- May 12, 2022
- 86
- Tinnitus Since
- 01/2022
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Baby scream (acoustic trauma)
Hello everyone!
I have been lurking here for awhile but decided I need support. Sorry this is so long, the issue is kind of complicated but I want to just introduce myself and tell my story. Tl;dr at the end.
My story:
I'm 27 and developed tinnitus and I believe hyperacusis about 3.5 months ago when my then 5-week old baby let out a very high-pitched scream/cry just inches from my left ear. The stars just seemed to align for this to happen as I was changing positions while he was nursing, he was fussy and my ear just happened to be turned towards his mouth when he decided to do this. My ear immediately hurt and I remember saying "Ow!" but didn't think much else of it. About 20 minutes later, I put ear plugs in (ironic) to try to get a nap and when I lay my head on the pillow, the ringing started in my left ear. I immediately freaked out when it didn't go away after a minute or so. It was a loud, pure tone similar to the tone of fleeting tinnitus. I had always had a fear of the ringing never going away when I had episodes of fleeting tinnitus for as long as I could remember as I knew I wouldn't handle it well - even though in retrospect I knew nothing of tinnitus, ear protection or noise damage. I didn't even know the "ringing" had a name! I had never experienced temporary tinnitus even once before, only fleeting tinnitus.
I noticed my left ear was clogged the next day. About 1.5 days after my acoustic trauma from the scream, while cleaning my right ear with a cotton swab, that ear also clogged up.
My husband and the rest of my family had never really heard of it and thought it was "impossible" to get that much damage from a crying baby. Even a quick Google search said that "there was never any instances where a crying baby permanently damaged hearing".
I went to Urgent Care 3 days after my tinnitus started because I thought maybe it could be wax or something since it just couldn't have been from my baby's scream and they were also clogged. They just looked in my ears and nose and said they didn't see anything, tinnitus can happen sometimes and to go to an ENT if I want. I mentioned I was nursing and the doctor said "oh ok I could prescribe you steroids but they aren't safe for breastfeeding so I won't". I wish I knew what I know now as I would have insisted on the steroids anyway as it has only been 3 days and I would have just given up nursing.
Anyway, 5 days after the trauma I went to the ENT. I have never felt so dismissed in my life. They did check my ears and I got a hearing test from an audiologist. When I came back from seeing the audiologist, the ENT's actual words were "do you want the good news or the good news?" Well, that good news was that my hearing test did not show any hearing damage (only tested up to 8 Hz, with the worst loss being 10 dB in some frequencies), and my Tympanometry, Acoustic Reflex, DPOAE and Speech/Word tests were all normal. Then he asked if I had been under recent stress, to which I mentioned I had a one-month old. Well, my mistake as then I was completely dismissed as just being under a stressful time and given samples of Lipoflavonoids. When I asked about the clogged ears he just said "maybe you clench your jaw" (I know I do and always have to some degree).
Sooo, since then I have not been handing my tinnitus well. I went through an initial period of deep depression where I was crying a lot and the worst part was I was afraid to be around my baby. I would look at him and be like "how could you have done this to me!" I wore foam earplugs around him since the incident, although I am embarrassed to say I don't think I inserted them correctly the first few weeks. I developed TTTS about 2 weeks after the initial trauma. My nose clicks when I talk and my ears just never feel like they fully pop. One positive is that the loud, pure tone faded to a high pitch white noise/static one night a week or so after the incident. With earplugs in I could hear multiple high pitch tones so I am not sure if it actually got better, but it sounded (and still sounds) more like jumbled static without earplugs in. I tried Flonase for a month but then gave it up as I felt no improvement.
Unfortunately, I had to get dental work (crown) about a month after the noise trauma which I had a week long spike from. I am not sure if it made anything permanently worse but I felt like my "in head" tinnitus has been louder since and moved somewhat into my right "good" ear now (the crown was put in on the right side). But I hadn't been monitoring my tinnitus sounds too much at that time to try my best to forget about it. So I don't know for sure.
