Suicidal

[Chinmoku]

OK so the question is, WHY won't the stem cells regrow hair cells if injected into the ear? I don't see a reason why they shouldn't, they are rebuilders, so this indicates some special sort of mechanism or process needed for them to work in the ear, like needing a VIP ticket rather than free entry.

I think hair cells are not normal cells, they are very dedicated cells, so probably the idea is that randomly shooting stem cells in the inner ear is too blunt. Look at the effort FX-322 had to go through with progenitor cells activation, and what Rinri Therapeutics is doing to make stem cells work in the inner ear. Incidentally, you can get stem cells generated in your stomach with fasting, but they wouldn't reach the ears.

 

[Chinmoku]

But where is @birdy now? I talked a lot with her, but she does not answer anymore?

I think she left the forum for good. I hope this is because she is fine and does not want to think about tinnitus anymore, but it would be a good data point knowing how she is doing.

What was your maximum dose of Clonazepam in the past?

From cross-referencing a lot of anecdotal reports and a couple of studies it looks like you need at least 1.5 or 2 mg per day in case of severe ear symptoms. I have always been at 0.5 mg, tried 1 mg for 1 week but it didn't help. The way @birdy and others described the process, it almost looks like you need to keep going up and at some point the lights turn green as enough of your receptors are flooded, but I don't think this is true for everyone and these old papers on "benzodiazepine receptors deficiency" (BRD) are a little suspect. @birdy claimed we all suffered from BRD and found a doctor who was willing to increase her dose until she stabilized, but I think in the UK it would be very hard to find any specialist willing to go up to 4 mg for example, even 2 mg. I think 1 mg is the limit they are willing to try for tinnitus, and for me it's not enough anyway. I don't know how it works in Norway.

 

[dan]

I think hair cells are not normal cells, they are very dedicated cells, so probably the idea is that randomly shooting stem cells in the inner ear is too blunt. Look at the effort FX-322 had to go through with progenitor cells activation, and what Rinri Therapeutics is doing to make stem cells work in the inner ear. Incidentally, you can get stem cells generated in your stomach with fasting, but they wouldn't reach the ears.

I remember @Telis, good buddy of mine, talking on here about how his 7 day fast improved his tinnitus at one point.

 

[grate_biff]

I think she left the forum for good. I hope this is because she is fine and does not want to think about tinnitus anymore, but it would be a good data point knowing how she is doing.

It really would be. I'm really fearing she is dead, like in her sleep or something. We had regular contact, but suddenly she was gone and has been for over 1.5 years.

What was your maximum dose of Clonazepam in the past?

I was on 10 mg Diazepam = 0.5 mg Clonazepam (not every day), so same dose as you.

My tinnitus would be totally gone the next day after administration, but of course it did not last more than 2-3 years. Then it started to become a problem, I developed severe pain hyperacusis and have been in withdrawal the last 2-3 years. I have a whole life with benzo trouble before that also. I was off and well in 2014, but then I had my acoustic trauma... BOOM back on benzo after being through hell for 2 years.

How quickly we forget but it helped so much with my tinnitus, I think I would do it again even though I know that what you gain from benzo, you´ll have to pay.

I have written in length about benzo on this forum on many occasions and I still think one can make it more viable and delay tolerance by mixing benzo with an NMDA-receptor antagonist, preferably a more potent one than say Gabapentin, but maybe a less potent one than Ketamine. One similar to alcohol would be nice, because mixing those are golden for both tinnitus and hyperacusis, but I do not have to explain why that is not a good idea long term .

I have always been at 0.5 mg, tried 1 mg for 1 week but it didn't help. The way @birdy and others described the process

She always told me it would take a while on a certain dose before it had the desired effect, like months. She also took Gabapentin, Lamictal (NMDA-rec. antg.) and other drugs she would not disclose.

I was actually in contact with her provider, which was a psychiatrist and an expert in addiction, no less, in an effort to convince my doctor to follow the same route. But I kinda did that thing half-speed, like so many of us in stead.

these old papers on "benzodiazepine receptors deficiency" (BRD) are a little suspect.

