Hey guys, reporting live 4:05 am here... t. spiking, stressed out. The one good thing (among many others) on this forum is that I don't have to explain what a t. spike or tinnitus is like to others. Explaining to healthy ppl, I just gave up.
Actually, I tried to play the other day 11 kHz sine wave to one of my friends so that he gets some idea... didn't realize it's gonna affect me more than him cuz it was at 75 dB at then I began thinking to myself, if these frequency sounds on youtube can't worsen or replace the sound of our own tinnitus... and there you have it, another thing to stress yourself about
Hi
@Mystery Reader thanks for responding. Always a pleasure to hear from you.
We are constantly learning the number of things that can cause stress with this condition.
Precisely, just named one above and I totally get what you're saying with replacing my dishes with paper plates and disposable cutlery. I thought about that, then my ENT said 'No.' and so did some other members on here - it'd be some form of a setback. When I think about it, you could be correct in that there was some decent protection between me and the machinery. Still, it felt like I woke to the middle of a concert or smth. I just freaked out so bad. Then you can't stop thinking about it, you're throwing ideas around in your head trying to take into consideration absolutely everything. Now I think if I just let go off it earlier on and stopped obsessing over it so much, I'd have been much better off right now. It is very possible that the drugs I'm still taking + my anxiety levels did their own thing that gave me a super headache a little later and now t. spike. Constantly in fight or flight mode. Then dropping the plate, to top it all. That was it... You know when they say 'ignorance is bliss'? I think in my initial tinnitus stages the one thing my doctors might have been well right about was, when they told me to stop reading all the tinnitus oriented literature and info related stuff from the net. I was like a sponge, absorbing it all. Back then I didn't know what 'tinnitus spike or even things like permanent tinnitus spikes were.' Then throw in the mix the very sad stories of other t. sufferers, my psych. drugs, constant debates about protecting and overprotecting resulting in no clear conclusion ever, and you get a perfect recipe for a disaster. I am mentally unstable now. I have ever been since I got t. and h. but now during my w/d. Phew. Words can't describe. Then this pharmacist tells you that she's worried about a rebound effect once I'm off of all the meds (which was my wish) and wants you to switch to a new antidepressant (with that comes questioning about ototoxicity, neurotoxicity, excitotoxicity etc.). Then a loud event happens, your mind shoots immediately into overdrive, and if you end up in a mental house again, you just know what's gonna happen. They pump all those drugs in high doses in your system in an instant and it becomes a vicious circle (unless you end it all by yourself, if you know what I mean...). Sometimes I wish I got hit by a bus and all this misery would be over, just not me being the person taking my own life (I won't start another suicidal thread here, don't want to make it even one bit more difficult for the other ppl who need positivity to stay strong and focused that there is light at the end of the tunnel.) I want to help others but how can I do that when I can't even help myself? You're a good person Mystery Reader. Always a pleasure talking to you. Be well.
Hello there
@Ed209 and thank you for responding! I tried not to let it get to me, but I failed miserably at trying to do so (viz what I just wrote above). What you say always makes sense. I know you have been through a lot yourself so I would never take your advice lightly.
The deadening affect on the sound would be quite dramatic, and then when you factor in the distance as well, it's not likely to have been dangerous in my opinion.
Yes. This is using a common sense and you're probably correct. However, it's my own anxiety, depression, w/d, whatever you want to call it, that did its own thing and just the mere thought of another noise trauma resulting in worse t. sent my mind into overdrive, giving me a terrible headache to the point I thought I'm honestly having a small stroke. Then pondering about if it is actually a stroke, then hopefully not somewhere in the formatio reticularis or lymbic system in the brain or anywhere for the matter in the audithory pathway that could, again, lead to permanent worsening of tinnitus (I did neurolinguistics as a part of my course so I know that even a small stroke in the Wernicke's or Broca's speech area in the brain can result in people having aphasia e.g.). So you start overthinking it, you're super super scared... you know where this is going. Also, I read your post today saying:
If a belief, or fear, is strong enough, it can easily create a real symptom in the mind. It's like a nocebo effect, and very real. Some people have been documented to lose their eyesight; the use of their legs, etc.
A mix of real damage and/or exaggerated symptoms via the limbic system are also possibilities. The problem with tinnitus is how little it is understood. We literally have no clue in some cases.
Which again got me immediately started questioning myself about whether yes or no I'm making more serious damage to myself just worrying about it way too much to the point which could then result in me having labyrinthitis, SSNL or something else which would again lead to worsening of tinnitus, then the plate drop in the sink... Ahh, I'm sure you know what I'm getting at.
I was always taught to live by this rule: "If you want to make the right decisions you need to have a sufficiently accurate piece of information first." Come to think about it now, I think there are instances where ignorance is truly bliss and can safe you a lot of trouble. Overthinking is like overcooking, right? Well, mentally not really stable person here, anxiety levels pretty high... I don't know what to do anymore, tbh. A dead end. It's part of my personality to be inquisitive, so as I can protect myself and achieve smth in life. Now, following this same logic has turned against me. Alrigh, I know you understand. You're a clever person. I'll stop right here.
I can only hope things won't get any worse. Just so you get a better idea, guys, pls find attached a fraction of all the meds I've been taking. Some I threw away, this is what remained and my tapering process continuous. Psychiatry. I hope you guys now understand why I react the way I sometimes do, and one more time. Thank you for listening and
just being there everyone. It makes a world of difference. (
@Wolfears )
You can some calculator like
this to estimate the sound pressure level hitting your window. They probably weren't so close for the whole time?
Thank you, I'll try to use this calculator next time (even tho I hope there won't be any need for it). Idk, I saw him below my window then the other guy, then panic followed, taking cover (a little too late, tho) with my muffs...
All the best wishes,
J.