The Restrictions on Life Is What's Making This So Hard to Live With

[geg1992]

The noise is something I'm getting used to after 6 months. Sometimes it does still bother me like the other night but on a whole I'm not too bothered.

The thing which is truely getting to me is the thought of being lonely. My girlfriend recently left me, or we're on a break but I'm not feeling confident at all. But I can't go out and meet anyone as everywhere is too loud. I tried going to the pub and didn't even last an hour. I feel so lonely and I've never felt this low before. I really don't know what to do, I just spend nights doing nothing, thinking about her and how she will be with someone else soon. It would be so much better if I could go out and enjoy life, socialise etc. sorry for this rant, I just feel so low, hopefully in time I will appreciate life more as I know people have it worse than me.

 

[Street Spirit]

You are putting your own restrictions on life.

 

[dan]

You are putting your own restrictions on life.

What do you propose ? Earplugs for the pub? So how will he talk to people....using sign language?
Just curious ....

 

[cullenbohannon]

@geg1992 you don't have to apologize for ranting. I think almost all of us on here have ranted about something or another. it's important to recognize when you feel bad about something, seems to be like the first step for getting over any issue really.I also dodon't go out to loud bars anymore but I still have a social life. And you absolutely can still meet girls if that's
what you're worried about. if you ever want to talk about anything please pm me.

 

[geg1992]

@geg1992 you don't have to apologize for ranting. I think almost all of us on here have ranted about something or another. it's important to recognize when you feel bad about something, seems to be like the first step for getting over any issue really.I also dodon't go out to loud bars anymore but I still have a social life. And you absolutely can still meet girls if that's
what you're worried about. if you ever want to talk about anything please pm me.

Thank you it's much appreciated. It just scares me as she will probably find someone new soon, leaving me alone. She helped me so much with regards to getting through this. Most girls will want to go out clubbing and to bars etc, like the cinema too, I will feel stupid having to put in ear plugs and I worry they will judge me instantly.

 

[cullenbohannon]

@geg1992 Many girls might. But many won't. It's a very small perrcentage of long term relationships that actually come from going out that is nightclubs and bars etc .You obviously still have feelings for her and putting yourself out there can be scary. Not to get into to much detail but since my t started I adapted and meet girls other ways. No
bars no loud movies no concerts.

you said that your worries they'll judge you again maybe they will. I use to worry a lot about how people my judge me, I realized that it was holding me back. So I would go out and do things that some people might considering embarrassing. I get nearly no anxiety from any situation anymore. So if this stuff really does bother you I just want you to know it's something you can get over. I've met many girls with earplugs in and I've even brought up tinnitus in pick lines I've tried on girls. And I've had some success lol. Anywho this might be a good time for you to focus on your self it's hard getting over people but try to use this as an opportunity to improve as a person and find happiness with in yourself , that's independent from all of the other shit that life is sure to throw at you.

 

[Street Spirit]

@geg1992 listen to @cullenbohannon

ESPECIALLY the last part

You will be ok...better even!

 

[Vincent R]

Thank you it's much appreciated. It just scares me as she will probably find someone new soon, leaving me alone. She helped me so much with regards to getting through this. Most girls will want to go out clubbing and to bars etc, like the cinema too, I will feel stupid having to put in ear plugs and I worry they will judge me instantly.

Total number of guys through history of mankind that would dismiss an attractive girl because she wore earplugs:

Zero (0)

Not sure why girls would be any different when it's the other way around.

 

[Rachiejo]

@geg1992
If I liked a guy and he wore ear plugs in loud places it wouldn't bother me at all even when I didn't have the condition I wouldn't have judged someone on it! I probably would think maybe I should start wearing them too A lot of girls like to go out clubbing and to bars but a lot of girls don't. Plus you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy in life! You probably won't even care about her after a while so what's the point of worrying about it now

 

[dan]

Plus you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy in life!

Winner!!!

 

[dan]

Winner!!!

p.s. Rachiejo, whatchu doin' tonite? Im looking for a relationshi...

 

[Rachiejo]

@dan im getting an early night tonight do you live in the UK?!

