My tinnitus and hyperacusis has turned into chronic earpain.
This post is a WARNING to all members of the board - the hearing system can collapse and not be able to recover from repeated noise traumas - my life is ruined because of irreparable damages - there is no limit for how bad it can get! I do not expect to live much longer, If I choose to die, this is my farewell.
Please read this post and remember - better stay safe than sorry!
---
Greetings.
I´m a 26 years old male from Sweden that got tinnitus at age 11 in 1997. At 17 (2003) my "normal life" ended with severe hyperacusis. And at 21 (2009) my life outside of the house ended with a first spell of chronic ear pain. Now at age 26 (2013) I am slowly dying alive.
Here is a picture of myself, so you can see for yourself that I am normal person just born with "ears made of glass".
The main focus of this will be the term "chronic ear pain" which most people are unfamiliar with.
It will be a long read, but trust, you´ll want to be warned! Because if it could happen to me, it could possible happen to you!
I thought it would be good to summarize how I have acquired all these problems to make it easier for you to give me advice knowing the full background.
Summary of the sound incidents that have ruined my existence:
Time - Happening- Consequences
1996, January - Firecracker exploded on a balcony which amplified the sound. (Tinnitus as consequence)
2001, May - A teacher struck a pointer like a sledgehammer on a table just by my head (Tinnitus worsening and first signs of hyperacusis. From that on I stop going to concerts, parties etc)
2004, August - a 50 minute moped ride without helmet on the highway. So stupid. (My hyperacusis went wild and tinnitus again got louder)
2004, September - MRI at the local hospital.The doctors more or less forced me to do the scan, it was aborted at aprox 65% due to severe ear pain. (Louder tinnitus than ever after the procedure but it fades back to its normal state. Hyperacusis full blown now.) I became depressed, had to quit high school, lost girlfriend and stopped with sports activity because of the hyperacusis.
2006, June - After recovering for 2 years I was working at a gas station. A colleague opened a cane of coins by hitting it at the steal cash register while I was bent over an open toolbox. The blow was like right by my ear (First signs of chronic permanent ear pain appears, meaning aching for hours and days in a silent room.)
2007, March - ACOUSTIC SHOCK INJURY (Changes things amazingly to the worse, and produces a whole new level of pain and suffering) Still worked at the gas station. Answered a portable phone, the chief had forgot to turn the speaker phone off. First no one said anything, so I am pressed the phone against my ear to hear better when suddenly a half deaf old lady screamed "Hello". I dropped the phone and was completely shell shocked for a few minutes. (Chronic ear pain, louder tinnitus and extreme hyperacusis just ruins my life) I was forced to quit my studies, my job and also break up with my girlfriend because I could not bear to communicate or even have sex with her. Physical activity starts to increase tinnitus and ear pain for the first time. I thought I had hit rock bottom – I was wrong!
2009, June - After 2 pretty miserable years I was losing patience and exposed myself to too much sound combined with too much pulse activity. I was following my favourite team the Pittsburgh Penguins to their Stanley cup triumph. During the deciding game 7 of the finals my heart was pounding like hell during the entire game. After the game finished my ear collapsed and for 4 months I was never pain free and could not tolerate any sound at all – I thought I was done. That was "chronic ear pain" and it was horrible. I wrote goodbye letters to friends and family and retreated to bed for more than 3 months, I did not leave my room. I started taking Mirtazapin and slept 15 hours a day.
2010 - Starting in June 2009 I did not speak or listen to any sounds for 15 months. My idea was not to provoke the "chronic pain" and it worked very well. The pain and symptoms slowly was reduced to a minimum and I could once again take walks and masturbate without more than temporarily increases of pain and tinnitus. Amazingly I could also listen to music and speak for shorter sessions. At first I was extremely careful not to stress my ears too much and as long as I kept that in mind all the time I was OK. But at the start of 2011 and the longer the pain free stint lasted I got gradually more careless and greedy. Started seeing TV programs with sound and listened to music for longer episodes. During 2011 I began focusing more on getting back to a normal life than the risk of setbacks. I accepted more and more discomfort from sound gradually which opened the door to the disaster that was about to come.
