Why It's Not Helpful to Tell People "You're Lucky Your Tinnitus/Hyperacusis Isn't Worse."

[glynis]

Tinnitus and Hyperacusis aren't nice at all.
Someone with mild tinnitus can struggle to cope as much as someone with severe tinnitus.
Another can be that they have it in one ear,both and head.
The support around you,
Family responsibility,
Job stress,
living alone,
Age from young to pensioners,
Your mental well-being,
If have other problems,
Struggling to find what helps them.
Supportive doctor and so on.
Coming to terms if for life or short term.

Everyone is equally important and know one knows another persons suffering unless they wear it on their sleeve and cry out...

my view.
love glynis

 

[jasonbourne]

I notice for a lot of tinnitus sufferers on the forums, they act like tinnitus is some kind of competition. Oh, that person has mild/moderate tinnitus...let's make them feel insignificant, let's discredit their suffering. These are then the same people who cry and moan about their condition when it is worse then lash out at others for not sympathizing or sharing an opinion in the way that they want.

that kind of black and white thinking is dangerous and ignorant. There is a universally accepted base level of suffering. If someone is bothered by mild tinnitus they need to seek mental help. If someone is bothered by severe intrusive tinnitus nothing can be done.

If I told someone who lost their leg that I understand and went through the same trauma even though I only lost my pinky finger, do you not realise how objectively silly that is? Or do you respect that?

 

[coffee_girl]

that kind of black and white thinking is dangerous and ignorant. There is a universally accepted base level of suffering. If someone is bothered by mild tinnitus they need to seek mental help. If someone is bothered by severe intrusive tinnitus nothing can be done.

If I told someone who lost their leg that I understand and went through the same trauma even though I only lost my pinky finger, do you not realise how objectively silly that is? Or do you respect that?

It's one thing to empathize, it's another thing to mock or belittle others because their tinnitus is mild/moderate.

 

[jasonbourne]

It's one thing to empathize, it's another thing to mock or belittle others because their tinnitus is mild/moderate.

No one is mocking anyone. Im just someone who has been through all the stages of tinnitus. From a only in complete silence ring all the way to an intrusive loud ringing in both ears with multiple tones.

Im just here to save others from my mistakes, and if that means saying it as it is, then at least if it saves them Im happy.

Now imagine this coffee girl, a guy with mild tinnitus very bothered right? Everyone is different as you say. Now imagine it gets to his head that it will get better and its fine blah blah. He decides to go to a club one day out of sheer complacency and forgot his ear buds. He goes anyway. Or even something less reckless, he just listens to music in his car with mates or I dunno games a bit too loudon his headset, you get my point.

Now that guy with mild tinnitus who was extremely anxious over it now has moderate tinnitus. Its over for him mentally.

Then that guy will realise how good mild tinnitus was.

 

[Red]

I never put you down at all nor was that intention. If you want to always hear positivity feel free to visit reddit and post in wholesomememes or something and go see a good therapist.

edit* youre also not the only one with a wombo combo of problems

People put each other down without intending to. People are often not aware how their actions affect others. This an inevitable part of being human. I believe there is a strength in communication which is why I communicate now that saying "You are lucky you don't have intrusive tinnitus" doesn't actually help. Advice is what helps.

I already visit such places. I'm not asking for TT to be sunshine and rainbows. But surely some semblance of positivity would be helpful to balance things out. Too much positivity feels forced and fake, too little makes one question why they haven't left this world yet.

 

[jasonbourne]

People put each other down without intending to. People are often not aware how their actions affect others. This an inevitable part of being human. I believe there is a strength in communication which is why I communicate now that saying "You are lucky you don't have intrusive tinnitus" doesn't actually help. Advice is what helps.

I already visit such places. I'm not asking for TT to be sunshine and rainbows. But surely some semblance of positivity would be helpful to balance things out. Too much positivity feels forced and fake, too little makes one question why they haven't left this world yet.

How long have you had tinnitus? And is it noise induced?

 

[Red]

How long have you had tinnitus? And is it noise induced?

Over a year now and yes.

 

[jasonbourne]

Over a year now and yes.

If thats the case, I cant lie to you. it will never go away naturally. Your best bet is to protect your ears to the best of your ability until a treatment comes out which could easily be in 2020. A cure could come too in a decade who knows. Thats as positive as it gets, hope for a cure.

Just please take this advice, there is no limit to how bad tinnitus can get. And it can get much worse fast if youre not careful.

 

[Red]

If I told someone who lost their leg that I understand and went through the same trauma even though I only lost my pinky finger, do you not realise how objectively silly that is? Or do you respect that?

Here's the analogy I would use:

A quadriplegic says to a paraplegic,"Chin up! Be happy! You still can use two limbs! Be grateful for what you have!"

