read 26db, that's the same as my bedroom at night. No tinnitus, I tried searching for it but nope, nothing.
If you are experiencing periods of almost silence I believe yours can fade away completely too. In the mean time avoid loud noise and look after yourself. Try and relax. It will improve and things will get better but it takes time, lots of time.

I found a couple of glasses of red wine helped improved my mood in the evening when I was messed up. Just don't go overboard.

Sounds like you have a nice wee family there :) I know what you mean when you say this causes problems with your relationships and your family. It's not easy to deal with but hang in there, things will get better.
 
#7
My stupid mistake was years in the making.
I'm no therapist but it sounds like you're feeling guilty about how your hearing loss & tinnitus is affecting your relationships particularly with your children. You didn't mention their ages, but if you haven't already, I would consider talking to them about your situation. If they're old enough, I'd like to think they'd understand.
Also, depending in your degree of hearing loss, have you considered being evaluated for a hearing aid? It might improve your hearing and at the same time lessen your tinnitus.
 
#8
I just can't explain to my family the level evil of hatred I have for my self right now. It is extremely disturbing to me how much it has affected me. It's like my spirit died and I can't revive it. All joy is lost.
 
#9
I know how you feel, not accepting. I got hurt sitting in my work truck from a loud noise from a Stupid electronic unit, went off high pitch beep. I still so mad because it not my fault. It is very hard when one little moment change your life. But I tell myself it happened already can't reverse it . It play in my mind until now some days.i get very mad when Sometimes have to deal with this.I been getting a lot of help here at TT. This T thing not easy man , very difficult. I was a very happy person, not myself anymore.I just praying when I going to forget and move on also . Most people here say time is the key and have to accept your T to get better. Lot I of support here ,everyone here understand what we all go thru.Be strong for your kids .
 
#11
#12
Jason37 said:
I just can't explain to my family the level evil of hatred I have for my self right now. It is extremely disturbing to me how much it has affected me. It's like my spirit died and I can't revive it. All joy is lost.
Click to expand...
I know how you feel, but please remember that it's only been about 7 months since your trauma. I know that feels like a lifetime, but it just is slow to fade. I am 16 months in from an acoustic trauma, and it has faded 80%+. Some members have reported it taking 20, 24 months or even longer to full fade. It is a tough road (I know), but it will probably continue to improve.
 
#13
Well 7 months ago I had a happy family. fast forward to today and my wife and I are separating for awhile. T really does take everthing that gives joy.
 
#14
Hi @Jason37 ,
Please don't beat yourself up about how you got tinnitus as you could have got it from a cold or virus or wax removal so life just has a way of throwing us lemons at times but it's learning to fight back.
Your self worth -you should always feel good about yourself and your a dad and have a wife for now.
Look at the inner you without counting your tinnitus and know what a lovely person you are.

Confidence - don't let tinnitus take that away from you and if it has ,that can be built up again as not born with it.
Children- life is fantastic with them and filling them full of wisdom ,manners and confidence to follow their dream but like everything we are not built with parent skills and children growing up and teenagers can be a rollercoaster.
Find things you can do together that you feel ok to do and not feel guilty of what you carn't ...your love and time and being there for them are most precious.

Relationships- go at your own pace and let them know you love them but need understanding you need keep your ears safe from extra loud sound and you might feel happy but also could have down times as you try adapt to your sound and your emotions.
Growing old together will throw up obstacles and health can change for both of you but talking and understanding eachother is the way to go and lots of hugs.
You are you and nothing will change that so try not let tinnitus grab hold of your thoughts and push extra hard to enjoy and make an effort to enjoy whats around you.
Love glynis x
 
#15
I have been mostly upbeat about my T and hearing problems, lately, but I still get days and weeks when it's disturbing to me, and acceptance is difficult. I've had T about the same amount of time as you have, a bit under 7 months, which would be considered a relatively short period of time. The psychological recovery, or habituation, can take many months to several years, but at least there is plenty of reason for hope as the vast majority of people with tinnitus distress gradually reach advanced habituation, and their T no longer bothers them. I hope you start feeling better, soon.
 
Last edited:
#16
Just hang in there, it'll come. I got my T in january 2017 and I would say that in october I started accepting it and actually felt really, really good, until I had a setback a couple of days ago. And don't forget that 7 months is still a very short time even if it feels forever.
 
#17
Raphael7713 said:
Just hang in there, it'll come. I got my T in january 2017 and I would say that in october I started accepting it and actually felt really, really good, until I had a setback a couple of days ago. And don't forget that 7 months is still a very short time even if it feels forever.
Click to expand...
Thanks, Raphael, you're right on target.

I did not mention setbacks in my post, but they happen to everybody, are just part of the process.
 
#18
#19
outdoor shows are much safer than indoor, sound has a db and a pressure element to determine its overall rating i think. Me personally i just wouldn't aggravate an already desperate situation, but each to their own. jason c's success story has to be one of the best for me. Id never be able to live with myself if i didnt know id done everything in my power to get rid of this T years down the line.
 