2011, October - After have gotten much better in the last 2.5 years I overload my ears with 4 days of 6-8 hours a day of Michael Jacksons murder trial radio at the poor sound quality of 22-66 kbps. (I do not recall the exact digit) Low sound for a normal person, but it was giving me discomfort throughout the whole time. After the trial stops for the weekend I am waking up saturday with new screaming tinnitus and my hearing system feels completely ruined - tired, aching and giving me all kinds of pain and bad physical sensations.
2011, November - 2012, February
No change in ear condition. Hearing system still feels ruined, sound tolerance very low. No chronic ear pain yet though.
2012 March-April, I was becoming more and more stressed out about not getting better. At the same time I was following my favourite hockey club in sweden and got nervous during playoff games. The increased heart rate caused my tinnitus and pain to go up and it affectd me for days afterwards. My anxiety got worse and suddenly I started thinking "What if I can not calm down after a game?" I was afraid of permanent damage and got my head spinning not wanting to go back to the "chronic ear pain" I had for 3 months in 2009. And just like that I started blushing, sweating, overheating with immediately increased pain and tinnitus as a result. The more I wanted to quit these symptoms the worse it got.
2012 May: The situation got out of hand because already in the afternoon I would be in devastating pain and taking Zopiclone (Imovane) to sleep = the only way of getting a break from the pain. I tried breathing sessions and yoga but could not stop blushing and sweating. I slept in the afternoon and also in the night, and needed more and more Zopiclone to be able to sleep. Eventually I started on beta blockers as well to try to limit the rushing heart and sweating. it did not help. After 30 days I needed 5 x 7 MG Zopiclone and yet I could not fall asleep and my doctor refused to prescribe more Imovane. Out of Zopiclone I had not choice but to quit them without tapering off. I thought dropping the beta blockers at the same time would be a good idea too. It turned out disastrous. I got insomnia and irregular/racing heart beat. After 66 hours of no sleep with my heart pounding like a sledgehammer I checked in to a chrisis center and got flunitrazepam that finally put me to sleep. After 7 days there I returned home without any addiction and also managed to stop blushing/sweating. I recovered nicely for a week and thought I was out of the woods, turns out I was dead wrong again.
2012, June-July - The nightmare begins - Chronic ear pain taking over my life
For the first time in 8 months I was feeling positive again and thats when the following strange things began happening.
I slipped with my fork eating and the fork hit the plate not particular loud, just normal things that happens when you are eating. When it happened I felt a strange feeling in my left ear and suddenly within minutes I could sense my sound tolerance decreasing to zero along with ear pain. The first time it happened, I did not connect the "fork on the plate" to the decreased sound tolerance. I took it easy the rest of the day and after a nights sleep the symptoms were gone. Unfortunately I repeated the "fork incident" 3 more times in a week with the same symptoms as a result. Initially I was just pissed of that such a low sound would wreck my ear for a whole day, I did not consider any long term problems from it.
The whole situation moved on a to a new level when I got the same setback from eating chips while reading a book for 15 minutes. So I decided not to eat chips anymore, beginning to feel worried about the direction of things.
2012, August - The setbacks become a norm - and from lower and lower sounds. The wood in the walls creaking and similar sounds suddenly threw me into "setback mode" with no sound tolerance whatsoever. I also began having temporary tinnitus spikes in connection to the setbacks. By this time I was I reeling and not knowing how to behave or what to do.
2012, September - I had replaced my iron forks to plastic and changed eating crunchy chips to soft candy. And now this was not enough either. I read a book while eating candy for 20 minutes and my ear became tired and sore afterwards. I could not believe it. Now the previous temporarily "attacks" of setbacks were starting to creep into my life for good and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.
2012, November-December My life suddenly was all about preventing the pain from becoming permanent. I started spending my time resting my ears so I could eat the next meal without aggravating the pain. Reading it absolute silence for 2 hours between meals got me through the days without much suffering. At christmas it all caught up to me and I the pain begun to haunt me during night as well.
