Struggling with Suicidal Thoughts

[albertf50]

Everyone,

I have had tinnitus in my right ear to about years. It was always manageable. This was due to excessive noise exposure (I think). About two weeks ago, it got significantly worse in the right ear and started in the left too. I have been racking my brain trying to find out what I did to cause this. I can't think of anything in particular. I don't want to think this will be the new normal for me. I am already having suicidal thoughts.

Some of the things I thought that it could be:
- for the last 2 years I average about 20-30 drinks a week.
- i have a root canal where the crown came off exposing the amalgam for one year.
- i went vegan for two weeks

I want to quit drinking, but that seemed to help psychologically. I don't have any desire to do anything fun and, as I said earlier, am thinking suicide may be in my near future if this is what my life will be like. I am 42 years old and cannot think of going on this way. To me, a life where all you want to do is be asleep (unconscious) is not worth living. The only think stopping me is knowing what it will do to my parents, other family, friends, and dog.

I read a few posts on here where others were contemplating suicide and it just bummed me out, because theirs didn't get better.

I NEED to my tinnitus will return to the way it was. I know there is no way for any of you to know, but did any of you go thru this and come out okay. Did any alcohol abusers stop drinking and it went away? Did noise-induced sufferers have increases that went back down?

Albert

 

[Mario martz]

Hey Albert!
as far as i know
there are a lot of cases of people who experience a spike and after a few days it returns back to normal.
i know its hard to cope, but you have this community to help you.
we all are in this together

 

[Sailboardman]

Albert,

You might want to cut down on drinks for a few days and see what happens. Also, have your ears checked, for excessive wax buildup and have your hearing tested.

I've been pretty down lately, as my T has also increased, due to a spike. It's hard to cope, but let some time pass and see if you return to baseline.

Feel better!

 

[mandi]

@albertf50 Cutting out the drinking could really help...alcohol can be toxic to the system. Maybe could drink healthier drinks with others (BYO).

The lifestyle change is hard for sure...not just cutting out alcohol but also watching our diet, taking all the right supplements, getting lots of sleep, no drugs...not even tylenol, sleeping pills, etc, wearing hearing aids in noisy
settings, and so much more. Also, trying all the therapies, etc, that can help that are mentioned in this forum could take months, years...so much to try.

Definitely a change of life. Definitely taking lots of time in study and applying. But is good to read success stories, then pray for wisdom and the power from above to be able to be vigilant and stay on course.

 

[albertf50]

Thanks for the replies. Yesterday after posting, I was able to obtain .5mg of Xanax and it calmed be down significantly. I realize now that I was having a panic attack. I wonder if I will have to start taking that regularly to cope.

I have had my ear checked for wax, and they are clean. I also had a hearing test, and that confirmed that I have hearing loss in the higher frequencies, likely from noise exposure. All the Dr. could recommend was to cut out caffeine and alcohol, and possibly try a hearing aid. I am going to reduce caffeine by weening myself off coffee, by drinking green tea. Then maybe cut that out too. As far as the alcohol, I am going to cut that out altogether (maybe a glass of wine here and there).

I am typing this before I go to work, so while the T is still strong, I am just starting my day, and will hopefully be too consumed at work to have another panic attack.

One last thing, I got a blood test and my uric acid and AST/ALP liver enzymes are a bit high. I have a history with kidney stones, but have recently started having mild pain in my left kidney when taking deep breaths. Has anyone had a connection with kidney problems and T?

Thanks again.

 

[Bevknit47]

Hi Albert, I too have tinnitus in my left ear for 8 yrs now, it got worse a few months ago when had build of of wax in both ears, 2 months down the line I had micro suction yesterday and hearing test which was good, tinnitus wen back to normal level but now it's back up again, I did read that it can go a bit higher since ears being blocked for quite a while causes screeching to sound louder, so I'm just hoping it will settle down again x

 

[volsung37]

Suicidal thoughts come and go. I try to see life now as an exploration. I keep a diary which reminds me that every single time I thought I couldn't go on I have and things have got better. Thinking about death is not a bad thing. It can make us realise that life is short anyway whether or not we have a chronic condition. Made my will when I was really low suffering from Pulsatile Tinnitus. Four or 5 months later that condition disappeared. We just don't know whats around the corner. Suicide could be a permanent outcome for what might be a temporary condition. Good luck.

 

[albertf50]

I saw a psychiatrist and he put me on Celexa and Xanax. Xanax has made things bearable, but the more I read, the more it sounds like that will eventually lead to a worse situation. I have been struggling to just take .5mg a day. Also, I have a feeling the Celexa is making my anxiety worse. I read that is common when you first start Celexa, but it is hard to tell if is that or if I am losing the battle with T. I do have an appointments for a hearing aid and ENT, but I am not optimistic. It seems like the very things that make it bearable make it worse it the long run. I am trying to stay strong for my family and friends, but I'm not sure how long I can hold out.

Has anybody out there relied on Xanax for 2 or 3 months without withdrawal symptoms that made T worse? Any experiences with Celexa or other SSRI?