Suicide Is NEVER an Option

[Bobbie7]

Ever since I became a member of this wonderful forum I have read countless posts ranging the gamut - from various personal situations, types and intensity of sound and coping mechanisms which people employ as they struggle with debilitating tinnitus. I cannot explain how it touches and hurts me to read of those sufferers who mention suicide. I wonder if any in this forum since it's inception have actually gone through with it. This would represent such a tragic waste of lives, all of which are beautiful and worthy of receiving joy. Moreover, someone who is suffering may not fully realize the absolute devastating effect their suicide would have upon their loves ones and to those others to whom their life is essential and important. The suffering they would experience at their loss would be interminable.

Of course having tinnitus is not a condition which is enviable by any means and grant it... if given a choice ALL of us would chose not to have tinnitus. Many with the new and disturbing situation may become disheartened and despair. While it may be part of the human condition to feel hopeless at times, to contemplate suicide as a means of cessation of any pain and discomfort is not a correct solution. Who has been a traveler in this Life who has not had any adverse and serious problems with which to deal? Yes, there are different types of suffering and to varying degrees since it is personal and relative but to anyone who is seriously considering suicide I direct this: think of those whom you will afford the greatest of suffering if ever you carry this out --- your loved ones, your friends and all those who will feel the tremendous void if you are no longer here with them. Their suffering will linger on for a lifetime.

I am older, I will be 72 years old (young) at the end of this month and it is fair to say I have been through many different experiences including being a cancer survivor. I have struggled with depression throughout different periods in my life, have felt the stinging pain of hopelessness, despondence and futility (all having nothing whatsoever to do with tinnitus) so my words here are not empty. I understand the inner pain when someone posts that they are presently feeling suicidal or are merely thinking about it for some future point if their tinnitus should continue. Many times in my life I have adopted the motto "Where there is Life, there is hope". Each person needs to find his/her inner strength and try to apply positive coping mechanisms to help alleviate the discomfort of tinnitus until habituation happens -- so long as these ways of coping are not self-injurious and harmful.

Habituation will happen! It will! But it requires the tenacity and patience for this to occur. To simply give in to despair is to surrender to defeat without a fight. Those individuals who have conquered some fear, who have succeeded in completing some task they felt they could not and ultimately felt satisfaction as it was accomplished will experience habituation after administering to themselves the necessary self-love and precious element of patience (time). We all need to be kind to ourselves.

I so admire the good, helpful and supportive people in this forum, those who have explained the varying methods they use to achieve habituation which I have. When I was first realized I had tinnitus, to say it was disconcerting is to put it mildly but.. little by little, in time .. I learned to tune it out and though it is ever-present in my life, I do not let it control me in any way. By reading many posts and heeding the good and wise advice dispensed in this forum, I have benefited and am appreciative.

I apologize for this lengthy post but whenever someone mentions suicide as a solution for their suffering, it moves me in a way I can not explain.

Wishing all a peaceful day/evening,

Barbara

 

[PaulBe]

If this condition, which affects an awful lot of young people in their prime, were to be treated by the Medical and related professions with greater urgency and understanding, then there would be a lot less people viewing suicide as their only escape.

 

[Zenyatta]

...but to anyone who is seriously considering suicide I direct this: think of those whom you will afford the greatest of suffering if ever you carry this out --- your loved ones, your friends and all those who will feel the tremendous void if you are no longer here with them. Their suffering will linger on for a lifetime.

I honestly wish I cared, but I don't. The noise is eating me up. It's taken everything from me and I have nothing to live for anymore. I just don't have the empathy to feel bad for the people around me anymore. Sad but true.

 

[Bobbie7]

I honestly wish I cared, but I don't. The noise is eating me up. It's taken everything from me and I have nothing to live for anymore. I just don't have the empathy to feel bad for the people around me anymore. Sad but true.

I have read all your posts and feel great empathy for you. I hope you do not feel that the extreme discomfort you are experiencing presently will continue to be the case as most likely it will abate. As many in this forum have mentioned in past and present posts, they too had spikes which lasted for a while but which then lessened and relief was felt. I do understand your feeling of despair during this time of turmoil but you need to maintain hope and search for whatever may help, as you are doing, by reaching out to those on this forum for suggestions. You mentioned you are fearful of taking antidepressants but perhaps you may benefit from this if you chose to seek the advice of a mental health professional. Situations in life are always evolving and hopefully very soon you will discover what works for you and feel much better.

