Tinnitus Is Beating Me

[Neenie]

I don't notice the fridge is running until it turns off. I don't hear the traffic unless I actively listen out for it. My microwave emits a high pitched ringing that I hear when I walk into the kitchen area. The sound of the wind is louder than my tinnitus yet it doesn't disturb me at all. I'd rather listen to white noise all day than listen to one minute of tinnitus. I try to remain calm. I try to remain rational. I wake up positive each morning and am severely depressed by the evening. I don't know what I'm doing so wrong. I don't know why this noise is still the same volume it was at the beginning. I'm exercising, I'm sleeping (with thousands of medications but I'm not worried about that), I'm eating well. I distract myself. And still it is here, making me just as anxious as I was in the beginning. I've read countless articles on tinnitus and yet I still read them with hopefulness that maybe I'll learn to not hear it, but I do. I've tried everything and I'm just not succeeding. I've even tried to "try less" because I know I shouldn't be trying at all. Why does this noise have such power over me? Why can I give advice to others but not to myself?

 

[Aaron]

I don't notice the fridge is running until it turns off. I don't hear the traffic unless I actively listen out for it. My microwave emits a high pitched ringing that I hear when I walk into the kitchen area. The sound of the wind is louder than my tinnitus yet it doesn't disturb me at all. I'd rather listen to white noise all day than listen to one minute of tinnitus. I try to remain calm. I try to remain rational. I wake up positive each morning and am severely depressed by the evening. I don't know what I'm doing so wrong. I don't know why this noise is still the same volume it was at the beginning. I'm exercising, I'm sleeping (with thousands of medications but I'm not worried about that), I'm eating well. I distract myself. And still it is here, making me just as anxious as I was in the beginning. I've read countless articles on tinnitus and yet I still read them with hopefulness that maybe I'll learn to not hear it, but I do. I've tried everything and I'm just not succeeding. I've even tried to "try less" because I know I shouldn't be trying at all. Why does this noise have such power over me? Why can I give advice to others but not to myself?

Today is also a bad day for me, the same, I could give you some advice, but I still not performed that well after 19 months, especially after the MRI. My only real support is from my dad, who also got T, and habituated quite well after 19 years, not 19 months. OMG, I even have suicidal thoughts today, for quite a long time. If my T could be as the same as the beginning, I will say that I would have habituated, but after the tone change caused by the MRI, my brain got crazy about the new sound, 12 months after the MRI until now, sigh.

Anyone could give some support for us?

 

[Neenie]

Hey Aaron. What about when you go outside on a windy day, can you hear it then? Or on a busy street, can you hear it then? Stay strong, it can only get better. Try not to think about it. Distract yourself with things you enjoy. Wear your maskers. Stay away from researching magical cures. Try various treatments, but understand that they take months to have effect. Go see a psychologist so you have someone to talk to and also to give you some coping strategies. Message me whenever you need. I'm online almost always. Much love, Nina

 

[LadyDi]

Neenie, you ARE succeeding. You just can't see it because you are in the middle of it. You have learned so much and are so much better in these few months, I have been very impressed. Go back to your early posts. You were fighting the reality of your tinnitus so hard and were so anxious, I was worried about you and how you would manage. But now you understand the acceptance part, seem to have the anxiety under control, are sleeping and looking for other ways to help yourself. You are doing everything right and making progress.

Does tinnitus still suck? Sure and it always will. You will have down days and times. It's ok. You can come here and talk about it. Keep moving toward the future but don't forget to look back and see how far you have come. You should be proud. And it will get better.

 

[Hendre Vlad]

Life moves forward.....never backward..... where do we go when there's no help?,We figured Heaven, so we went left ....but damn ya'll know that ain't right...so we just keep swingin...its just the beegining of a long long painful journey, and rocky dusty road..but hey..the view will be awsome in the end...so stay strong you will cope with it better in the future darlin,you will enjoy lifes things bette than you enjoyd them before T. Good luck

 

[mick1987]

Neenie, you are not being fair on yourself, you have only had tinnitus since September! As LadyDi said you are making progress, get to a year and I bet you will be a lot better. I had tinnitus since summer 2012 and it took me 9 months to get used to it and at the time I could only hear it in quiet rooms, for the next 5 months I was happy. I'm only struggling again because it increased to hearing my T even with the TV on in the daytime, its only been 3 months for me, I know once I get to summer I will be doing a lot better, I am relying on time to help me once again, let time do it's thing.

 

[Zimichael]

Neenie...

Sigh! Geeeez...This reply could sound a bit harsh maybe, but I don't mean it that way at all as am 100% aware of the struggles dealing with this darn Tinnitus and hearing stuff. However, I'm hoping this will give you some perspective, and thus hope. As yeah, I know...listening to and getting advice is one thing, but actually absorbing it into your being and "having it be part of you", is a whole other thing. However, that's what is REAL for US... for ME... = the relevant entity in this situation. What is smacking us in the face gets our attention much more than the "starving millions" or injustices of the world (of which there are plenty).
Totally normal and OK in my view - though boy am I going to have a heated chat with the "Guy or Gal Upstairs" when I pass on, about some "redesign" ideas!!! Like new hearing structures in humans perhaps??? Or this whole Human Suffering thing has to GO, big time!!! – Sorry I digress...but you are suffering so it gets to me.

