The Negativity Thread

[Hux]

 

[Hux]

In this forum, administrator or moderator usually erase many post. He/She must be anxious to erase this topic or delete my account.

But as Arthur Schopenhauer said : " All truth passes through three stages: first , it is ridiculed ; second , she receives violent opposition ; third, it is accepted as self-evident "

 

[3ri0w]

First off, habituation is just a fancy word for accepting tinnitus. You will be in pain until you die. The tinnitus will not magically stop when you habituate - nor will it decrease in volume even one percent. The only thing that changes in the best-case scenario is that you sometimes don't notice it.

It is not physically possible for my personality type to submit to the mental torture tinnitus brings. My father has Chron's Disease which causes unstoppable bleeding from the rectum and month-long periods of total agony when it spikes. BUT IT STOPS. It remits for him, and he can go years without a spike in bleeding and inflammation.

I, as a victim of tinnitus, can't go one millisecond of the day when I don't suffer from the constant, unrelenting agony of my symptoms. The left side of my face isn't numb and my ears never stop screeching. The problem with tinnitus is that it only gets worse and cannot be treated - and will never be cured, at least, not within my lifetime. I would trade this disease for paralysis or cancer, because then I could more easily invoke my right-to-die.

From early childhood to the present day, LONG before my disease arose, I LOATHED any kind of distraction. When my loud Italian family would yell, I would jump. When they talked, I would whisper. When I was in a room with loud background noise - or in a car, listening to the hum of the road - I would plug my ears up with headphones and listen to music. I never went to a concert or an airshow, I never fired a gun. I never exposed myself to any situation that destroys human hearing.

I am not physiologically capable of ever adjusting to tinnitus.

Heyyy, today I was thinking about how people used to deal with chronic pain like 2000 years ago when there were no painkillers like there is today, only some herbs or something lol. Do you have any thoughts on this..how did they get on with life you know?

 

[Vaba]

Heyyy, today I was thinking about how people used to deal with chronic pain like 2000 years ago when there were no painkillers like there is today, only some herbs or something lol. Do you have any thoughts on this..how did they get on with life you know?

I'd be lying if I said I knew. I can guess, though.

I can suspect that they didn't survive very long.

Just like today, the disabled back then probably had family units to support them through their pain. Most people would die from serious, painful injuries back then, like snapped femurs, for instance - but in the case that their pain never went away, they either:

A. Continued to be a drain on their tribe/civilization's resources as a bed-bound husk of their former selves, until they died an early age-related death, in pain - contributing nothing to their society due to their disability.

B. Tried to live their life as normal with their disability. This could turn out multiple ways: EX.

1. A human's pain could cause them to die early on in the middle of a hunt or high-danger situation when they either buckled over, disabled by pain, and a lion ate them, OR:

2. A human couldn't hear a snapping twig over their tinnitus, allowing an assassin to sneak up behind them and cut their throat. OR:

3. Pain caused the human to buckle over in a torrential downpour trying to return to camp, making them freeze to death.

C. Sometimes the disabled human might get lucky and struggle hard, surviving long enough to reproduce and pass on their defective genes. This is the only purpose of life - to survive long enough to pass on your genes, and you've "won" in life's eyes. An individual generation of life is meaningless. This is how inferior genes have survived - people just get lucky.

D. Some commit suicide when they realize that there is no hope and that they are a massive drain on their family unit's resources. This is logical in terms of the bigger picture - it prevents the human from living out a long, painful death with no hope, and saves their family/tribe from wasting a lot of resources trying to keep them alive.

People attempting to survive with disabilities face all of these options today, too.

 

[Telis]

I've had T for almost 3 years now, I can cope a little better with the suffering slightly, but even now, I can hardly sit still. I pace the house, walk outside for hours, play tennis on a backboard until I feel sick. My ears feel like they are infected and bleeding 24 7, every noise is worse than being punched in the head, I have a smoke detector in my brain 24 7. Trying to do the simplest task like checking my accounts, paying bills, making sure my car is insured are highly difficult for me. Hell, sitting watching TV without pulling out my hair (literly) the entire time is almost impossible. This is not just a noise, I've never been bothered with a lot of noise, this is screaming screaching, drilling painful sounds that make me feel like I'm always right on the edge of loosing my mind. I'm a hardened sufferer, I can hide it at times but there is not a second in my life that I am not being tortured. Screw my dreams and all the rest of it at this point, I just want to be able to go a couple of hours without being in this hell.

