Whew...

[Nich]

When i first got on this forum a month ago one of the first things I came across was someone who said the only thing predictable about tinnitus is it's absolute unpredictability. Completely agree. Today is a screamer. Probably the loudest/most intrusive I've had since it onset. Good news is that I'm making it and while I can't quite not react to it yet I'm reacting much less severely than I would have a couple weeks ago. So while I was thinking "God this is terrible" I stopped and realized "I'm doing SO much better with this bad day than I would have even a couple weeks ago." Perspective.

I'm not gonna cry anymore about a bad day though.

It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since the T began. The sound has continued to increase in pitch and now is more piercing but in general it is less loud/less intrusive (as I can't really tell if it gets louder or if it's just my focus on it gets sharper sometimes [I'm thinking it's my focus]) and over the last two weeks I've been experiencing days where i don't hear it for as much as 70% of the day or so. Every day now I have periods where I don't hear it which I feel has DRAMATICALLY helped my mental reserves in staying positive and fighting to accept it and let it fade away. It's always there and will come back immediately when I realize it's gone. But, it is getting better. So bad day be damned. I'm going to finish my work, go home and caulk a window that needs it and move on with life. Even if life includes this EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE in my head. However, if you got some positive energy or thoughts please feel free to think them my way

 

[Ifeel4U]

Right there with you. Its my 3rd week to the day.. all i hear is the high pitched EEEE sound...i have been using a white noise at night on my phone.. sometimes i dont hear it but its always there... i'll go through times where im not focusing on it and i dont even realize its there (usually when im really distracted and my brain is off of it).. until i notice its not there then boom it comes back .... so i wonder if that my brain starting to habituate to it.. when i "don't hear its anymore"

 

[Nich]

I do the same things and I think some habituation is occurring but I feel like to get to that "I don't even really notice I have it anymore" is gonna take a good amount of time. Mine doesn't really mask well. I've not tried much masking but I think i'd need it pretty loud to mask it most of the time. I do now keep a radio on or nature sounds or something going all the time as I'm trying to use some of the tenets of TRT. My big goal is to just accept it and remove the emotional response it's causing as the anxiety is what is hurting me. The hardest thing for me is the amount of unpredictability in T. If it was the same all the time, everyday I think I could do better and adapt more quickly. However, I literally had three days last week where I almost did not hear it at all. Then the two days after that were pretty loud. Mine has a LOT to do with sleep. I slept poorly last night. When I have a great night of sleep it's almost always quieter the next day. I started a medication that can cause some sleep disturbance for the first couple weeks so I figure I'm in for a couple of weeks of loud days!

 

[billie48]

You guys are doing really well considering how new your T are respectively. If you are already experiencing periods you are not aware of T, you are on the right path towards habituation. The only thing you need is time and patience. Don't rush habituation and be ready for some setbacks. Good luck.

 

[Teri]

The difficulty that I have is low days with spikes. I will have a few days of low with only and hour of spikes. Then some days I have spikes that last 8 hours. I have been diagnosed with Meneires Disease and primarily am troubled only with one ear. However, on loud days it moves to my other ear as well as a louder buzz in my head. Then I have an ear that has a full feeling or pressure.

I am working daily to journal my negative thoughts and then write positives to try to turn my thinking and anxiety and mild depression around.

 

[Marlene]

Hi Teri you've mirrored the exact day I've had,I'm hoping tomorrow it won't be like today.the head buzz is the pits ,goes inwards,balance seems to be far worse.rather hear something other than this low one.Not been a happy camper as we say here today.Hope we have happier day tomorrow .

 

[I who love music]

Wow, nich, WOW.
You just explained the pattern of action that is responsible for habituation for many, many people.
I'm always blabbing on posts about gauging response to T instead of gauging the volume of T, and the positive difference this can make.
I got goosebumps when you said, "So while I was thinking "God this is terrible" I stopped and realized "I'm doing SO much better with this bad day than I would have even a couple weeks ago."
Folks, see how this works?
Don't measure the T. Like nich, stop and realize your response TO it.
I did, and when T appears, I could care less, I don't even bother measuring my response to it anymore. I've been doing this for maybe half a year. Things just got better and better.
This has been the best treatment for me in my 40 years of having T.