2013, January - I am now bombarded with horrible symptoms in my left ear/head. Physical sensations, tinnitus spikes, fullness in the ear. My ear is feeling like it had a breakdown 24 hours a day. Sound sensitivity is unbearable and is in sync with the chronic pain. I am living a life with progressively increasing ear pain - basicly I feel like I always have recently suffered an acoustic trauma. Its just wave after wave with symptoms stating that my hearing system is in complete distress. I must stress that I have problems coping with the symptoms though I am spending the days in a silent room, when I am exposed to sound its pure torture.
On rare occasions the pain subsides for short periods and in these pain free moments I can also tolerate sound of maybe 60 dB instead of the 35 dB that is standard when the chronic pain is raging.
I do not think my sound tolerance is fluctuating that much, I believe its the chronic pain that momentarily puts my sound sensitivity through the roof!
The worst thing is that I have been gradually getting worse for 6-7 months without reason, if it continues this way I do not expect to make it out 2013 alive.
Summary of the current situation:
Since the 2011 incident there has been no way back from me. Usually over time you would expect the situation to improve as long as you do not expose yourself to any additional noise traumas. (This has been the case for me all previous times) Shockingly I have instead deteriorated to new extreme levels of suffering and all indications is that its bound to get even worse without nothing I can do about it.
The pain is aggravated by the following:
1. Physical activity - Sex, walking, exercise, nervousness (increased heart rate means more pain immediately)
2. Sound.
3. Me wearing earplugs/headphones (This means I can not move freely even with hearing protection since pain and tinnitus increases within 10 minutes of wear, the longer I wear protection the more intense the pain and tinnitus are becoming) This started after my "Acoustic Shock Injury" 2007 and got incredible much worse after the 2011 sound trauma. See below for reference:
http://www.dineenandwestcott.com.au/asi.php?fid=1
Each time I ignore the pain and do something anyway the pain quickly becomes intolerable and persists for days. And the worst thing of all - the pain moves up a notch permanently. This means I am forced to give in to the pain and do nothing unless I am fine with the chronic pain escalating rapidly leading to nothing but a certain death ultimately.
My hearing system is stuck in "panic" mode which is activated for example after a gunshot heard without hearing protection. Its a dull pain in the ear thats always present while the sound endurance is lowered to an absolute minimum. Therefore my pain threshold is extremely low 35 dB = which is about the same as when I move my computer mouse.
Obviously its not regular hyperacusis instead "the hearing systems alarm function" that is activated by default - which prevents me from handling sound normally.
My left ear feels as badly as after an acoustic noise trauma even though I am spending all day in a silent room.
If we talk %, with 100% being a normal persons hearing, before the 2011 incident I could be at 50-60% and being able to expose myself to sound until my ears got tired. Now my % level would be close to 0 all the time, meaning the bad left ear is always tired/wasted - leaving me no option of sound in my life.
After the 2007 incident I made a promise to myself that I would never expose myself to sound when feeling pain/discomfort in my ear, and I managed fine as long as I kept to that. Then I was stupid enough to endure pain for days in a row in 2011 and got punished like a ton of bricks coming down on me.
How am I suppose to listen to any sounds at all when my ear is always aching and feeling dead tired?
Exposing myself to sound at this stage would be committing the same mistake all over again, so its really putting me in an impossible situation.
---
I will finish with saying the following - do not EVER risk anything because it can cost you your whole life essentially!
I could have lived a mostly pain free silent life reading books, watching tv without sound, talking walks, chatting forums, enjoying food etc. Not a normal life, but a life yet worth living!
Instead I am not at age 26 trapped in constant agony with no future but to live on under the worst conditions just because I am afraid of dying and out respect for my family.
If I could go back to 2010, I would rather live my whole life without sound, than having to endure all these never ending decision making when there is no right choice - just more pain and suffering.
This message does not come anywhere near close of reflecting the level of pain and suffering I am going through on a daily basis - its impossible to describe in words how it feels, I wish you all could live my life for a week and be able to fully understand.
I hope this post will make sure people are careful and fully appreciates the greatness of a pain free life! I live in constant unbearable regret of the stupid decisions that have cost me my life, I would trade my legs to be able go back in time and change things.
Please do not make the same mistakes as I did!
I will do my best to answer questions when the pain allows me. Thanks for reading! I´ll appreciate any advise!