Sending my very best wishes your way.

 

[Zenyatta]

Here's the thing... I was doing fine with habituation, when it stopped progressing for 2-3 weeks. My sleep was starting to come back to me, I was able to work out again... and then, bam! Progression. I can't habituate to something that won't stop progressing. I am currently getting help, but... I honestly don't see a way out that doesn't include suicide. I loved music, I'm a classically trained singer and audiophile. Audio is my job - I'm an editor. All of it is gone. Just fkin... Gone. I have nothing to stay here for. Nothing. If I wasn't so scared of dying, I would be gone already. I don't feel anything for the people who love me (and I know they do). Tinnitus killed the part of me that cared. Does that make sense, @Bobbie7 ?

 

[Bobbie7]

Here's the thing... I was doing fine with habituation, when it stopped progressing for 2-3 weeks. My sleep was starting to come back to me, I was able to work out again... and then, bam! Progression. I can't habituate to something that won't stop progressing. I am currently getting help, but... I honestly don't see a way out that doesn't include suicide. I loved music, I'm a classically trained singer and audiophile. Audio is my job - I'm an editor. All of it is gone. Just fkin... Gone. I have nothing to stay here for. Nothing. If I wasn't so scared of dying, I would be gone already. I don't feel anything for the people who love me (and I know they do). Tinnitus killed the part of me that cared. Does that make sense, @Bobbie7 ?

Yes Zenyatta, I understand.. I really do! From my own personal experience (and I am not referring to tinnitus) I have experienced complete despair as you are describing, also at one period in my life, had contemplated but never attempted suicide when I was severely depressed .... before consulting a psychiatrist and then being placed on antidepressants. Of course each person's desperation and hopelessness is distinctly different but still... deep within us exists the tremendous force of will to survive, live and surmount our difficulties. The fear of dying prevents most of us (unless we are completely irrational) from attempting to do away with ourselves and you appear to be a very strong, skilled, intelligent and self-aware person whom I trust will eventually somehow come to terms with your tinnitus and find some way of dealing with it. This life is filled with surprises and who is to say that all the present turmoil you experience today will not somehow dissipate tomorrow? We just don't know but we somehow dig deep within ourselves to continue on in the hope that the next day may be better. Those people who are completely filled with a sense of futility and actually successfully commit suicide might, had they chosen to hang in there, have come to realize that the future did become brighter and somehow... somehow... their situation did change and improve. Too many, sadly, become engulfed with such great hopelessness that they never realize change IS possible.

Also, with suicide.... look at all the beautiful things in Life one might miss having: the exchange of love, genuine friendship and the realization and continuation of personal goals. Yes, I see you are a professional who has achieved an excellent measure of success in your Life but you and others would be deprived of your talents in your absence. Even though you say you are unconcerned about those who love you I feel you really don't truly mean this; when in the throes of desperation and hopelessness it may be natural to think this way but underneath... I think there exists a strong core of love and caring on your part.

I sense a great deal of inner strength within you... you are an achiever and you will prevail and succeed. As I had mentioned, I am 72 and have experienced adversity and all the emotions you are now... but the strong desire to triumph was far greater than the hopelessness. Invariably, if we maintain hope we find the tomorrows which we thought we would fear - can wonderfully surprise us. Like the wise adage "where there is Life, there is hope".

Best wishes.
Barbara

 

[Lex]

I was suicidal when I first got T and H. Currently I'm not, and for that I am grateful. So if you ask me, suicide is not an option for me now.

But that doesn't mean I think suicide is not an option for everyone else suffering from tinnitus and/or hyperacusis (which I also have).

T and H at their worst are debilitating, limiting, and isolating. They affect all aspects of life -- work, leisure, relationships. They steal lives. When people feel like everything important has been taken away from them, they hold on to the few things they can still control. Whether to live or die is one of those.

To say suicide is not an option with such generalization like you did is insulting to the suffering of those people. You don't have the right to tell them what decision they should make. We put down animals so that they won't suffer anymore, but we let our fellow human beings waste away slowly and painfully. That's messed up.

