Suicidal

[ajc]

I am ready to die now. I have severe tinnitus, no money, no food and no job. It makes no sense to stay alive. I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD.

WHEN I GET MY MONEY ON NOVEMBER 1ST, I WILL BUY A FUCKING ROPE. I DON'T TRUST CORDS. I ALREADY PICKED A TREE. I HURT MY HAND. I WANT TO DIE. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANY LONGER.

Funny how you edited away the "I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE" part which was before the "I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD." part.

I was able to read your message before you edited it away.

Tells all about you... misanthrope. Why do you even bother being on these forums when you FUCKING HATE EVERYONE?

 

[Chinmoku]

Funny how you edited away the "I FUCKING HATE EVERYONE" part which was before the "I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD." part.

I was able to read your message before you edited it away.

Tells all about you... misanthrope. Why do you even bother being on these forums when you FUCKING HATE EVERYONE?

It is a cry of frustration because nobody is able to help and nobody _seems_ to understand. You could be a little less judgemental on a suicide thread in a support forum, by the way.

 

[PeteJ]

It is a cry of frustration because nobody is able to help and nobody _seems_ to understand. You could be a little less judgemental on a suicide thread in a support forum, by the way.

It's okay, thanks. I am being accused of so many things. But, I am trying to arrange my suicide and then no one has to hear from me anymore.

 

[Allan1967]

I am ready to die now. I have severe tinnitus, no money, no food and no job. It makes no sense to stay alive. I FUCKING HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD.

WHEN I GET MY MONEY ON NOVEMBER 1ST, I WILL BUY A FUCKING ROPE. I DON'T TRUST CORDS. I ALREADY PICKED A TREE. I HURT MY HAND. I WANT TO DIE. I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ANY LONGER.

I tried a few times. It's scary. Really scary. To really hit that reset/lights out button takes balls. But it scary.

I heard a funny sound too, like a metallic electronic roar. Middle of the night. Quiet forest.

 

[Chinmoku]

It's okay, thanks. I am being accused of so many things. But, I am trying to arrange my suicide and then no one has to hear from me anymore.

I'm not accusing you of anything and many forum members are on your side too. The fact that we can't help you directly doesn't mean we don't care. We gave you some advice, doctors who could speak with you or your doctor by phone, some good soul even offered to send you benzos by mail. We can't do more than this and it's sad there is no universal cure for this. My view however is that after many years we are on the verge of a breakthrough and in the next 5-10y we'll have effective treatment or even a cure for most cases

 

[PeteJ]

I'm not accusing you of anything and many forum members are on your side too. The fact that we can't help you directly doesn't mean we don't care. We gave you some advice, doctors who could speak with you or your doctor by phone, some good soul even offered to send you benzos by mail. We can't do more than this and it's sad there is no universal cure for this. My view however is that after many years we are on the verge of a breakthrough and in the next 5-10y we'll have effective treatment or even a cure for most cases

Who are the doctors?

My left ear is in a lot of pain right now.

It suddenly got so much worse. I am only sitting on my couch.

Does hyperacusis have a delay? The only big noise I was exposed to was over 2 hours ago. Some dogs barking and a train went by but I was not close to the train. The pain is worse than the tinnitus in some ways. I don't know why the pain worsened so suddenly unless it is from some loud sounds/noises and those are the only ones I can think of.

 

[PeteJ]

I tried a few times. It's scary. Really scary. To really hit that reset/lights out button takes balls. But it scary.

I heard a funny sound too, like a metallic electronic roar. Middle of the night. Quiet forest.

I know. I mean to reply to you more but several of your messages hit home.

I don't want to be like this. It's not for attention. I am in shock every day I have this including the pain. It's like I entered a new world or dimension after I got tinnitus and chronic ear pain. I never asked for everything to be perfect for me but to go to suffering and torture all the time is just too much.

 

[Daniel Lion]

PeteJ,

Check out the deep brain stimulation project at University of San Francisco... They may do it for free, it's been an ongoing trial and has transformed some chronic sufferers' lives. Get in touch with them... it's really worth looking into. I believe they are listed on clinicaltrials.gov as well... there is a thread here on the forum.

