Hi everyone!
So, I came to this site about 6 weeks ago in desperation, to seek some advice on that dreaded ringing in my ears that we all know about. At the time, I was due to go travelling around Asia and teach english in Thailand. I thought I'd write this post for anyone out there who needs support and encouragement to get out in the world and accomplish their dreams. It is possible, and I want to share my experience.
It all started by attending a heavy drum and bass night where I lived (that I never normally go to....). I remember noticing really loud buzzing in my ears when my head hit the pillow to pass out, but, I'd had this previously from a young age and thought nothing of it. The next day, it was still haunting me. I tried to put it to the back of my mind but the ringing was so loud, it became the only thing I could concentrate on. By day five, I was panicing and desperate for a solution. I found myself stuffing cotton wool in my ears on the way to work, thinking that the bus noises were making it louder. I stopped listening to my iPod completely and even wore earplugs when I plugged in the hair-dryer. It was a living nightmare.
My boyfriend would comfort me as I cried and tried to explain what it was like to hear tinnitus inside my head. As much as it was appreciated to have someone listen, he couldn't understand. Because the people around couldn't sympathise, they would forget I was suffering with it fairly quickly, which was of course, natural and yet tragically depressing for me. I felt completely alone and in a pit of whirling misery with a high-pitched whistling sound for company.
My mother suffers from Meniere's Disease and has had constant tinnitus since her 20's. She is also 65% deaf and has hearing aids. Because of this, she has always taught me to be conscious of loud noises and protecting my hearing and so I wore ear protection to concerts and in loud environments. It just so happens that the one night I relaxed about it and forgot my ear plugs, tinnitus caught me. It's hard to describe how much regret I have for not thinking of ear plugs that night. I can't even begin to say how angry and upset I am at myself for letting my guard down, or at all the other people I knew that went, that did not wake up with this horrible disease. I felt like a monster, green with envy at everyone who wasn't me.
Two weeks went by and I slowly started to think that this ringing noise was never going away. Some would say I gave up hope too soon, but I found that the more time I spent wishing for it to disappear, the louder it became and the more it began to take over my life. I bargained with Tinnitus on a daily basis - "Please, go away. I'll do anything, anything at all. I'll never go to clubs or loud bars again. I won't wear headphones anymore." is just an example of what I thought upon waking up every day. Before I knew it, something just snapped inside my head and I realised that I was so fed up of being depressed that I just couldn't do it any longer. One morning I woke up and thought, "I need to get used to this noise and live my life. Time to deal with this." & so, that's what I did and still learning to do.
Firstly, I invested in professional sound ear plugs which are something I would never live without. I wear them when I dry my hair and sometimes on transport. I keep my iPod volume on average level and give my ears regular breaks - I suggest a kindle, instead! I would make sure that I was constantly doing something with my time, whether that was planning my travel itinerary, doing extra things at work, going to the gym or watching tv series. I downloaded a masking sound app that I sometimes play when I want to go to sleep. I tried to make my life just that little bit easier now that I had a new, irritating friend to hang around with....
Before long, my brain became accustomed to Tinnitus. It's hard to believe I have done it in such a short amount of time but it is getting easier and it IS an on-going process. Don't give up. Do think positive.
It wasn't before long that I was sat at London Heathrow Airport about to board a plane to Vietnam with my boyfriend. I got emotional realising that I had already been on a journey the past few weeks previously, with myself. The learning to cope and realising that life goes on whether you're happy or not is the biggest bitch of it all. But, once you re-evaluate your goals, thoughts and what you're putting all your energy into - you do break free. I boarded that plane with a heavy heart and a free mind, knowing that a new adventure starts right there.