This doesn't mean I'll encourage people to kill themselves. Quite the opposite. I will do the most to save who I can. Even if it's just being an online friend, I'll be there. Why? Because I would want someone to try to save me too the next time I become suicidal. Because if I'm going to kill myself, I want it to be a carefully deliberated decision, and not an act of impulse. I want to be sure it's the last and only option I have left, and not because I'm just seized by momentary despair.

I've seen posts of momentary despair around here. They're either from new sufferers, or old sufferers with new symptoms. I reached out to some of them. They just needed something positive to hold on to.

I've seen posts of complete resignation as well. They're often long-time sufferers who are still trying to endure. I also reached out to some of them. But the more they share their lives, the more I see why they feel like they have no other way out. I still discourage them from committing suicide but I also make sure to tell them that I understand whatever final choice they make. They don't need our judgment. They don't need our self-righteousness. They need our understanding.

As for reminding them that they'll leave their loved ones brokenhearted if they kill themselves, I don't bother with that. I believe that if you truly love someone, you wouldn't want them to suffer so much for so long. It's very selfish to make someone you love stick around because you don't want to deal with losing them.

Based on your posts, you got tinnitus when you were around 69 or 70. But many sufferers here are much younger with their whole lives ahead of them. I am one of those. The thought of surviving (and not really living) for the rest of my life (give or take 50 years) is still a horrible thought even though I already improved. I can't imagine what it's like for people from my generation -- in their 20s and 30s -- who have it much worse than I do.

It's different when you get tinnitus much later in life. And now, you're almost 72. You're old, you already lived the majority of your life, and death is the natural next step in your journey so of course suicide is not an option for you. FOR YOU. Don't speak for everyone else.

 

[Bobbie7]

As for reminding them that they'll leave their loved ones brokenhearted if they kill themselves, I don't bother with that. I believe that if you truly love someone, you wouldn't want them to suffer so much in life. It's very selfish to make someone you love stick around because you don't want to deal with losing them.

I am leaving the house now but do want to address each and every statement you made and intend to later on when I arrive home but I first wish to say (in my opinion) you appear to be somewhat misguided ..... according to your philosophy... and remember... IF and WHEN your children (if you have any) should develop severe difficulties or extreme health conditions, feel they are suffering and want to end it all.... I very much doubt you would follow your belief system and easily accept their resignation from Life. Something for you to ponder. If you had carefully read all that I had written you will see that I at one time contemplated suicide but even in my darkest despair... I was pulled against it, thankfully. When thinking deeply (even amidst my horrible turmoil) somehow I felt it would be a selfish act on my part; I would be departing from those who love me and their grief would be immeasurable.

While it is true I have not been suffering from tinnitus for as long as you (what is this...???? some sort of contest here???)
how would you have liked to trade places with me and have a bout of cancer (Thankfully I am cancer-free now by the way) and endure frightening surgery and radiation? As I have said, each person has his/her own particular brand of misery.

While I am "old" as you phrased it... perhaps you are a bit too young (no matter your age) and foolish. Perhaps you do not realize that today's seeming futility and despair on the part of a person suffering tinnitus may clear due to improvement and lead to a bright tomorrow. Once a person successfully commits suicide, it's OVER.... there will be NO CHANCE of improvement ever! If your intention in this forum is to encourage those who are suffering here that suicide is to be condoned and understood by their loved ones, it is my belief you are sadly mistaken. The ripples of a suicide are endless and impact all members of the family.

I will comment on your other statements in a later post.

 

[Zenyatta]

Yes Zenyatta, I understand.. I really do! From my own personal experience (and I am not referring to tinnitus) I have experienced complete despair as you are describing, also at one period in my life, had contemplated but never attempted suicide when I was severely depressed .... before consulting a psychiatrist and then being placed on antidepressants. Of course each person's desperation and hopelessness is distinctly different but still... deep within us exists the tremendous force of will to survive, live and surmount our difficulties. The fear of dying prevents most of us (unless we are completely irrational) from attempting to do away with ourselves and you appear to be a very strong, skilled, intelligent and self-aware person whom I trust will eventually somehow come to terms with your tinnitus and find some way of dealing with it. This life is filled with surprises and who is to say that all the present turmoil you experience today will not somehow dissipate tomorrow?