I agree!

I think in the UK it would be very hard to find any specialist willing to go up to 4 mg for example

I would think so. The moderland of Heather Ashton. May she rest in peace. I loved that woman.

I don't know how it works in Norway.

Depends on your doctor. I have like a standing agreement as a final solution benzo deal with my GP, but after all the shit Ive been through lately I do not know if it still stands.

I am going to be willfully committed to a psych ward from tomorrow on. Basically because I am going mad from the stress of my noxacusis. It has never been as bad as it is now. I have a constant pain deep inside both ears now as well. And as you know, I tried to kill myself 14 days ago. This will be my last attempt on life. I do not see how they are going to help me either . Maybe I will try Ketamine. We will see.
I love everyone in this tread, not just @Zugzug

Wish me luck. Godspeed @Chinmoku!

 

[wagen]

I'm tapering at 5% per week/every two weeks depending on the reaction. My tinnitus is aggravated and my sleep reduced. My tinnitus was getting worse also at a constant 0.5 mg dose so I might be in tolerance withdrawal but it's not so clear. If you have been on the drug only 2 weeks you might do a quick taper.

Well, I am scared of the rapid taper because I got tinnitus after the doctors suddenly took me off 1 mg.

I struggled for 10 months after that and because I really was totally collapsing from insomnia I gave up and took 0.5 mg.

It did save me from really harming myself, so I'm grateful for that but I don't exactly have a plan for what to do next. I'm severely sleep deprived, I've tried all sedating ADs that don't work for me, and continue to suffer from accumulation of exhaustion.

Do you think there is a chance I could somehow stabilize on 0.5 mg and then slowly taper? But is there something like stabilization on a benzo?

My biggest problem is sleep. It's totally destroyed.

How many hours do you sleep?

Your taper seem very slow, I guess it's the best way to go. But the thought of staying on a benzo for so long is also scary for me.

No good options.

I have a small son and cling to hope to make it out if this somehow for him.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Chinmoku]

I remember @Telis, good buddy of mine, talking on here about how his 7 day fast improved his tinnitus at one point.

Indeed, I was impressed. He mentioned improved vision, skin healing, tinnitus reduction of 50% and even improved hearing. This seems impossible as stem cells produced by fasting are in the stomach and should not reach the inner ear, but who knows, we know so little. Perhaps this was a benefit or reducing inflammation. I think however that he had to fast 7-10 days to achieve that. My longest fast has been three days. I'm rather underweight so a ten days fast could be dangerous for me.

 

[aura]

I don't even know what to do now. I was doing okay once again. Had a an appointment with an otolaryngologist that I heard was great. He wanted me to get an audiogram first. Fine whatever. I told them no acoustic reflex test and no tympanogram. What do they do? Do another test I've never heard of and said it wouldn't be loud. An acoustic emissions test. It was kind of loud. but now my tinnitus is so much louder today. My left ear feels like it's going to explode with sound. It's harder to cover up. High pitched dog whistle is back and is louder than everything. I can't wear earplugs to protect my ears now bc it's so painfully loud I cannot function with them in. Everything's going haywire. All this for the doctor to tell me to eat some migraine diet. wtf?!?! All the work I put in to be okay is out the window. I'm so frustrated. I told them no tests. no fucking tests!!!

Please, try to stay calm.

The same thing happened to me a few months ago.

I had to do the tests all over again, hoping that I'll have some answers: audiogram (including the high frequency one which I had to stop because it was too painful), acoustic reflex, otoacoustic emission test.

I had a bad spike for a few weeks.
You can find my post where I was very worried about my tinnitus exploding after the tests.

It will get better, just give it a little time. I've been there and I came back.

 

[Chinmoku]

It really would be. I'm really fearing she is dead, like in her sleep or something. We had regular contact, but suddenly she was gone and has been for over 1.5 years.

