The "What If..." Thread

[GregCA]

I'm not sure it's productive to think about the "what ifs" - it obviously leads to a better outcome, so all you're going to do is fuel the denial power in you.
It doesn't really matter "what if": it's there, you can't change the past. Now look at the future and for ways to make it more comfortable for you. That means looking for cures, coping techniques, or whatever else you feel would help you (these are not mutually exclusive: I look for cures and coping techniques all the time).

 

[Alue]

@Alue
My uncle got T from his best mate firing a shotgun next to his head intentionally.Funnily enough,they're still best mates to this day.

Me personally,I don't know if I could be so forgiving,if I was left with mild T then maybe but he would have to be a very close friend.

A stranger on the other hand is a different story,even if I was left with mild T I would still make it my life's mission to deafen him in return.

I remember back in 2011,it was Halloween and I was still coming to terms with having T,I was at a mates house where there were 20 or so of them getting ready to head off to a fancy dress nightclub gig.
One of them was dressed as Mr.T and had a pellet gun in his hand as part of the costume and was going around firing it off(empty)in people's ears causing them to ring.Everyone thought it was hilarious,he would fire it next to their ear and it would ring and it was all a great laugh for everyone himself included.

I remember getting more and more insulted as I watched this,my friends could see I was angry about what he was doing and asked me what my problem was,that's when I snapped.

I got up and said that I'm glad they find it all so funny,bang your ear rings and it's all a great laugh,but what if that ringing doesn't stop?Will it be funny then?Because that's what I'm living every single day now,a permanent constant ringing in both my ears and you all find something as mundane as that hilarious!Step in my shoes and see how funny it is!

He put the gun down and had a look of quilt on his face,and then as I was leaving I looked down to grab the door handle when a pop goes off near my left ear and my hearing drops.He had just done it to me!!!

I turned around and punched him square in the mouth knocking him on his ass and of course I WAS THE BAD GUY?Everyone started saying that I overreacted?

It took two weeks for the spike to settle,I was lucky that he didn't permanently worsen me from it,but as I said above its all just a big joke to people until the ringing doesn't stop.

Someone actually took a picture just as he done it too,so I also have a permanent reminder of that incident greeting me on Facebook.

A shotgun next to someone's head? That's messed up.
Does your uncle have severe or at least bothersome T?

The thing is, it was a legitimate accident. Although I think he was pretty damn negligent... just being an idiot, but not intentional. It's funny how idiots are always harming other people instead of themselves.

If you were to intentionally do it to someone, you could face getting sued and assault charges. You can wreck someone's life and get off with zero repercussions if it's a work accident. It's impossible to even sue the person that injured you because of shitty workers compensation laws.

There is nothing I can do about it.

 

[racerfish]

@Alue
My uncle got T from his best mate firing a shotgun next to his head intentionally.Funnily enough,they're still best mates to this day.

Me personally,I don't know if I could be so forgiving,if I was left with mild T then maybe but he would have to be a very close friend.

A stranger on the other hand is a different story,even if I was left with mild T I would still make it my life's mission to deafen him in return.

I remember back in 2011,it was Halloween and I was still coming to terms with having T,I was at a mates house where there were 20 or so of them getting ready to head off to a fancy dress nightclub gig.
One of them was dressed as Mr.T and had a pellet gun in his hand as part of the costume and was going around firing it off(empty)in people's ears causing them to ring.Everyone thought it was hilarious,he would fire it next to their ear and it would ring and it was all a great laugh for everyone himself included.

I remember getting more and more insulted as I watched this,my friends could see I was angry about what he was doing and asked me what my problem was,that's when I snapped.

I got up and said that I'm glad they find it all so funny,bang your ear rings and it's all a great laugh,but what if that ringing doesn't stop?Will it be funny then?Because that's what I'm living every single day now,a permanent constant ringing in both my ears and you all find something as mundane as that hilarious!Step in my shoes and see how funny it is!

He put the gun down and had a look of quilt on his face,and then as I was leaving I looked down to grab the door handle when a pop goes off near my left ear and my hearing drops.He had just done it to me!!!

I turned around and punched him square in the mouth knocking him on his ass and of course I WAS THE BAD GUY?Everyone started saying that I overreacted?

It took two weeks for the spike to settle,I was lucky that he didn't permanently worsen me from it,but as I said above its all just a big joke to people until the ringing doesn't stop.

Someone actually took a picture just as he done it too,so I also have a permanent reminder of that incident greeting me on Facebook.

Gun next to the ear is seriously messed up, but I'm really glad to hear the spike settled down. Out of curiosity did you go to a doctor or take anything after the incident, or did the T resolve on its own? Also, how bad was the T spike and how bad was your T before the gun incident?

 

[bill 112]

A shotgun next to someone's head? That's messed up.
Does your uncle have severe or at least bothersome T?

The thing is, it was a legitimate accident. Although I think he was pretty damn negligent... just being an idiot, but not intentional. It's funny how idiots are always harming other people instead of themselves.

