Tempted to Break Up with Girlfriend Who Put Me in a New Noise Situation

[jdjd09]

So my gf knows I have issues with my ears, but of course fails to understand fully what that means like everyone else in the world that don't have to worry about these things.

I just got off taking prednisone for another loud incident. My gf has been waiting to go to a Christmas party for a month that ALWAYS has too loud music and loud speakers. She knew about my recent noise exposure that cause me to take meds.

But she was upset if I didn't go. I went. I wore earplugs that are high fidelity and rated 32 dB. The noise in the place was about 100 to 105db sometimes.

Now I worry is messed up my ears but am not sure. I did wear earplugs and walked away from the room from time to time.

But I feel like just breaking up with her at his point. It's like she doesn't understand that I just took pills for an incident and is too immature to understand maybe JUST MAYBE I don't want to go and I shouldn't be guilt tripped into doing so.

What do I do? Do I break up with someone over this? What is it going to take for her to understand that if I just took pills for noise, that going to a loud party EVEN WITH EAR PLUGS is a bad idea.

I'm just angry with her and tired of her. I'm tired of others. I am tired of dealing with a world of people who don't have to deal with my problem and simultaniously don't care about my problem and refuse to understand.

What do I do?

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'm just angry with her and tired of her. I'm tired of others. I am tired of dealing with a world of people who don't have to deal with my problem and simultaniously don't care about my problem and refuse to understand.

What do I do?

Only you can make the decision on whether to finish the relationship with your GF. Tinnitus can be difficult for a partner to understand but with time this can change. Even if you wear the best earplugs, if external sound is loud enough, it can pass through your skull and transferred to your inner ear and cause irritation. This process is called bone conduction, so you need to be careful of loud sounds. Please click on the links below and read my posts, that you might find helpful.

Michael


https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

 

[jdjd09]

Only you can make the decision on whether to finish the relationship with your GF. Tinnitus can be difficult for a partner to understand but with time this can change. Even if you wear the best earplugs, if external sound is loud enough, it can pass through your skull and transferred to your inner ear and cause irritation. This process is called bone conduction, so you need to be careful of loud sounds. Please click on the links below and read my posts, that you might find helpful.

Michael


https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

I understand about bone conduction, but how do you know it is too loud for that? It felt like the ear plugs were good enough and the sound was loud outside them but I thought they were turned down with the earplugs.

I'll read your links but I don't see how I can tell if sound is too loud even for earplugs? I honestly feel like maybe nothing happened and I'm just stressed from previous event.

 

[Julien87]

Why did you go there? You could just say no and explain once again why. Maybe she would have got upset yeah, but maybe it would have also been a opportunity to seriously talk about your issues.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'll read your links but I don't see how I can tell if sound is too loud even for earplugs? I honestly feel like maybe nothing happened and I'm just stressed from previous event.

Stress can make tinnitus spike. If you are at a venue where music is being played, and you have to raise your voice (shout) to be heard by someone next to you, this is an indication that the environment you're in is too loud.

Michael

 

[jdjd09]

Why did you go there? You could just say no and explain once again why. Maybe she would have got upset yeah, but maybe it would have also been a opportunity to seriously talk about your issues.

There this thing called LIFE and people live it. That is why.

 

[Julien87]

Sure, but why do you act like she is the one who exposed you to loud noise? You have put yourself in this risky situation, take some responsibility. And grow some balls, it's not hard to say no.

 

[jdjd09]

Stress can make tinnitus spike. If you are at a venue where music is being played, and you have to raise your voice (shout) to be heard by someone next to you, this is an indication that the environment you're in is too loud.

Michael

Understandable, but ear plugs are meant for those events. So, that leaves me again to ask how to differentiate between the two events? Noisy and too noisy to where it goes through the bone? I don't feel that all events where you have to raise your voice means that it's going through the bone.