Oh no, I was hoping she was fine. 4 mg clonazepam is a lot but on the other end there are people in this very forum who detoxed from 30 mg (yes 30 mg, not 3 mg) clonazepam and were overall ok. It's highly individual though.

I was on 10 mg Diazepam = 0.5 mg Clonazepam (not every day), so same dose as you.

At least it seemed to work for you for some time. It never worked for me except helping with sleep perhaps. But it is doing nothing for the tinnitus, which keeps worsening.

My tinnitus would be totally gone the next day after administration, but of course it did not last more than 2-3 years. Then it started to become a problem, I developed severe pain hyperacusis and have been in withdrawal the last 2-3 years. I have a whole life with benzo trouble before that also. I was off and well in 2014, but then I had my acoustic trauma... BOOM back on benzo after being through hell for 2 years.

Damn benzos... you know, these new GABA drugs from Vistagen are coming out soon, they might help us taper the benzos without suffering so much. You should definitely give a shot to Ketamine, it is so powerful and it might even help you get off the antidepressants if you suspect they are doing damage.

She always told me it would take a while on a certain dose before it had the desired effect, like months. She also took Gabapentin, Lamictal (NMDA-rec. antg.) and other drugs she would not disclose.

Ok so maybe I pulled off too early. That's possible. But staying two months at 1mg means that if it doesn't work I'm stuck there and the taper becomes even more hellish. Shitty choices really.

I was actually in contact with her provider, which was a psychiatrist and an expert in addiction, no less, in an effort to convince my doctor to follow the same route. But I kinda did that thing half-speed, like so many of us in stead.

Yes, unfortunately. Is this guy in the US?

Depends on your doctor. I have like a standing agreement as a final solution benzo deal with my GP, but after all the shit Ive been through lately I do not know if it still stands.

It probably does, especially if he is aware of how much you are suffering.

I am going to be willfully committed to a psych ward from tomorrow on. Basically because I am going mad from the stress of my noxacusis. It has never been as bad as it is now. I have a constant pain deep inside both ears now as well. And as you know, I tried to kill myself 14 days ago. This will be my last attempt on life. I do not see how they are going to help me either . Maybe I will try Ketamine. We will see.
I love everyone in this tread, not just @Zugzug

Wish me luck. Godspeed @Chinmoku!

Of course I wish you luck, with all my heart. This has to turn around. It has to. Let us know how it is going if they allow you to write from the ward.

I also thought often of going to the ER and then to a ward, because the distress is too much. I think we have a few options left, but to try them we need to be minimally functional, and this is a problem.

Have you ever tried CBD/CBG etc? I'm going to try CBG tonight. I have no access to ketamine, here in London they only allow you to try it for depression but you need to prove that you tried at least a few antidepressants and that they have been ineffective. It's also insanely expensive. It is crazy, because if one were to buy it illegally it would be quite cheap. Anyway keep it in mind, I think things you can try are Ketamine and as last resort benzo escalation, which I am also considering as a last resort to gain time. If benzo escalation worked it would have the benefit of buying us time until the Vistagen drugs, Ebselen and then new XEN drugs are out, as well as OTO-313 and perhaps we could get easier access to orexin inhibitors for sleep, at which point we might have something to help us. We should also try stem cells, they are a last resort again and a gigantic crapshoot but we have nothing to lose at this point.

Godspeed!!!

 

[Chinmoku]

Well, I am scared of the rapid taper because I got tinnitus after the doctors suddenly took me off 1 mg.

Cold turkey? After how long?

I struggled for 10 months after that and because I really was totally collapsing from insomnia I gave up and took 0.5 mg.

There are many success stories from people stopping Clonazepam and going through months of grueling insomnia. It seems to happen to a few people. If I taper fast it happens to me too, I sleep zero hours, that's why I'm going very slowly, but even going this slow it seems impossible.