I have already attempted suicide during this spike. Unfortunately I chickened out and failed and I'm probably stuck here anyway, as I'm too scared I'll cause myself brain damage and end up locked in my own body, being unable to move. This tinnitus... I've been depressed for most of my life. Been in and out of psych hospitals. I despaired a lot, but I have never felt truly helpless like now - I'm only 32. This is the rest of my life. Hyperacusis, tinnitus. This is all there is. Why would anyone want to force me to live? It's such a horrible thing to do to a person IMO.

Don't misunderstand me - I really appreciate your kind words but as much as they make me cry, I feel *nothing* when I think about how people will miss me. They will survive, I'll be dead and it won't be my business anymore. I will feel nothing, I will be nothing. Just one more unimportant human speck of dust gone. That's all we are. I desperately wanted to be happy. 2017 was supposed to be the year I finally get help for myself and truly start to live, and I have started working towards that. It was going well. And THEN I got intrusive tinnitus. What kind of message is that? How am I supposed to cope? And why?

 

[Lex]

I can empathize, @Zenyatta. You don't have to explain yourself to her. You are entitled to what you feel.

Having said that, the fact that you're still here means there's something that makes you stay. You mentioned it might be fear, because you tried to commit suicide once but got scared. But is it all fear? Is there something else in your life that can help keep you going?

PM me if you need a friend. I won't judge, I'll just listen.

 

[Lex]

@Bobbie7

The fact that you condescendingly called me foolish is already a clear sign that between the two of us, you are the much bigger fool. If you read my first post, I called you out on your stance, not your person. But I guess it just goes to show that age doesn't necessarily bring real wisdom. Sometimes, it brings only imagined superiority like in your case.

And I did not make this a contest, you did. You presented only one side, and yet acted like it's the universal truth for everyone. I merely stated another side which you clearly don't care to know about. And if you took time to understand what I wrote, I was not referring to me but to people who have it much worse than me. Like you, suicide is not an option for me now but unlike you, I don't impose my belief on others if they don't feel the same way.

Horribly bad cases exist, period. You think the people who talk seriously about suicide are doing it lightly? They've waited months, years to improve. But they didn't. They even worsened.

It's just a fact. Don't worry, recognizing that fact doesn't invalidate your suffering or put you in second place, as you seem to think so. What it's supposed to do is to make you understand that some people live in different realities because of the nature of their condition. For them, tinnitus is not a temporary problem. It has evolved into a monstrous illness and a permanent problem.

Also, it's different when you get afflicted at your prime. I imagine that the fear and suffering caused by tinnitus are the same regardless of age, but there's an extra challenge for the younger folks who have to deal with all that while working toward life's usual milestones (career, family, etc.). Again, that's just a fact. It's no different from people feeling much sadder when a child gets cancer. Does anyone of any age deserve to get cancer? No. But it's more horrifying when a child gets it because their life has not even begun.

Even if it isn't a child, it's still different when the person is younger. "Oh he's only 30, too young to have terminal cancer," that's what people will say. They won't say the same thing for an elderly person. They're more likely to say "It's so sad she has cancer but at least she has already lived a full long life at 80."

Speaking of cancer, will I take cancer? Given my improved state, no I won't. But others will, and have said so. And there are those who do have cancer and tinnitus, and they still say their tinnitus is worse than their cancer. Check out the various tinnitus and hyperacusis groups on Facebook. It seems like there are more retiree members there than here, so they have other illnesseses as well -- some forms of cancer included -- and yet they say tinnitus and its accompanying symptoms are the worst of them all. Also, just recently, an article featured a Royal Marine who got tinnitus, brain damage, ruptured eardrums and shattered limbs while in combat. He said that ten years later, tinnitus is the worst out of all his injuries.

I don't have kids. But I find it so patronizing of you to believe that I will change my mind. How can you be so sure? There are people whose kids chose to die and they gave full support. Look up the story of Brittany Maynard who died of assisted suicide at age 29. She died surrounded by her family, including her parents. Her mother defended her choice to die.

See where I'm getting at? I may or may not change my mind about suicide when I have kids, but it still doesn't change the fact there are parents who can accept that decision. It's proof once again that your belief is not a universal truth.

I'm done reasoning with you because you won't care to see the other facets of reality. I guess I really can't teach an old dog some new tricks like empathy.