I don't consider myself negative. I was always someone that people wanted to be around, and maybe still am. I have been called out for being negative a lot now that I have T, but hey, for me it's honestly. No amount of sunshine and rainbows will make a difference. I have built a nice life for myself, nice cars, nice home, lots of nice things but none of that matters now, it's al about survival for me. Get up and stumble through the day the best that I can. If this makes me negative then fuck off and don't read my posts. Being labeled as negative because you are disabled by a potentially horrific condition is just the last thing that anyone needs. It's like you can't talk about what this is or can do to a person (if it's bad enough) without some jackass jumping all over you with cliche sayings and some bull shit about being positive. At some point none of that matters, you really aren't processing much in the way of thoughts anymore when you are on auto pilot all day pushing hard to get through.

How about no positive or negative, just be real. I've done very well in life thinking clearly and objectively, for the most part the blind optimists are the ones who get fucked. Something bad happens and they are the first ones to bail on everything and everyone because they can't handle lifes realities. Strange enough, the people who constantly preach positivity always seem to be the weakest and most negative minded.

hows that for negative!!

 

[Hux]

I just want to be able to go a couple of hours without being in this hell.

I don't consider myself negative

Deep down we all think the same , have the same opposing ideas in our minds , it is classical known as: be or may not be. But it is obvious that we can not play a game of football on both sides, only in one.

 

[Zorro!]

Luke 4,5-7:
5 The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6 And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7 If you worship me, it will all be yours."

Timothy 2:12

12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man; she must be quiet.

 

[attheedgeofscience]

That's a bit of backpedaling, isn't it? That is, "accepting a disability" is a bit different than "Accept a mangled life, deprived of peace until you die, living in a limbo, drained of hope.", isn't it? If anything, the latter viewpoint seems to me to have very, very little to do with the concept of acceptance.

@linearb - I see you continue to engage in your favourite game of always playing the Devil's advocate along with your self-appointed role of 2nd guessing every argument (even the ones you agree with). Question: don't you ever get tired of yourself? Probably not. People with a self-loving personality usually do not. But trust me: those around you may well do. The thing is - and you may not be aware of it - but you are someone who derives his self-identity and sense of worth from an online forum - which - in itself is kind of sad, but, only made worse by the fact that this is a tinnitus forum and hence probably one of the last places regular folks would ever willingly sign-up (unless they had to, that is...).

Now returning to 2nd guessing. 2nd guessing isn't so bad if it is done with a purpose and where the counter argument has some substance to it. In your case, however, you just do it for the hell of it. In fact, most of the time - in relation to topics such as the annoyance of tinnitus - you even silently agree with the original proposition. But you like to throw in your better knowing and wise-old-man style counter arguments in order to "stir the pot" and further inflate your already bloated ego. And probably to practice your online thesaurus as well. No doubt a gourmet delight for your self-loving psyche; your daily free ride in the Internet world. But there is no depth to your line of argument:

• I've spoken to many of them; it may surprise you to know that not a single one of them thinks acceptance/habituation is an acceptable or optimal long term treatment.

  Well, it doesn't surprise me: agreeing with the preferred outcome of a patient - whether feasible or not - is the easiest thing in the world. All it takes is: to agree! It's like a politician being asked on live TV if he thinks there should be better care for the elderly. Well, answering yes to that is the easiest job in the world (especially if there is no accountability towards balancing the state budget).

• Give it time. Brighter minds than you or I are working on this problem every day of every week of the year.

  Okay. Now suppose that was the answer to a question posed by your boss - how well do you think that would be received? Yeah, just give it time boss - someone smarter than you will eventually figure it out: don't worry! How long do you think you would be employed for?

Lastly, could we "please" agree that your tinnitus actually is a problem and bothersome for you (so that you do no have to repeatedly claim otherwise as a means to present counter arguments):

 

[dan]

but I'm hard pressed to find many people in their 40s or beyond who haven't had to adjust to some horrible physical degeneration or another.

you are joking right? lol, you dont go out much do ya...

 

[dan]

This is not just a noise, I've never been bothered with a lot of noise, this is screaming screaching, drilling painful sounds that make me feel like I'm always right on the edge of loosing my mind.

You must rewire your brain to love this sound. Who is to say that the sound of a drill is unpleasant...if you say its pleasant, then it will be....make your brain indifferent to it...drill sound, bird chirp, cricket in the night...whats the difference...