I have also suggested before contacting Dr. Silverstein in Sarasota Florida, he is pioneering in hyperacusis, you could talk for free to an intern, just write.

I am out of steam... engines empty...

Love you all... Daniel.

 

[Daniel Lion]

I'm not accusing you of anything and many forum members are on your side too. The fact that we can't help you directly doesn't mean we don't care. We gave you some advice, doctors who could speak with you or your doctor by phone, some good soul even offered to send you benzos by mail. We can't do more than this and it's sad there is no universal cure for this. My view however is that after many years we are on the verge of a breakthrough and in the next 5-10y we'll have effective treatment or even a cure for most cases

Amen to that.

 

[Chinmoku]

Who are the doctors?

My left ear is in a lot of pain right now.

It suddenly got so much worse. I am only sitting on my couch.

Does hyperacusis have a delay? The only big noise I was exposed to was over 2 hours ago. Some dogs barking and a train went by but I was not close to the train. The pain is worse than the tinnitus in some ways. I don't know why the pain worsened so suddenly unless it is from some loud sounds/noises and those are the only ones I can think of.

Dr Shulman in NY, I understand he is very kind, @just1morething suggested him much earlier in this thread.
Sorry about your ear pain, I hope it recedes soon.

 

[Chinmoku]

Another painful day. Woke up with the constant crazy hiss from hell. Pregabalin at current dosage is useless , should stop it but lowering dosage makes it worse. I don't want to take clonazepam again. I'm pushing through, woke up my children, kissed them and made them breakfast, I am going to work but I'll be sitting like a ghost while I try to do some work with this noise killing me. It's not a life worth living, just damage containment and being there for my children but that sounds more and more difficult every day. I'm praying for my children, they don't deserve a tortured father with suicidal thoughts. I hope we can all improve and keep up hope, for me there has only been worsening so far.

 

[Harley]

Another painful day. Woke up with the constant crazy hiss from hell. Pregabalin at current dosage is useless , should stop it but lowering dosage makes it worse. I don't want to take clonazepam again. I'm pushing through, woke up my children, kissed them and made them breakfast, I am going to work but I'll be sitting like a ghost while I try to do some work with this noise killing me. It's not a life worth living, just damage containment and being there for my children but that sounds more and more difficult every day. I'm praying for my children, they don't deserve a tortured father with suicidal thoughts. I hope we can all improve and keep up hope, for me there has only been worsening so far.

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle and I'm beyond pissed off, that nobody is taking this condition seriously.

Tinnitus at this level should be classified as a medical emergency, same as a stroke, or heart attack.

I believe that one day in the future, the current treatment of Tinnitus sufferers will be described as dark age, barbaric and absolutelly despicable.

 

[all to gain]

Another painful day. Woke up with the constant crazy hiss from hell. Pregabalin at current dosage is useless , should stop it but lowering dosage makes it worse. I don't want to take clonazepam again. I'm pushing through, woke up my children, kissed them and made them breakfast, I am going to work but I'll be sitting like a ghost while I try to do some work with this noise killing me. It's not a life worth living, just damage containment and being there for my children but that sounds more and more difficult every day. I'm praying for my children, they don't deserve a tortured father with suicidal thoughts. I hope we can all improve and keep up hope, for me there has only been worsening so far.

Man, I am in the same position as you. The children don't deserve a tortured father.

I feel like i'm going to be dead by Christmas. What a Christmas for them...

 

[all to gain]

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle and I'm beyond pissed off, that nobody is taking this condition seriously.

Tinnitus at this level should be classified as a medical emergency, same as a stroke, or heart attack.

I believe that one day in the future, the current treatment of Tinnitus sufferers will be described as dark age, barbaric and absolutelly despicable.

That day in the future is a long way off. it will all be too late for us.

 

[Chinmoku]

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle and I'm beyond pissed off, that nobody is taking this condition seriously.

Tinnitus at this level should be classified as a medical emergency, same as a stroke, or heart attack.