 

[Nich]

@I who love music I guess I'm just getting to where I realize the only thing I have control over (or at least some control over) is my response to the T. I've been reading a lot of TRT info and the thing that sticks out is that we are the group that sees the T as 'annoying or a threat'. And, in that other 85% of people who don't react to it that way, it has no power over their life. My dad has very loud T from ear damage that he says sounds like crickets chirping. I never even knew until I developed this and told him. When his came on 20+ years ago he said it was bothersome for a few days and then within a few weeks he didn't hear it unless he tried. He never saw a doc, never bothered with researching it. Just accepted it was the new normal and moved on (not advocating this, just saying what he did). I honestly think that when I can remove the emotional/anxiety response from my T it will lose it's power and fade. On days where I have low anxiety it is always much less intrusive. Every time I notice it I'm doing what you suggest. I ask how are you responding to this instead of how loud is this...is this louder than this AM, etc. I'm hoping it will help me move my attention off the T (which I can't control) and onto my response (which with enough time I can control).

@billie48 Thanks for the sage advice. It's so easy to have a few great days and think "yes, it's finally getting better." To then have several bad days and feel like you are starting at zero again. Just another reason to stop focusing on the T and focus on the response as T is so unpredictable. I need to work on the whole patience thing. 5 weeks in is not very long and I probably shouldn't expect too much. It does get old not sleeping well, not eating well, being exhausted from being in fight or flight mode a good portion of the day. I saw you mention you did TRT. I'm considering doing this if I'm still not to where I want to be at 6 months. Was it helpful? Did you do an in person type or did you do it online or did you just do it yourself?

 

[billie48]

@I who love music I guess I'm just getting to where I realize the only thing I have control over (or at least some control over) is my response to the T. I've been reading a lot of TRT info and the thing that sticks out is that we are the group that sees the T as 'annoying or a threat'. And, in that other 85% of people who don't react to it that way, it has no power over their life. My dad has very loud T from ear damage that he says sounds like crickets chirping. I never even knew until I developed this and told him. When his came on 20+ years ago he said it was bothersome for a few days and then within a few weeks he didn't hear it unless he tried. He never saw a doc, never bothered with researching it. Just accepted it was the new normal and moved on (not advocating this, just saying what he did). I honestly think that when I can remove the emotional/anxiety response from my T it will lose it's power and fade. On days where I have low anxiety it is always much less intrusive. Every time I notice it I'm doing what you suggest. I ask how are you responding to this instead of how loud is this...is this louder than this AM, etc. I'm hoping it will help me move my attention off the T (which I can't control) and onto my response (which with enough time I can control).

@billie48 Thanks for the sage advice. It's so easy to have a few great days and think "yes, it's finally getting better." To then have several bad days and feel like you are starting at zero again. Just another reason to stop focusing on the T and focus on the response as T is so unpredictable. I need to work on the whole patience thing. 5 weeks in is not very long and I probably shouldn't expect too much. It does get old not sleeping well, not eating well, being exhausted from being in fight or flight mode a good portion of the day. I saw you mention you did TRT. I'm considering doing this if I'm still not to where I want to be at 6 months. Was it helpful? Did you do an in person type or did you do it online or did you just do it yourself?

Nich, I didn't do TRT. I did self-help CBT by reading up on it and I used my own reasoning to help myself with a good dose of positivity. Setbacks are ever so common for newer sufferers. When I say setback, I don't mean T blasting up again. I have my T blasting up most morning. Today it is off the chart loud and resonating my whole head, and it is screaming as loud and sharp as I am typing. But I don't react to T anymore, high or low. My response to it is always NONE. And in a few moments when I am into something else I will not be aware of its presence, much like I wasn't aware of the jet noise in a noisy plane when I am deep into a movie. It sounds amazing, but this phenomenon of the brain being able to fade out its loud environment is happening everywhere to most people who don't perceive the loud noise a threat. If you ask a waitress in a loud restaurant if she hears the loud noises all the time during work, she probably will tell you no, but now that you mention, she is now aware of the noise. Same with flight attendants, bus drivers, etc. etc.

So by setbacks I mean reverting to be concerned with the ringing again to the point of getting emotional and reacting negatively. Such tendency is common for newer sufferers whose body is still trying to absorb in the T sensation. The newness of this alien sound takes time for the body to harden to. So it is perfectly normal for newer sufferers to dance back and forth for a while, much like a toddler learning to walk and it takes many falls before it is steady pace. The idea is to get up and walk again every time and things will get better and better. Likewise with T habituation. It will get better as long as you have a good approach. Time is the magic wand of healing. So give TIME enough time.