It did save me from really harming myself, so I'm grateful for that but I don't exactly have a plan for what to do next. I'm severely sleep deprived, I've tried all sedating ADs that don't work for me, and continue to suffer from accumulation of exhaustion.

There are a few options for sleep. Have you tried CBD oil, or CBG? Failing that, there is a new class of drugs called Orexin inhibitors, Dayvigo is the latest drug, it seems to help sleep and it is not addictive like the Z-drugs, as it does not work on Gaba. It's only available in Japan and US though, so I don't know if you can get it.

Do you think there is a chance I could somehow stabilize on 0.5 mg and then slowly taper? But is there something like stabilization on a benzo?

You said you had been 10 months off when you went back. Usually the withdrawal may last up to 2-3 years, but some people see a turn-around at 11-12 months, so you might be close to getting sleep again. Receptors take a long time to up-regulate again, but clearly one need to sleep. If you have to stay on the benzo at 0.5 mg have you considered switching to 10 mg Valium instead? It is more sedating I think and has a longer half life, so it's better for tapering and sleep.

How many hours do you sleep?

Not many, some nights 3-4 hours, 5 if I'm lucky. If I take a tiny dose of Quetiapine, like 1/4 of the minimal 25 mg pill, I can sleep 6-8 hours, but I try to do it as little as possible. I wouldn't recommend it but if you are desperate and sleep is your only problem you could try low dose quetiapine or low dose mirtazapine. I would recommend trying CBD or CBG first however, as they don't have counterindications.

Your taper seem very slow, I guess it's the best way to go. But the thought of staying on a benzo for so long is also scary for me.

No good options.

I have a small son and cling to hope to make it out if this somehow for him.

Best wishes to you.

Same here, quite scary. I'd like to be off this stuff asap, but if I taper faster than this symptoms become unbearable, tinnitus is already catastrophic, I also get tremors and insomnia, so I have no choice.
I'm looking for something that lowers the tinnitus, if I find it I can taper a little faster, but until then...

Good luck.

 

[kingsfan]

Please, try to stay calm.

The same thing happened to me a few months ago.

I had to do the tests all over again, hoping that I'll have some answers: audiogram (including the high frequency one which I had to stop because it was too painful), acoustic reflex, otoacoustic emission test.

I had a bad spike for a few weeks.
You can find my post where I was very worried about my tinnitus exploding after the tests.

It will get better, just give it a little time. I've been there and I came back.

I'm in a state of panic because the Acoustic Reflex Test made my tinnitus really bad in my left ear back in October. It's excruciatingly loud and is the main reason I struggle with tinnitus. So it's difficult for me to believe this is just a temporary spike.

 

[aura]

I'm in a state of panic because the Acoustic Reflex Test made my tinnitus really bad in my left ear back in October. It's excruciatingly loud and is the main reason I struggle with tinnitus. So it's difficult for me to believe this is just a temporary spike.

So the acoustic test in October is what caused your tinnitus in the first place?

And you didn't feel any improvement in all these months? It's still as loud as it was in October?

 

[Zugzug]

I'm in a state of panic because the Acoustic Reflex Test made my tinnitus really bad in my left ear back in October. It's excruciatingly loud and is the main reason I struggle with tinnitus. So it's difficult for me to believe this is just a temporary spike.

Why not Prednisone? I'm sorry for the injury.

 

[kingsfan]

So the acoustic test in October is what caused your tinnitus in the first place?

And you didn't feel any improvement in all these months? It's still as loud as it was in October?

I've had this ringing tone for as long as I can remember but it was very very soft and did not bother me at all. In September I woke up with really loud hissing which led me to getting the audiogram which just made the soft tone incredibly loud. Oddly it didn't take much to completely mask it, so I could get on as long as I had some background sound. The only real difficulty was when wearing earplugs, which I do often to try and protect myself as much as possible. Made going out to do anything miserable and I felt very trapped. After the tests on Monday, the same level of sound is not masking anymore and it feels even louder. I was at the grocery store last night and just had to abandon my cart and go home because I could not think or function with the explosion of sound on the left side of my head.