 

[Michael Leigh]

Understandable, but ear plugs are meant for those events. So, that leaves me again to ask how to differentiate between the two events? Noisy and too noisy to where it goes through the bone? I don't feel that all events where you have to raise your voice means that it's going through the bone.

A person with noise induced tinnitus, has to realize that the auditory system is more sensitive to sound, even after they have habituated. If I were you, I would not frequent places where loud music is played too often. Go out and enjoy yourself but be careful. My article: Tinnitus, A Personal View, gives information on this. It is long and I advise you to take your time and read it in full. That way you will understand that tinnitus and hyperacusis, are not simple conditions and you have to be careful when around loud sounds.

Michael

 

[Michael Leigh]

There this thing called LIFE and people live it. That is why.

Indeed, there is a thing called life. I have corresponded with a lot of people with noise induced tinnitus, over the years with this attitude. Nothing wrong with that but, one has to be careful of exposing themselves to loud sounds. Done correctly, and with prudence one can have an enjoyable life with tinnitus. Throw caution to the wind and adopt a carefree attitude then a person will undoubtedly pay the price and it can be very expensive...

Michael

 

[jdjd09]

Indeed, there is a thing called life. I have corresponded with a lot of people with noise induced tinnitus, over the years with this attitude. Nothing wrong with that but, one has to be careful of exposing themselves to loud sounds. Done correctly, and with prudence one can have an enjoyable life with tinnitus. Throw caution to the wind and adopt a carefree attitude then a person will undoubtedly pay the price and it can be very expensive...

Michael

I'm someone who avoids noise like the plague. I'm saying life happens, as in I don't live in a vacuum that is "tinnitustalk" world, where is seems many on here have perfect relationships with everyone and everyone in this world puts up with your wants and needs.

I thought earplugs were enough and honestly don't know if anything even happened from the incident.

I don't question your advice, but I love how people pop into a thread (not you again) and say "well...why did you do it? Why didn't you make a perfect decision in a vacuum padded room"? That is what I meant by that response.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I don't question your advice, but I love how people pop into a thread (not you again) and say "well...why did you do it? Why didn't you make a perfect decision in a vacuum padded room"? That is what I meant by that response.

Every person is different. You haven't said how long you have had tinnitus but read my articles. See what works for you and take it from there. There is no rule that fits all.

Best of luck
Michael

 

[Zug]

So my gf knows I have issues with my ears, but of course fails to understand fully what that means like everyone else in the world that don't have to worry about these things.

I just got off taking prednisone for another loud incident. My gf has been waiting to go to a Christmas party for a month that ALWAYS has too loud music and loud speakers. She knew about my recent noise exposure that cause me to take meds.

But she was upset if I didn't go. I went. I wore earplugs that are high fidelity and rated 32 dB. The noise in the place was about 100 to 105db sometimes.

Now I worry is messed up my ears but am not sure. I did wear earplugs and walked away from the room from time to time.

But I feel like just breaking up with her at his point. It's like she doesn't understand that I just took pills for an incident and is too immature to understand maybe JUST MAYBE I don't want to go and I shouldn't be guilt tripped into doing so.

What do I do? Do I break up with someone over this? What is it going to take for her to understand that if I just took pills for noise, that going to a loud party EVEN WITH EAR PLUGS is a bad idea.

I'm just angry with her and tired of her. I'm tired of others. I am tired of dealing with a world of people who don't have to deal with my problem and simultaniously don't care about my problem and refuse to understand.

What do I do?

If you wore good quality plugs I doubt you did any harm to yourself. Life is about living. Since I developed Tinnitus I've done road trips, rode more than one roller coaster and been to several parties. It's a little frightening in the beginning, but if you protect yourself you should do whatever you want.

That's the Tinnitus part, as for the relationship, maybe you guys could reach a compromise, as in ou go with her, but if you feel it's too much, you can leave and she can stay longer. Maybe she just wanted you to have some fun.