Now look, I'm apologize and I have not read all your posts as have not had time yet (new here), but in your post here you say: The sound of the wind is louder than my tinnitus yet it doesn't disturb me at all. Also, I gather that other sounds may not be so noticeable until they 'switch off' or whatever? Not sure...

OK, it's clear to me that you have tinnitus but your Profile Page does not give me any personal info on just how loud it might be, or if you some Hyperacusis too, and so forth....BUT, at this glance, it sounds to me that you can not hear your tinnitus or be aware of it, at times...like when the wind is blowing, etc. If I'm wrong, I apologize.

So, if that is true and it is not audible (as much anyhow) if there are distracting natural sounds, or possibly when there is generic white noise type stuff around, etc. THEN THAT IS GREAT!!! Seriously. That means to me that your volume level is not intensely high and loud, AND you are young, AND you have only had tinnitus for 3 months...(yeah I know that "only" is going to sound like a kick in the face not just a smack)...so the people saying you will adapt and it will be OK, they are 99% likely to be right. It just does take time AND you do have to realize you are "different" now.

What do I mean by that? It means that in MHO that if you have got or had tinnitus, especially if trauma (sound induced) or ototoxic drug induced, etc. (not circulatory system, etc.) YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT IN FUTURE! To me it is just a very cruel and hard fact, and I'm not the only one who has learned this the hard way. For some reason zillions of people do not get tinnitus, but they are up there with their heads inside a speaker blasting 500 watts that is enough to make a 747 taking off look tame. And they walk of grinning and wake up with a headache maybe, but no tinnitus. And they go do that dumb stuff again and again. Why do they escape and people like a lot of us don't??? (Yeah, yeah, it's on my list of complaints for the bunch 'upstairs' after I croak).

Anyway, your tinnitus is HIGHLY LIKELY to get much, much lower and you will be leading a normal life, and just be more cautious and aware of one extra thing...excessive sound levels. That's it. Really that is not big deal in the end, and if you get out of this life thing with just this one "war wound" you will be blessed.

Now it takes TIME...and I know time when you are young is much, much more "hasty" than when you get to be an old idjit like me. But see if you can believe me and it may help...because I know! I have had THREE ramps up in tinnitus...Mine is so loud that I hear it above all else, all traffic, all speaking, everything, at all times, at unbelievable volume. It takes Victoria Falls (Niagara Falls probably same) to beat it to background noise. It is LOUD...and somehow I end up adapting to it eventually. And the biggest adaption part now is my hyperacusis, which is huge royal pain in the rear compared to the ringing...which the brain seems to adapt to better in my experience. Even with the outrageous new hyperacusis c/o 2006, I was back doing modern dance, and in a show, and traveling and all that years later. (A year to you may sound like a lifetime…but they get shorter as you get older).

So look...there's tons of hope. It will just take time (and not being an idiot by getting angry with yourself and deliberately challenging your hearing with a Disco blast fest - which unfortunately I too understand).

OK??? I hope some of this gets through. Even so, don't beat yourself up if it doesn't either...We humans are pretty goofy creatures and sometimes I marvel at our intransigence and foibles. Hey, but it's either that or I'd never stop crying.

P.S. I'll write up my visit to the audiologist recently to add a little more perspective to all the above...some 3:00 am when I can't sleep!

Take care and maybe I can add one of those little gizmo hug things. If it doe not work you get one anyway!

Zimichael.

 

[object16]

i think you are doing o.k. - even though you think not, you will gradually re-program your brain. my tinnitus was quite bad until it got really a whole lot worse also in September of 2013 following a dental crown being put in.
My tinnitus is there all the time too. As long as you use white noise all the time or pink noise like rain, and find some music tracks, "new age" music, and keep listening to LOW levels of sound all the time - it is very important for the sound level to be slightly quieter than the tinnitus - the brain should be allowed to hear the tinnitus and your masking sounds so the masking is slightly less than the tinnitus. this will allow the brain the re - program. that's what i have been doing, and that is what you are supposed to do. and i don't really have any choice in the matter, and little by little you will start noticing the tinnitus less, it will be less "intrusive" and it will gradually change into a background noise that you hear all the time but don't notice.

 

[billie48]

I agree with others that a newer sufferer of tinnitus still struggling to ignore tinnitus after 3 months is pretty normal. Many of us took much longer. This is not to slight your suffering. Neenie, what you feel is real and personal. I respect that and have empathy for your suffering. You are also doing a wonderful job of caring and advising others while you are hurting yourself. Good on you.