So no improvement. It wasn't affected by the COVID-19 vaccine either, while the hissing was worsened by it.

 

[kingsfan]

Why not Prednisone? I'm sorry for the injury.

I'm over the whole Prednisone thing. It's never done anything for me.

 

[object16]

One meal per day:

6 pm dinner: desi chick peas sprouted to 4 day stage (isoflavones, known clinically to promote sleep, plus this is a good all around food to eat, rich in antioxidants, and my brain is oxidizing itself,) mung bean sprouts (flavonoids, again to promote sleep and prevent my brain from oxidizing itself to nothing), right now black currants are ripe in the garden: bowl of black currants: anthocyanidins - potent antioxidant, mixed with plain yoghurt and even blueberries.

8 pm: 1 mg Clonazepam, 150 mg Lyrica, 300 mg Carbamazepine, 75 mg Quetiapine, 22.5 mg Mirtazapine, 200 mg Prometrium (per rectum, and I'm male, but prometrium promotes sleep), 25 mg Agomelatine (potent Melatonin synthetic analogue) +- CBD vape, although CBD tends to create a spike so I'm not too crazy about it, I use myself as a guinea pig.

This will give me 3 hours sleep. Maybe. If I'm lucky. Because by 9 p.m. I'm so fucking exhausted, I watch boring YouTube video of chess annotation which also helps get to sleep, pick someone with a mellow voice, lol.

Midnight: 0.5 mg Clonazepam, 150 mg Lyrica, 200 mg Carbamazepine, 50 mg Quetiapine, 15 mg Mirtazapine +- CBD vape (again CBD tends to create a spike, but also promotes sleep, so I don't know about this, CBD also promotes neural plasticity and neurogenesis, one reason I crazily persist)

If things get really bad (and I am always borderline suicidal), 3.75 mg Zopiclone (this is an emergency medication, only take once or twice per week, reserve for spikes, even then, do not get hooked, you will never get off, and it will seriously mess your brain up), my doctor does not prescribe it, so I have to "find it," 15 mg Codeine (again this is a dangerous med, but if sleep desperately needed it might help), if my wife gets a surgery or something, I ask her for her 30 mg Codeine and cut in half. I had shingles a few years ago, told the doctor I had severe pain, so I have a vial of Morphine. That Morphine is the only Morphine I'm ever going to get in my life, so I have to make it last. Such as one tablet every other week, at most. If I really do want to end it all, I won't take Morphine: I might puke it all up, and end up in hospital. To end it all, I would take an entire vial of Amlodipine. That is a guaranteed one way ticket to a body bag, no ICU can save you, you are done. I have blood pressure and take Amlodipine. If I watch my diet and exercise, I can save up "extra" at end of month, "bank" the extra, so I can have a completely lethal dose. My blood pressure would tank, I would pass out from low blood pressure, and my organs would all die. And my heart would also stop. So guaranteed. And no chance of puking that stuff up. Once it goes down, it's there to stay, so have to be sure this is actually it, because like I said, no going back, no second chance, no showing up in emergency, no ICU will save you, you are done.

So I've slept from 9-12.
I get back to sleep by 2:30 am if I'm lucky, but right now I have a bad spike and I'm not lucky, wake up probably 6:30.
Total sleep 7 hours. Feel dead. Haul myself out of bed and get my ass into work, I'm not going to stay in bed all day, I work in a quiet zone, and I can still somehow manage to pull it off, but in reality I have no stamina, lot of days I get zero done, workplace tolerates that, because I'm senior and still good at what I do (don't ask me how). Everyone at work speaks extremely quiet around me, if they get excited and talk too loud, I put my palms out and they instantly quiet down, everyone knows I'm in rough shape.

Welcome to my nightmare.