 

[Vaba]

@linearb - I see you continue to engage in your favourite game of always playing the Devil's advocate along with your self-appointed role of 2nd guessing every argument (even the ones you agree with). Question: don't you ever get tired of yourself? Probably not. People with a self-loving personality usually do not. But trust me: those around you may well do. The thing is - and you may not be aware of it - but you are someone who derives his self-identity and sense of worth from an online forum - which - in itself is kind of sad, but, only made worse by the fact that this is a tinnitus forum and hence probably one of the last places regular folks would ever willingly sign-up (unless they had to, that is...).

Now returning to 2nd guessing. 2nd guessing isn't so bad if it is done with a purpose and where the counter argument has some substance to it. In your case, however, you just do it for the hell of it. In fact, most of the time - in relation to topics such as the annoyance of tinnitus - you even silently agree with the original proposition. But you like to throw in your better knowing and wise-old-man style counter arguments in order to "stir the pot" and further inflate your already bloated ego. And probably to practice your online thesaurus as well. No doubt a gourmet delight for your self-loving psyche; your daily free ride in the Internet world. But there is no depth to your line of argument:

• Well, it doesn't surprise me: agreeing with the preferred outcome of a patient - whether feasible or not - is the easiest thing in the world. All it takes is: to agree! It's like a politician being asked on live TV if he thinks there should be better care for the elderly. Well, answering yes to that is the easiest job in the world (especially if there is no accountability towards balancing the state budget).
• Okay. Now suppose that was the answer to a question posed by your boss - how well do you think that would be received? Yeah, just give it time boss - someone smarter than you will eventually figure it out: don't worry! How long do you think you would be employed for?

Lastly, could we "please" agree that your tinnitus actually is a problem and bothersome for you (so that you do no have to repeatedly claim otherwise as a means to present counter arguments):

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Your posts are always a pleasure to read, and seem like things I would say, if I still had a decent short-term memory.

 

[Telis]

You must rewire your brain to love this sound. Who is to say that the sound of a drill is unpleasant...if you say its pleasant, then it will be....make your brain indifferent to it...drill sound, bird chirp, cricket in the night...whats the difference...

Well I'm working on it. And not sure about the sounds, some the pitch is painful.

 

[Sam Bridge]

I've had T for almost 3 years now, I can cope a little better with the suffering slightly, but even now, I can hardly sit still. I pace the house, walk outside for hours, play tennis on a backboard until I feel sick. My ears feel like they are infected and bleeding 24 7, every noise is worse than being punched in the head, I have a smoke detector in my brain 24 7. Trying to do the simplest task like checking my accounts, paying bills, making sure my car is insured are highly difficult for me. Hell, sitting watching TV without pulling out my hair (literly) the entire time is almost impossible. This is not just a noise, I've never been bothered with a lot of noise, this is screaming screaching, drilling painful sounds that make me feel like I'm always right on the edge of loosing my mind. I'm a hardened sufferer, I can hide it at times but there is not a second in my life that I am not being tortured. Screw my dreams and all the rest of it at this point, I just want to be able to go a couple of hours without being in this hell.

I don't consider myself negative. I was always someone that people wanted to be around, and maybe still am. I have been called out for being negative a lot now that I have T, but hey, for me it's honestly. No amount of sunshine and rainbows will make a difference. I have built a nice life for myself, nice cars, nice home, lots of nice things but none of that matters now, it's al about survival for me. Get up and stumble through the day the best that I can. If this makes me negative then fuck off and don't read my posts. Being labeled as negative because you are disabled by a potentially horrific condition is just the last thing that anyone needs. It's like you can't talk about what this is or can do to a person (if it's bad enough) without some jackass jumping all over you with cliche sayings and some bull shit about being positive. At some point none of that matters, you really aren't processing much in the way of thoughts anymore when you are on auto pilot all day pushing hard to get through.

How about no positive or negative, just be real. I've done very well in life thinking clearly and objectively, for the most part the blind optimists are the ones who get fucked. Something bad happens and they are the first ones to bail on everything and everyone because they can't handle lifes realities. Strange enough, the people who constantly preach positivity always seem to be the weakest and most negative minded.

hows that for negative!!

I always enjoy reading your posts man. I know you are suffering way worse than me for example but, you still put your points across in a relatively calm manner and tell it how it is. I think i also keep thinking how it amazing it would be to get up everyday play some tennis then drink/eat/ whatever else you do but then of course thats from my perspective with my t. Sorry if im rambling, its just an observation im making.