If you were to intentionally do it to someone, you could face getting sued and assault charges. You can wreck someone's life and get off with zero repercussions if it's a work accident. It's impossible to even sue the person that injured you because of shitty workers compensation laws.

There is nothing I can do about it.

His T is bothersome but it wasn't always like that,after the shotgun incident as a kid he was left with mild T for nearly 40 years of his life.
4 years ago he passed out and fell off of his bicycle during a charity event,pulled his neck and hit his head against the ground and his T has been louder ever since.
Doctors told him it was due to high blood pressure,well at least the blackout was so he has since got his blood pressure under control but the higher T remains.He got his neck aligned and it also made no difference to his T,brain scans show no head trauma so he reckons the fall damaged his hearing in some way.His hearing thresholds remain the same so an audiologist diagnosed it as"auditory nerve irritation"and told him it would settle in time,4 years later and it hasn't.

 

[bill 112]

Gun next to the ear is seriously messed up, but I'm really glad to hear the spike settled down. Out of curiosity did you go to a doctor or take anything after the incident, or did the T resolve on its own? Also, how bad was the T spike and how bad was your T before the gun incident?

The shotgun was next to my uncles ear,the gun that was fired next to mine was only a toy gun that made a little pop sound it wasn't loud but just sudden.

The spike dropped back after a day or so to its regular low hiss.

 

[Fangen]

@Alue
My uncle got T from his best mate firing a shotgun next to his head intentionally.Funnily enough,they're still best mates to this day.

Me personally,I don't know if I could be so forgiving,if I was left with mild T then maybe but he would have to be a very close friend.

A stranger on the other hand is a different story,even if I was left with mild T I would still make it my life's mission to deafen him in return.

I remember back in 2011,it was Halloween and I was still coming to terms with having T,I was at a mates house where there were 20 or so of them getting ready to head off to a fancy dress nightclub gig.
One of them was dressed as Mr.T and had a pellet gun in his hand as part of the costume and was going around firing it off(empty)in people's ears causing them to ring.Everyone thought it was hilarious,he would fire it next to their ear and it would ring and it was all a great laugh for everyone himself included.

I remember getting more and more insulted as I watched this,my friends could see I was angry about what he was doing and asked me what my problem was,that's when I snapped.

I got up and said that I'm glad they find it all so funny,bang your ear rings and it's all a great laugh,but what if that ringing doesn't stop?Will it be funny then?Because that's what I'm living every single day now,a permanent constant ringing in both my ears and you all find something as mundane as that hilarious!Step in my shoes and see how funny it is!

He put the gun down and had a look of quilt on his face,and then as I was leaving I looked down to grab the door handle when a pop goes off near my left ear and my hearing drops.He had just done it to me!!!

I turned around and punched him square in the mouth knocking him on his ass and of course I WAS THE BAD GUY?Everyone started saying that I overreacted?

It took two weeks for the spike to settle,I was lucky that he didn't permanently worsen me from it,but as I said above its all just a big joke to people until the ringing doesn't stop.

Someone actually took a picture just as he done it too,so I also have a permanent reminder of that incident greeting me on Facebook.

I hope you never talked to that guy again. I would have beaten that guy until he needed medical assistance. Not one to promote violence but doing that AFTER you told them how you felt and how dangerous it might be.. Oh lord, I would have murdered him and fed him to pigs.

 

[Fangen]

I started typing out my answer here, but I decided against it because it still hurts too much.

I still haven't gotten past the denial/anger stages.

Tell us when you are ready
I understand how you feel, sometimes it does help to talk about it even if it hurts. Putting words in how you feel can be a relief, but only if you feel you want/are ready to. No pressure! Hope you feel better!

 

[Feliicia]

I have to agree with @Fangen.. Oh My...

 

[Alue]

God this makes me angry.

 

[bill 112]

I hope you never talked to that guy again. I would have beaten that guy until he needed medical assistance. Not one to promote violence but doing that AFTER you told them how you felt and how dangerous it might be.. Oh lord, I would have murdered him and fed him to pigs.

I can honestly say I haven't spoken to him since,he's a dumbass that my friends are friends with if you get me?After I punched him I'm pretty sure any chances of a healthy friendship went straight out the window lol.

 

[Jason C]

I can honestly say I haven't spoken to him since,he's a dumbass that my friends are friends with if you get me?After I punched him I'm pretty sure any chances of a healthy friendship went straight out the window lol.

Well he basically shot you in the head!

 

[Jake007]

@bill112 glad you knocked him on his ass

 

[Lex]

Tell us when you are ready
I understand how you feel, sometimes it does help to talk about it even if it hurts. Putting words in how you feel can be a relief, but only if you feel you want/are ready to. No pressure! Hope you feel better!

Thanks, @Fangen.

The thing is, I don't even know if what I think is the cause of my T and H is indeed really the cause of my T and H. And I may never know. So since getting these horrid conditions, I've been blaming myself every single day. I'm tired of being hard on myself but it's hard to stop.

