Struggle with Life

[Aschenherz]

Hello, Dear Members.

Unfortunately I'm into the club of us all, too.
Nearly two months ago I've got tinnitus.

Long story short. I'm afraid, it consume me. Dealt a lot with depression in my twenties, overcome it, God knows how, and had a good life for 1,5 Years. Then the T began.

I don't know, where it come from, or why. Doesn't feel stressed at the time. I loved the silence, need that to regenerate. Thought on the S Word every Day since two weeks. I've heard, that Cortison it the main product, what u get, when developing T, i've got "deal with it" from my ENT.

Lately i feel very stressed out, my body have no power, no energy. I'm in a big Depression and was in a Clinic. Was hoping for some other methods. Massages or something. But no, only pills. But that is not the main issue here. I have no hope anymore. sorry, for this post. I'm really depressed and had lot to do with anxiety since childhood. Maybe, that is the point.. i don't know. Haven't the power for housework or anything else. Only Sleep is a relief now.

I'm still hoping, that i can have luck or something else. That it will go away from itself. lol. That's me, talkink BS again. I know, that i wouldn't get better, when i'm so negative. But my body is such exhausted.

Have 4 Sounds. One centered in my Head. two on the left side and on right. Got T a couple of years ago and got lucky, was there for 4 Days, than it's faded.

I know, the User Billie got the power and the spirit to overcome the odds over time. But i'm feeling so depressed and nothing could handle it.

sorry for the first, very depressed, thoughts. I simply don't know how i could come over this.

(hope it's good readable, i'm from Germany.)

 

[glynis]

@Aschenherz,
Welcome to Tinnitus Talk.
You will get lots of support on here around the clock.
Tinnitus comes with lots of unwanted emotions and low mood but that does get better as your tinnitus journey starts to settle and you understand the ups and downs and what your normal pattern is for you.

Depression is hard but nothing to be ashamed about as the toughest people can go through it.

Having the drive to get out of bed in the morning or motivation to do the simplest task can be so hard to do .
Don't put pressure on yourself and go at your own pace.
Depression can take away your self worth and confidence and social skills but we are not born with them and you can build up on them slowly as your low mood starts to lift.

Getting out in the fresh air and talking with friends will help and try to set yourself small tasks and rewards as you go along.

Today you have made the first step..
I'm here most days giving support with lots of other members so well done with your first post !
I hope your getting support and talking therapy with medication and a understanding doctor giving you support too...

Keep posting for support ,you will get out of the depression but talks time but you will get their and managing your tinnitus too...lots of love glynis

 

[Aschenherz]

i cried, as i read this. But that was for the kindly words. thanks a lot, that really helped.

 

[glynis]

@Aschenherz,
I totally understand how you feel as like you I have been through it too!
You will find your smile again and laugh,
The rat race of life can be hard and add tinnitus and low mood is hard going.
we gain strength in what we go through and you will look back on this wobble in life and grown in strength and never look back .
Don't dwell on the past or worry about the future and just except for now all the support you need.
Chatting on here and making friends is a positive step...
I'm glynis and 51 from England....lots of love Glynis

 

[sleepy]

@Aschenherz

Wishing you best of luck on your recovery. I understand everything you wrote down. It's a tough road starting off with T. I recently got mine and I'm discovering all the things I love do is spiking my T.

Getting sleep for me was my first step to recovery. I still have T and it annoys me everyday, but I think baby steps to are needed to get over your T. This forum is a good outlet to unleash some anxiety. I hope you see better days ahead. Cheers!

 

[Lyra Belacqua]

Hallo Aschenherz,

(I hope it is okay if I write this in German? I do not want to exclude anyone, and of course I can also translate it in English?)

auch von mir Willkommen bei TinnitusTalk!
Es tut mir Leid, dass dir das mit dem Tinnitus passiert ist und ich wünsche Dir alles Gute!
Bei zwei Monaten kann sich noch jede Menge tun, ich drücke Dir die Daumen dass Dein Tinnitus wieder von selbst verschwindet! Und wenn Du Dich von Deinem HNO-Arzt nicht ernst genommen fühlst, vielleicht kannst Du wechseln? Ich war selbst auch bei mehreren HNO-Ärzten bevor ich einen gefunden habe, dem ich vertraue und der meine Beschwerden ernst nimmt und auch behandelt, mir persönlich hat Magnesium geholfen und das nehme ich auch immer noch regelmäßig.

Ich sende Dir eine Umarmung und liebe Gedanken,
alles Gute für Dich!