Best,
Zug

 

[JamesNOLA]

I understand your predicament here.

Probably a lot of us have stories about how we explain tinnitus to loved ones. I can't be the only one who explained it by setting my phone on the table and setting off a synthesized tinnitus sound and leaving it on during the conversation. (I used the "Tinnitus Help" app for iOS, which has been otherwise useless to me.)

While that can never really replicate the experience, it gives people some idea of what it's like: and if you raise the volume suddenly and explain, "This is what happens when I'm exposed to loud music, and it can last at that intensity for up to two weeks," you might get some mileage on the understanding-highway. (Recommended: put earplugs in before you do this. It's rough on your own ears.)

Tinnitus isn't a "special case" in the problem of understanding.... every relationship has something that the partner just doesn't or can't get. But things like tinnitus do require understanding from our families and partners, because as you say, there's "real life." If she can't grasp this about you, then it might be time to loosen the attachment a little.

 

[fishbone]

So my gf knows I have issues with my ears, but of course fails to understand fully what that means like everyone else in the world that don't have to worry about these things.

I just got off taking prednisone for another loud incident. My gf has been waiting to go to a Christmas party for a month that ALWAYS has too loud music and loud speakers. She knew about my recent noise exposure that cause me to take meds.

But she was upset if I didn't go. I went. I wore earplugs that are high fidelity and rated 32 dB. The noise in the place was about 100 to 105db sometimes.

Now I worry is messed up my ears but am not sure. I did wear earplugs and walked away from the room from time to time.

But I feel like just breaking up with her at his point. It's like she doesn't understand that I just took pills for an incident and is too immature to understand maybe JUST MAYBE I don't want to go and I shouldn't be guilt tripped into doing so.

What do I do? Do I break up with someone over this? What is it going to take for her to understand that if I just took pills for noise, that going to a loud party EVEN WITH EAR PLUGS is a bad idea.

I'm just angry with her and tired of her. I'm tired of others. I am tired of dealing with a world of people who don't have to deal with my problem and simultaniously don't care about my problem and refuse to understand.



What do I do?

I'm sorry but some people will never change and if she is making your life difficult, then end the relationship. Relationships should complement a life and make others happy, not miserable.

This applies especially to chronic issues and illnesses......

 

[glynis]

I would ask her come on hear so she can read what its like to have tinnitus and how it makes you feel and what can cause a spike and what is a spike.
Relationships are always changing and can be a good thing as we adapt together and want whats best for eachother and wanting no harm come to eachother.

My hubby told me on our first date he was epileptic and both of our sons have it.
I have Menieres and Bilateral tinnitus and Sever Asthma .
Our lives adapt to make sure we are all ok and not in danger.
Flashing lights etc to loud places and my breatbing.
Life is great still and married now 30 yrs.
Love glynis

 

[Bill Bauer]

What do I do? Do I break up with someone over this?

Tell her that you will never attend loud events like that ever again. If she doesn't like it, she has to walk away from the relationship now.

 

[JurgenG]

I would also advise to use double protection, I've been to a wedding-party a few months ago. And I used my plugs + slim headphones. I know it might look a bit silly, but I stopped caring and even made a joke of it by acting like the dj.
In the future, once my T is less reactive I might just use plugs alone again, but this all takes time, you have to look into that for yourself. But I understand how hard this is.

