Writers?

[VictorDedalus]

Are any of you writers by trade? I'm a copywriter working in advertising. I'm finding it especially difficult to write at the moment. I've suffered from severe unilateral tinnitus for almost two years, but it appears to be having a cumulative effect. While it's difficult for me to say whether it's gotten objectively louder, I'm more and more troubled by it and my ability to focus is dwindling. My work requires me to sit and write for hours at a time, usually about technical and specialized subject matters. I'm beginning to wonder whether I can continue to work in this field.

Writers are usually readers, and I'm also struggling to read for any expended period of time. I will say that I surprised myself last year by reading three intellectual histories on the Enlightenment in row, but now I can barely read for twenty minutes.

I suppose I'm looking to commiserate with folks that can relate.

 

[Michael Leigh]

HI @VictorDedalus

I am not a writer by trade but have a lot of interest in it, as I correspond with people by email and at tinnitus forums trying to help them cope better with this condition. I fully understand the difficulty that you are having with writing at the moment, as the mind cannot be creative when overwhelmed with a persistent cacophony of noise which some people endure with tinnitus. When it is mild or moderate, many people learn to habituate and are able to carry on with their life, doing all the things they want to, without too much problems and this includes writing and reading.

This can change considerably as you have found the more intrusive tinnitus becomes as the mind finds it increasingly difficult not to focus on it. My article: Tinnitus, A Personal View, took months to write and I threw in the towel many times because my tinnitus was so loud and intrusive. Writing at times just wasn't pleasurable and became an endurance due to the distress I was in.

Try and get a referral to see a Hearing Therapist or Audiologist that specialises in Tinnitus treatment and management and see what help is available. I was unable to read for two years and have written about this in my post: My experience with tinnitus, in the link below. I have recovered and feel much better now. There are times I'm still not able to write as well as I'd like or read, so take a break and direct my thoughts and focus elsewhere, until the moment passes until the tinnitus becomes more manageable.

All the best
Michael

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/new-to-tinnitus-what-to-do.12558/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-a-personal-view.18668/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/hyperacusis-as-i-see-it.19174/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/is-positivity-important.23150/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/tinnitus-and-the-negative-mindset.23705/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/acquiring-a-positive-mindset.23969/

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/my-experience-with-tinnitus.12076/

 

[Drone Draper]

My job requires me to write content and ad copy, if that counts? I work for a bank currently, but I do have many years agency side under my belt.

I can definitely relate. I've been sitting in workshops this week and I've been trying to ignore the whistling going on. A few weeks ago I was trying to explain something to a colleague and I had a horrible time trying to continue speaking instead of just getting up and going home.

I've been trying to read 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck' by Mark Mason and I can't really read more than a few pages before I give up.

I've been slowly able to write a bit more here and there. I've been working on my personal website the last two weeks and it's not looking too bad.

What are you doing to cope with your tinnitus at the moment?

 

[HiDezGuy74]

@VictorDedalus

I'm both a writer (freelance on the side) and a big reader. As they say in journalism, you might have buried the lede:

"While it's difficult for me to say whether it's gotten objectively louder, I'm more and more troubled by it and my ability to focus is dwindling."

You need to work on your emotional response to your T. My T fluctuates in volume on an almost daily basis. To cope, I've worked really hard to accept my T for what it is and not let it ruin each day.

One way I've done that is to try and get away from the terms "loud" and "quiet" and think more in terms of it being noticeable. So on days when it's more noticeable, I've chosen to deny my T the emotional attention that it wants.

So on an evening when its more noticeable (as it usually is due to the quiet), I've just made a conscious choice to not let it stop me from enjoying the book I'm reading, talking with my wife, etc. Because IT WANTS me to be upset. IT WANTS me to be distracted. I won't give it that satisfaction.

I use these tools when I'm writing, too. When I'm focused on my work, I don't notice the T. And in the moments that I do notice it, and especially on the days when it's more noticeable on that day, I choose to not allow it to distract me from my goals, to make deadlines, send pitches, etc. The alternative is that I give T what it wants -- my emotional and attentional life -- and I refuse to do it.