Ending it all? not possible, my workplace says instantly: NO! Plus my wife doesn't want me to do it, and I have a good friend who says if I go, she will follow right after me, so I can't do that to her either. I could still use the coin to contribute to my wife's whole life, I got rejected for whole life, but when my wife goes, my kids will get an ok inheritance, by which time they will be around 65, and could use the money because no workplace provides pension like in the old days, I'm actually on pension and my wife has 100% survivor benefit, so if I go, she will be fine money-wise, but I also have to stick around because my daughter needs CBD but can't afford it, and my son needs CBD and also can't afford it. My daughter has dermatomyositis and my son has schizophrenia. I have 2 other children, one we keep in touch with, the other has decided to not keep in touch with us, but he still gets 25% inheritance irrespective, just because my family environment is dysfunctional, my kids did not ask to be born, so no one is cut off. That's my policy.

Oh, and I have ridiculous hyperacusis, low-frequency hypersensitivity and generalized sound hypersensitivity, cannot go to any show, cannot drive without hearing protection. If someone fires up a lawnmower, I run, if there is a Harley, I block my ears, besides ALWAYS wearing Bose QC25 everywhere, such as in grocery store, outside, almost anywhere, except inside my house. At my workplace I always have CD of restful rain, and at night I also play restful rain continuous, and Enya songs continuously (my daughter took the tracks through Audacity to compress the high low peaks, and adjust the SPL so each song is same SPL). I always carry musician hearing protectors in my jeans and fish them out if there is fire alarm and I'm trapped in the wrong area at the wrong time.

I have zero stamina, my gas tank was empty years ago, and I'm just running on battery power. I sold my old house due to idiots with modified exhaust pickup truck and fortunately had the coin and exceptional good fortune to be able to afford a house at the end of dead end (appropriately with a sign NO EXIT), far enough away from steel plant and railroad tracks so those noises do not enter my house. Those pickup truck idiots made me permanently worse, I have low frequency hypersensitivity and generalized sound hypersensitivity thanks to those idiots.

So not to be insensitive, and I am completely understanding of everyone here, WYFP?

 

[object16]

So I called my friend who is the lady I mentioned. She said what I think is true, but it is not the Truth.

We went into the healing temple, and the healer gave me a gift, a multifaceted crystal, the exact gift I need to heal myself. It is the dark force, the power of evil, the deceiver in some way of speaking that wants me to think everything is hopeless. In fact everything is not hopeless. That, is the the Truth.

And really, the tinnitus has gone from ridiculous suicidal, to can barely hear it.
Tinnitus, will act like a trauma, and it does act like a trauma, and wants you to believe that things are hopeless.

But they are not.

That is the reason I don't want my friend to die. She has deep understanding in the way trauma works, and the way the brain works.
So before, my gas tank was empty, I was running on battery power, things were hopeless, now I'm going to rest well, and tomorrow will be a better day.

This is all true by the way.

Not everyone has access to a gifted healer. This is along the lines of Dr. Jack Kornfield. He is a famous clinical psychologist. My friend takes it one step further, so you are actually in the presence of the great Healer.

Do not underestimate the power of the mind.
It can destroy you. And it can heal you.

I stayed up a little late, because that was how long the healing session took place.

 

[SD7]

I had a spike after a lot of tests at my audiologist's. The spike subsided after a week. They did do Acoustic Reflex Testing and it was mega loud. But I believe the worst was the extended audiogram. I had one done a month before and it was perfect (worst dip at 16 kHz, it was 20 dB). But now I somehow could not hear the 16 kHz tone in my left ear. And when I did, it started crackling immediately, like a broken record. My left ear was ringing after that.

Was that the tone you upped the volume on Tau?

 

[dan]

So I called my friend who is the lady I mentioned. She said what I think is true, but it is not the Truth.

We went into the healing temple, and the healer gave me a gift, a multifaceted crystal, the exact gift I need to heal myself. It is the dark force, the power of evil, the deceiver in some way of speaking that wants me to think everything is hopeless. In fact everything is not hopeless. That, is the the Truth.