I have now been travelling for just under three weeks all the way through Vietnam and it has been fantastic. I have heard my tinnitus about 10 times, mostly when I actually GO looking for it. Trekking along the Mekong Delta path, we passed some trees with very noisy 'Cacai' living inside the bark. The noise was so loud it was unbearable. Afterwards, my boyfriend said ' I was going to say to you afterwards, ' god, this is what Tinnitus must sound like! But I daren't in case it reminded you of it!' I am so absorbed with scenery from sleeper buses, that I don't feel the need to listen to my iPod or distract myself in other ways from the buzzzzzzzzzz shshhdhhdhddhhd whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz beeeeeeeeeeeeep noise in my head. The new smells and sounds of each place are a reality check, coming to an understanding that everyone is living life and getting on with it - which is what I need to do too. You can't rewind your life and you can't start over. But, you can heal and you will push through that boundary of despair. Of course, I have down days - everybody does. The hardest part is my mood swings - if I can hear the tinnitus, I become restless and irritated. Travelling is exciting yet exhausting and so plenty of sleep also aids the disease. I find that if I'm tired, my T will be very loud.
In 10 days I will be in Thailand ready to start teaching primary children, English. I'm anxious and scared, but for the teaching and new surroundings - not my tinnitus!
I guess I wanted to write this because Tinnitus caught me when I least expected it just before I was about to embark on a life-changing journey. I didn't think I could travel and I never wanted to 'cope' with it. Before I boarded that plane, I was miserable and depressed with what had happened, thinking that I would never be able to experience life to the full again. How very wrong I was. You can do this - you just have to want to. It's tiring being positive, but feeling negative is even more exhausting. Looking on the bright side is what brings you possibility and new beginnings. I never thought I would get to the place where I could do things and not hear an accompanied noise to go with it - but I'm getting there. The irony is that I can now hear my Tinnitus, which has yet to make an appearance in my head today until now. So, I guess this is a blog post for everyone to share that dreams are still possible and life can go on normally, with a few tweaks and adjustments for your comfort and pleasure!
I am a keen photographer and have included some of my photographs - take a look at my blog to see what's happening if you wish! - http://www.emmavanlooy.com
Take care everyone,
Emmy x
So, I came to this site about 6 weeks ago in desperation, to seek some advice on that dreaded ringing in my ears that we all know about. At the time, I was due to go travelling around Asia and teach english in Thailand. I thought I'd write this post for anyone out there who needs support and encouragement to get out in the world and accomplish their dreams. It is possible, and I want to share my experience.
It all started by attending a heavy drum and bass night where I lived (that I never normally go to....). I remember noticing really loud buzzing in my ears when my head hit the pillow to pass out, but, I'd had this previously from a young age and thought nothing of it. The next day, it was still haunting me. I tried to put it to the back of my mind but the ringing was so loud, it became the only thing I could concentrate on. By day five, I was panicing and desperate for a solution. I found myself stuffing cotton wool in my ears on the way to work, thinking that the bus noises were making it louder. I stopped listening to my iPod completely and even wore earplugs when I plugged in the hair-dryer. It was a living nightmare.
My boyfriend would comfort me as I cried and tried to explain what it was like to hear tinnitus inside my head. As much as it was appreciated to have someone listen, he couldn't understand. Because the people around couldn't sympathise, they would forget I was suffering with it fairly quickly, which was of course, natural and yet tragically depressing for me. I felt completely alone and in a pit of whirling misery with a high-pitched whistling sound for company.
My mother suffers from Meniere's Disease and has had constant tinnitus since her 20's. She is also 65% deaf and has hearing aids. Because of this, she has always taught me to be conscious of loud noises and protecting my hearing and so I wore ear protection to concerts and in loud environments. It just so happens that the one night I relaxed about it and forgot my ear plugs, tinnitus caught me. It's hard to describe how much regret I have for not thinking of ear plugs that night. I can't even begin to say how angry and upset I am at myself for letting my guard down, or at all the other people I knew that went, that did not wake up with this horrible disease. I felt like a monster, green with envy at everyone who wasn't me.