I believe that one day in the future, the current treatment of Tinnitus sufferers will be described as dark age, barbaric and absolutelly despicable.

I agree, Harley, and I think the same will be said of a good part of psychiatry and neurology.

 

[MRItechssuck]

All I can tell you is that the people around you need you in their lives more than anything.

It took 4 years last time for me to habituate, so I'm hoping the timeline is the same.

Go look at some war veterans that have lost limbs. I've got my bad back that caused this all (MRI) but I am able to walk. I bet many soldiers have tinnitus and are in a wheelchair.

But I'm not diminishing anyone's pain.

The glass half full is a way of thinking we all must start drinking from.

I hope everyone's day gets better.

 

[Star64]

Thank you Star, unfortunately things do not go well. My tinnitus kept worsening progressively and now it is deafening. The sound torments me, I cannot mask it, and it is so bad that it makes my anxiety ramp and my stomach ache. Today I called sick from work but even staying in bed I suffer like crazy.

Acupuncture yesterday was weird. This is an important centre for Chinese medicine in london but their main interest is selling herbs that are very expensive. The acupuncturist gave me pain with a couple of needles and forgot to remove one when I was done. I was perfectly relaxed but this made me feel the tinnitus more. I was lying there, my body perfectly relaxed but the noise raging as usual and even more noticeable. It was just one session but it made little or no difference. I didn't buy the 300£ of herbs they were suggesting.

I think I will have to try a different acupuncturist. If anyone knows of a good acupuncturist for tinnitus in London please let me know with a pm. I am really desperate, nothing seems to stop the worsening and I'm crossing the debilitating line.

So sorry to hear you are still suffering and your acupuncture experience sounded awful... I had previously gone to an acupuncturist and he was a big rip off, he also tried selling me $500 aussie dollars worth of herbs and he charged $120 for a 20 minute session of acupuncture... He was a medical doctor as well as specializing in Chinese medicine but he was useless. My husband booked me into seeing him when I was at my worst, he paid for 6 treatments.

The man I see now is so much more detailed, he also sells heaps of Chinese herbs but he has never tried to give me anything. In fact he said he would not recommend taking any Chinese herbs especially when you are taking what he calls strong western medicine. Stay strong, you will get through this...

 

[Greg Sacramento]

TMJ can cause hyperacusis and ear pain. For some, TMJ produces an abnormal spasm of the tensor tympani muscle, which is a muscle that protects that ear from loud noises. This connects with hyperacusis because many with sound sensitivity also have spasms of their tensor tympani muscle when hearing loud sounds.
http://tensortympani.com/is-hyperacusis-caused-by-tmj/
TMJ wraps do work.

In Canada - Ontario
read:https://www.thestar.com/life/2018/0...nd.html?li_source=LI&li_medium=star_web_ymbii

 

[Daniel Lion]

TMJ can cause hyperacusis and ear pain. For some, TMJ produces an abnormal spasm of the tensor tympani muscle, which is a muscle that protects that ear from loud noises. This connects with hyperacusis because many with sound sensitivity also have spasms of their tensor tympani muscle when hearing loud sounds.
http://tensortympani.com/is-hyperacusis-caused-by-tmj/
TMJ wraps do work.

In Canada - Ontario
read:https://www.thestar.com/life/2018/0...nd.html?li_source=LI&li_medium=star_web_ymbii

Hi Greg, I suggested @GoatSheep get in touch with you as a sounding board for an upcoming operation. It's way over my head, but you kmmediately came to mind. I hope that's not a burden... could you track him down, he's posted a new thread about Osteoma surgery... It's way out of my league, but perhaps not yours...

Thank you Greg.

 

[Harley]

This is the devils work. And nobody except us understand that.

I, too, am, not built for this. I have my two kids around me and here I am on a tinnitus suicide forum.
It's just wrong.

Accepting this is like accepting that torturing people is acceptable in this is day and age. It's isn't.
And the worst thing is that it doesn't matter how much we bitch about it. Our situations aren't going to change.