All the best
L
This post is a WARNING to all members of the board - the hearing system can collapse and not be able to recover from repeated noise traumas - my life is ruined because of irreparable damages - there is no limit for how bad it can get! I do not expect to live much longer, If I choose to die, this is my farewell.
Please read this post and remember - better stay safe than sorry!
---
Greetings.
I´m a 26 years old male from Sweden that got tinnitus at age 11 in 1997. At 17 (2003) my "normal life" ended with severe hyperacusis. And at 21 (2009) my life outside of the house ended with a first spell of chronic ear pain. Now at age 26 (2013) I am slowly dying alive.
Here is a picture of myself, so you can see for yourself that I am normal person just born with "ears made of glass".
The main focus of this will be the term "chronic ear pain" which most people are unfamiliar with.
It will be a long read, but trust, you´ll want to be warned! Because if it could happen to me, it could possible happen to you!
I thought it would be good to summarize how I have acquired all these problems to make it easier for you to give me advice knowing the full background.
Summary of the sound incidents that have ruined my existence:
Time - Happening- Consequences
1996, January - Firecracker exploded on a balcony which amplified the sound. (Tinnitus as consequence)
2001, May - A teacher struck a pointer like a sledgehammer on a table just by my head (Tinnitus worsening and first signs of hyperacusis. From that on I stop going to concerts, parties etc)
2004, August - a 50 minute moped ride without helmet on the highway. So stupid. (My hyperacusis went wild and tinnitus again got louder)
2004, September - MRI at the local hospital.The doctors more or less forced me to do the scan, it was aborted at aprox 65% due to severe ear pain. (Louder tinnitus than ever after the procedure but it fades back to its normal state. Hyperacusis full blown now.) I became depressed, had to quit high school, lost girlfriend and stopped with sports activity because of the hyperacusis.
2006, June - After recovering for 2 years I was working at a gas station. A colleague opened a cane of coins by hitting it at the steal cash register while I was bent over an open toolbox. The blow was like right by my ear (First signs of chronic permanent ear pain appears, meaning aching for hours and days in a silent room.)
2007, March - ACOUSTIC SHOCK INJURY (Changes things amazingly to the worse, and produces a whole new level of pain and suffering) Still worked at the gas station. Answered a portable phone, the chief had forgot to turn the speaker phone off. First no one said anything, so I am pressed the phone against my ear to hear better when suddenly a half deaf old lady screamed "Hello". I dropped the phone and was completely shell shocked for a few minutes. (Chronic ear pain, louder tinnitus and extreme hyperacusis just ruins my life) I was forced to quit my studies, my job and also break up with my girlfriend because I could not bear to communicate or even have sex with her. Physical activity starts to increase tinnitus and ear pain for the first time. I thought I had hit rock bottom – I was wrong!
2009, June - After 2 pretty miserable years I was losing patience and exposed myself to too much sound combined with too much pulse activity. I was following my favourite team the Pittsburgh Penguins to their Stanley cup triumph. During the deciding game 7 of the finals my heart was pounding like hell during the entire game. After the game finished my ear collapsed and for 4 months I was never pain free and could not tolerate any sound at all – I thought I was done. That was "chronic ear pain" and it was horrible. I wrote goodbye letters to friends and family and retreated to bed for more than 3 months, I did not leave my room. I started taking Mirtazapin and slept 15 hours a day.
2010 - Starting in June 2009 I did not speak or listen to any sounds for 15 months. My idea was not to provoke the "chronic pain" and it worked very well. The pain and symptoms slowly was reduced to a minimum and I could once again take walks and masturbate without more than temporarily increases of pain and tinnitus. Amazingly I could also listen to music and speak for shorter sessions. At first I was extremely careful not to stress my ears too much and as long as I kept that in mind all the time I was OK. But at the start of 2011 and the longer the pain free stint lasted I got gradually more careless and greedy. Started seeing TV programs with sound and listened to music for longer episodes. During 2011 I began focusing more on getting back to a normal life than the risk of setbacks. I accepted more and more discomfort from sound gradually which opened the door to the disaster that was about to come.