Two weeks went by and I slowly started to think that this ringing noise was never going away. Some would say I gave up hope too soon, but I found that the more time I spent wishing for it to disappear, the louder it became and the more it began to take over my life. I bargained with Tinnitus on a daily basis - "Please, go away. I'll do anything, anything at all. I'll never go to clubs or loud bars again. I won't wear headphones anymore." is just an example of what I thought upon waking up every day. Before I knew it, something just snapped inside my head and I realised that I was so fed up of being depressed that I just couldn't do it any longer. One morning I woke up and thought, "I need to get used to this noise and live my life. Time to deal with this." & so, that's what I did and still learning to do.
Firstly, I invested in professional sound ear plugs which are something I would never live without. I wear them when I dry my hair and sometimes on transport. I keep my iPod volume on average level and give my ears regular breaks - I suggest a kindle, instead! I would make sure that I was constantly doing something with my time, whether that was planning my travel itinerary, doing extra things at work, going to the gym or watching tv series. I downloaded a masking sound app that I sometimes play when I want to go to sleep. I tried to make my life just that little bit easier now that I had a new, irritating friend to hang around with....
Before long, my brain became accustomed to Tinnitus. It's hard to believe I have done it in such a short amount of time but it is getting easier and it IS an on-going process. Don't give up. Do think positive.
It wasn't before long that I was sat at London Heathrow Airport about to board a plane to Vietnam with my boyfriend. I got emotional realising that I had already been on a journey the past few weeks previously, with myself. The learning to cope and realising that life goes on whether you're happy or not is the biggest bitch of it all. But, once you re-evaluate your goals, thoughts and what you're putting all your energy into - you do break free. I boarded that plane with a heavy heart and a free mind, knowing that a new adventure starts right there.
I have now been travelling for just under three weeks all the way through Vietnam and it has been fantastic. I have heard my tinnitus about 10 times, mostly when I actually GO looking for it. Trekking along the Mekong Delta path, we passed some trees with very noisy 'Cacai' living inside the bark. The noise was so loud it was unbearable. Afterwards, my boyfriend said ' I was going to say to you afterwards, ' god, this is what Tinnitus must sound like! But I daren't in case it reminded you of it!' I am so absorbed with scenery from sleeper buses, that I don't feel the need to listen to my iPod or distract myself in other ways from the buzzzzzzzzzz shshhdhhdhddhhd whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz beeeeeeeeeeeeep noise in my head. The new smells and sounds of each place are a reality check, coming to an understanding that everyone is living life and getting on with it - which is what I need to do too. You can't rewind your life and you can't start over. But, you can heal and you will push through that boundary of despair. Of course, I have down days - everybody does. The hardest part is my mood swings - if I can hear the tinnitus, I become restless and irritated. Travelling is exciting yet exhausting and so plenty of sleep also aids the disease. I find that if I'm tired, my T will be very loud.
In 10 days I will be in Thailand ready to start teaching primary children, English. I'm anxious and scared, but for the teaching and new surroundings - not my tinnitus!
I guess I wanted to write this because Tinnitus caught me when I least expected it just before I was about to embark on a life-changing journey. I didn't think I could travel and I never wanted to 'cope' with it. Before I boarded that plane, I was miserable and depressed with what had happened, thinking that I would never be able to experience life to the full again. How very wrong I was. You can do this - you just have to want to. It's tiring being positive, but feeling negative is even more exhausting. Looking on the bright side is what brings you possibility and new beginnings. I never thought I would get to the place where I could do things and not hear an accompanied noise to go with it - but I'm getting there. The irony is that I can now hear my Tinnitus, which has yet to make an appearance in my head today until now. So, I guess this is a blog post for everyone to share that dreams are still possible and life can go on normally, with a few tweaks and adjustments for your comfort and pleasure!
I am a keen photographer and have included some of my photographs - take a look at my blog to see what's happening if you wish! - http://www.emmavanlooy.com
Take care everyone,
Emmy x
Member