 

[Zenyatta]

@Lex For now, it's fear. I will not go into details because it'd be highly inappropriate to put that kind of burden on a fellow forum member but there's a moment when your body rebels against what you're trying to do and if you can still physically stop, you do. That's where I returned from. Now I'm just scared. My father has a progressive neurological disease - he lost his ability to walk and has lived in a wheelchair for about ten years now. I'm terrified of something like that. At least now I can still move. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life in a chair and being completely at the mercy of the people around me. That's all there is. I'm a coward and not a strong person in general.

(Edit: Wow, this thread got dark. I'll stop now.)

 

[Bobbie7]

@Lex To begin, your vitriolic tone with which you composed your post to me was not appreciated nor was it constructive. You could have been more respectful and, needless to say, possessed more finesse... but you chose not. I would not have "attacked" my response as you had done... even pointing up my age in a very discourteous and rude manner. Moreover, you again continued in the same vein with your next response to me. As I was taught, you must take what one says from whom it comes; if a person lacks appropriate etiquette even in a forum such as this... I must necessarily chalk it up to a lack of gentility. You have succinctly demonstrated this. So be it.

To continue --- I had to smirk at your closing lines "I guess I really can't teach an old dog some new tricks like empathy".
You do realize little one that empathy is an emotion and not merely a trick. You are young and have much ground to cover before you thoroughly realize the seriousness of many of your comments about the subject at hand. Again, I wonder what you would choose to do, hypothetically, in a few years if you would have a child who is seriously ill and he/she comes to you shrouded in despair with a desire to end his/her life. What barometer of suffering would you then use? How would you advise?

You mention Brittany Maynard, the case about which I am familiar. You cite this case which seems to strengthen your stubborn belief in suicide when all else fails. How can you possibly compare tinnitus sufferers to her? She was suffering from an incurable, painful, devasting terminal illness for which there was absolutely NO HOPE! On the very site we are on I have read of those who were suicidal at one point but then went on to achieve habituation and had good lives. Who is to say that positive change is not possible for those who have been suffering for many years? I am merely expressing a fact that once suicide is completed, the final exit leaves no room for improvement of any kind. A life is snuffed out and all hope of recovery is negated forever!

I think Zenyatta understood fully my post to her was filled with empathy as I stated which, if you understood correctly,
you would see. She knows I want only the best for her. I cast no judgment whatsoever upon Zenyatta and only felt profound sadness at her wishing for her own demise. As you saw, she stated in a post on this thread that she felt relieved she was not successful. I do think that deep down perhaps it was more a cry of helplessness at the time, of despair and not knowing what to do. You mentioned Lex that you had contemplated suicide and I ask you this? Why did you change your mind? Why not carry this out at the time and eliminate your suffering?

I did not mention this in previous posts but I will now. I am a member of a large national mental health organization and had run one of its local "sharing and caring" support groups for parents and relatives of people suffering from mental illness. My capacity to understand and empathize with those suffering is immense. I dealt with parents of children who suffered from schizophrenia, bipolar and major depressive disorders. I was keenly aware that when people diagnosed with such disorders are non-compliant with those psychiatric medications prescribed for them they experience misery. For that matter, at times even the proper meds do not completely control their symptoms. Very often in their non-compliant state, their absolute irrational and bizarre behaviors lead them to attempt suicide since they are suffering. Fortunately when a suicidal attempt is not successful and they are stabilized, the vast majority regret their attempt and are relieved they were unsuccessful and survived. Did most make a repeat attempt? No! Why? Because the will to live despite adversity is innately very strong. It is also part of the human condition to want desperately to improve, to prevail and to overcome. Why attack me when I would be the first to recognize the intense suffering of those with consistent tinnitus. I do not dispute it. I VALUE human life and would want nothing more than the cessation of suffering and pain but to banish it by way of committing suicide is wrong on so many levels. As an additional point, you seem to have negated the level of misery and emotional upheaval the family must endure when someone commits suicide.

The banner on your avatar shouts "Team Awareness" but are you a true credit to this wonderful forum and worthy of representing a group which is dedicated to assisting those who suffer? I think not. You say you lend an ear to comfort those contemplating doing away with themselves and wish to help them but from your rationalization that suicide is appropriate when the despair seems to overtake someone... belies this. As an aside now, I must say the more seasoned helpers/administrators, etc. in this group are wonderful and I can not imagine they would in any way advocate and make sensible any argument for ending one's life.

I will conclude now for I have fully expressed all that I wish to convey. I trust I shall not hear from you again and hope this is so.