 

[Jomo]

i disagree with some of the takes here...look i just got married this year and attended 5 weddings this year plus a bachelor party in NYC where i went to a studio and played drums (friends played guitars) and then went to loud bars and strip clubs lol. They were all at the 100 db range easy....the key is having a good pair of plugs (i have custom musician and they are awesome) and not attending live events like this frequently. Once in a while is fine and of course try to take breaks at them. That is all you can do...live your life and live it smart...with regards to the girlfriend....its all about how you feel about her other than this....my wife has issues that I dont fully understand (i try my best to help but sometimes it gets lost in transmission lol) and she sometimes doesnt fully understand my T and how it affects me but we dont let that destroy our relationship. We talk it out as best as we can and that usually makes things work themselves out over time. Hope this helps

 

[Ambassador]

My experience is that I can live mostly a normal life and attend most events without a problem. My spikes come and go and are not caused by exposure to loud noise. I used to think that but after spending quite weeks at home I have had spikes come out of nowhere. I have attended weddings, been to Disney World, frequently fly with no ear plugs and no lasting ill effects. I would encourage anyone to live as normal a life as possible. Places I do avoid are shooting ranges, NASCAR races and rock concerts but other than that I have no other restrictions.

 

[jdjd09]

What should I do, get more prednisone? I'm taking NAC, magnesium and other things. I just finished prednisone cycle for another loud incident last week I don't want to do another one as that would be crazy for me. I rarely ever take prednisone too, maybe once a year.

I am just lost and tired of this. I'm so lost and tired.

I'm also tired of dealing with others who don't have this condition. They simply DO NOT understand and most simply refuse to even try. Which I wouldn't care about if it didn't affect me. But their actions I turn affect me.

 

[jdjd09]

Anyone? I am so lost.

 

[Samantha R]

@jdjd09
Just take some NAC.
Honestly, most people don't really understand what it's like to live with tinnitus and Hyperacusis.
That's ok, as I'm sure we don't know what it's like to live with other chronic conditions.
Ultimately you need to take responsibility for what you do as you will suffer any repercussions.
If your girlfriend doesn't understand, well you need to decide what to do there.....

 

[Bobby B]

Just say no to loud night clubs

Unless boning her is worth the bone conduction

 

[3ri0w]

Dang I was in similar situation..had a girl who didn't "get it". And she guilt tripped me to visit loud places with her

girls come and go. relationships come and go. but grudge is forever. just kidding

 

[jdjd09]

I mean, have a likely hurt my ears or no? Again, I wore earplugs that are high fidelity and rated at 32 db and are the large sized ones.

I guess I just don't know if I am being overparanoid about what happened or not. I will not allow it to happen again of course and if she cries about it, I will just have to put my foot down and let her decide what is more important. But, either way, I mean I had ear plugs in the whole time I was around the noise.

 

[sjtinguy]

I mean, have a likely hurt my ears or no? Again, I wore earplugs that are high fidelity and rated at 32 db and are the large sized ones.

do you notice an increase in your symptoms? if not then I would assume you are ok.

 

[jdjd09]

do you notice an increase in your symptoms? if not then I would assume you are ok.

I think so, but I don't know if that is because I am focusing on it or if I actually have increased noise. My noise level is already high. I honestly don't know and it is hard to tell. It is much louder than many on here who seem to only here it in certain times. I hear it all the time.

So it is hard for me to tell if something is happening or not. I think I feel sensations in my ear, but again I don't know if that is just me focusing on it.

 

[jdjd09]

Should I be concerned? I am having a hard time deciding if it is louder or if once again I am just focusing on it.

I just dont know. I looked up my ear plugs. They are high fidelity ones rated at 29db. So high db protection. I also tested my phones db reader. It is about 3 DB higher than my calibrated one.

So noise levels in the party were more likely at 95db on average. Ear plugs should have brought stuff down to around 70db.

I just don't know if I really should be concerned or not or taking any further actions. Taking NAC, taking magnesium, and some other supplements.

Told gf I will never go to events like that again. Don't know if I actually hurt my hearing or not. Help?

 

[jdjd09]

Feel like tinnitus got louder in one of the ears. Again, I had ear plugs in and it turns out the sound really wasn't going much about 95db on average. With my earplugs, that means the NRR rating at its LOWEST should have had things at 70db, and the higher side it should have been 60s db probably.

I was only there for one to two hours and took breaks. Is this all in my head? What is going on, I am so confused.