The emotional/mental toll of T and H is far worse than the physical toll. Reading the stories here, I think many will gladly trade places with me. And from an objective point of view, I can see that my case is milder, even with H thrown in. But my mind holds me in its prison and that's what makes life so difficult for me now.

T and H can get better, or they can get worse. If they do get worse, I don't want to look back to today years from now and regret not making the most out of my good days. Yet, even knowing that, I'm still stuck and can't move forward. But I'm trying! I really am. Baby steps. I want to be kinder to myself.

 

[Strife_84]

I am still going trough my what if... Phase.

I know it's a waste of energy and time. But eventually it will pass.

I just can't help thinking."what if I had taken a break.. What if I had continued tomorrow, what if what if..."

Useless. Completely pointless, but it will go away..

 

[Drone Draper]

It's counter productive. It's also something that can be applied to all bad and GOOD things in your life. You wouldn't want to undo those, would you?

That with which we are, we are.

 

[Agrajag364]

My doctor gave me an ototoxic ear drop to try, even if it was a wrong prescription, it triggered my catastrophic T, in the last two years I have been asking myself what if I had not gone to the doctor in the first place...what if he had not given me that bloody ear drop to try....once I am in the loop I am never out.

So my advice is Do Not think about "what if.." because there is no way to go back to regret.

Leqi, did you have a perforated eardrum? Doctors argue that ear drops can't cause tinnitus unless a patient has that but I am not so sure, I did refuse to use those drops once and used acetic acid spray instead. I wonder if there could be microtears in the eardrum that could potentially enable that ototoxic antibiotic to reach the middle ear in some cases.

I never used to play what if with health issues but I find myself doing it every day lately. It is not healthy. We tend to regret the decisions we see as poorly thought out ones that could easily have gone another way.

 

[GregCA]

Leqi, did you have a perforated eardrum? Doctors argue that ear drops can't cause tinnitus unless a patient has that but I am not so sure, I did refuse to use those drops once and used acetic acid spray instead. I wonder if there could be microtears in the eardrum that could potentially enable that ototoxic antibiotic to reach the middle ear in some cases.

It doesn't seem like an unreasonable hypothesis. Even a healthy ear drum seems to have some level of porosity: I remember somebody in here posting about new tech that is being developed that tries to "push" some drug through the ear drum (perhaps via magnetic fields, IIRC), and I imagine this wouldn't work at all if it was hermetically sealed.

However, like anything, size matters: if some amount of compound was able to make it through micro tears, there is a high chance that this compounds settles on the other side of the drum, through simple capillarity. It would require a lot of material to start a post-traversal bundle big enough that it can travel to the other side of the middle ear to the round/oval windows. Perhaps that's the challenge that this new tech is trying to solve by assisting with magnetic fields.

 

[Vicki14]

They need to outlaw that procedure, they only do it that way to save time and get more people in and out of the office faster.

110% agree there!!!!!!!!!!

 

[PeteJ]

It's counter productive. It's also something that can be applied to all bad and GOOD things in your life. You wouldn't want to undo those, would you?

That with which we are, we are.

But, for many people, it's a game/life changer so the what if is important in terms of changes/decisions you wished you could have made in order to go down a different path that doesn't result in t and/or whatever you have now.

It might be pointless but we still do it. I do it.

 

[Drone Draper]

Yes. It's true. It's sometimes a bit like a nightmare that you can't wake up from.

It's not productive though.

I often thought about Kevin Ogar, both before and after getting T. He was a Crossfitter that had a severe accident during a competition that ended up completely severing his spine and making him a paraplegic.

On competition day, he did everything right. He did a snatch and bailed on the lift in the correct way. That is to say, he snatched the weight over head and when he couldn't quite stabilise himself, he jumped forward and bailed the weight behind him. This is the correct way to do it.

Only, it turned out to be catastrophic.

Due to the ineptitude of the organisers, they had stacks of weights behind him. The barbell fell on the weights, ricochet and hit him in the spine, changing his life forever.

The doctors told him if the barbell had hit him inches above, below or to the side, he could have been killed or he could've been fine. He was rushed to hospital for emergency surgery and slowly managed to create a new life for himself. He's now competing as a paraplegic bench presser and is hoping to represent the US in the Special Olympics.

Imagine how horrific it would have been for him to think about how things could have gone differently. An inch here, an inch there, he could've been fine. Hell, what if he'd had some sort of stomach bug and didn't compete? There must've been thousands of scenarios running through his head. The consequences of that one day in 2014 were severe.



Still, we can't go back and change anything. Life must be lived looking forward. That's not going to be easy for some. There's little in the way of actual treatments for tinnitus that have been proven to work. Every person will have a different path to acceptance of what has happened to them.

But one thing that doesn't help is looking backwards at what could have been. It didn't turn out that way. We have to accept what has happened and try to move towards a new life, with the hope that treatments like Neuromod, FX-322 and so on can help us. Most of us are not researchers in the field, so the best thing for us to do is to donate time and effort to the likes of TT and research. Memento mori. That means "remember you are mortal". You are going to die one day - whether you have T or not. Don't waste any more time than you already have dwelling on the past when the present is all you can change.