Total invalidation of how the paraplegic feels.

 

[Ed209]

If I told someone who lost their leg that I understand and went through the same trauma even though I only lost my pinky finger, do you not realise how objectively silly that is? Or do you respect that?

Although your example seems simple, it's not. I would have to think very hard between losing a finger and losing my leg because I'm a professional musician and playing guitar is a huge part of my life. If I lost a finger it would have significant repercussions on my life.

Not everything is as black and white as we think based on our own experiences.

 

[coffee_girl]

People put each other down without intending to. People are often not aware how their actions affect others. This an inevitable part of being human. I believe there is a strength in communication which is why I communicate now that saying "You are lucky you don't have intrusive tinnitus" doesn't actually help. Advice is what helps.

I already visit such places. I'm not asking for TT to be sunshine and rainbows. But surely some semblance of positivity would be helpful to balance things out. Too much positivity feels forced and fake, too little makes one question why they haven't left this world yet.

I think it's important to have a good balance of both, hence why all the haters will hate when they see positivity in a place like this. Too much positivity might enforce the feeling that one is being unrealistic. But there is nothing great about being negative all the time 24/7. I just ignore the haters

 

[jasonbourne]

Here's the analogy I would use:

A quadriplegic says to a paraplegic,"Chin up! Be happy! You still can use two limbs! Be grateful for what you have!"

Total invalidation of how the paraplegic feels.

No, because both are shit. Mild tinnitus is perfectly livable. Your analogy would be like a 9/10 tinnitus sufferer talking to a 7/10 tinnitus sufferer

 

[jasonbourne]

I think it's important to have a good balance of both, hence why all the haters will hate when they see positivity in a place like this. Too much positivity might enforce the feeling that one is being unrealistic. But there is nothing great about being negative all the time 24/7. I just ignore the haters

Your positivity could ruin someones life.

 

[Red]

If thats the case, I cant lie to you. it will never go away naturally. Your best bet is to protect your ears to the best of your ability until a treatment comes out which could easily be in 2020. A cure could come too in a decade who knows. Thats as positive as it gets, hope for a cure.

Just please take this advice, there is no limit to how bad tinnitus can get. And it can get much worse fast if youre not careful.

I don't care about my tinnitus. I can live with my noise level. What I can't cope with is the possibility/seeming inevitability that it will get worse. I've accepted the noise, I've not accepted what I've had to give up.

One innocent mistake, one moment of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, taking almost any medication that would make your life easier....and then it's over!

 

[jasonbourne]

I don't care about my tinnitus. I can live with my noise level. What I can't cope with is the possibility/seeming inevitability that it will get worse. I've accepted the noise, I've not accepted what I've had to give up.

One innocent mistake, one moment of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, taking almost any medication that would make your life easier....and then it's over!

Thats just how it is. Do research and be careful. No different them people with other illnesses that have to avoid certain things.

 

[jasonbourne]

Although your example seems simple, it's not. I would have to think very hard between losing a finger and losing my leg because I'm a professional musician and playing guitar is a huge part of my life. If I lost a finger it would have significant repercussions on my life.

Not everything is as black and white as we think based on our own experiences.

Im sure 99.99999% of people would rather keep their leg. And im sure come to it you would too.

 

[coffee_girl]

Your positivity could ruin someones life.

Oh please, as if your negativity doesn't ruin lives. Nice try though

 

[jasonbourne]

Oh please, as if your negativity doesn't ruin lives. Nice try though

Nope, it could make someone feel a bit down, but in the end helps them. You could tell some poor kid its going to be ok and next thing they know their tinnitus has doubled. You now pretty much ruined their life to a degree. Positivity is good, but not when it comes to a preventable situation. Same with people that dont get chemo and die from cancer. What killed them?

 

[JohnAdams]

I notice for a lot of tinnitus sufferers on the forums, they act like tinnitus is some kind of competition. Oh, that person has mild/moderate tinnitus...let's make them feel insignificant, let's discredit their suffering. These are then the same people who cry and moan about their condition when it is worse then lash out at others for not sympathizing or sharing an opinion in the way that they want.

Well, my tinnitus is very mild. It still drives me nuts. I completely understand that mine is nothing compared to others' on this forum. They need the cure more than I do by far. It makes me really mad that they can't get something now.

 

[Red]

No, because both are shit. Mild tinnitus is perfectly livable. Your analogy would be like a 9/10 tinnitus sufferer talking to a 7/10 tinnitus sufferer

I am not in a livable state right now. I wish to be free of my pain. That "mild tinnitus" helps keep me chained in this cycle by making me choose between possibly loud T and a maybe chance at helping my pain.

That mild tinnitus puts strain on my relationship by limiting the activities that I can do when I am already limited.