 

[Telis]

I must say the more seasoned helpers/administrators, etc. in this group are wonderful and I can not imagine they would in any way advocate and make sensible any argument for ending one's life.

Why could you not imagine this? you can't imagine anyone with a different view than yourself? I don't mean to be rude, but you seem just a little arrogant and presumptuous. Does this come with age/being seasoned?

I've been here a while, the posts that Lex wrote are definitely some of the most insightful, open minded, intelligent, and empathetic posts that I have ever read. You on the other hand, you seem a little closed minded, maybe this comes with age as well?

 

[Foncky]

The banner on your avatar shouts "Team Awareness" but are you a true credit to this wonderful forum and worthy of representing a group which is dedicated to assisting those who suffer? I think not

Eh man, you are so mistaken about Lex. She's a good friend and she helped me in the darkest moments. She helped a bunch of other people.

You just seem to misunderstand everything she says.

You have your own beliefs and that's fine. Just accept to listen to people who think differently, you may learn new things about life.

 

[Michael Leigh]

, I must say the more seasoned helpers/administrators, etc. in this group are wonderful and I can not imagine they would in any way advocate and make sensible any argument for ending one's life.

Hi @Bobbie7

I read your posts with interest, and want to say they are very well written and articulate. I consider myself to be a tinnitus veteran having had the condition for twenty one years and was medically retired from my work because of it. My tinnitus is variable and ranges from: silent, mild, moderate and severe. I am not often affected by the extreme noise levels it used to reach of a few years ago that would last for days; although I still have to take clonazepam when these moments arrive to help calm it down.

Tinnitus comes in many forms and intensities and no two people experience it the same. It is true that most people learn to habituate to it and are able to carry on with their life, doing everything that they want to without it causing too much problems. However, when this condition is severe and intrusive and this level of intensity is sustained without any relief. I can fully understand why some people unfortunately commit suicide. I believe, when tinnitus reaches the severe levels that I have just mentioned, it is comparable to any acute medical condition, simply because of what it is able to do to a person's state of mind.

All the best
Michael

 

[vermillion]

How can you possibly compare tinnitus sufferers to her? She was suffering from an incurable, painful, devasting terminal illness for which there was absolutely NO HOPE!

Hello @Bobbie7. With all do respect but according to this statement it seems like you're anaware of how bad can Tinnitus and Hyperacousis can get. Yes as debilitating as cancer. With another mechanism but that debilitating. When my friends try to confort me by pinpointing me that there are other afflictions much worse, I feel insulted and even more alone. You have to understand that tinnitus varies from a mild annoyance to an extremely debilitating situation. Like in cancer where there are curable cases and aggressive ones. What is very particular though in tinnitus is that when we talk about debilitating chronic cases, unfortunately there are no treatment choices, so no hope. The same time this monster is invisible to others, making a sufferer even more desperate in the attempt to convince everybody else for his/her suffering and the cry for help. I believe you fell in that trap as well. Your intention is probably of good will but you should "do your homework" first and research this forum a bit more. You also mentioned:

I wonder if any in this forum since it's inception have actually gone through with it.

Unfortunately it seems like there are members who really did it.
Things in life are not black or white. It's totally useless to compare illnesses. Moreover it's disrespectful to the sufferer.

 

[light rain]

You just seem to misunderstand everything she says.

Well I guess than so do I. I found the ageist and ableist attitude on this thread disturbing. That was my immediate reaction not something I mulled on all day to see if it was offended or not. And really pro suicide arguments on a forum with vulnerable people. So funny how that works when people can read the same thing and come away with an entirely different perspective.

 

[MJv]

This forum is meant to be to support each other. Also when people have dark moments.
It's a fact that very severe intrusive T/H can lead to suicide.
At least that person can express his/her feelings without being judged.
when a person is very suicidal the best advice would be to seek professional help.
Or do you want to ban these desperate people from the forum? I think it's very close minded
to act like that and not supportive at all

 

[Bobbie7]

To those who posted to me with respect wishing to explain their views I thank you and send my best wishes. To those others who feel it necessary to offer and emphasize my age in a disparaging attempt to explain why (they think) I don't understand..... their intention to do so seems pointless, serves no purpose whatsoever, only diminishes them.... and remember, given they live long enough... they too shall one day reach 72 years of age.