2011, October - After have gotten much better in the last 2.5 years I overload my ears with 4 days of 6-8 hours a day of Michael Jacksons murder trial radio at the poor sound quality of 22-66 kbps. (I do not recall the exact digit) Low sound for a normal person, but it was giving me discomfort throughout the whole time. After the trial stops for the weekend I am waking up saturday with new screaming tinnitus and my hearing system feels completely ruined - tired, aching and giving me all kinds of pain and bad physical sensations.
2011, November - 2012, February
No change in ear condition. Hearing system still feels ruined, sound tolerance very low. No chronic ear pain yet though.
2012 March-April, I was becoming more and more stressed out about not getting better. At the same time I was following my favourite hockey club in sweden and got nervous during playoff games. The increased heart rate caused my tinnitus and pain to go up and it affectd me for days afterwards. My anxiety got worse and suddenly I started thinking "What if I can not calm down after a game?" I was afraid of permanent damage and got my head spinning not wanting to go back to the "chronic ear pain" I had for 3 months in 2009. And just like that I started blushing, sweating, overheating with immediately increased pain and tinnitus as a result. The more I wanted to quit these symptoms the worse it got.
2012 May: The situation got out of hand because already in the afternoon I would be in devastating pain and taking Zopiclone (Imovane) to sleep = the only way of getting a break from the pain. I tried breathing sessions and yoga but could not stop blushing and sweating. I slept in the afternoon and also in the night, and needed more and more Zopiclone to be able to sleep. Eventually I started on beta blockers as well to try to limit the rushing heart and sweating. it did not help. After 30 days I needed 5 x 7 MG Zopiclone and yet I could not fall asleep and my doctor refused to prescribe more Imovane. Out of Zopiclone I had not choice but to quit them without tapering off. I thought dropping the beta blockers at the same time would be a good idea too. It turned out disastrous. I got insomnia and irregular/racing heart beat. After 66 hours of no sleep with my heart pounding like a sledgehammer I checked in to a chrisis center and got flunitrazepam that finally put me to sleep. After 7 days there I returned home without any addiction and also managed to stop blushing/sweating. I recovered nicely for a week and thought I was out of the woods, turns out I was dead wrong again.
2012, June-July - The nightmare begins - Chronic ear pain taking over my life
For the first time in 8 months I was feeling positive again and thats when the following strange things began happening.
I slipped with my fork eating and the fork hit the plate not particular loud, just normal things that happens when you are eating. When it happened I felt a strange feeling in my left ear and suddenly within minutes I could sense my sound tolerance decreasing to zero along with ear pain. The first time it happened, I did not connect the "fork on the plate" to the decreased sound tolerance. I took it easy the rest of the day and after a nights sleep the symptoms were gone. Unfortunately I repeated the "fork incident" 3 more times in a week with the same symptoms as a result. Initially I was just pissed of that such a low sound would wreck my ear for a whole day, I did not consider any long term problems from it.
The whole situation moved on a to a new level when I got the same setback from eating chips while reading a book for 15 minutes. So I decided not to eat chips anymore, beginning to feel worried about the direction of things.
2012, August - The setbacks become a norm - and from lower and lower sounds. The wood in the walls creaking and similar sounds suddenly threw me into "setback mode" with no sound tolerance whatsoever. I also began having temporary tinnitus spikes in connection to the setbacks. By this time I was I reeling and not knowing how to behave or what to do.
2012, September - I had replaced my iron forks to plastic and changed eating crunchy chips to soft candy. And now this was not enough either. I read a book while eating candy for 20 minutes and my ear became tired and sore afterwards. I could not believe it. Now the previous temporarily "attacks" of setbacks were starting to creep into my life for good and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.
2012, November-December My life suddenly was all about preventing the pain from becoming permanent. I started spending my time resting my ears so I could eat the next meal without aggravating the pain. Reading it absolute silence for 2 hours between meals got me through the days without much suffering. At christmas it all caught up to me and I the pain begun to haunt me during night as well.
2013, January - I am now bombarded with horrible symptoms in my left ear/head. Physical sensations, tinnitus spikes, fullness in the ear. My ear is feeling like it had a breakdown 24 hours a day. Sound sensitivity is unbearable and is in sync with the chronic pain. I am living a life with progressively increasing ear pain - basicly I feel like I always have recently suffered an acoustic trauma. Its just wave after wave with symptoms stating that my hearing system is in complete distress. I must stress that I have problems coping with the symptoms though I am spending the days in a silent room, when I am exposed to sound its pure torture.