Where I am now:
For the past week or so, I have been doing much worse as I have been obsessively thinking about it, searching this forum and the internet. I wake up to pump once a night and instantly go on my phone to this forum or to research. I spend all of my days when I am not working doing the same. I am worried since I am now past the 3 month mark and in the "chronic" stage. I know the longer it stays the more likely it is to be permanent. I feel like it is louder, but this is most noticeable with earplugs in then without. I can hear it over anything except the shower if I really want to, but can usually ignore it with enough background noise. I feel like I may have developed another, lower pitched pure tone in my original "bad" left ear and a higher pure tone that is more "in head", sometimes seems louder in my right "good" ear. Both ears definitely sound like they buzz/white noise. My left ear has an additional very high pitch "eee" that seems to have waves constantly where it is louder, then softer, then louder again. This is the only tone that I can say with 100% certainty is only in one ear and is the most intrusive without earplugs. So, I would say I have 4 tones in total 24/7: the wave in my left ear, a high pitch static noise, a high pure tone and the lower pure tone. It gets worse by the end of the day and at night, and without plugs is probably only mild/moderate, but with plugs is definitely moderate/severe.
Since I am wearing earplugs so much since I always put them on when I am around my baby I am driving myself crazy. I cannot stand the louder tinnitus when I have earplugs in - especially the pure tones.
I definitely have some sort of hyperacusis as my ears burn or hurt sometimes, and some noises bother/hurt me. Both ears are 100% clogged at all times, can hear cracking/thumping when I swallow, clicking in my nose when I talk, TTTS from random noises like my son sneezing in another room. This is all not as concerning to me as the tinnitus at this point.
I have had a bad week with noise exposure without plugs: an unexpected fire alarm at work, noisy kids at a family gathering (I did plug after a short time), and my husband accidentally breaking a large glass baking dish on the tile floor about 15 feet from me, and a large blast of air from an air lock at work blasting in the side of my head for a second (I was wearing plugs for this one). These have all made me so much more focused on my tinnitus. I feel like I am in constant fear of a spike and knowing it can happen after a day, a few days, a week, two weeks, a month... makes me extremely anxious and depressed.
I take a prenatal, fish oil, magnesium glycinate and iron supplements. I started the magnesium glycinate a short time after my tinnitus started but the rest I had been taking for a long time before. I am a bit limited by what I can take due to nursing. There is a huge formula shortage so I don't want to stop nursing at this time so I don't have to worry about feeding my son.
I really don't know what to do at this point. I am certain my tinnitus in my left ear started from the baby scream incident, but the other ear/in head tinnitus I am unsure. It all came about at such a crazy time in my life: I just gave birth and had a lot of blood loss (hence the iron supplement suggested by my doctor), stress from new baby/lack of sleep/general stress on the body (he had some health concerns but is ok now), hormones all over the place (birth and since I am still nursing). I know I clench my jaw too and sometimes lately it hurts when I wake up or at the end of the day. So, is my bilateral tinnitus from the acoustic trauma, or the stress, or my jaw, or what?
My husband doesn't understand and this has put a huge strain on our relationship. He thinks I should just suck it up or go to another doctor. He made me so sad last night when he said "Why don't you love me and [our son]? Why don't you want to be with us?" and said he is sad since he knows I have been depressed and not myself.
I struggle with knowing I need to care for my son and being scared to be around him. It is impossible for me to avoid all loud noise as babies make noise. I can't just abandon him when he cries. I am honestly starting to cry just thinking about it. The thing I wanted the most in life was to be a mom and I love my son more than I have ever loved anything in this world, but I can't help thinking that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be in this situation. I keep trying to tell myself that the screaming incident was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back. I know I can't blame him as you can't blame a baby for crying and I should have worn earplugs, or turned him away, or never went to a concert, or never played in the school band for years, or never mowed the lawn, or never went to a movie, etc... But, I always wanted more kids and now I feel like I can never have another. I am scared for the future as he is only going to get louder. I am sad that I feel like I will never be able to go to a sports game with him, or to his first movie, or have a birthday party for him with a lot of kids. It breaks my heart and makes me spiral into bad thoughts. I have definitely been considering ending it all, but I know I can't because of my husband and my son. This almost makes me feel trapped though to just suffer in this torture until I die.