As @light rain mentions, the people in this forum are vulnerable (some way more than others) and although members here admirably commiserate with their fellow sufferers, a few (perhaps without realizing it) may be going a bit too far by gently sending the message it is understandable when one wishes to give up and kill themselves. Of course I can imagine the unrelenting misery of tinnitus day in and day out and I need not be the "worst of the bunch" or been a suffer for years upon years to understand but isn't sending the message of HOPE more important?

Having been a mental health advocate in the past and running a support group for parents and family members of those suffering mental illness and when thinking about this forum, there is yet another factor which should be taken into consideration when speaking of suicide. While I assume most of the people in this forum do not have a psychiatric diagnosis, is any consideration given to those who might? After reading countless posts, I have seen some forum members who suffer....not only from tinnitus but from a mental illness as well. Some might also suffer from mental illness comorbidity which makes their emotional state even further vulnerable. There are others who may never have been diagnosed who are extremely vulnerable. Very often people with any form of mental illness are reluctant to seek treatment out of stigma and coupled with tinnitus....this creates havoc. Those members who have an underlying psychiatric illness must be treated for their primary, underlying symptomology first. I would have thought that in this forum... tempered with a true understanding of why people may long for suicide as an end to their misery... to counter this, endless encouragement and hope should be emphasized. I have read the many posts of helpers appointed by the owners of this forum who dispense such encouragement and readily admit that while they understand their fellow sufferer's plight since they too endure .. they ultimately send the message of support, hope and positivity.

What if... and just... what if... a person with tinnitus offs himself today but tomorrow... some magic cure is discovered?

 

[grate_biff]

Audio is my job - I'm an editor. All of it is gone. Just fkin... Gone. I have nothing to stay here for. Nothing. If I wasn't so scared of dying, I would be gone already. I don't feel anything for the people who love me (and I know they do). Tinnitus killed the part of me that cared. Does that make sense

Wow, all of the things you mention applies to me as well, and to me it all makes sense, yes!
Actually, my trauma came when editing audio using headphones. What keeps me alive is my dad, and my sisters children. I don´t want to disappoint them. They are the only persons I still care for. But in the long run, I don´t think they will save me.
A bit comforting you feel the same way I do, though. God help us! (I´m not even religious)

Btw: Does benzodiazepins help you in any way?

If I was to be encouraging, I find a bit of hope in Frequency TX.
Just feels to far away though, when every second is pure hell.

 

[MJv]

@Bobbie7
I don't think anybody is pro suicide at the forum. But some people might to get understand that a sufferer can get to that desperate point.
Like I wrote above: if you are suicidal, seek for professional help.
About a magic cure, sorry but that's very unrealistic. Ears and brain are too complex to see a cure within a short time.
And not all sufferers have mental health issues... That's what non sufferers often think, that T and H are psychological disorders.

 

[Michael Leigh]

This forum is meant to be to support each other. Also when people have dark moments.
It's a fact that very severe intrusive T/H can lead to suicide.
At least that person can express his/her feelings without being judged.
when a person is very suicidal the best advice would be to seek professional help.
Or do you want to ban these desperate people from the forum? I think it's very close minded
to act like that and not supportive at all

I agree with you MJV. I cannot count the amount of times I have read members posts saying: they found the consultation with their ENT doctor disappointing. He or She lacks empathy and understanding in what they are going through with their tinnitus and yet, these people are supposed to be the professionals. I have always said and vehemently believe, ENT doctors know about the anatomy of the ear and are able to treat it surgically or medically and this they do well. However, most of them know nothing about tinnitus because the majority of them have never experienced it. It is for this reason, when a person with tinnitus is referred to Hearing Therapist or Audiologist specialising in tinnitus treatment, the experience is totally different. Often times these health professionals have tinnitus. They were either born with it or acquired it at some time in their life.

Why is then that some people in this forum, do not consider tinnitus to be comparable to any acute medical condition when it is severe? Or a person who is in distress finds it so debilitating they would contemplate suicide? The reason is, tinnitus comes in many different forms and intensities. Some people believe the type of tinnitus they have is the same for everyone else. Unless such a person experiences loud intrusive tinnitus it can be almost impossible for them to understand, what someone goes through that finds the condition debilitating when it is severe and there is no relief.