And really, the tinnitus has gone from ridiculous suicidal, to can barely hear it.
Tinnitus, will act like a trauma, and it does act like a trauma, and wants you to believe that things are hopeless.

But they are not.

That is the reason I don't want my friend to die. She has deep understanding in the way trauma works, and the way the brain works.
So before, my gas tank was empty, I was running on battery power, things were hopeless, now I'm going to rest well, and tomorrow will be a better day.

This is all true by the way.

Not everyone has access to a gifted healer. This is along the lines of Dr. Jack Kornfield. He is a famous clinical psychologist. My friend takes it one step further, so you are actually in the presence of the great Healer.

Do not underestimate the power of the mind.
It can destroy you. And it can heal you.

I stayed up a little late, because that was how long the healing session took place.

So a day ago you post your requiem and today a crystal ball made your tinnitus disappear... hmmm ok.

 

[Tau]

Was that the tone you upped the volume on Tau?

It was. I could hear it fine a month ago, so I think my hearing got worse.

 

[aura]

I've had this ringing tone for as long as I can remember but it was very very soft and did not bother me at all. In September I woke up with really loud hissing which led me to getting the audiogram which just made the soft tone incredibly loud. Oddly it didn't take much to completely mask it, so I could get on as long as I had some background sound. The only real difficulty was when wearing earplugs, which I do often to try and protect myself as much as possible. Made going out to do anything miserable and I felt very trapped. After the tests on Monday, the same level of sound is not masking anymore and it feels even louder. I was at the grocery store last night and just had to abandon my cart and go home because I could not think or function with the explosion of sound on the left side of my head.

So no improvement. It wasn't affected by the COVID-19 vaccine either, while the hissing was worsened by it.

So after the audiogram in October the soft ringing tone became louder, but you were still able to mask it so it didn't bother you so much.

But did it get any better in all this months?

 

[Óscar PP]

We went into the healing temple, and the healer gave me a gift, a multifaceted crystal, the exact gift I need to heal myself.

And really, the tinnitus has gone from ridiculous suicidal, to can barely hear it.

You can call it Tinnitus Retraining Crystal and charge $5,000 for it.

 

[Kenilworth]

Can tinnitus go from severe to mild/moderate over time? How do people cope with severe cases? Is it just a matter of time?

I've been on and off meds for the past 6 months and I strongly believe it's the cause of my tinnitus going up.

I want to have hope and believe things will get better over time but at the moment things are just painful. If someone can just give me hope that it will get easier, I believe I can get the strength to keep going. I just need hope.

 

[Juan]

I have reached a point of perpetual agony. I sleep only a few hours. I only had worsening after worsening from the start, I never improved. Like @Zugzug I had rare days where things wouldn't look so bad and seemed liveable again, I would count them in the number of 4 or 5 in almost three years, but every time I had one such day the day after the symptoms would come back worse, and I would struggle even more than before, more and more immersed in survival mode.

For me hearing issues have also worsened. Severe hyperacusis morphed into less bad hyperacusis, but I got hearing loss and tinnitus. I did not have tinnitus when severe hyperacusis started.

So my take on this bad trip is that hearing conditions change but do not go away.

Some people say I have "improved" specially my family, because they cannot accept I just hear much less and that's why I don't jump at every single tiny sound anymore, but still jump at loud sounds.

I have also learned that an audiogram may look the same and the hearing perception can be completely different. Amount of sound, input of sound, it is not the same as quality of sound or ability to process sound. This is so important that I am baffled it is not mentioned more often, and specially by "doctors".

 

[Chinmoku]

And really, the tinnitus has gone from ridiculous suicidal, to can barely hear it.
Tinnitus, will act like a trauma, and it does act like a trauma, and wants you to believe that things are hopeless.

But they are not.

That is the reason I don't want my friend to die. She has deep understanding in the way trauma works, and the way the brain works.
So before, my gas tank was empty, I was running on battery power, things were hopeless, now I'm going to rest well, and tomorrow will be a better day.

This is all true by the way.