 

[RichL]

Ditto to @cullenbohannon , I used to wear earplugs to night clubs @geg1992 before I had a relapse and my T got considerably louder and it didn't seem to worry woman that I meet, if any woman makes a big deal out of it I would not waste too much time on those individuals anyway.

In a club, even with earplugs in everyone talks considerably louder anyway so you should have no trouble hearing people and holding conversations.

The first thing you need to do is get your confidence back up again and after a breakup your confidence does take a bit of a knock but you have to get up and start to attack life again, and there is always the easy way and join an internet dating site, that might be your best bet and it's probably the best way to get your confidence levels back up again, talking to women on line is always easier than in person huh!
!

 

[dan]

@dan im getting an early night tonight do you live in the UK?!

I live in Canada, which used to be part of UK once.

 

[jimH]

@geg1992
Plus you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy in life!

Agreed,...I'd much rather be alone than in a bad relationship or marriage.

 

[Danny Boy]

I live in Canada, which used to be part of UK once.

British Empire will raise again! Haha, just joshing never gonna happen.

 

[jimH]

I live in Canada, which used to be part of UK once.

Ok,...I admit it's a bit of a swim, across the "pond." But I think @Rachiejo just might be worth it. I believe you can do it @dan. So, go for it!...

 

[Rachiejo]

Ok,...I admit it's a bit of a swim, across the "pond." But I think @Rachiejo just might be worth it. I believe you can do it @dan. So, go for it!...

Canada might be a bit far haha although I would love to go there & see what it's like!!

 

[linearb]

to be honest and open, this does put some restrictions on my life. I don't shoot guns anymore. I don't really go to concerts, and if I go to bars, I bring plugs and generally don't drink nearly as much as I did when I was 25.

The thing is... there's a lot more to life than shooting guns, loud concerts and bars, and even people who don't develop tinnitus or some other physical problem, generally do those things less and less over time, because I think that people's tolerance for excessively stimulating environments just naturally tapers off.

There are a lot of women out there who have little to no interest in loud concerts and bars or even in alcohol in general. And, with the advent of the internet and various matchmaking services etc, it has literally never been easier to find people who are interested in the same things you are.

One of my friends just told me that he's given up on dating women who aren't vegan, because it just makes everything much easier to instantly have the same dietary restrictions and restaurants in common. That's a bold statement, right out of the gate he's dismissing ~98% of potential partners, and that idea doesn't frighten him even though he only lives in a mid-size city.

 

[geg1992]

@geg1992 Many girls might. But many won't. It's a very small perrcentage of long term relationships that actually come from going out that is nightclubs and bars etc .You obviously still have feelings for her and putting yourself out there can be scary. Not to get into to much detail but since my t started I adapted and meet girls other ways. No
bars no loud movies no concerts.

you said that your worries they'll judge you again maybe they will. I use to worry a lot about how people my judge me, I realized that it was holding me back. So I would go out and do things that some people might considering embarrassing. I get nearly no anxiety from any situation anymore. So if this stuff really does bother you I just want you to know it's something you can get over. I've met many girls with earplugs in and I've even brought up tinnitus in pick lines I've tried on girls. And I've had some success lol. Anywho this might be a good time for you to focus on your self it's hard getting over people but try to use this as an opportunity to improve as a person and find happiness with in yourself , that's independent from all of the other shit that life is sure to throw at you.

That's great advice thank you.

I just feel like I will always love her, she saved my life, literally. There was a night a few months ago after coming back from holiday that I literally wanted to die as the noise was so excruciating and I couldn't bare any noise at all. She got me back on my feet and I can't thank her enough for that, I don't know how I'll ever be able to get over her.

I would like to focus on my self but there's nothing to focus on really. I just keep thinking about how much I want her. It's horrible knowing that every day that goes by, she misses me less and less, whereas I still struggle to come to terms with what is happening.