Accepting Tinnitus is like submitting to your rapist.
That is simply not acceptable for me and I would rather die, than live on my knees like that.

I will fight this for as long as I can and I will try everything in my power to get rid of this POS.

But if all of that fails, I will blow it out of my skull with a 45.
I will have the final say on this one.

 

[all to gain]

Accepting Tinnitus is like submitting to your rapist.
That is simply not acceptable for me and I would rather die, than live on my knees like that.

I will fight this for as long as I can and I will try everything in my power to get rid of this POS.

But if all of that fails, I will blow it out of my skull with a 45.
I will have the final say on this one.

But you won't have the final say will you. You wouldn't have blown your skull out if it wasn't for tinnitus. It wins either way.

 

[Harley]

But you won't have the final say will you. You wouldn't have blown your skull out if it wasn't for tinnitus. It wins either way.

I see it as a win, because sometimes victories have to be paid for with blood.
It will not get the pleasure of torturing me anymore.

Tinnitus does not want me to die, because it knows, that it will die with me.
It's sole purpose is torture.

 

[PeteJ]

Does anyone have tinnitus that sounds like maracas being shaked at a super fast speed and it's like that all the time meaning continuous.

My tinnitus is kinda like that.

Why is it like this? So horrible.

 

[Daniel Lion]

I see it as a win, because sometimes victories have to be paid for with blood.
It will not get the pleasure of torturing me anymore.

Tinnitus does not want me to die, because it knows, that it will die with me.
It's sole purpose is torture.

Hi Harley... Daniel here.

Between you, PeteJ, myself, Allan1967, all to gain, and Chinmoku, and others, we could make a formidable organized criminal enterprise. Our meetings and communicating would be really difficult, we would have to learn sign language and wear earmuffs, butt we could possibly pull off a caper that could make the history books and make are bank accounts flush... wouldn't that be nice.

45 calibers are fucking loud... when I was a punk as teenager in the army I shot these things amongst other "weapons"... awful stuff. We're gonna need quieter things like blow darts and gasses.

I do hope one of you cracked a smile... and PeteJ, I don't have maracas, I just have a continuous high pitched, unchanging electric eeeeeeeeee screaming away 24/7.

Love you guys........
Daniel

 

[MRItechssuck]

...now that I'm a week in to this 2nd trauma/spike... is it unusual for it to get much worse and move?

I was sitting in the car with the fan on to mask, and the tinnitus went to my other ear, up several octaves and extremely loud... debilitating so. I slept for 4 hours...after two it was still there, but now seems to be back from disabling to "only" screaming... again early in the morning.

Anxious this will get worse and not better... the not knowing is the bad part.
So how long do I continue the prednisone? This is day 6 at 60mg... if I had only had ear plugs... @#$&#!

All I know is my tinnitus I habituated to 15 years ago was wimpy compared to this, now that I have a new perspective. Prayers to everyone.

 

[dan]

...now that I'm a week in to this 2nd trauma/spike... is it unusual for it to get much worse and move?

I was sitting in the car with the fan on to mask, and the tinnitus went to my other ear, up several octaves and extremely loud... debilitating so. I slept for 4 hours...after two it was still there, but now seems to be back from disabling to "only" screaming... again early in the morning.

Anxious this will get worse and not better... the not knowing is the bad part.
So how long do I continue the prednisone? This is day 6 at 60mg... if I had only had ear plugs... @#$&#!

All I know is my tinnitus I habituated to 15 years ago was wimpy compared to this, now that I have a new perspective. Prayers to everyone.

I also would like to know if spikes due to noise exposure can get WORSE before they fade back to baseline.

 

[Harley]

Hi Harley... Daniel here.

Between you, PeteJ, myself, Allan1967, all to gain, and Chinmoku, and others, we could make a formidable organized criminal enterprise. Our meetings and communicating would be really difficult, we would have to learn sign language and wear earmuffs, butt we could possibly pull off a caper that could make the history books and make are bank accounts flush... wouldn't that be nice.

