Waking Up Stressed and a Question

[MonkLN]

Hi all,

First of all, im from the Netherlands, my english isnt perfect, so bare with me..
I have a "mild" T since april 2014. May this year it spyked and my reaction was like the most of you have or had. A lot of stress, anxiety etc etc. I went to the ENT and everything was fine with my hearing. After a few weeks it got much better (i didnt noticed the T most of the time during the day and i was sleeping ok). Since two weeks i have a relapse. The T seemed louder again (or my focus shifted to the T again) and i got the same reaction as in may this year.. Since a few days i sleep on Oxazepam which make my nights a little bit better but every morning i wake up at 5:30 and my T is very loud. No matter what masking i use, my brain is making my T always a bit louder than the masking i use. Sometimes i manage to fall asleep again which will take 30-45 mins. But when i wake up i still am full of stress. I am thinking to stop the masking and just sleep in a quiet room. Maybe my brain wont tune up the volume so that when i get out of bed my T wont be as loud as the last week.

The strange thing is that my T is much milder in the evenings (most days). Sometimes it happens at 5pm, sometimes at 8pm. My mind and body are more relaxed for no reason i can think of. So thank god falling asleep is no problem for me. But when i wake up i am full of stress again. Are there more people who have had this? Maybe it has something to do with my brain activity or something..

I know it will get better, i keep telling myself this. I know this for a fact because 2 weeks ago everything went great. I was living my life again and enjoying everything again. So the relapse was a full frontal fist right in my face.. But i notice some improvement again. Hard to not focus on my T..

Well, as i am typing this my mind is in a relaxed state. This week i have an appointment with the local GGMD (sort of institute for people with hearing problems). They have a specialized program for people to learn howto manage their T. Next friday i have an appointment with a personal coach who is coaching people with T and H.

The things i did 2 months ago and doing again (stupid me thought everything was ok again a few weeks ago and went back to my old habbits like too much work etc).

- Stopped reading T forums and expecially horror stories.
- Did a lot of mindfullness exercises (breathing), sometimes 4/5 times a day.
- Just get it together and started to do the things i liked even if i had 0 energy for it.
- Started to ride my speedbike?/racing cycle? again.
- Talked with alot of people who or have had T, or just wanted to support me.

Last thing is that i want to wish you, who are reading this all the best!! <3

 

[Mad maggot]

Have you had your blood pressure checked? Do you get hot through the night? I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Richard zurowski]

I've relapsed three times now. It's not nice when this happens its back to the anxiety depression thinking your T is worse .I'm ok now and I'm sure you will be to..... Wish you good health

 

[Evian]

Can't offer much insight but mine is worse on weakening at the moment. I agree that this causes a huge amount of stress and anxiety

 

[MonkLN]

Blood pressure was ok last time it was checked.

@Evian, yeah i know how you feel. I feel the same way.. Hope you will be feeling better soon.

 

[Evian]

Blood pressure was ok last time it was checked.

@Evian, yeah i know how you feel. I feel the same way.. Hope you will be feeling better soon.

Yes it's a dreadful start to the day, especially if that start is at 3am or some other awful time

 

[MonkLN]

Yes it's a dreadful start to the day, especially if that start is at 3am or some other awful time

Sometimes i manage to get myself more calm by doing some breathing exercises in bed. This morning i went outside for a 30 min walk. While walking i was talking out loud to myself that i needed to stop worry. I needed to be positive, not only for myself, but expecially for my 2 sons and girlfriend. Strange thing i noticed is that my constant thoughts stopped and i was calming down. I spoke out some of my thoughts (will this be forever bs etc) and also spoke out the awnser to those thoughts. Most of the time i had no awnser or realized that my thought just weren't true..
But still, it's hard to start the day like that.. Hope it will get better soon.

 

[Evian]

I think you just have to do what you can do. If speaking out loud does it for you then that's great.

I did try some of this myself as I read a success thread of someone who had T for years (40?) and got control of it by making statements out loud about their T. Like I hear a you but I do not fear you.

I'm big sure if I can do that yet as I am still pretty frightened and also mourning my lost life/future - I know I should be grateful for what I have already had, but that isn't working for me at the moment

This has come to me later in life but I am still devasted, as like you I worry about the impact on my husband and young adult kids who still live at home. I need to carry on for them otherwise my thought take me to dark places.