A few years back, I was in the pit of hell with both tinnitus and hyperacusis. On top of these two beasts, I also suffered anxiety and panic disorders for decades before T & H, so they literally opened the flood gate of hell of relentless anxiety and panic attacks. These are awful sensations to the body. Add those with depression and sleeplessness, I just couldn't manage and had to depend on pills like you. I never thought I could habituate to that kind of suffering. But miraculously I started turning around in a year. It takes time for the body to get used to a new alien sensation to start healing itself. Today I am totally drug free and enjoying a normal life. So it is necessary to be patient with the habituation process to give enough time. It is important to stop obsessing with T and monitoring it all the time. The anxiety of doing that can prolong the recovery.

You need to remove the FEAR element of tinnitus, and the way I did it was, after learning from forum members that even loud tinnitus is livable, to accept its presence in my life and made a consciously decision to accommodate T by co-existing peacefully with it. I stopped worrying and monitoring T and got busy with life. I do my thing and let T do its thing. Gradually, with this attitude, the brain stopped treating T as a threat and so it began to fade it out of consciousness, much like your fan, refrigerator, or any sounds you brain deems harmless.

Be ready for set backs in the habituation process. Accept this as a reality and necessary process towards habituation. By so doing, you again remove any anxiety about T. Give your body time to heal and be patient. In time, you will be well. It is doable and have hope for a better future. There are many success stories and most of them have the common elements of Time, Acceptance, Patience, Getting Busy, Distraction etc. To me, the most important element of them all is just TIME. Right now, with your T experience so new, even though you know what it takes to habituate, the body just not there yet to turn around. As it says in the Bible, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak". This is so true for newer T sufferer. So give it some time. God bless.

 

[Neenie]

Thanks guys. I know I know. I just get scared that if things stay the way they are now I'll see no option other than to die, and I really really like being alive so that would really suck. But....life changes and I (and all of us) need to remember that. 2 years ago your life was very different. In 2 years from now, life again will be very different. I need to learn patience and be a stronger more resilient person. My life has been pretty amazing. Lovely family, great friends, financial freedom, great beaches (although we've been getting a lot of alarm for sharks going off lately, eep!), starting Masters in Audiology, wonderful husband that I've known for 20 years now, have not experienced loss of any kind. So tinnitus is really the only things that's happened to me, which I guess is not all that bad! And ok, ill give it a bit more time

 

[I who love music]

I bet your posts have inspired a lot of people. That's what folks really need - inspiration. Motivation is short lived. Your determination is inspirational, so is your willingness to share your story. You've tried a lot of things. You're cautious. You've inspired me too.
I have a tip.
(40 years of battling this beast)
Take a Cognitive approach. You're young. You'll heal. I believe it's possible.
You said you've tried, and tried less to hear it.
There's something stronger than medicine, masking, and trying to ignore T.
Retrain your brain. The cognitive approach is the strongest remedy I believe. Again, let me say it - 40 years.
Behavioral Cognitive Therapy.
Maybe you can study up on this, or see a psychologist, or even hypnotist.
I used to have panic attacks. My life was hell. I mean H E L L.
I can't tell you exactly how cognitive therapy works. But I can tell you it's more about action and patterns of action and less about looking for an outside cure. You have the power, I'm pretty sure.

 

[billie48]

I bet your posts have inspired a lot of people. That's what folks really need - inspiration. Motivation is short lived. Your determination is inspirational, so is your willingness to share your story. You've tried a lot of things. You're cautious. You've inspired me too.
I have a tip.
(40 years of battling this beast)
Take a Cognitive approach. You're young. You'll heal. I believe it's possible.
You said you've tried, and tried less to hear it.
There's something stronger than medicine, masking, and trying to ignore T.
Retrain your brain. The cognitive approach is the strongest remedy I believe. Again, let me say it - 40 years.
Behavioral Cognitive Therapy.
Maybe you can study up on this, or see a psychologist, or even hypnotist.
I used to have panic attacks. My life was hell. I mean H E L L.
I can't tell you exactly how cognitive therapy works. But I can tell you it's more about action and patterns of action and less about looking for an outside cure. You have the power, I'm pretty sure.

So true. Before tinnitus and hyperacusis, I suffered anxiety and panic disorders for decades. I tended to react to challenges with worry and fear. So tinnitus and hyperacusis literally opened the flood gate of hell with relentless panic attacks on auto mode. Depression also set in when things got worse and worse with no end in sight. Then I found a book "Feeling Good" by Dr. Burns and learned about CBT and cognitive distortions, and how these can wreck havoc on our emotional health and mood. I then realized how tinnitus sufferings had distorted the way I thought about my life and the future. I learned to restructure my thinking to more realistic and positive approach. The result is night and day. I began to have better control of my emotional state and became more confident of myself and the future. Even the dreaded anxiety and panic attacks became less and less during major spikes of my tinnitus. This began the process towards eventual habituation.

 

[2014winner]

Hi. I cannot hear traffic sounds sometimes, as Neeny had asked.
Some days are better than others.
Your posts are helpful. Thank you.

E.