Still Not Doing Any Better

[hartje5]

I official have tinnitus now for 6 month (minus 2 days). It's been al really rough ride. Last year I had major heart surgery, which failed. When after a few month they gave me new medication (not necessary in hindsight) I got very very loud T, H and nausea and panic attacks all day long. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, went into deep depression. My father committed suicide when I was 17 years old so these depressive feelings are extra extra scary to me. I have three beautiful teenage children. And they are what keep me going.

I ended up seeing a psychiatrist, I was so scared of taking any medication for my depression. Scared it would make things worse. I couldn't go on like I was doing so I started taking Remeron. At first 7,5 mg but it took me 30 mg to finally get some sleep. I also take 0,5 mg Xanax which instantly took away my H and nausea. So I'm sleeping fine these days it is the fact that I cannot accept T that is keeping me extremely depressed. I feel like if the doctor had heard me, that I wasn't doing well on the medication and had allowed me to stop non of this would have happened. I am so angry.

I'm six month in and still not functioning. I read all these stories of habituation and so which that would happen to me. I beg for it to happen. I want my life back. I juste to be a great mom, happy, loving. Now all I can do is cry and feel miserable with T. pounding away in my head.

Sorry for my sad story. I'm trying to do better but just don't know what to do.

 

[glynis]

Aww duck,
I have just read your story and totally understand what you are going through and how you feel.
For some people habituation seems far away and your future looks glum with seeing your future with depression.

I promise the depression will lift in time with medication and talking therapy and you will get your smile back again and enjoy family life.

For your tinnitus ,your view on it will change when you feel better in your self and although you might still hear it,it will become more of a nusance and like living with a sound that you can still hear but don't react to it the same and it's your ears just like mine being naught monkeys but you will not feel as sad.

Keep posting for support and chin up duck and stay positive.. lots of love glynis

 

[hartje5]

Thanks so much Glynis for you kind and hopeful words. They mean a lot to me. I can't see my future being happy yet. I so hope and pray I will in time. It's taking me so long to get used to these awful constantly changing sounds in my head. I used to have absolute pitch ability. Music was such a big part of my life. I'm a singer but music now a days hurts my ears and singing provoked an explosion of tinnitus once. I no longer sing.

When will this awful feeling of loss and sadness disappear. Did you feel like this at first Glynis? I have to fight for my life because of my children. It's a struggle every day to survive. I used to be happy an joyful even with my heart condition. Now I'm a shadow of what I used to be.

How can I stop this suffering.

 

[Dave AUS]

Thanks so much Glynis for you kind and hopeful words. They mean a lot to me. I can't see my future being happy yet. I so hope and pray I will in time. It's taking me so long to get used to these awful constantly changing sounds in my head. I used to have absolute pitch ability. Music was such a big part of my life. I'm a singer but music now a days hurts my ears and singing provoked an explosion of tinnitus once. I no longer sing.

When will this awful feeling of loss and sadness disappear. Did you feel like this at first Glynis? I have to fight for my life because of my children. It's a struggle every day to survive. I used to be happy an joyful even with my heart condition. Now I'm a shadow of what I used to be.

How can I stop this suffering.

I feel for you @hartje5. I'm in a very similar boat. Im 13 months into sudden onset tinnitus. I'm not used to it yet. I have upper primary school children and they are now the sole reason to keep going. I unfortunately have lost interest or fun in anything I was keen on before. I must say though I have improved and the daily fight has been easier from 8 months in. Sadness, anger and a huge sense of loss is how I still feel unfortunately. Don't give up the fight. Hopefully one day soon we'll feel better about having tinnitus...... hang in there. Mark off any progress each month. Take note of the small improvements. Think about those less fortunate. Try to focus on what you can do not what you can't do anymore. That's how I operate anyhow