My biggest support, besides reading success stories on this forum, is my mom. The reason I am mentioning this is I drove to her house and cried a few days ago and she told me if she could she would take the tinnitus/hyperacusis and give it to herself so I wouldn't have it, even though she has health problems of her own. She is such a wonderful person and made me realize that I would do the same for my son. And if that is the case then I need to live through this torture so I can be there for him, at least that is what I am trying to convince myself. Even though I am scared to be around him, he is also the only reason I am here and I feel so much better when he smiles at me or when I hold him. It is hard to have such conflicting feelings.
I am so mad at myself for not understanding hearing damage. Even though I knew earplugs were for protection, in actuality I thought of it more as a comfort thing (like to help sleep in noisy situations) than actual protection from damage. I have relatives who have been going to rock concerts and noisy bars for years unprotected and don't have tinnitus. My grandfather worked in a noisy canning factory for 25 years and never developed tinnitus. Why oh why did I ever go to noisy parties or concerts without earplugs! Why didn't I get the stupid steroids when I had the chance! Why wasn't I more informed!
I guess I am just looking for some words of hope that things will get better. I haven't really seen any stories of people getting tinnitus the way I did. I don't know how I am going to get through this every day, much less the next 50-60 years of my life. I am terrified of it getting worse anytime in the future as I don't think I can handle it. I really really hope it goes away to nothing like some of the success stories I see on here, but I have also read that with an acoustic trauma it is more unlikely. I am someone who used to love silence - I could only sleep in complete silence and relax in silence. The thought of never having that again crushes my soul. I feel like this has taken my life from me and I just don't know how to move forward. I don't know how I will be able to be a good mom or wife. I don't know anyone else in my life who has had even temporary tinnitus. I can't believe it has only been 3.5 months as I feel like it has been much much longer that I have been suffering.
Thank you for your support and reading my story.
Tl;dr: Tinnitus and hyperacusis 24/7, multiple tones after acoustic trauma incident from new baby screaming very close to ear, possibly made worse by dental work and stress. Has moved to both ears/head. Having a hard time coping and being around my son, and unsure how to keep going.
I have been lurking here for awhile but decided I need support. Sorry this is so long, the issue is kind of complicated but I want to just introduce myself and tell my story. Tl;dr at the end.
My story:
I'm 27 and developed tinnitus and I believe hyperacusis about 3.5 months ago when my then 5-week old baby let out a very high-pitched scream/cry just inches from my left ear. The stars just seemed to align for this to happen as I was changing positions while he was nursing, he was fussy and my ear just happened to be turned towards his mouth when he decided to do this. My ear immediately hurt and I remember saying "Ow!" but didn't think much else of it. About 20 minutes later, I put ear plugs in (ironic) to try to get a nap and when I lay my head on the pillow, the ringing started in my left ear. I immediately freaked out when it didn't go away after a minute or so. It was a loud, pure tone similar to the tone of fleeting tinnitus. I had always had a fear of the ringing never going away when I had episodes of fleeting tinnitus for as long as I could remember as I knew I wouldn't handle it well - even though in retrospect I knew nothing of tinnitus, ear protection or noise damage. I didn't even know the "ringing" had a name! I had never experienced temporary tinnitus even once before, only fleeting tinnitus.
I noticed my left ear was clogged the next day. About 1.5 days after my acoustic trauma from the scream, while cleaning my right ear with a cotton swab, that ear also clogged up.
My husband and the rest of my family had never really heard of it and thought it was "impossible" to get that much damage from a crying baby. Even a quick Google search said that "there was never any instances where a crying baby permanently damaged hearing".
I went to Urgent Care 3 days after my tinnitus started because I thought maybe it could be wax or something since it just couldn't have been from my baby's scream and they were also clogged. They just looked in my ears and nose and said they didn't see anything, tinnitus can happen sometimes and to go to an ENT if I want. I mentioned I was nursing and the doctor said "oh ok I could prescribe you steroids but they aren't safe for breastfeeding so I won't". I wish I knew what I know now as I would have insisted on the steroids anyway as it has only been 3 days and I would have just given up nursing.
