Tonight Because of Severe Tinnitus I’m Sleeping in a Cell

[Bam]

Lost it tonight. Mentally the pressure of living with a constant scream pushed me right to the brink. I couldn't take anymore. Things are supposed to get better and yet 8 months in and I'm getting worse.

The police found me and now I'm here sleeping on a plastic bed in a mental ward.

Never in my worst nightmares could I have envisaged what this affliction could push me to. I'm not posting this for sympathy. I'm posting it so that if any of your family or friends are belittling your struggle and doubt how bad 'ringing in the ears' can get you show them this post.... I'm clinging on to life by my finger tips daily. My hope is gone. When you consider the perfectly normal life I had before severe tinnitus it's a tragedy.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I am so sorry that you have been suffering so much...

The police found me

What happened?

 

[Wolfears]

Sorry to hear about your predicament Bam...not quite sure what happened and why the police was looking for you but my heart goes out to you.
Your fine and witty writing style gives a strong voice to those who suffer and who want the truth about tinnitus to come out in the open.
I hope you keep posting for long time to come.
People out there need to know what this horrifying nightmare is capable of doing to a normal, happy and well adjusted individuals.
I hope all the ignorant "medical professional" assholes who keep telling people to "learn to live with it" are reading this.

 

[Jazzer]

I hope all the ignorant "medical professional" assholes who keep telling people to "learn to live with it" are reading this.

But what else can they tell us?
As you know - they don't have the answer?

 

[emmalee]

I am so very sorry to hear this, Bam. We are all here for you.

 

[glynis]

@Bam,
Tinnitus can be real mental torture for some people and I know how that feels as I live with it too!
Your in a place of safty now so your cry for help should help you with some specialised care to support you .
We are here Bam and we all do care about you and sending all our love to you so hold on to that thought.
love glynis x

 

[New Guy]

I hope you can get some masking in that room.... Hope things change for the better soon.

 

[TracyJS]

@Bam
I am so so sorry. We care about you and are here for you.

 

[Static Sophie 73]

I have just this moment bam as I sit outside a movie cinema that was too loud for me, have lifted you up in prayer ... Wherever you are I am thinking of you - hold on in there Bam

 

[BobK544]

Very sorry to hear about your situation Bam......when my T spikes, which it does now on a regular basis, like every 4th day or so, i listen to a 14k notched file on a sandisk mp3 player and i've just started researching hearing aids that also have notched sounds built in, because listening to a notched file helps me stop obsessing with how loud my T is during a spike and helps me change my focus, otherwise every other thought is how loud it is and that turns into more anxiety which in turn makes things worse in my case. So its sort of a way to escape from yourself and hand off the listening obsession for a period of time and get some relief and this approach, in combination with vagus stimulation, is what is currently in clinical trials i believe.
http://www.hearingreview.com/2008/1...g-aids-hearing-care-professional-perceptions/

 

[valeri]

It's beyond me what "just a noise" can do to people yet nobody cares!
F..k

 

[Wolfears]

But what else can they tell us?
As you know - they don't have the answer?

Sorry maybe I didn't write it as good as I should have.
I'm talking about the general attitude problem in the medical field when it comes to tinnitus.
This condition is portrayed as "mildly annoying" and really not that big of a deal....the whole "learn to live with it" is a reflection of that attitude...sometimes even presented as a joke of sorts.
It's mainly the systemic propaganda I was getting at...the true sufferers are not being taken seriously.

 

[glynis]

@Bam,
We all are thinking about you.
Update us when you can love everyone from Tinnitus Talk xxx

 

[fishbone]

Lost it tonight. Mentally the pressure of living with a constant scream pushed me right to the brink. I couldn't take anymore. Things are supposed to get better and yet 8 months in and I'm getting worse.

The police found me and now I'm here sleeping on a plastic bed in a mental ward.

Never in my worst nightmares could I have envisaged what this affliction could push me to. I'm not posting this for sympathy. I'm posting it so that if any of your family or friends are belittling your struggle and doubt how bad 'ringing in the ears' can get you show them this post.... I'm clinging on to life by my finger tips daily. My hope is gone. When you consider the perfectly normal life I had before severe tinnitus it's a tragedy.

GEEZ! What happened? I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I highly suggest that you get some counseling bro. This really bothers me, that you ended up in a ward. You'll be in my prayers, bless your soul....

 

[Jazzer]

Lost it tonight. Mentally the pressure of living with a constant scream pushed me right to the brink. I couldn't take anymore. Things are supposed to get better and yet 8 months in and I'm getting worse.

The police found me and now I'm here sleeping on a plastic bed in a mental ward.

Never in my worst nightmares could I have envisaged what this affliction could push me to. I'm not posting this for sympathy. I'm posting it so that if any of your family or friends are belittling your struggle and doubt how bad 'ringing in the ears' can get you show them this post.... I'm clinging on to life by my finger tips daily. My hope is gone. When you consider the perfectly normal life I had before severe tinnitus it's a tragedy.

Dear Bam
I have massive respect for the transparent honesty with which you have written this piece.
To admit to the very worst aspects of tinnitus is to confront the very devil itself.
I too suffer permanent intrusive loud noise, that seeks to permeate my entire existence.
It never dips, it never goes.
To outward appearances, I probably appear to cope quite well,
but the truth is, I really suffer so badly.