Lyra

 

[Aschenherz]

okay, now, that i have a better attitude, there is more to add.

surely, i was on another ENT, all look at my History and say "it's the psyche"
also i was at a dentist, got an CT from it, the second ENT said, that i could be a allergy, but the 2nd attempt showed, that it wasn't the allergy, that caused my tinnitus. on Monday, i have an appointment with an osthepath, hopefully, he will get me the relief for my body, that i really need.

Is it normal, that u have dizziness, when u have Tinnitus? the dizziness got worse. As i wrote this post, i had a weird feeling in my ears, like it's under pressure. Was the first time. Also a sign from Tinnitus?

oh, i also get a med in the early days, that should have helped me with my anxiety and depression. never took it before. was on venlafaxin, before the good times start, and was on no med, when the T started. Have the feeling, that this drug got my T worse. could that be?

my psychiatrist never respond to my phone-calls. lol.

 

[glynis]

I have been told about venlafaxine can cause tinnitus or worsen it for some people and cause insomnia.
....lots of love glynis

 

[Aschenherz]

yeah, but that was the med, i took in the past. Today i take Trimipramin. But i don't want it anymore, cuz it "worsens" the T.

can somebody of the "older" ones in the forum explain me, why i didn't get Cortison in first order. Doesn't help it so good or am i treated "unfair"?

 

[Aschenherz]

I have also another Question. Reading the Term "Habituation" gives me hope, even when it's hard to accomplish. Has read the Articel from Michale Leigh here on TT. Was very good for the inner anxiety. but i also have a question. when u habituated, can u still dehabituted?

 

[Aschenherz]

sorry for 2nd post:

After u habitued, could u do things, like "stay at Home" or "Rest" or things like that, like the Life before u got Tinnitus? I know, that for me it will be a very long Time to do that. To Habituade. I'm the kind of person, who want a quick fix for everything. My Mind is very good to figure out to do it, but if i don't get a "quick fix" it's very frustrating for me and i feel bad about myself. Like the Friends, that told me, that all i can think about is myself. lol. yes, that's right. In this state of my Life, it's hard to go out and have fun.

today i had an appointment with an Osteopath. He gave me Accupunture and release something on my neck. After that meeting i feel like the pressure on my head is not so heavy like the previous 2 Months. Is this a good sign?

 

[Ambassador]

I got tinnitus almost two years ago and after 2 or 3 months habituated with nearing aids and lots of masking. I was good for about a year and it's come back most likely due to my being sloppy with ear protection and too much noise exposure. I'm about 2 months into my second habituation, rough couple of months but I'm beginning to feel a bit bit better. Good quality sleep and avoiding stress if possible. Even when habituated I would have moments when I would say, wow, my ears are screaming today but it just seemed to pass. It's a long process and I think millions of us seem to get to a place where we're at peace with this. Time is what it takes as near as I can figure and being careful with exposure to loud noise. Get yourself a decibel meter app, there's some good free ones and you would be surprised how hazardous some places can be. I try to stay under 70 to 75 db.

 

[Bigman1]

Dear Aschenherz,
Please listen to what I have to say. I have had tinnitus since 93' I sometimes felt s-------- until I met Jesus,
I know this subject can be a turnoff, but please remember Jesus came into the world to help not to hinder.
I belong to a pentecostal church in Scotland called Destiny which is one big family. If you can't find a spirit filled church, youtube can help with many good Christian video's. Let me know if I can help, I hope your tinnitus gets better. God bless.Ronnie.

 

[Aschenherz]

Hello, dear Member.

After two months in i couldn't really say, it's get better. It become even worse, my body just don't wanna do anything anymore and will lay in bed all the time. so, even if i don't let him, it's very hard for me to stay positive with the daily suicidal thoughts. I feel like a mess and on the workplay i ll be treated so. Don't wanna hear things like "get over it" or something like that, they don't know, how that is.

Also, i feel like my relationship (5 Years) will not continue on. She gave me a lot of things that help, but, since it is a long-distance thingy, it only helps for the amount of time, that we have together.

I know, that no one can burden the distress and everyone experienced the same. Two months seems nothing for the most of the members here...

I just wish, the daily suicidal feelings would go away. That would be so helpful..