Michael

 

[MJv]

@Michael Leigh
Thank you for your reply. Talking to people about your intrusive T can be very dissapointed sometimes.
Also we can't blame them because this condition can't be explained. It is only possible to understand if you have it, especially the severe forms hard unimaginable for outstanders.
I would like to write more, but my T is too loud I can't concentrate often

 

[light rain]

No one has called for banning anyone or censorship. Claims of that are common ploys used to defend offensive language by the way. Lex clearly stated they are not in a desperate state. Most people then are mindful - especially when brimming with empathy - to understand how potentially offensive/triggering their words are.

And quite frankly I am glad that as someone with a long history of chronic depression, major depression and OCD I didn't have a little helper to whisper the train whistle is calling after I got T shortly after my husband died. Also not to say don't let your (minor) kids hold you back. BS intellectual pontificating about the so called merits of suicide is dangerous to those on the edge. Which could be many on this forum who might be avoiding suicidal posts but inclined to read a positive hopeful post and find pro suicide arguments instead.

 

[Sen]

If people are brought into the world against their will, why should they be obligated to stay?

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Michael Leigh
Thank you for your reply. Talking to people about your intrusive T can be very dissapointed sometimes.
Also we can't blame them because this condition can't be explained. It is only possible to understand if you have it, especially the severe forms hard unimaginable for outstanders.
I would like to write more, but my T is too loud I can't concentrate often

I understand what you're going through @MJv because I've been where you are many times. Only when someone has experienced loud intrusive tinnitus can they fully understand what it's like.

 

[MJv]

@Sen
No one is obliged to stay. That's a personal choice in my opinion.
What do you mean with " against their will"?

 

[Zenyatta]

Very often people with any form of mental illness are reluctant to seek treatment out of stigma and coupled with tinnitus....this creates havoc. Those members who have an underlying psychiatric illness must be treated for their primary, underlying symptomology first. I would have thought that in this forum... tempered with a true understanding of why people may long for suicide as an end to their misery... to counter this, endless encouragement and hope should be emphasized. I have read the many posts of helpers appointed by the owners of this forum who dispense such encouragement and readily admit that while they understand their fellow sufferer's plight since they too endure .. they ultimately send the message of support, hope and positivity.

What if... and just... what if... a person with tinnitus offs himself today but tomorrow... some magic cure is discovered?

Honestly, I've been mentally ill for most of my life. I've been to a few hospitals, seen multiple therapists. I was never genuinely happy and always thought that my friends secretly hated me, or that I'm a waste of a human being. Stuff like that. It is nothing - absolutely *nothing* - compared to tinnitus. The fact that my ear infection struck JUST as I was finally about to get my life together and learn to love myself is a blow that is near impossible to tolerate. There's also the fact that I have a degenerative eye disease. I currently have one eye I can read with, as I was fortunate enough that the disease isn't progressing too much in that one, only my left. I am basically half-blind, my ears are constantly screwing with me, and it's just too much. And if some magic cure is discovered tomorrow, I will not know, as I will not be here anymore. Not that I'm ready to make another attempt just yet, but there's a good chance I will, and it will not matter if the cure is discovered five minutes after I'm gone.

@grate_biff : I am very fortunate to work for a company and to have an understanding boss - I will no longer be able to use headphones, so my editing will move more to the communication/administration side. I will probably only have to do simple editing jobs, ones that can be accomplished by simply looking at the timeline (think typical "in/out marker + export stuff). I should be able to do that with speakers at a lower volume, and directional speakers have been mentioned so I don't annoy my coworkers with my audio.

About the benzos - I sometimes take them, but they haven't really helped me and I'd rather not risk making my tinnitus worse. Started Valdoxan yesterday, still freaking out about that tbh...

@light rain "BS intellectual pontificating about the so called merits of suicide is dangerous to those on the edge. Which could be many on this forum who might be avoiding suicidal posts but inclined to read a positive hopeful post and find pro suicide arguments instead."

I don't think anyone is trying to intellectually pontificate about suicide here. I'm honestly not trying to offend, but if one sees a forum thread about suicide (especially on a forum like this), there's bound to be some discussion about it. A lot of us are in pain, and are considering our options.

 

[Sen]

What do you mean with " against their will"?

People don't choose to exist, they are forced to exist.

Parents choose to make babies; the baby has no say in the matter.