Again, I'm denying the attention and emotional distress that T wants. Everyone is different, buy maybe these "re-framing" techniques will help.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I'm finding it especially difficult to write at the moment.

Have you tried playing nature sounds (e.g., crickets) while you work? It will give you something else to listen to, besides your T, and it is a little easier to bear...

 

[OnceUponaTime]

I'm a copywriter working in advertising.

Hey Victor, I used to be a Graphics Designer for different advertising agencies in NYC. I had all the fun...lol

Sorry that it has been difficult for you to concentrate at work, I know advertising can be super stressful work and deadlines to meet...blah blah blah. I know writing advertising copy is not easy and requires you to focus.

Do you have a sound machine at work? Maybe that can help you instead of listening to tinnitus. Is it the office that is making you uncomfortable?? Maybe you can work from home??
Instead of writing for hours at a time, can you take breaks in between???
Have your favorite snacks next to you... Ha!
Have you tried CBT. It can help you to learn to focus on your writing instead of tinnitus.
This is my 2nd time around doing CBT and it has helped me much.
Sleep...so important. Are you sleeping?

I'm beginning to wonder whether I can continue to work in this field.

Dont give up yet!
You can get better.

Once

 

[VictorDedalus]

Thank you all for the helpful and considerate replies. I agree, my emotional response is the key variable in my ability to cope successfully. I don't think my tinnitus has intensified dramatically, but my tolerance of it varies week to week. For me, a combination of mild obsessive-compulsive tendencies and perfectionism compel me to fixate on the sounds at the expense of my work. I'm keenly sensitive to any imperfection or fault, and my instinct is to remedy inferior or sub-optimal conditions - but it can't be remedied and I slip into believing that happiness is permanently unattainable. It's a feedback loop from which there's no easy escape; my anxiety increases, exacerbating the sounds and my reception of them.

To date, the only activities that appear to offer temporary relief are exercise and consuming alcohol. The latter can of course be counterproductive. A hangover is orders of magnitude more tormenting when plagued by incessant ringing. But a few drinks do seem to help. I resist the temptation to indulge every night, as even modest alcohol consumption results in poor sleep.

Exercise is essential. I'm in the gym three or four days a week. And while I do experience an immediate worsening of my tinnitus after exercise - especially cardio - the boost in mood outweighs the detriments.

I do listen to music while working, but it doesn't come close to masking the sound. The tone is as much a sensation as it is an audible phenomenon - I can feel it over everything.

The long-term prospect of withstanding this psychologically debilitating ailment terrifies me. It's been two years for me, and my ability to cope has not improved significantly. Almost every second of my life is consumed with tinnitus - it's virtually all I think about. I have abandoned hopes of securing a relationship or resuming serious intellectual work in earnest. I'll turn 39 in April and I cannot escape concluding that the best years of my life are behind me. Much of my dismal outlook stems from a series of disastrous adversities; divorce, brain tumor and now tinnitus. Tinnitus is easily the most difficult hardship that's ever befallen me, and divorce almost killed me.

Forgive me, I'm rambling. In the final analysis, our fates are not our own making, but we face a choice nonetheless. Will we choose to endure? I remain determined to persevere, but with no illusions about the quality of life awaiting me.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I do listen to music while working, but it doesn't come close to masking the sound.

Please remember @VictorDedalus that it's not a good idea to mask the tinnitus so that it can't be heard. Always set the "sound enrichment" slightly below the tinnitus or at the mixing point. The brain cannot habituate to tinnitus unless it can hear it.

Exercise is very good for the body. However, if you notice an increase in your tinnitus even if it seems that it reduces after exercise, this can be making it more intrusive over time. Some exercises especially running on a treadmill or on hard ground, are known to make tinnitus worse for some people. This is due to impact underfoot which travels up through the legs to the upper body, head and auditory system.

Michael

 

[dayma]

I am not a writer of words but of code. I am a DEVOPS engineer so I get deeply into writing code for stretches of 10 hours at a time. It's not a creative as literature obviusoly but there is tons logical and analytical thinking that goes into it.

For me it's hard sometimes to concentrate but when I do it's actually a bit better for my T as it can distract me a tad not to mention give me a rush of adrenaline when something goes right.

