I'm currently visiting my grandparents overseas. I'm having a bad spike and it's triggering anxiety attacks but I'm trying to stay calm. The town my grandma lives in is very loud. Cars honking, construction noises. I had a nightmare last night about walking through a very loud street, trying to run away from all the loud noise. I feel homesick but I'm dreading getting on the plane again. The plane ride here didn't even cause a big spike, but it was stressful and I don't really want to go through it again.
Talking to my family helps somewhat. My dad is always helpful but he's in the U.S. right now and I'm just here with my mom and my grandma, and I've been trying to complain about tinnitus to him less because he cares about me so much and he starts crying and I don't want to make him sad because his health is already not good. My mom used to not understand my tinnitus very well but she's being a lot more supportive lately. I get mad at her sometimes because she attributes my anxiety to psychological issues and "not being social enough" more than my tinnitus and doesn't acknowledge my tinnitus enough, but I know she does care and I love her. I feel guilty because I've given her such a hard time in the past. My grandma always listens to me and she's been comforting me a lot lately. Watching TV also helps. I brought like 12 books from home but I haven't read a book in such a long while because I can't focus because of the ringing.
We were walking down the street one day and we passed by the bus station (a lot of people use buses and taxis here.) I saw a man who was blind, using a cane to feel around. He walked in front of a bus that was 10 feet away and my heart skipped for a second but the bus stopped right away. I was wondering if I should ask him he needed any help but I was debating if it would seem rude. My mom asked him and he said "thank you. I just need to find the 19 bus." She was talking with him and having a conversation and he said that he went to work every day, on his own. He said he lived on his own too. He went back and forth between the city and his home every day. He was so kind. My mom led him to the bus and we went home. Some of my relatives said, "Look, that man is blind and he travels to and from work every day. See, there are people in worse condition than you." I agree, I think tinnitus is one of the worst diseases in the world, but blindness may be worse, comparing the two isn't really helpful though. But it doesn't really make me grateful to see someone in worse condition than me, it just makes me so much more sad, angrier at God. Life can be so cruel. It's not fair that there are innocent people suffering.
I've also been going to bed at 5 am ever since the spike, and waking up at around 2 pm. Lying in bed is hard because the ringing sounds much louder in the silence, and scarier in the dark, and I left my little white noise generator at home. My mom gets worried and she keeps saying I need to go to bed earlier, but I get nauseous hearing the ringing and the anxiety builds up, tossing and turning in bed and I have to get up. She's booked an appointment for a therapist for me for the following week. She was insisting I go for months but I refused because I've gone to so many therapists for my tinnitus and I really don't think it makes a difference, but I said okay finally to make her happy. Anyway, that's all, just wanted to share some of my recent experiences, thanks for reading all of this.
Talking to my family helps somewhat. My dad is always helpful but he's in the U.S. right now and I'm just here with my mom and my grandma, and I've been trying to complain about tinnitus to him less because he cares about me so much and he starts crying and I don't want to make him sad because his health is already not good. My mom used to not understand my tinnitus very well but she's being a lot more supportive lately. I get mad at her sometimes because she attributes my anxiety to psychological issues and "not being social enough" more than my tinnitus and doesn't acknowledge my tinnitus enough, but I know she does care and I love her. I feel guilty because I've given her such a hard time in the past. My grandma always listens to me and she's been comforting me a lot lately. Watching TV also helps. I brought like 12 books from home but I haven't read a book in such a long while because I can't focus because of the ringing.
We were walking down the street one day and we passed by the bus station (a lot of people use buses and taxis here.) I saw a man who was blind, using a cane to feel around. He walked in front of a bus that was 10 feet away and my heart skipped for a second but the bus stopped right away. I was wondering if I should ask him he needed any help but I was debating if it would seem rude. My mom asked him and he said "thank you. I just need to find the 19 bus." She was talking with him and having a conversation and he said that he went to work every day, on his own. He said he lived on his own too. He went back and forth between the city and his home every day. He was so kind. My mom led him to the bus and we went home. Some of my relatives said, "Look, that man is blind and he travels to and from work every day. See, there are people in worse condition than you." I agree, I think tinnitus is one of the worst diseases in the world, but blindness may be worse, comparing the two isn't really helpful though. But it doesn't really make me grateful to see someone in worse condition than me, it just makes me so much more sad, angrier at God. Life can be so cruel. It's not fair that there are innocent people suffering.
I've also been going to bed at 5 am ever since the spike, and waking up at around 2 pm. Lying in bed is hard because the ringing sounds much louder in the silence, and scarier in the dark, and I left my little white noise generator at home. My mom gets worried and she keeps saying I need to go to bed earlier, but I get nauseous hearing the ringing and the anxiety builds up, tossing and turning in bed and I have to get up. She's booked an appointment for a therapist for me for the following week. She was insisting I go for months but I refused because I've gone to so many therapists for my tinnitus and I really don't think it makes a difference, but I said okay finally to make her happy. Anyway, that's all, just wanted to share some of my recent experiences, thanks for reading all of this.
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