 

[squeek]

Sheesh you lot. Vaba is making many valid points.

There are so many variations of tinnitus. You're not in Vaba's head and you're not going to know how severe or if his tinnitus is going to behave in the same manner as your's.

Vaba is seeking realities and practicalities not positivities. There are plenty of other positivity threads. I'm sure he visits those too.

 

[Hux]

Brighter minds than you or I are working on this problem every day of every week of the year.

Yes, but the problem It takes at least a decade to do all the tests and put the medicament for sale. So that find a cure will take the next 100 years.

 

[Hux]

The hardest part of tinnitus is not know when it will end, and no way out, death is not a viable output option for anybody, because we really know that there on the other side.


Cochlea cells do not regenerate but is modified brain, what kind of crazy to do that, to leave us a constant noise?

 

[Hux]

correction to the previous comment
The hardest part of tinnitus is not know when it will end, and no way out, death is not a viable output option for anybody, because we really DO NOT know that there on the other side.


Cochlea cells do not regenerate but is modified brain, what kind of crazy to do that, to leave us a constant noise?

 

[Filip]

Biggest mistake gotta be joining band class never do that. Fuck band they should all die

 

[Beste]

Thank you for this honest thread.

I want to die.

Bye.

 

[Hux]

It is a very frightening feeling to be trapped between tinnitus and death , because not is known which the two is worse.

 

[linearb]

It is a very frightening feeling to be trapped between tinnitus and death , because not is known which the two is worse.

Death is a normal and essential part of life, so to believe it's "bad" you have to believe that on some level life is fundamentally "bad". This seems like a silly belief structure to me, because it would increase suffering and decrease pleasure in life.

 

[Filip]

Also tinnitus I don't feel the same anymore like my confidence went down :l

 

[Hux]

Death is a normal and essential part of life

It is true, but life is made up of opposites : silence and tinnitus , good and evil , life and death , etc. One good and the other evil , therefore death seems bad as tinnitus. Although death looks like as an possible but false emergency escape route.

 

[Sebastians]

but you are someone who derives his self-identity and sense of worth from an online forum

How can this still be called the negativity thread when i am laughing my ass off right now

 

[Filip]

Man this year was the worst year I have had. I broke several bones, got in a car accident, spent whole year sleep deprived in order to work than get fired. Also recently getting tinnitus and also losing my eye to a tennis ball like wtf. Biggest thing is not being loved but tinnitus is close up there. Oh also failed bunch of tests which I spent countless times practising

 

[Oli]

You loose a eye from a tennis ball??!! @Filip

 

[Filip]

You loose a eye from a tennis ball??!! @Filip

Well I didn't lose it but it got hit right at the eye hard

 

[Philip]

The negative thread...I love it.

Makes you feel all fuzzy inside reading about people at the end of their tether....

But on a serious note though:

"Hux, The hardest part of tinnitus is not know when it will end".

That says it all for me. The not knowing when it will end...the false nagging hope that it will end is what used to send me round the bend.

I remember when it finally dawned on me that I was in for a life sentence and should count myself lucky it ain't worse.

I got drunk as fuck one night. I was working in another city away from home. Went to a loud nightclub. Even drunk as I was I left early because of the noise.

Now I woke up with tinnitus that so loud i could barely hear people talk.

My tinnitus is usually loud but not with hearing lose or migraines like that day. It was terrifying. It was like how I imagine tinnitus would be for someone who had a bomb go off near them.

After two days It went down to my usual level. I nearly cried I was so happy.

A double negative made a positive I suppose. I am rambling on sorry.

 

[linearb]

It is true, but life is made up of opposites : silence and tinnitus , good and evil , life and death , etc. One good and the other evil , therefore death seems bad as tinnitus. Although death looks like as an possible but false emergency escape route.

nah, disagree. These are all dualisms, which the human mind seems to gravitate towards generating, but they only exist as artifacts of mind. The universe is singular, as far as I can tell, and cares not for "good" or "evil"...

 

[Hux]

nah, disagree. These are all dualisms, which the human mind seems to gravitate towards generating, but they only exist as artifacts of mind. The universe is singular, as far as I can tell, and cares not for "good" or "evil"...

All I can say is that tinnitus makes me think that the evil in the universe is so big as the darkness of the universe itself, the good has reduced size such as the light that have the universe.