Anyway, 5 days after the trauma I went to the ENT. I have never felt so dismissed in my life. They did check my ears and I got a hearing test from an audiologist. When I came back from seeing the audiologist, the ENT's actual words were "do you want the good news or the good news?" Well, that good news was that my hearing test did not show any hearing damage (only tested up to 8 Hz, with the worst loss being 10 dB in some frequencies), and my Tympanometry, Acoustic Reflex, DPOAE and Speech/Word tests were all normal. Then he asked if I had been under recent stress, to which I mentioned I had a one-month old. Well, my mistake as then I was completely dismissed as just being under a stressful time and given samples of Lipoflavonoids. When I asked about the clogged ears he just said "maybe you clench your jaw" (I know I do and always have to some degree).
Sooo, since then I have not been handing my tinnitus well. I went through an initial period of deep depression where I was crying a lot and the worst part was I was afraid to be around my baby. I would look at him and be like "how could you have done this to me!" I wore foam earplugs around him since the incident, although I am embarrassed to say I don't think I inserted them correctly the first few weeks. I developed TTTS about 2 weeks after the initial trauma. My nose clicks when I talk and my ears just never feel like they fully pop. One positive is that the loud, pure tone faded to a high pitch white noise/static one night a week or so after the incident. With earplugs in I could hear multiple high pitch tones so I am not sure if it actually got better, but it sounded (and still sounds) more like jumbled static without earplugs in. I tried Flonase for a month but then gave it up as I felt no improvement.
Unfortunately, I had to get dental work (crown) about a month after the noise trauma which I had a week long spike from. I am not sure if it made anything permanently worse but I felt like my "in head" tinnitus has been louder since and moved somewhat into my right "good" ear now (the crown was put in on the right side). But I hadn't been monitoring my tinnitus sounds too much at that time to try my best to forget about it. So I don't know for sure.
Where I am now:
For the past week or so, I have been doing much worse as I have been obsessively thinking about it, searching this forum and the internet. I wake up to pump once a night and instantly go on my phone to this forum or to research. I spend all of my days when I am not working doing the same. I am worried since I am now past the 3 month mark and in the "chronic" stage. I know the longer it stays the more likely it is to be permanent. I feel like it is louder, but this is most noticeable with earplugs in then without. I can hear it over anything except the shower if I really want to, but can usually ignore it with enough background noise. I feel like I may have developed another, lower pitched pure tone in my original "bad" left ear and a higher pure tone that is more "in head", sometimes seems louder in my right "good" ear. Both ears definitely sound like they buzz/white noise. My left ear has an additional very high pitch "eee" that seems to have waves constantly where it is louder, then softer, then louder again. This is the only tone that I can say with 100% certainty is only in one ear and is the most intrusive without earplugs. So, I would say I have 4 tones in total 24/7: the wave in my left ear, a high pitch static noise, a high pure tone and the lower pure tone. It gets worse by the end of the day and at night, and without plugs is probably only mild/moderate, but with plugs is definitely moderate/severe.
Since I am wearing earplugs so much since I always put them on when I am around my baby I am driving myself crazy. I cannot stand the louder tinnitus when I have earplugs in - especially the pure tones.
I definitely have some sort of hyperacusis as my ears burn or hurt sometimes, and some noises bother/hurt me. Both ears are 100% clogged at all times, can hear cracking/thumping when I swallow, clicking in my nose when I talk, TTTS from random noises like my son sneezing in another room. This is all not as concerning to me as the tinnitus at this point.
I have had a bad week with noise exposure without plugs: an unexpected fire alarm at work, noisy kids at a family gathering (I did plug after a short time), and my husband accidentally breaking a large glass baking dish on the tile floor about 15 feet from me, and a large blast of air from an air lock at work blasting in the side of my head for a second (I was wearing plugs for this one). These have all made me so much more focused on my tinnitus. I feel like I am in constant fear of a spike and knowing it can happen after a day, a few days, a week, two weeks, a month... makes me extremely anxious and depressed.
