St0rch & Kimbo, I have true empathy what you folks are going though. You are so new to T and the body rejects this unshakable alien sensation. When the body & mind are suffering daily and the mind sees no way out, it can dangle the big 'S' word in font of us. I know because I was in the same shoe a few years back. I had loud and ultra high pitched scream in both years 7/24. It was like the dentist drill x 20 times the frequency. Absolutely an unbearable sensation like I am being drilled all the time.
When I thought my world couldn't be any worse, then severe hyperacusis hit me too where every normal sound turned piercingly hurtful and glassy in quality. I couldn't even stand the noise of normal TV sounds, sounds in a party, driving, dish washing, social conversations, not even the soft voice of my wife spoken close to me. I had to wear ear plugs all the time. But the ear plugs blocked off all other masking sounds of the places I was in, making the harsh T super high pitch scream so dominant & unbearable. I had to choose the lesser or the two evils. But is there a lesser evil to choose? Both were absolutely unbearable sensation to my tired and stressed out body. I had to withdraw from all social contacts. No parties, no eat-outs, no movies, concerts, not even outdoors. I was staring into the abyss of living a lonely life ahead locked up in my quiet room.
Worst still, I was an anxiety/panic prone person for years before T & H. I suffered many, many episodes of panic attacks in my life before. My brain absolutely had no chance against T & H. So these two alien beasts literally opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety & panic attacks with its myriads of horrible symptoms on auto mode. So on top of the sufferings of T & H, I had to deal with all these other sufferings daily & sometimes hourly. No amount of will power could stop these sufferings from pounding on me. My nerve was totally overwhelmed and I had to survived on meds to survive each long, dark days. I thought no way and never would I be able to survive these sufferings and no way I could recover. Gosh what a hell of a life I was going through back then. Family. I bore up with all that for my family.
Yes, like you folks, I had to survive solely for my family & love ones. They would live like 'hell' should I do the unthinkable and I would basically pass my pain & sufferings to them. I just couldn't do that to them. Also, being a Christian, I believe in after life. All the videos I watched on youtube posted by people who had attempted suicides came back to tell of very unpleasant experience in the other realm (you have to watch them yourselves as this is a bit off subject). I decided to soldier on with my temporary suffering this life than perhaps enduring an eternal one. LOL.
While distorted thoughts back then told me T is an end game, that I would never recover, miraculously given time and by following a good strategy, starting from reading Dr. Nagler's Letter to a Tinnitus Sufferer, to reading up on CBT & positive psychology, I gradually got better. So never say never. These days, if you read my success story posted here, you know I live a normal, productive, even an enjoyable and abundant life. Am I alone? No way. There are so many people posting their success stories and what have worked for them. Go read them to give yourself some comfort and hope for the future. Don't give up and never quit the fight. Be patient and give it time. Listen to the T veterans and follow a good strategy. Have faith you can get better too. Believe it. Take good care and God bless your recovery.
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