So next month is my 1 year anniversary with this horrible thing called tinnitus. It's scary to think that I lost 1 year of my life to this condition and might lose more. I am so young and I just graduated college last year. I was very healthy and very optimistic about life. I made a list of all the things that I will accomplish like learn a few more languages, go to machu pichu, get a masters degree in Statistics. I am afraid I might have ruined my life for good. It is not remotely close to normal nor is it even remotely good as it was before. I am only 28 and got my Tinnitus last year when I was 27, there and then I knew my life was over. My T is still the same it was in January/February but I think I am better handling it (not habituating since I have 5 tones which change day to day). I just cope better now....I think.
How did my tinnitus begin?
My T was caused by me listening to the ipod at 80% volume daily for 30 minutes while jogging. I also attended a loud concert where I was right next to the speaker. My left ear developed Tinnitus while the right one did not. My T developed a week later ( a lag or delay of some sort). My Tinnitus was moderate a 6/10-7/10 for two weeks during my onset and then dropped t0 a 4/10 then to a 2/10, it dropped from moderate to mild and it was like my life was normal.
I visited an Audiologist (I will post audiogram up later) in October of last year. He said my hearing was perfect, everything was perfect, the only dips were at 5db on 3khz and 4khz. DPOAE revealed outer cochlea cell damage in left ear (tinnitus ear). He said that there is no way that an acoustic trauma could have caused my T and sent me to an ENT where the ENT can diagnose whether it is meniere or cochlea hydrops or acoustic neuroma or lymphoma. I started to overprotect my left ear and got hyperacusis which slowly went away.
My ENT told me there is no way this is an acoustic trauma (least likely), and the most likely is acoustic neuroma, meniere, cochlear hydrops, thyroid cancer, etc etc. So she wanted me to do CT, MRI, ECOG, Acoustic Reflex, VEMP, Caloric Test, Tympanometry. etc (Yup she is that retarded). Well the CT scan came out normal and so did the MRI, but after I sustained a head fall I developed balance issues which still continue to this day. It is related to high blood pressure which I developed sadly but it seems like it might be more than that (who knows). I declined the tests initially but did the Vemp/Caloric to see if somehow I damaged the vestibular system. My balance problems felt like I was on a boat in middle of a lake (like false sense of motion), sadly this never way, my doctor thinks it might be due to stress.
my T was barely noticeable in quiet rooms and I could work in an office. I had no H and no nothing besides the balance issues which felt like I was standing up on a boat on a lake. My T was amazing and it could be covered up by anything, a clock ticking, people talking, etc. I did another audiogram but this time at my ENT office with another audiologist and the hearing was perfect dip at 10db at 3khz and 4khz (this was jan 7-9). A week after that Jan 15 I did the caloric test (ear syringing/ear irrigation) in both ears it made me really dizzy. Then we did the VEMP test which was 100-110db decibels and it lasted for 2 minutes, it sounded like loud clicks from the MRI I did back in December. The next day Tuesday, January 16, I developed severe hyperacusis on the right ear. Wednesday January 17 I get exposed to a fire alarm in the library, and Jan 19 to a helicopter going over me while I was outside. My T every day started to increase from 2 to a 3 to a 4 to a 5 to a 6, the following week my T increased to a 10/10, where it was blasting loud. It was a jet engine sounding tinnitus that I could hear over everything and I mean everything. I felt like was sitting next to an airplane engine that how loud it was. I also developed hyperacusis on the left ear. Afterwards I developed T on the right ear (previously healthy ear). I had to quit my job because I couldn't work/concentrate anymore. My coworkers were sad to see my departure as I was a good worker and they liked me.