#20
Jason C said:
Hey man,

I know exactly how you are feeling, every day I beat myself up about damaging my hearing over a stupid alarm. I was in such a dark place. Have a look at some of my posts from 2016 and 2017, They do not make for good reading but I am sure you will understand what a state I was in.
Fast forward to today and my tinnitus has gone. It was more than a year before things started to improve and I started to feel like myself again. Now I am around 20 months from the acoustic trauma that caused all my problems and I was just thinking today about how messed up I was. I was sitting in my car, no music on and it was silent. I checked with the app on my phone and it read 26db, that's the same as my bedroom at night. No tinnitus, I tried searching for it but nope, nothing.
If you are experiencing periods of almost silence I believe yours can fade away completely too. In the mean time avoid loud noise and look after yourself. Try and relax. It will improve and things will get better but it takes time, lots of time.

I found a couple of glasses of red wine helped improved my mood in the evening when I was messed up. Just don't go overboard.

Sounds like you have a nice wee family there :) I know what you mean when you say this causes problems with your relationships and your family. It's not easy to deal with but hang in there, things will get better.
Click to expand...


Hi Jason, I was just wondering during this time did you feel like the tinnitus was in your brain and not your ears? Was it somatic?
 
#21
It was both ears and brain, the left ear was always worse, ringing, pinging, chirping, fullness. It was horrible and affected my balance too. Unbelievable how loud noise can do so much damage.
It was a real trauma for me not just the acoustic trauma but mentally too.
Thankfully things are much better now. Obviously damage has been done but if nothing else I did get an education from this and will be careful around noise forever.
 
#22
Jason C said:
It was both ears and brain, the left ear was always worse, ringing, pinging, chirping, fullness. It was horrible and affected my balance too. Unbelievable how loud noise can do so much damage.
It was a real trauma for me not just the acoustic trauma but mentally too.
Thankfully things are much better now. Obviously damage has been done but if nothing else I did get an education from this and will be careful around noise forever.
Click to expand...
That is great news that your T has gone away after 20 months. I am into my 17th month (acoustic trauma) and the T has faded 80%+.
I am hopeful for a complete recovery but this is my second acoustic trauma T in my life, so it may take longer and might not completely fade (who knows), but I have gotten my life mostly back.
 
#23
when you say faded by 80 percent, how does your T sound now? when do you notice it etc? do you still need to mask it? thanks
 
#24
Jason37 said:
Still can't get past the thought of having tinnitus forever after one stupid mistake from one shot.

Therapy hasn't done much and and I still spend every hour regretting causing hearing loss and tinnitus. All my relationships are suffering and most of the day I am in disbelief at the current state of things. My children know something is wrong and that is what kills me the most.

I can't bear the thought of this interfearing with their young lives...All day I think God what have I done.
Click to expand...


You are grieving the loss of silence. Id say your reaction is pretty normal.

However, beating yourself up isn't helpful.

What sort of therapy are you doing? Would you consider cbt mindfulness? Have you had a look at the back to silence thread and video?

I'm 4 years in, and for the most part, it has gotten a lot better. I am now experiencing (for the most part) habituation. Though, I think I may have been helped along with receiving stem cells last year, which helped my h and t reactivity.

But my journey with t is still, at times, very up and down. It was only a week ago when I thought I had damaged my hearing again with an acoustic event at work. I was a mess, and it felt like it took me right back to the beginning. I had a spike after work last night, which unnerved me a little. Tonight, I hear it and am back to not caring too much about it.

You are surrounded by people here who understand where you are at.

For many of us, we learn to adapt and get on with things. you will too.
 
#26
Hi @Jason C did you do anything specific that helped with your recovery? I am 3 and a half months in and still very wobbly with this shit!! Any advice is welcome
 
#28
Jason your story is pretty much the only thing giving me hope. It strikes a chord with me because while i didnt end up here directly from a siren iv been an alarm engineer for 10 years and have exposed myself to many alarm sirens over the years. Like you my left ear is worse and i believe thats because I'm right handed and while up a ladder this is the ear facing the blast. I never got any ringing that i can remember but i was always quick to shut them off but obviously its taken its toll i think. The band playing at deafening levels in a local club i found myself in a few months back was the last straw i feel. Its been getting better and better and iv not had vertigo or H or that much fullness so I'm lucky in that respect.

So are you 100 percent better now? I'm clinging on to the hope that because I'm getting better while not going away completely i might still recover in a 18- 24 months. Even the point I'm at now is not the end of the world, its just reactive so I'm pretty much stuck until it decides whether its going to go or not. I can't find anyone on reddit thats had acoustic trauma and it disappeared they all pretty much seem to have had it for years and just not notice it, or still totally not coping.
 
#29
There are some people from some gun forums that have had it go away after a couple years. And I believe @jiffyman had his first trauma completely go after eighteen months. Mine was a loud tone for like 3 weeks and it went to a varying soft electrical hiss. mine changes every couple days from a hiss to complete almost comlete silence...i just hate the staticky feeling I get in my ear a lot of the times.
 
#30
I agree with you man. I am 27 and have two degrees and a bright future ahead of me. Tinnitus and Hyperacusis two demons that I am battling with, my life has been ruined. I kind of pissed it away..shame. I wish i had 20 years maximum to live with no health issues, no T, no H, no ear fulness , or ear popping. Just 20 years of being healthy and then i wouldnt mind dying at age 47 of whatever disease.
 

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