On rare occasions the pain subsides for short periods and in these pain free moments I can also tolerate sound of maybe 60 dB instead of the 35 dB that is standard when the chronic pain is raging.
I do not think my sound tolerance is fluctuating that much, I believe its the chronic pain that momentarily puts my sound sensitivity through the roof!
The worst thing is that I have been gradually getting worse for 6-7 months without reason, if it continues this way I do not expect to make it out 2013 alive.
Summary of the current situation:
Since the 2011 incident there has been no way back from me. Usually over time you would expect the situation to improve as long as you do not expose yourself to any additional noise traumas. (This has been the case for me all previous times) Shockingly I have instead deteriorated to new extreme levels of suffering and all indications is that its bound to get even worse without nothing I can do about it.
The pain is aggravated by the following:
1. Physical activity - Sex, walking, exercise, nervousness (increased heart rate means more pain immediately)
2. Sound.
3. Me wearing earplugs/headphones (This means I can not move freely even with hearing protection since pain and tinnitus increases within 10 minutes of wear, the longer I wear protection the more intense the pain and tinnitus are becoming) This started after my "Acoustic Shock Injury" 2007 and got incredible much worse after the 2011 sound trauma. See below for reference:
http://www.dineenandwestcott.com.au/asi.php?fid=1
Each time I ignore the pain and do something anyway the pain quickly becomes intolerable and persists for days. And the worst thing of all - the pain moves up a notch permanently. This means I am forced to give in to the pain and do nothing unless I am fine with the chronic pain escalating rapidly leading to nothing but a certain death ultimately.
My hearing system is stuck in "panic" mode which is activated for example after a gunshot heard without hearing protection. Its a dull pain in the ear thats always present while the sound endurance is lowered to an absolute minimum. Therefore my pain threshold is extremely low 35 dB = which is about the same as when I move my computer mouse.
Obviously its not regular hyperacusis instead "the hearing systems alarm function" that is activated by default - which prevents me from handling sound normally.
My left ear feels as badly as after an acoustic noise trauma even though I am spending all day in a silent room.
If we talk %, with 100% being a normal persons hearing, before the 2011 incident I could be at 50-60% and being able to expose myself to sound until my ears got tired. Now my % level would be close to 0 all the time, meaning the bad left ear is always tired/wasted - leaving me no option of sound in my life.
After the 2007 incident I made a promise to myself that I would never expose myself to sound when feeling pain/discomfort in my ear, and I managed fine as long as I kept to that. Then I was stupid enough to endure pain for days in a row in 2011 and got punished like a ton of bricks coming down on me.
How am I suppose to listen to any sounds at all when my ear is always aching and feeling dead tired?
Exposing myself to sound at this stage would be committing the same mistake all over again, so its really putting me in an impossible situation.
---
I will finish with saying the following - do not EVER risk anything because it can cost you your whole life essentially!
I could have lived a mostly pain free silent life reading books, watching tv without sound, talking walks, chatting forums, enjoying food etc. Not a normal life, but a life yet worth living!
Instead I am not at age 26 trapped in constant agony with no future but to live on under the worst conditions just because I am afraid of dying and out respect for my family.
If I could go back to 2010, I would rather live my whole life without sound, than having to endure all these never ending decision making when there is no right choice - just more pain and suffering.
This message does not come anywhere near close of reflecting the level of pain and suffering I am going through on a daily basis - its impossible to describe in words how it feels, I wish you all could live my life for a week and be able to fully understand.
I hope this post will make sure people are careful and fully appreciates the greatness of a pain free life! I live in constant unbearable regret of the stupid decisions that have cost me my life, I would trade my legs to be able go back in time and change things.
Please do not make the same mistakes as I did!
I will do my best to answer questions when the pain allows me. Thanks for reading! I´ll appreciate any advise!
All the best
L
Member
With the chronic pain switched off I am able to cope with sounds in a more normal way. Its the way it should be, the way I felt before the last noise trauma.
Manager