 

[Mentos]

@Auschenherz I'm 2 years in, took me around 8 months - 1 year to stop feeling suicidal. Most of a time I'm in a better place right now. Still on some meds to deal with my anxiety, but no benzos anymore which I took for 1.5years after onset. T still annoys me everyday, I think it will always do to some extent, I simply miss silence. But other than that I do all the things as normal: I work, I socialize, I play, read books, watch movies, motorcycle, cycling, swimming, going to fottbal games, bowling, snowboarding, making puzzles, taking care for my acquarium, traveling and many other things. In a way T made me more active since I don't like sitting on a sofa or staying in bed doing nothing because that's when T annoys me the most. Is life same as prior T? No it's not and unless a cure or tratment is found it's not gonna be the same as before. I accepted it, or maybe better to say I accept it everyday in the morning by saying to myself: balls up time to do something productive today. And I go through my day with as many activities as I can. I don't know if I'm habituated to my T, I just live with it to the best I can. I think you can get there as well, it's not easy and you need to find inner strength and motivation to live your life, but it's possible with some adjustments in your life. The only thing I don't do anymore which I like before is going to gigs, as loud concert was the reason for my T onset. I miss my pre-T life but can do nothing with it for the moment so I just keep going and doing things despite T being my everyday companion. I believe you can reach this state as well

 

[Aschenherz]

thanks for your words.. i thought so, that this is my life from now on..

Also i want to add, that under Prednisolon the Tone in my head vanished. for 2 full day, on the beginning with 200mg.
Now, out of Predisonol, it's fully reactivate. I feel, like that is my badest tone at all. Last week was a "good" week, without this tone.

what could it be, if that is so reactive to Prednisolon?

 

[Rick Garner]

Hello, dear Member.

After two months in i couldn't really say, it's get better. It become even worse, my body just don't wanna do anything anymore and will lay in bed all the time. so, even if i don't let him, it's very hard for me to stay positive with the daily suicidal thoughts. I feel like a mess and on the workplay i ll be treated so. Don't wanna hear things like "get over it" or something like that, they don't know, how that is.

Also, i feel like my relationship (5 Years) will not continue on. She gave me a lot of things that help, but, since it is a long-distance thingy, it only helps for the amount of time, that we have together.

I know, that no one can burden the distress and everyone experienced the same. Two months seems nothing for the most of the members here...

I just wish, the daily suicidal feelings would go away. That would be so helpful..

Aschenherz,

Trust me, give it another month, and you will feel much better. First 2 months are so miserable for everyone. Just hang in there. The volume of my T started to become low starting 3rd month after the onset. Since then, it gradually became an unnoticeable faint hiss, and stayed like that without any spike till it disappeared in mid March. I never had suicidal thoughts as I am a family man with 3 kids and a caring wife.

 

[Aschenherz]

I know, that my suicidal feeling doesn't help me at all. sorry about that. Just can't control myself.

I took a predisonole-infusion yesterday and the worst tone (all over the head) died yesterday. Yesterday evening i got all the power back. Doing Housework, have good conversations, smiled.

unfortunately today the tone all over the head is still there, even with the 2nd Dosis.

It would be so helpful, when this tone should stay away permantetly. Can i hope about it? Or is this a side-effect under predistinole for everyone?

It's really a god relief. Needed that evenig to stay in here. Also, i appreciate your comments. Give me hope.
Also i hope for an inflammination problem, which took so long, like Rick wrote in his post.

the other tones a not comfortable, but i have hope in me, that i conquer this. But with this additional tone.. holy. Couldn't even mask this..

 

[Aschenherz]

when i don't have the cortison in my body, it's getting louder every single time. How can u live with that? interesting to see though, that i get a connection with the predisonole. But now it's getting louder. How can u life with this high pitched ringing 24/7 into your brain? it's laying by 13.000 Hertz and it so awful, that i cause pain. Also my head feels like it's getting punched.

pls help me with that, i don't see any hope anymore..

 

[Aaron_J]

@Aschenherz
I can relate to you somewhat. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for quite a while (was forced into a clinic about a year ago because it got out of hand) before my hearing became an issue a couple months ago. I actually think the medication I'm on (for mood) could be potentially helping me deal with the situation, as I'm sure without it I would be handling this situation in the worst way possible. Still I find myself drifting towards dark thoughts sometimes, and tell myself things that I know won't help me get through the next day. Most of it consists of me telling myself that I will never hear music/sounds like I use to or that I won't get a decent nights sleep.

I try to hold onto the fact that things can possibly get better, even more so for T, as from my experience diet helps as well as just trying to focus on other sounds when my T flares up.

 

[Aschenherz]

Okay. Im in a psych now and it seems that im at a dead End. All the run away from the sound is no Option. It makes me exhausted AS fuck and im so desperate, that i want to die. In a fucking Clinic.

So i set a new Game Plan. Will endure the sound till it don't bother me so much that this become my New " silence" is this possible? Or will the sound only go higher ans higher cuz of the misfunction in the brain?

I know that this will take a long time and is probably my hardest battle, but i wanna have some insight from veterans.