Member- Feb 6, 2015
- 77
- Tinnitus Since
- 07/2014
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Acoustic Trauma (I think)
Hi everyone - I feel like this is going to be a long first post, so if you take the time to read my story then I greatly appreciate it.
So I've been loitering in the background of this site off and on for the last 6 months or so ever since I started this life changing experience (for the worst as I'm sure all of you feel too). Anyway as a back story on me, I've had a long history of subjecting my ears to loud noises. Ever since I was 8 or 9 I started playing in brass and wind bands and from the age of 15-16 started using headphones and headsets for music and gaming etc. I realise now that the long sessions of gaming and music were probably too much for my ears and over time they were weakening and weakening until one day in July 2014 my life flipped upside down. As a 20 year old with my whole life ahead of me (hopefully haha) I despaired and freaked the f*ck out for the first 6 weeks before settling down into constantly feeling on edge about my tinnitus. My co-workers and friends at my Summer job could see that I was a different person and not as jovial or outgoing as I was before. Indeed I retreated into a dark place where I never thought I would be happy again. I never thought about killing myself, but I did wonder whether death was preferable to a life of listening to these bloody noises. I went to the doctor who said it would go in a couple of weeks and then got a free Boots hearing test where the audiologist said the same thing. My hearing is fine though, maybe a very slight drop off at high frequencies but certainly nothing to be concerned about at the moment.
The tinnitus itself is in both ears and my head, which naturally sucks massively. The sounds in my ears are sort of mid ranged frequencies, although the left ear is much higher. These noises don't particularly bother me though because when I go about my daily life, even if it's just watching stuff on my laptop or whatever, I don't really hear the sounds in my ears. However, it's the high pitched hissing and 'cricket-esque' noises in my head that drive me crazy, especially when I'm trying to do something productive like uni work.
So here we are 6 months on, and I genuinely feel a lot better about the whole sh*tty thing. I will go a week or 10 days where my tinnitus is much quieter and I will hardly think about it. BUT then there will be a couple of days where it is much louder and I go back to despairing thoughts and googling cure research statuses and such haha. Thing is, I guess I just don't fully understand what is going on and why the changes are so random. On the days where it is better, it is not just my perception and mood which have improved, the tinnitus is genuinely much quieter and sometimes I will really have to listen for it to hear it, even in quiet environments. This includes the head sounds which will either have gone completely or dissipated to a much lower, reasonable volume. But then it will get worse again for a couple of days even though I have done nothing to cause it to do so. The pattern can also be really irregular. Sometimes it will be 3 days good, 2 days bad, 7 days good, 1 day bad, 1 day good, 3 days bad etc etc, however more recently (within the last 2 months) the periods of good days have been getting longer e.g. 10 days as I've said before. One thing to also note is that I do spend a lot of time at my computer so I wonder whether my posture and neck pain etc could effect it negatively?
I certainly don't freak out when I hear my T anymore, I sort of feel like it is just an annoyance that I want out of my life. The worse thing is that I can't shake the over-arching thought that I've kind of f*cked my life up and I always think irrational things like; oh those 2 people there are laughing and are happy...I bet they don't have tinnitus like me. I know it's dumb but I always end up thinking like that.
But anyway I suppose what I'm asking is, am I slowly but surely habituating? Am I dealing with it okay after 6 months?
I continually hope that my tinnitus may one day go away, although I'm not holding my breath, and I can go on leading a 'normal' life again, but if not that then I'd just like to have all good days. On the good days even if I hear my T, it is quiet and I really don't give a crap, so if not fully cured, I'll take all good days thank you very much.
Sorry for the ramble and if you've made it to the end thank you very much for reading.
Any advice on how you think I'm doing and how to increase the good days would be much appreciated.
Alec
So I've been loitering in the background of this site off and on for the last 6 months or so ever since I started this life changing experience (for the worst as I'm sure all of you feel too). Anyway as a back story on me, I've had a long history of subjecting my ears to loud noises. Ever since I was 8 or 9 I started playing in brass and wind bands and from the age of 15-16 started using headphones and headsets for music and gaming etc. I realise now that the long sessions of gaming and music were probably too much for my ears and over time they were weakening and weakening until one day in July 2014 my life flipped upside down. As a 20 year old with my whole life ahead of me (hopefully haha) I despaired and freaked the f*ck out for the first 6 weeks before settling down into constantly feeling on edge about my tinnitus. My co-workers and friends at my Summer job could see that I was a different person and not as jovial or outgoing as I was before. Indeed I retreated into a dark place where I never thought I would be happy again. I never thought about killing myself, but I did wonder whether death was preferable to a life of listening to these bloody noises. I went to the doctor who said it would go in a couple of weeks and then got a free Boots hearing test where the audiologist said the same thing. My hearing is fine though, maybe a very slight drop off at high frequencies but certainly nothing to be concerned about at the moment.
The tinnitus itself is in both ears and my head, which naturally sucks massively. The sounds in my ears are sort of mid ranged frequencies, although the left ear is much higher. These noises don't particularly bother me though because when I go about my daily life, even if it's just watching stuff on my laptop or whatever, I don't really hear the sounds in my ears. However, it's the high pitched hissing and 'cricket-esque' noises in my head that drive me crazy, especially when I'm trying to do something productive like uni work.
So here we are 6 months on, and I genuinely feel a lot better about the whole sh*tty thing. I will go a week or 10 days where my tinnitus is much quieter and I will hardly think about it. BUT then there will be a couple of days where it is much louder and I go back to despairing thoughts and googling cure research statuses and such haha. Thing is, I guess I just don't fully understand what is going on and why the changes are so random. On the days where it is better, it is not just my perception and mood which have improved, the tinnitus is genuinely much quieter and sometimes I will really have to listen for it to hear it, even in quiet environments. This includes the head sounds which will either have gone completely or dissipated to a much lower, reasonable volume. But then it will get worse again for a couple of days even though I have done nothing to cause it to do so. The pattern can also be really irregular. Sometimes it will be 3 days good, 2 days bad, 7 days good, 1 day bad, 1 day good, 3 days bad etc etc, however more recently (within the last 2 months) the periods of good days have been getting longer e.g. 10 days as I've said before. One thing to also note is that I do spend a lot of time at my computer so I wonder whether my posture and neck pain etc could effect it negatively?
I certainly don't freak out when I hear my T anymore, I sort of feel like it is just an annoyance that I want out of my life. The worse thing is that I can't shake the over-arching thought that I've kind of f*cked my life up and I always think irrational things like; oh those 2 people there are laughing and are happy...I bet they don't have tinnitus like me. I know it's dumb but I always end up thinking like that.
But anyway I suppose what I'm asking is, am I slowly but surely habituating? Am I dealing with it okay after 6 months?
I continually hope that my tinnitus may one day go away, although I'm not holding my breath, and I can go on leading a 'normal' life again, but if not that then I'd just like to have all good days. On the good days even if I hear my T, it is quiet and I really don't give a crap, so if not fully cured, I'll take all good days thank you very much.
Sorry for the ramble and if you've made it to the end thank you very much for reading.
Any advice on how you think I'm doing and how to increase the good days would be much appreciated.
Alec
); if you can honestly answer NO to all of them, I think it very safe to say you are largely, if not totally, habituated -- and ready for a long, happy life.
haha
