Juliane
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  • Love you all. We deserve to be happy
    4Grace
    Yes. Agree. We also deserve to be at peace. Just peace. The other day I saw a homeless man sitting under a tree. Reading a book. He had a massive tent. Set up in a park. That can't be easy, I might be naive in saying this… I felt he was much better off than me. Is that sad? Is that wrong? That's what I feel like. No money is worth health.
    Juliane
    Nothing wrong about thinking. That's all you do. Reflecting over life. We all do. Some more than others. Especially when we are going through the dark night of the soul, which these years are for me. Hope this dark journey ends very soon and will be replaced with light.
    I used to be resourceful, creative, optimistic and resilient. You would think those traits led to a good life. What the hell happened?
    Feel I am entering a new phase of deep anxiety and sorrow. It manifests physically. I have lost all hope and faith in this life.
    I know it's easier said than done when struggling but if you have a clear vision with no floaters, please appreciate it
    I used to be the most active person. Now I prefer to stay in my bed with closed curtains most of the time
    Juliane
    @4Grace I know :-( when I stay in I do feel a bit more at ease but also incredibly lonely. I love my boyfriend dearly and he listens to me but I cannot talk to my family about my problems. They all more or less ignore me at this stage.
    4Grace
    I understand. I wish you better days.
    M
    Me too.
    Too scared to quit. Is it better to keep working as long as I can? Will the stress from unemployment be worse?
    4Grace
    In my humble opinion. Please try to keep working. If you don't you will have nothing to do but get up and stress about T. I do understand you wanting to leave. I have been home close to 2 years. I cannot work with this.
    Verify_Checked
    Yes. I agree with @4Grace. Not working made it worse.. for me at least. Are you able to take some time off instead if you need a break?
    Bob3382
    I almost quit in the first 6 months, but stayed on and talked to my manager. I told him I needed time to adjust to this horrid Tinnitus. He gave it to me.
    All the Covid nonsense put us all on high alert for years and messed with our nervous systems. We should all sue the government
    Juliane
    Juliane
    @4Grace I am sorry :-( Do you think the shots may have caused all this?
    4Grace
    @Juliane - I would be guessing. I know for me it was something else but maybe the shots caused some damage. Some people did claim to get T just after the shots but who knows. So complicated a condition. Yours seems to be directly related to your ears due to noise trauma.
    I wonder daily if I am unhappy because I am ill, or did I get ill because I was unhappy?
    TheCapybara
    In my case, I was unhappy and had issues long before hearing became a problem. Tinnitus/distortions just added to the long list of life problems lol.
    My eye doctor says everyone has floaters. Then how come I never had any 2 weeks ago?
    Juliane
    Verify_Checked
    I wish I knew. I had a full work up on my eyes. The guy said I had too perfect of vision that I "notice everything." I 100% never had floaters before. Doctors give me the woman hypochondriac look and brush me off. Awful
    Juliane
    Gosh I am sorry. They are so full of sh...
    This forum works as a suicide prevention space for me. I really think it does. Being able to vent prevents the most desperate action
    Calapsodis
    I responded to someone on the Susan Shore thread about how people just like vent on this forum and I said well yeah, it's a SUPPORT forum. That's what it's for. You will get all colors of the emotions wheel here and that's okay. It's what it's for. It's why we're here for each other.
    4Grace
    @Juliane - I cannot imagine not having this place. Not one doctor knows anything about reactive T, H and N. Although sometimes I still feel like the only one,
    I have decided to quit my job
    4Grace
    @Juliane - no judgment. I so understand. What ever you do I wish you the best always. You deserve it.
    ECP
    I hope the downtime will allow you to unwind so that your body can heal at a faster rate. Christina Applegate, who has MS and walks with a cane, said that when she went on vacation to Paris, she didn't need to use the cane as much as she expected.
    ECP
    I'm guessing that either the relaxation of being on holiday, or the distraction of novel stimuli, did something to her nervous system that enabled her legs to work better than usual. So maybe taking time off work and finding some relaxing things to do will help your ears and eyes.
    To die or not to die
    4Grace
    @Juliane - No. However, I have had a spiritual journey that nobody would believe. An extreme dark night of the soul. I have been exiled from earth/living. I was the server and host of most get togethers. I loved my family friends and life. I was not fully aware of how I might have been arrogant and full of way too much pride. Not for everyone but I know this was a lesson for me that is not over.
    4Grace
    @Juliane - I have a sense of how you feel every moment of everyday. I have been humbled to the ground with zero peace. I went from having everything to having nothing. I can only eat 5 or 6 things, Believe it or not most foods destroy my ears. Mine is ear and nerve related. It changes as I turn my neck. I also have massive nerve pain in my neck. My ear stings when I talk.
    4Grace
    @Juliane - sorry let me correct that… OCPD probably does impact me because I was a perfectionist. Most comfortable when everything was in order. I was at my best when things were perfect. Some people suffer so much in this life and handle it like it's nothing. It's amazing. I never knew. This is a really big problem. I need to let me family go so they can enjoy their life as best as possible. I am not good company.
    Thinking of you dear friend, still about on here and noticed how much you're suffering. You're in my thoughts and pray for us all.
    If I had a penny for every time I was told "You are overreacting"
    4Grace
    You can explain until your blue in the face. They can never know. I'm so sorry for all your suffering. You are in my prayers daily.
    Juliane
    ❤️
    I hate this world so much, I never thought I had so much hate in me
    Juliane
    @Pinhead I feel the same and it scares me. Are we right or are we going mad?
    4Grace
    @Pinhead - I am beginning to think I was like what you mention. As I look around I feel like most people, are very kind and loving. I never noticed how much until I became ill. This is probably just me. I always considered my self an empath now I am thinking a lot of it came from selfishness. Horrible realization for me, suffering teachers you a lot. I hate being this way. I hate it,
    Juliane
    @4Grace I understand. I have been manipulated my whole life. I learned that love and kindness are transactions and I never felt loved for who I truly am. For the rest of my life I am going to be ME, I don't care what people think. Oh, and I hope we meet one day in real life.
    Stupid imbecile crap world with no understanding for hypersensitive individuals such as us! I despise it
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