45 calibers are fucking loud... when I was a punk as teenager in the army I shot these things amongst other "weapons"... awful stuff. We're gonna need quieter things like blow darts and gasses.

I do hope one of you cracked a smile... and PeteJ, I don't have maracas, I just have a continuous high pitched, unchanging electric eeeeeeeeee screaming away 24/7.

Love you guys........
Daniel

You have my attention Daniel.
Here is my proposal on the order of things:

1) First we need to elect a ring leader and find a suitable side kick (preferably a miniature look alike).

2) Then we need to designate the goons and equip them with Toyota Prius and foam padded baseball bats (for smashing things to add extra effect, while reducing the sound level).

3) We need to purchase a deserted island (using the proceeds from our criminal activities of course), on which we will build a state of the art underground lab.

4) We then need to kidnap the world's leading scientists and make them come up with a cure.
(If we can capture Jastreboff or Julian Cowan Hill and make them watch from inside a cage it would be an added bonus).

 

[Daniel Lion]

You have my attention Daniel.
Here is my proposal on the order of things:

1) First we need to elect a ring leader and find a suitable side kick (preferably a miniature look alike).

2) Then we need to designate the goons and equip them with Toyota Prius and foam padded baseball bats (for smashing things to add extra effect, while reducing the sound level).

3) We need to purchase a deserted island (using the proceeds from our criminal activities of course), on which we will build a state of the art underground lab.

4) We then need to kidnap the world's leading scientists and make them come up with a cure.
(If we can capture Jastreboff or Julian Cowan Hill and make them watch from inside a cage it would be an added bonus).

Awesome idea, we could be ring leaders or even be democratic, although that's really inefficient.

Foam bats... excellent ideas.

All quacks and snake oil merchants caged and forced to listen to elevator music at none destructive levels, don't want to hurt anyone.

i like the idea of kidnapping scientists, just for the fun of it, but they really aren't our enemy and I have some strange crush on Dr. Shore so things could just get really weird. I find her super hot... has to be said, again and again... pervert.

I think Allan, PeteJ, and myself could be excellent menacing thugs like in clock work orange but much quieter.

Member @ajc can be pretty hardcore as a kind of dominatrix sadistic boss... perhaps we could entice her in to join our mission.

The island sounds great or anywhere we can become self sufficient, and grow organic vegetables... etc.
We can also grow drugs and possibly make a go of it.

It could work out into a utopia or a dystopia where we have eaten each others limbs and cochleas for shits and giggles.

Frankly anything has to be better than the present.
Thanks for playing along with our twisted fantasy.

Actually, it has the potential for an entertaining book or film... seriously.

Years ago I dated a woman with a chronic degenerative illness, which was me, no actually it was myasthenia gravis which is easily on par with chronic tinnitus and hyperacusis in terms of suffering, it's awful. It's a degenerative brain disease.
We had an idea about a super hero who was severely disabled. Maybe we need to start writing?

I will give it a shot... drugs would help like tobacco or weed. No that I am sober with tinnitus, it's hard to shake the brain fog.

Thank you Harley... have a great Sunday and don't hurt anyone... leave the baseball bat at home...

Be well.

 

[GregCA]

Does anyone have tinnitus that sounds like maracas being shaked at a super fast speed and it's like that all the time meaning continuous.

Yes.

Why is it like this? So horrible.

It is horrible indeed. Nobody has figured out the "why" yet, because both you and I with the same symptoms could have a very different kind of lesion. In my case, the hypothesis is that otosclerosis has damaged hair cells in my cochlea, not due to an acoustic trauma, but due to toxicity of enzymes instead (a bit like ototoxicity of meds, perhaps).

In your case (acoustic trauma), it could be hair cells dead by power shock wave, or synaptopathy, or both... or something else!

But the net result is that we both end up with this screechy loud noise 24x7. Maybe both of our root causes ended up in the same maladaptive plasticity process in the DCN.

 

[just1morething]

@PeteJ, maybe you could try LumoMed laser treatment in Florida? It helped someone on this forum. Kind of expensive though. I'm thinking of that or their home laser - Luci basic.