 

[VictorDedalus]

I am not a writer of words but of code.

My brother is a very gifted software engineer, @dayma. I have a lot of respect for your discipline and the logical ingenuity demanded by it.

 

[OnceUponaTime]

I cannot escape concluding that the best years of my life are behind me.

Maybe not.... You have to remain positive. You wont feel like this forever. Tinnitus is like a roller-coaster at times, just hold on tight on the lows and enjoy the highs....

The long-term prospect of withstanding this psychologically debilitating ailment terrifies me.

Watch your words! Your mind will always believe what you feed it. Feed it hope!

almost killed me.

But it didnt! You are still here....

I remain determined to persevere, but with no illusions about the quality of life awaiting me.

Remain determine, you will get better. Give it time.... easier said than done, I know.

Once

 

[Bam]

Much of my dismal outlook stems from a series of disastrous adversities; divorce, brain tumor and now tinnitus. Tinnitus is easily the most difficult hardship that's ever befallen me, and divorce almost killed me.

Sounds horribly familiar. I'm a creative writer. I too happened upon this dreadful affliction following a string of calamities that in retrospect seem like booby traps laid by some otherworldly power that was hellbent on insidiously ruining my life on every level.....and slamming the door shut on any chance of redemption.

I still write but all the pleasure is gone. Similarly I still exercise but again it gives me none of the 'buzz' it used to. Life is just misery day after day now. All purpose has gone and I see no future happiness in this horrific state.

Every single day for a year and half has been spent glued to the coal face of suffering, exhausted from lack of sleep and battered by constant suicidal thoughts and the surreal terror of knowing there is no alternative way out of this miserable cess pit of a life we have somehow unwittingly stumbled in to......The grief of all that is lost is so profoundly painful that it's hard to breathe.

Like you i drink to somewhat ease the pain. But like you I also realise that it's not going to get me anywhere. But what is?!? We can't diet and exercise severe tinnitus away. We can't do anything. We are rendered completely powerless and out of control.

Sadly I've reached the conclusion that those who end their lives early on in this are probably the smart ones......The fucking Samaritans can say what they like but sadly Tinnitus doesn't give one fuck about the old fallback classic about suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

 

[VictorDedalus]

@Bam

I can indeed relate, but I reserve a modicum of...I won't say optimism, but bittersweet conviction that prods me on. I'm convinced that suffering confers dignity and understanding upon those it torments. Maybe by facilitating self-knowledge. To be sure, there are no material gains accrued from suffering but, forgive the archaism, I think our souls might still flourish under the heavy yoke of physical and psychological anguish. If nothing else, tinnitus continually draws my attention towards those things that matter most of all: family, love, principles and ideals. I cannot lose myself in the ephemera of life as others can, and so routinely dwell on matters of ultimate importance. Tinnitus lends urgency to life, underscoring how finite and transitory are all aspects of existence. In rendering our lives tragic, tinnitus reveals astonishing emotional depth and dimension, and I marvel at how deeply I feel. Tragedy counteracts sedation and enlivens our senses, heightening our misery, yes, but also refining our sensitivity to the peaks as well as the valleys. We are unmistakably alive.

I encourage you to pick up an edition of Nietzsche's correspondence. His letters to friends reveal that, despite a bevy of crippling health afflictions, he managed to produce works of enduring merit and stylistic elegance. While I disagree with much of his philosophy, his affirmation of suffering and insistence on its transformative qualities inspires me.

Were life merely an opportunity to secure as much pleasure as possible, tinnitus would present insurmountable obstacles to fulfillment. Viewed as a journey of self-understanding, it might just constitute an avenue to deeper awareness.

 

[Bam]

@Bam

I can indeed relate, but I reserve a modicum of...I won't say optimism, but bittersweet conviction that prods me on. I'm convinced that suffering confers dignity and understanding upon those it torments. Maybe by facilitating self-knowledge. To be sure, there are no material gains accrued from suffering but, forgive the archaism, I think our souls might still flourish under the heavy yoke of physical and psychological anguish. If nothing else, tinnitus continually draws my attention towards those things that matter most of all: family, love, principles and ideals. I cannot lose myself in the ephemera of life as others can, and so routinely dwell on matters of ultimate importance. Tinnitus lends urgency to life, underscoring how finite and transitory are all aspects of existence. In rendering our lives tragic, tinnitus reveals astonishing emotional depth and dimension, and I marvel at how deeply I feel. Tragedy counteracts sedation and enlivens our senses, heightening our misery, yes, but also refining our sensitivity to the peaks as well as the valleys. We are unmistakably alive.