Not everyone has access to a gifted healer. This is along the lines of Dr. Jack Kornfield. He is a famous clinical psychologist. My friend takes it one step further, so you are actually in the presence of the great Healer.

Do not underestimate the power of the mind.
It can destroy you. And it can heal you.

I stayed up a little late, because that was how long the healing session took place.

It looks almost like your tinnitus has a mental / belief component. You could lower it considerably with a first shot of CGB but not with a second one. I wonder whether this was really the CBG plant change or you initially thinking the CBG would help you but then having doubts. I don't want to presume, I can be completely wrong but I'm thinking this because now a healing session brought it down big time. These oscillations seem to indicate that your mental state and belief might be able to affect the symptom. Mine never reduces, only increases, regardless of what I think or believe, I wish it would go down sometimes, psychotherapy, meditation etc don't even scratch it.

Also, I'd like to say it was quite moving reading the description of your night above, you described it very effectively. I hope you can improve permanently.

 

[Steph1710]

All the work I put in to be okay is out the window. I'm so frustrated. I told them no tests. no fucking tests!!!

I don't even know what to say @kingsfan.

I am so fucking angry that this has happened to you.

What the actual fuck did they think they were doing!?? Do they not know how much we suffer!?

Just remember though, it faded once before, and will most likely fade again. I know that doesn't help right now, but just bear it in mind.

Much love buddy. And if I could punch the doctor in the face for you - I would.

<3

 

[Chinmoku]

Can tinnitus go from severe to mild/moderate over time? How do people cope with severe cases? Is it just a matter of time?

I've been on and off meds for the past 6 months and I strongly believe it's the cause of my tinnitus going up.

I want to have hope and believe things will get better over time but at the moment things are just painful. If someone can just give me hope that it will get easier, I believe I can get the strength to keep going. I just need hope.

I would suggest reading the success stories instead of this thread.

 

[Steph1710]

@Zugzug, I was feeling pretty down because of my overall shitty health, and I came across a few of your posts on here where you talk about having those glimpses of improvement, and how you were glad you held on... I really needed to read something like that today.

Thank you for being such an intelligent and compassionate human.

I love you dude - Especially in your tracksuit.

 

[JK888]

Yes, I have a list of few so-called "treatments" left to try before I call it quit. I already know that they won't work but I owe to myself to cross them off the list before I jump out of the window. I am truly exhausted. Currently I am doing HBOT.

I don't recommend that you do any of those "treatments" I mentioned in previous posts alone.

 

[Zugzug]

@Zugzug, I was feeling pretty down because of my overall shitty health, and I came across a few of your posts on here where you talk about having those glimpses of improvement, and how you were glad you held on... I really needed to read something like that today.

Thank you for being such an intelligent and compassionate human.

I love you dude - Especially in your tracksuit.

Thank you, @Steph1710. I am glad my words are helping someone; I am not doing well at all. I am totally traumatized from years of medical and personal trauma (namely, I am slowly coming to terms with the nature of my breakup). For the first time in my life, I am feeling like I have no control and can't think straight in almost any capacity. I spend a lot of days just frozen in bed, crying.

I'm about to be moving in to a 250 square foot sound proof bubble, living with my parents, with no end of this environment in sight. My meds aren't helping that much so my tinnitus has been raging.

Also, found out our home has horrible mold problems in the basement so I am about to lose $10,000 just like that. The SSA office is also cruel and looking to deny me disability. I'm just fucked. One hundred percent totally fucked.

For the love of God, if I can add purpose and help anyone at all, even if it's with math homework or something, please let me know. Honestly, I had catastrophic levels of trauma before my wife ditched me in a cruel fashion. Just fuck. I've habituated to torture, and at this point, I don't know any other way of living.

 

[Chinmoku]

@Zugzug, I'm right there with you. Tortured. I'm thinking of you. You are a beautiful person.

@grate_biff, let us know how it is going in the ward if you can. Thinking of you too.

Thinking of everyone in this thread.