Tinnitus Week 2018 / Day 3: How Does Your Significant Other Help You Manage Your Tinnitus?

[Dana]

Does "significant other" mean necessarily your life partner? Or is the person who should be phoned in case something happens? When I was in US, i was told that the "significant other" expression is taken from the information forms you have to fill when you go to a hospital. Is that true?
The only person who gives a damn about me is my son. So i will talk about my son.
I asked him so many times to forgive me for not cleaning, or cooking, or doing the laundry, because i was too sick with tinnitus, and that i promise to do it tomorrow. And he forgives me and he tells me it's ok. And the next day, if i feel bad, i don't do what i promise, and i ask for understanding and forgiveness again. And i receive them again. And again. No matter how many times i appologise. I have the most understanding son. He is such a sweetheart, and i feel so sorry that he does not have a healthy, cheerful mother.
In terms of noise, he is just as sensitive as me. I, because of my tinnitus. He is sensitive because of his Aspergerger's syndrom. People on the autistic spectrum cannot stand loud noises, so no problems with that.
On the other side, the rest of my family members, not only that they are not understanding or supporting, but they are abusive, very abusive, cannot give details here.

 

[Samir]

Does "significant other" mean necessarily your life partner?

According to Wikipedia, a "significant other" is...

Definition 1:

colloquially used as a gender-neutral term for a person's partner in an intimate relationship without disclosing or presuming anything about marital status, relationship status, or sexual orientation. Synonyms with similar properties include sweetheart, better half, spouse, domestic partner, lover, soulmate, or life partner.

Definition 2:

Its usage in psychology and sociology is very different from its colloquial use. In psychology, a significant other is any person who has great importance to an individual's life or well-being. In sociology, it describes any person or persons with a strong influence on an individual's self concept.

In social psychology, a significant other is a parent, uncle/aunt, grandparent, guardian or teacher — the person who guides and takes care of a child during primary socialization.

In the context of this discussion and the survey, it means "any person who has great importance to an individual's life or well-being". So it can be a life partner, family member, a friend, work colleague and so on.

 

[Dana]

Thank you, @Samir, for clearing that for me. So i used the term with the meaning that it has in psychology and sociology. I would say that i even used it with its meaning in social psychology, because many times i feel as if my son is the one who is guiding me, and not the other way around. I feel as if he is the parent, and i am reborned, as a child. I have never learned more than how much i have learned from my son. Since he was born i see the world through his eyes, and it was so refreshing. Children are so wonderful, and the worst thing that tinnitus did to me is that it blocked my possibility to have more. At 39, when T hit me, i still had chances to have a second child, or even a third. Damn tinnitus, changes the trajectory of lives and destroys them.
Anyway, the only family member that is important to me is very understanding of my tinnitus problem. To hell with the rest. Tinnitus is an indicator of who is your real friend and who is not.

 

[jimH]

The only person who gives a damn about me is my son. So i will talk about my son.

That's not true, Dana. There are people here that care about you and are concerned about your well being more than you think!

 

[Jazzer]

My significant other is my misus, a truly lovely person.
She is a machine embroidery designer, with an international reputation, currently running an appeal in support of the Royal Marsden Cancer Hospital for the children's wards.
She is a retired clinical hypnotherapist.
She has treated me with hypnotherapy sessions, taught me self hypnosis, and created a recording for me to use to reduce anxiety, and to promote sound sleep.
Because she is not a "T" sufferer herself, we had to get past the usual situation of my pointing out that, normal domestic noises, like vacuuming, and particularly the food blender, had to be avoided by me.
That said, she has read much about "T" and is entirely supportive.
I figure I was very unlucky to have developed chronic tinnitus, but extremely lucky to have the support of such a charming lady, my wife. xx

 

[Lorac]

He let's me know how much he values me in spite of my disability. He understands when I choose to avoid loud venues. He helps me hear and participate in conversations in certain social situations. He is fine with going to restaurants early and sitting in the quiet corner. He lowers the television and his voice.
Mostly, he is funny and he makes me laugh often. I don't suffer when I am laughing.

 

[Dmitriy]

This is a tough one. I don't have the worst T in the world, but I do have a lot of anxiety about it. I have to consider what social activities are planned. I was going to take my wife to new restaurant for Valentine, until I read a review that describes how extremely loud it was. Before T I wouldn't care about that.

I do remind my wife that I try to avoid loud noises. She forgets and I don't blame her, but she does understand when I try to avoid loud places. Last summer I had to get off extremely loud excursion bus but told my family to stay on and finish the tour.

If there is a mutual understanding then you have the right support. Do not blame anyone for forgetting about your condition, just keep reminding them of dos and donts.

 

[astaff14]

My boyfriend just gets annoyed whenever I mention it. He's a loud talker too, so sometimes I plug my ears a little and he always gets offended, even though I pretty much do it reflexively at noises that seem too loud.

 

[David Dubros]

My beautiful and understanding sig. other has been by my side for 12 years.
When T hit she embraced me and told me we would get through it.
She has endless patience for my moods and loves me unconditionally.
I feel blessed by God to be with her and she always likes to think about growing older together.

As a result of her love my ability to deal with life is vastly strengthened.
In looking back i never thought about T but since the onset her and i have grown closer.
I consider myself extremely fortunate to have her and will love her in return no matter what it takes.

 

[Gman]

Does not really understand why I'm bothered by T, as says she gets it too "sometimes". Yet it does not seem to affect her in the slightest. Unfortunately it has been a source of tension at times.

 

[1MW]

None can understand the situation of tinnitus / hyperacusis / pressure in ear / lack of sleep due to tinnitus.

When I first got tinnitus it was so bad that I did anesthetics in my vein (benzos did not work).

I was going to commit suicide. I was very bad.
After tinnitus was cured the first time and a year after I read other stories with tinnitus around the net in forums and I could not understand the problem of others.

Sometimes I read and laugh.

I have passed this hell and I cannot understand others with tinnitus so don't wait to understand yourself, someone who has not come off from the tinnitus hell.