I do practice deep relaxation, and meditation, which are useful tools, but of course, they do nothing to reduce the neuronal activity, or reduce the noise level.

I have hinted several times at aspects of my tinnitus story, but have never written such a truly candid account.

I will begin to think about it.

I truly believe that we are all suffering from the worst possible syndrome there is.

I have huge respect for you bam, and just wish I could offer anything that might help.
I will be thinking about you much,
Sending love to a buddy in suffering,

Jazzer (as was)
Dave
xx

 

[BobbyH]

I'm clinging on to life by my finger tips daily. My hope is gone.

I honestly empathize with you; I feel your pain. All I know how to do is pray. Take care my friend.

 

[Jcb]

@Bam sorry man, I truly am. I appreciate your way of expressing your thoughts and feelings. Maybe you are in the best place for now. Try to stay strong.... all us weirdos will still be here.

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Bam
I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well and hopefully things will turnaround for you soon. A person once telephoned me from a psychiatric hospital. Admitted because he couldn't tolerate the distress of his tinnitus and wanted to self harm. I am pleased to say that he made a good recovery. Try to focus on something positive even though things aren't going well for you at the moment, there is always hope.

All the best
Michael

 

[dpdx]

@Bam
I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well and hopefully things will turnaround for you soon. A person once telephoned me from a psychiatric hospital. Admitted because he couldn't tolerate the distress of his tinnitus and wanted to self harm. I am pleased to say that he made a good recovery. Try to focus on something positive even though things aren't going well for you at the moment, there is always hope.

All the best
Michael

This is why we need educate people on Tinnitus and Hyperacusis. This is not a game people its a serious condition (brain condition) that needs to be addressed. People need to know to avoid loud sounds/places, and need to know what T is and can do.

 

[Jazzer]

It is the first comment in which you tell the whole truth, at last the miracle was given that you be sincere.

I do not understand this statement......
I am never less than sincere........

 

[Marc22]

Dear Bam:

I am so sorry to hear about your case. I too ended up in a psych ward last january, because of a suicidally depressed meltdown due to having to move (see my story in the Hyperacusis section). I am feeling better and I have some control over circumstances causing the depression. But you do not know what is going on...and I am sorry to hear that. We can only be there for you. Loneliness and not being understood makes things worse, and I am feeling much of that these days, because I am between apartments with little support from so-called ''family and friends''. I mean, on my last day in an apartment that I had to leave, this so-called female ''friend' whom I had been bickering with a lot lately, actually turned on her smartphone to listen to some music, I told her to turn it off because it was hurting me, and she ignored me to get back at me. And I had done nothing to hurt her! So that is a little microcosm of the world we live in: little compassion, much indifference, and sometimes outright cruely from these 'familes and friends''. So let's try to help each other here at least, OK?

Marco

 

[glynis]

@Bam,
Your in our thoughts and prayers and hope you get great care and support .
Tinnitus is mental torture not sugar coating it for the ones who struggle and we are strong together on here than feeling alone.
love glynis x

 

[stophiss]

Bam,
Many of us have suffered and know your pain.
Can you get some meds to chill you out to take some of the sting of T away...and/or some noise masking as mentioned by other poster.
We feel for you. Take care and feel better. This tinnitus scourge seems to go in cycles. I hope you get to a better place soon.

 

[fishbone]

Dear Bam:

I am so sorry to hear about your case. I too ended up in a psych ward last january, because of a suicidally depressed meltdown due to having to move (see my story in the Hyperacusis section). I am feeling better and I have some control over circumstances causing the depression. But you do not know what is going on...and I am sorry to hear that. We can only be there for you. Loneliness and not being understood makes things worse, and I am feeling much of that these days, because I am between apartments with little support from so-called ''family and friends''. I mean, on my last day in an apartment that I had to leave, this so-called female ''friend' whom I had been bickering with a lot lately, actually turned on her smartphone to listen to some music, I told her to turn it off because it was hurting me, and she ignored me to get back at me. And I had done nothing to hurt her! So that is a little microcosm of the world we live in: little compassion, much indifference, and sometimes outright cruely from these 'familes and friends''. So let's try to help each other here at least, OK?

Marco

My friend, we do indeed live in a cruel world. You try to set the example and maybe this world can follow. I do this daily and that's all we got...

 

[Bill Bauer]

You try to set the example and maybe this world can follow.

It won't follow.

 

[fishbone]

It won't follow.

I know that Bill, can't we at least have hope at times......

 

[dayma]

My friend, we do indeed live in a cruel world. You try to set the example and maybe this world can follow. I do this daily and that's all we got...

Keep up

I know that Bill, can't we at least have hope at times......

Never lose hope man!

 

[RicoS]

@Bam are you ok ???

 

[glynis]

@Bam might not have charge on his phone or computer access and need time for the hospital to put support in place and medication but im sure he knows we are all thinking of him and will update us when he can.
love glynis x

 

[Vicki14]

@Bam Really so sorry to hear how this has gripped you. Truly am. I hope that you've reached your lowest point and now being to push yourself back up to the surface again. Take care, hugs.

Quite unusual that they've let you have your phone in your room?