Hi everyone,
I would like to share my story and perhaps get some support as these days have been really tough for me.
I am 31 years old, female, striving for an academic/scientific career, I was supposed to finish my third university degree in mathematics this year. I feel like tinnitus destroyed my whole life and effort.
In September, I went for a seaside holiday in Egypt where I was snorkeling a lot. It was the first time of snorkeling for me and to be honest, it was causing me quite a lot of dizziness but I kept doing it. During the holiday, I also suffered from headaches a lot (which was probably just caused by the hot weather or issues with my neck) and I also had fever and stomach issues for few days. This may but does not have to be related to my tinnitus.
Only one day after I returned home, on September 25, I started to hear some weird noise that I first thought came from our neighbours. Few hours later, I realized it was pulsatile tinnitus in my left ear. The pulsatile tinnitus is not present 24/7, it usually occurs after specific head movements, sometimes it lasts only few seconds but sometimes it remains for hours. When it is on and I press the vein on the left side of my neck, it disappears. On the other hand, it gets stronger if I press the vein on the right side of my neck.
This pulsatile tinnitus is not my main issue now. Unfortunately, I started freaking out when it occured as tinnitus has always been my nightmare (my grandmother's friend had Meniere's disease and my boyfriend has had tinnitus for 10 years already). As the pulsatile tinnitus occured I kept listening to any sounds around me extremely carefully and had huge anxiety.
Five days later, Saturday September 30, I went for a walk in a forest, I remember again moving my head fast to test my pulsatile tinnitus, testing all the sounds around me. On that day, I started hearing humming/buzzing sound in my head too. It feels like having an old fridge in my head. It has not stopped since then and is present 24/7. The sound sometimes changes during the day but I do not consider it being related to any movements or so.
Two days after this, I went to see my ENT. The problem is not anyhow related to my ears, I have no hearing loss. She thought it was caused by my neck - which might be true as I am suffering from neck pain for a couple of years already. I personally believe the pulsatile tinnitus could be caused by the neck but the subjective tinnitus was rather stress. I got Prednisone anyway which did not help. I am taking Ginkgo biloba and some vitamins. I went to see two other ENT just to make sure - with the very same result. Then I saw a neurologist who basically did not do anything, only sent me for brain MRI in November - I do not think it will show anything.
I am going to see a physiotherapist next week and will start physiotherapy after that. I have my brain MRI scheduled for next month and ultrasound of my veins in December.
I have already lost hope that anything could help me. I have read hundreds of stories of people whose tinnitus was caused by neck issues and despite fixing the neck issues, the tinnitus did not go away. Also, it is impossible not to be stressed now.
I feel like I am losing my life. I am a person that spent 80 % of her life in a complete silence so far reading books. I do not watch TV, I rarely listen to music. I cannot bear the fact I would never hear silence again. I am going to interrupt my studies. My life is ruined and all I have is suicidal thoughts. The only reason I have not committed suicide yet is feeling some responsibility towards my pets.
I am planning to see a psychiatrist as well but I am slightly afraid to take any antidepressant as I know they can make tinnitus worse. I sleep only thanks to sleeping pills and benzodiazepines.
I am staying on my bed now, listening to the air purifier that is able to mask my subjective tinnitus (not the pulsatile one), desperately missing hearing nothing. I am probably quite lucky as I do not really hear my tinnitus outside but it does not diminish despair as my life so far was silence, reading, researching, studying... I feel so sad seeing people outside looking happy. I feel like I am just going to secure my pets and then finish my life.
Could I please get any support or tips how to handle this?
I would like to share my story and perhaps get some support as these days have been really tough for me.
I am 31 years old, female, striving for an academic/scientific career, I was supposed to finish my third university degree in mathematics this year. I feel like tinnitus destroyed my whole life and effort.
In September, I went for a seaside holiday in Egypt where I was snorkeling a lot. It was the first time of snorkeling for me and to be honest, it was causing me quite a lot of dizziness but I kept doing it. During the holiday, I also suffered from headaches a lot (which was probably just caused by the hot weather or issues with my neck) and I also had fever and stomach issues for few days. This may but does not have to be related to my tinnitus.
Only one day after I returned home, on September 25, I started to hear some weird noise that I first thought came from our neighbours. Few hours later, I realized it was pulsatile tinnitus in my left ear. The pulsatile tinnitus is not present 24/7, it usually occurs after specific head movements, sometimes it lasts only few seconds but sometimes it remains for hours. When it is on and I press the vein on the left side of my neck, it disappears. On the other hand, it gets stronger if I press the vein on the right side of my neck.
This pulsatile tinnitus is not my main issue now. Unfortunately, I started freaking out when it occured as tinnitus has always been my nightmare (my grandmother's friend had Meniere's disease and my boyfriend has had tinnitus for 10 years already). As the pulsatile tinnitus occured I kept listening to any sounds around me extremely carefully and had huge anxiety.
Five days later, Saturday September 30, I went for a walk in a forest, I remember again moving my head fast to test my pulsatile tinnitus, testing all the sounds around me. On that day, I started hearing humming/buzzing sound in my head too. It feels like having an old fridge in my head. It has not stopped since then and is present 24/7. The sound sometimes changes during the day but I do not consider it being related to any movements or so.
Two days after this, I went to see my ENT. The problem is not anyhow related to my ears, I have no hearing loss. She thought it was caused by my neck - which might be true as I am suffering from neck pain for a couple of years already. I personally believe the pulsatile tinnitus could be caused by the neck but the subjective tinnitus was rather stress. I got Prednisone anyway which did not help. I am taking Ginkgo biloba and some vitamins. I went to see two other ENT just to make sure - with the very same result. Then I saw a neurologist who basically did not do anything, only sent me for brain MRI in November - I do not think it will show anything.
I am going to see a physiotherapist next week and will start physiotherapy after that. I have my brain MRI scheduled for next month and ultrasound of my veins in December.
I have already lost hope that anything could help me. I have read hundreds of stories of people whose tinnitus was caused by neck issues and despite fixing the neck issues, the tinnitus did not go away. Also, it is impossible not to be stressed now.
I feel like I am losing my life. I am a person that spent 80 % of her life in a complete silence so far reading books. I do not watch TV, I rarely listen to music. I cannot bear the fact I would never hear silence again. I am going to interrupt my studies. My life is ruined and all I have is suicidal thoughts. The only reason I have not committed suicide yet is feeling some responsibility towards my pets.
I am planning to see a psychiatrist as well but I am slightly afraid to take any antidepressant as I know they can make tinnitus worse. I sleep only thanks to sleeping pills and benzodiazepines.
I am staying on my bed now, listening to the air purifier that is able to mask my subjective tinnitus (not the pulsatile one), desperately missing hearing nothing. I am probably quite lucky as I do not really hear my tinnitus outside but it does not diminish despair as my life so far was silence, reading, researching, studying... I feel so sad seeing people outside looking happy. I feel like I am just going to secure my pets and then finish my life.
Could I please get any support or tips how to handle this?