I encourage you to pick up an edition of Nietzsche's correspondence. His letters to friends reveal that, despite a bevy of crippling health afflictions, he managed to produce works of enduring merit and stylistic elegance. While I disagree with much of his philosophy, his affirmation of suffering and insistence on its transformative qualities inspires me.

Were life merely an opportunity to secure as much pleasure as possible, tinnitus would present insurmountable obstacles to fulfillment. Viewed as a journey of self-understanding, it might just constitute an avenue to deeper awareness.

I do agree and yet i fear that some of us are meant to learn and grow stronger from this experience and others are meant to be destroyed.....crushed. Forced in to the ultimate act of self destruction.

I have stumbled like a blind fool in to a trap that has left my life empty and utterly devoid of love. I should have foreseen this. I should have realised that my house was built on a foundation of sand and a screeching noise would pull the whole lot down.....But I didn't. I didn't see, until it was too late.

I do have not the lightness of spirit to forge a happy life with this gross intrusion in to my mind and I've yet to find any meaning in this suffering, nor do I expect to.

I exist for my aging dog. I've not the heart to slip away and leave him alone in this cruel world. And yet how much more of this i can take before I concede defeat I cannot say.......I'm afraid you would do well to find a more tortured, lonely and tormented soul in this world.

 

[emmalee]

I exist for my aging dog. I've not the heart to slip away and leave him alone in this cruel world. And yet how much more of this i can take before I concede defeat I cannot say...

Your heart is good, Bam. Your sweet dog loves you. Please don't give up...don't give in....

 

[Margaret21]

I'm not a creative writer by profession however for business I had to write letters, do public presentations, etc...
I noticed that I did a long post earlier and I didn't even use paragraphs. I can't believe I forgot to use paragraphs on my post earlier. The constant cacophony has affected my creative mind immensely.

 

[Michael Leigh]

The constant cacophony has affected my creative mind immensely.

When tinnitus becomes overbearing it can affect our cognitive skills considerably, which you have described quite well.

Michael

 

[Margaret21]

When tinnitus becomes overbearing it can affect our cognitive skills considerably, which you have described quite well.

Michael

Thank you Michael, I have read all your advice and I am grateful for that.

 

[Pero1234]

Like you said yourself, you did manage to read a lot after getting T so...

- yes, I think it is possible to concentrate on reading and writing again

- yes, I think it is possible to enjoy reading and writing again

The question is, why do you have trouble reading again today?

Maybe you can find some ideas in this list of things that helped me:

It's very important that you reach (and maintain) a mindset where you are not trying to fight your T. Only when you accept that it's there will your brain allow you to focus on other things. It's weird, but I'm sure others will agree with me.

Don't worry about it being cumulative as that will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Give T any attention and it will spring to the foreground. Worry about it getting worse, and it will become more intrusive. Fear that it will keep you from doing something and it will... Do stuff that you enjoy or spend time with people you like and it will retreat.

Make sure you get enough (good) sleep before writing - easier said than done. I used to think that T was messing up my cognitive / creative brain, now I know that the real villain was lack of (good) sleep. Sleep and pumping oxygen to my brain with Kundalini yoga make my head as clear, relaxed and focused as it ever was.

I had to become more deliberate when writing or doing focused work: cram less in a day, calm my nerves, take more breaks... in short: be more mindful. I cannot just jump in and out of reading and writing anymore.

It is possible to read and write in complete silence but sometimes music just helps. Get a set of decent speakers and put on some background music. Spotify and Apple music have a ton of concentration, spa, focus or reading playlists. Or nature sounds, if music is too distracting.

I stay away from headphones though: As they block out external noise, my T becomes immediately more noticeable. They also wear me out much quicker than speakers and sometimes even cause spikes.

There... I hope any of this can help you.