I take a prenatal, fish oil, magnesium glycinate and iron supplements. I started the magnesium glycinate a short time after my tinnitus started but the rest I had been taking for a long time before. I am a bit limited by what I can take due to nursing. There is a huge formula shortage so I don't want to stop nursing at this time so I don't have to worry about feeding my son.
I really don't know what to do at this point. I am certain my tinnitus in my left ear started from the baby scream incident, but the other ear/in head tinnitus I am unsure. It all came about at such a crazy time in my life: I just gave birth and had a lot of blood loss (hence the iron supplement suggested by my doctor), stress from new baby/lack of sleep/general stress on the body (he had some health concerns but is ok now), hormones all over the place (birth and since I am still nursing). I know I clench my jaw too and sometimes lately it hurts when I wake up or at the end of the day. So, is my bilateral tinnitus from the acoustic trauma, or the stress, or my jaw, or what?
My husband doesn't understand and this has put a huge strain on our relationship. He thinks I should just suck it up or go to another doctor. He made me so sad last night when he said "Why don't you love me and [our son]? Why don't you want to be with us?" and said he is sad since he knows I have been depressed and not myself.
I struggle with knowing I need to care for my son and being scared to be around him. It is impossible for me to avoid all loud noise as babies make noise. I can't just abandon him when he cries. I am honestly starting to cry just thinking about it. The thing I wanted the most in life was to be a mom and I love my son more than I have ever loved anything in this world, but I can't help thinking that if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be in this situation. I keep trying to tell myself that the screaming incident was probably just the straw that broke the camel's back. I know I can't blame him as you can't blame a baby for crying and I should have worn earplugs, or turned him away, or never went to a concert, or never played in the school band for years, or never mowed the lawn, or never went to a movie, etc... But, I always wanted more kids and now I feel like I can never have another. I am scared for the future as he is only going to get louder. I am sad that I feel like I will never be able to go to a sports game with him, or to his first movie, or have a birthday party for him with a lot of kids. It breaks my heart and makes me spiral into bad thoughts. I have definitely been considering ending it all, but I know I can't because of my husband and my son. This almost makes me feel trapped though to just suffer in this torture until I die.
My biggest support, besides reading success stories on this forum, is my mom. The reason I am mentioning this is I drove to her house and cried a few days ago and she told me if she could she would take the tinnitus/hyperacusis and give it to herself so I wouldn't have it, even though she has health problems of her own. She is such a wonderful person and made me realize that I would do the same for my son. And if that is the case then I need to live through this torture so I can be there for him, at least that is what I am trying to convince myself. Even though I am scared to be around him, he is also the only reason I am here and I feel so much better when he smiles at me or when I hold him. It is hard to have such conflicting feelings.
I am so mad at myself for not understanding hearing damage. Even though I knew earplugs were for protection, in actuality I thought of it more as a comfort thing (like to help sleep in noisy situations) than actual protection from damage. I have relatives who have been going to rock concerts and noisy bars for years unprotected and don't have tinnitus. My grandfather worked in a noisy canning factory for 25 years and never developed tinnitus. Why oh why did I ever go to noisy parties or concerts without earplugs! Why didn't I get the stupid steroids when I had the chance! Why wasn't I more informed!
I guess I am just looking for some words of hope that things will get better. I haven't really seen any stories of people getting tinnitus the way I did. I don't know how I am going to get through this every day, much less the next 50-60 years of my life. I am terrified of it getting worse anytime in the future as I don't think I can handle it. I really really hope it goes away to nothing like some of the success stories I see on here, but I have also read that with an acoustic trauma it is more unlikely. I am someone who used to love silence - I could only sleep in complete silence and relax in silence. The thought of never having that again crushes my soul. I feel like this has taken my life from me and I just don't know how to move forward. I don't know how I will be able to be a good mom or wife. I don't know anyone else in my life who has had even temporary tinnitus. I can't believe it has only been 3.5 months as I feel like it has been much much longer that I have been suffering.
Thank you for your support and reading my story.
Tl;dr: Tinnitus and hyperacusis 24/7, multiple tones after acoustic trauma incident from new baby screaming very close to ear, possibly made worse by dental work and stress. Has moved to both ears/head. Having a hard time coping and being around my son, and unsure how to keep going.