 

[geg1992]

@geg1992
If I liked a guy and he wore ear plugs in loud places it wouldn't bother me at all even when I didn't have the condition I wouldn't have judged someone on it! I probably would think maybe I should start wearing them too A lot of girls like to go out clubbing and to bars but a lot of girls don't. Plus you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy in life! You probably won't even care about her after a while so what's the point of worrying about it now

Thank you for the reassurance

Hmm you're right there, but i don't know why, I've always thought of love to be one of the most important things. It makes me happier than any amount of money or anything else could. Knowing I have someone to speak to, cuddle etc, take out on dates. It's weird, I seem to get most of my happiness from making other people happy rather than anything else.

 

[geg1992]

Ditto to @cullenbohannon , I used to wear earplugs to night clubs @geg1992 before I had a relapse and my T got considerably louder and it didn't seem to worry woman that I meet, if any woman makes a big deal out of it I would not waste too much time on those individuals anyway.

In a club, even with earplugs in everyone talks considerably louder anyway so you should have no trouble hearing people and holding conversations.

The first thing you need to do is get your confidence back up again and after a breakup your confidence does take a bit of a knock but you have to get up and start to attack life again, and there is always the easy way and join an internet dating site, that might be your best bet and it's probably the best way to get your confidence levels back up again, talking to women on line is always easier than in person huh!
!

I'm still too scared to go to clubs! Did you not have any spikes from wearing plugs? What sort of plugs did you wear?

Also what about the occlusion effect when wearing plugs, this is what worries me the most?

Also, if you wouldn't mind me asking, what was the reason for your relapse?

Thank you!

 

[geg1992]

to be honest and open, this does put some restrictions on my life. I don't shoot guns anymore. I don't really go to concerts, and if I go to bars, I bring plugs and generally don't drink nearly as much as I did when I was 25.

The thing is... there's a lot more to life than shooting guns, loud concerts and bars, and even people who don't develop tinnitus or some other physical problem, generally do those things less and less over time, because I think that people's tolerance for excessively stimulating environments just naturally tapers off.

There are a lot of women out there who have little to no interest in loud concerts and bars or even in alcohol in general. And, with the advent of the internet and various matchmaking services etc, it has literally never been easier to find people who are interested in the same things you are.

One of my friends just told me that he's given up on dating women who aren't vegan, because it just makes everything much easier to instantly have the same dietary restrictions and restaurants in common. That's a bold statement, right out of the gate he's dismissing ~98% of potential partners, and that idea doesn't frighten him even though he only lives in a mid-size city.

Thanks for the advice! I can't think of many things I enjoy doing which isn't loud except playing football!

And, being England, there's nothing else really to do, it's just always cold, grey and drizzly.

 

[linearb]

Thanks for the advice! I can't think of many things I enjoy doing which isn't loud except playing football!

And, being England, there's nothing else really to do, it's just always cold, grey and drizzly.

My middle name is "Devon", because my parents were so taken with the town that they decided to name me after it. Not kidding.

Most of what I know about England comes from one trip there when I was ~11 or so, along with this song:

 

[billie48]

Canada might be a bit far haha although I would love to go there & see what it's like!!

Come on Dan. What a golden opportunity!
Be a gracious host to show her our wild and beautiful Canada.

 

[RichL]

I'm still too scared to go to clubs! Did you not have any spikes from wearing plugs? What sort of plugs did you wear?

No spikes from wearing ear plugs, I had rather mild T since 1990 and it never really bothered me too much after I habituated, (took about a year).
Classic foam ear plugs

Also what about the occlusion effect when wearing plugs, this is what worries me the most?

Personally, I don't really give much credence to the occlusion effect, I wore foam earplugs 24/7 for 10 to 15 odd years and wear plugs at work and whenever I leave the house and my Tinnitus did not change or get louder at all through that time!

Also, if you wouldn't mind me asking, what was the reason for your relapse?

I stupidly decided to get my ears suctioned for wax, was very stupid because of my ear plug use over that 24 year period, I conditioned my ears for normal everyday noise tolerances with plugs in so that when I removed them everything was louder, end result was acoustic shock which turned everything up, including my T and gave me chronically bad hypercausis,
Which is still bad a year later.

Thank you!

Your very welcome.