 

[coffee_girl]

Nope, it could make someone feel a bit down, but in the end helps them. You could tell some poor kid its going to be ok and next thing they know their tinnitus has doubled. You now pretty much ruined their life to a degree. Positivity is good, but not when it comes to a preventable situation. Same with people that dont get chemo and die from cancer. What killed them?

Dude, are we reading the same forums? There are TONS of negative posts, dont worry...that kid will be well acquainted with misery soon enough. There is nothing wrong with balancing it out with a bit of positivity and hopeful thoughts...it won't kill them especially since there are plenty of people here who are obsessed with putting others down.

 

[jasonbourne]

I am not in a livable state right now. I wish to be free of my pain. That "mild tinnitus" helps keep me chained in this cycle by making me choose between possibly loud T and a maybe chance at helping my pain.

That mild tinnitus puts strain on my relationship by limiting the activities that I can do when I am already limited.

I dont know how to put this, but as you get older shit happens and you have to make sacrifices. What exactly cant you do now? Go to heavy metal gigs, bars concerts? Is it really that important? There is really not much else that can damage ears thats entertaining. You could easily wear ears muffs when watching live sports.

 

[JohnAdams]

and yes, alcohol is shit.

Well then I love drinking shit.

 

[jasonbourne]

Dude, are we reading the same forums? There are TONS of negative posts, dont worry...that kid will be well acquainted with misery soon enough. There is nothing wrong with balancing it out with a bit of positivity and hopeful thoughts...it won't kill them especially since there are plenty of people here who are obsessed with putting others down.

You just dont get it do you. Positivity is fine. Reckless positivity isnt. If youre morbidly fat and you go to the doctors they will tell you to lose weight, I will tell you to lose weight and give them tips and stories etc. You? You would go on about health at every size and if they get a heart attack you wont even care. You will think you did a good thing.

 

[Ed209]

Im sure 99.99999% of people would rather keep their leg. And im sure come to it you would too.

The bass player, Danny McCormack, lost his leg, but he still plays professionally. He has a prothestic leg but usually sits to play live shows.

My point is that you are asserting these things based on your life's experience; through your biased lens. We all have biases inately built into us so it's not your fault. I'm just saying your analogy is flawed.

I'm pretty sure a professionally trained concert pianist would disagree with you, for example.

 

[Red]

Nope, it could make someone feel a bit down, but in the end helps them. You could tell some poor kid its going to be ok and next thing they know their tinnitus has doubled. You now pretty much ruined their life to a degree. Positivity is good, but not when it comes to a preventable situation. Same with people that dont get chemo and die from cancer. What killed them?

You're not doing anything that isn't already stereotypical of the standard internet denizen. No one's disputing the steps one needs to take to prevent loud T. It's easy to be negative. The constant state of which makes a person annoying and a chore to deal with. Pretty much why a lot of people give up on Facebook nowadays. All your info and advice is much more helpful coming from someone who is supportive. It doesn't mean they need to sugarcoat or provide false positivity.

 

[jasonbourne]

The bass player Danny McCormack lost his leg but he still plays professionally with a prosthetic leg. However, he usually sits to play at shows.

My point is that you are asserting these things based on your life's experience; through your biased lens. We all have biases inately built into us so it's not your fault. I'm just saying your analogy is flawed.

I cant believe what Im reading here.

 

[jasonbourne]

You're not doing anything that isn't already stereotypical of the standard internet denizen. No one's disputing the steps one needs to take to prevent loud T. It's easy to be negative. The constant state of which makes a person annoying and a chore to deal with. Pretty much why a lot of people give up on Facebook nowadays. All your info and advice is much more helpful coming from someone who is supportive. It doesn't mean they need to sugarcoat or provide false positivity.

How much more helpful can I be? You havnt asked for anything yet im trying.

 

[coffee_girl]

You just dont get it do you. Positivity is fine. Reckless positivity isnt. If youre fat and you go to the doctors they will tell you to lose weight, I will tell you to lose weight and give them tips and stories etc. You? You would go on about health at every size

Except that i do get it, and I wrote that balance is good, there are enough misery here to spread around...introducing a bit of positivity is not bad. You can still be positive while responsibly protecting your ears, and continue with your life.

 

[Ed209]

The bass player, Danny McCormack, lost his leg, but he still plays professionally. He has a prothestic leg but usually sits to play live shows.

My point is that you are asserting these things based on your life's experience; through your biased lens. We all have biases inately built into us so it's not your fault. I'm just saying your analogy is flawed.

I'm pretty sure a professionally trained concert pianist would disagree with you, for example.

I cant believe what Im reading here.

What you struggling to understand? To some people I can assure you their fingers are more valuable. I'm just saying your analogy wasn't well defined.