February 6, I make an appointment at my audiologist again where we do the pure tone audiometry and the DPOAE. The DPOAE revealed that outer cochlea cells are damaged and nothing changed from October. However, the audiogram did show a drop to about 25db on 4khz. So I dropped from 5db to 25db when compared to when I was there in October, and comparing to the Audiogram a month earlier from 10db to 25db on 4khz. He said not to worry as this is normal hearing and not to be stressed out. The reason for the hearing drop are not the tests but my anxiety which caused a drop on 4khz. He told me to go do TRT asap as it will help me!
My T from February up until right now is severe a blasting 8/10 with hyperacusis in both ears. The T in my right ear comes and goes but usually its not noticeable unless I put my finger on that ear. The left ear however is blasting. I have 5 different sounds: High pitched dentist drill which is my main tone, Subway stopping suddenly on tracks, screeching metallic sound, screeching fingers on blackboard, and a sharp eeeeeee sound. my T is not maskable anymore and can be heard over everything except shower or being next to a busy road.
I saw my ENT again in February and told her what happened,she was so upset and raised her voice on me even though I Had Hyperacusis. She told me that there is no way those tests could have hurt me and its all in my head. She then told me to go get money to do TRT and that it will help me a lot, she then said she has faith in me that I will get better.
In March I noticed I got more Floaters than I had. I always had floaters which were barely noticeable. However after the onset I noticed more of them. After the T increased to severe I noticed large floaters that cover my vision when looking in the sky. The worst thing I have now black eye floaters about 3 of them in my left eye and 2 0f them in my right eye. It looks like black flies or insects are in my line of vision all the time. I see them outside and now I see them inside on lighter surfaces (like walls, computer screen, books, etc)
In April I went to do an audiogram again this time at ENT, my second audiologist (the one from January) which showed a drop 20db on 4khz. I am going again next month (1 year anniversary) to the main audiologist to see what has changed. I definitely hear less on both ears with the left ear being worse. I have to yell at times because I cant hear myself or ask people to repeat themselves sometimes.
Things got even worse in June when I developed what appears to be static in front of my eyes, like bad static of an analog tv. You know when you have bad reception on tv and then you have the static. That's what I have it is not noticeable outside but inside it is, usually I can see it on dark surfaces. During the night is when it is really bad. I now have to sleep with the light on because it is so bad in the night, of course with the sound oasis machine.
So there you go folks. Some could say if I didnt do the tests I would have been recovered by now. Who knows? My ENT was the most worst doctor I have ever seen. She didnt know what she was doing and clearly guessed at things (scary).
I will go do an audiogram next month to see how my hearing has changed. Oh on top of it all I have a swollen lymph node by my ear (right). How the hell did I go from a healthy 27 year old to a completely messed up 28 year old with multiple conditions? Will this all get worse? I dont know and I dont even want to know honestly what will happen in the future. I went from a positive happy 27 year old who woke up every morning thanking god for amazing life to fearing what will happen to me. My friends who last saw me September 2, 2017, saw me again a few weeks ago, they just kept looking at me. It felt uncomfortable to why they are looking at me. They asked how did I get so many grey hairs and why I have huge dark circles? I finally broke down crying and told them what happened to me. A day ago I saw my old friend who I knew for about 8 years. We talked about what happened to us since we last saw eachother 2015 , we bumped into eachother at the store, didnt even recognize her lol. Like the other friends she kept looking at me and I sensed that she knew something was wrong. As I have so many grey hairs on my head, huge dark circles, and tired looking face. I dont smile anymore and my head is always down. I am always thinking whether my life has been pissed away.
Sometimes I think this is all a nightmare, and I want to wake up to be that happy and healthy person who was positive and full of life. Maybe this happens or maybe I realize that it never will. Perhaps I am sentenced to live like this for rest of my life. It hurts to see how people my age are getting married, traveling, having kids, enjoying life, etc while I am in this circle of swords which I cant escape. Where did we go wrong? There is just so much more to see and experience.
I will keep you all updated as always. If I ever recover, notice the word here EVER, then I will post it on here or if I habituate. So far the odds are against me but you never know. Life is crazy and if all this horrible stuff happened to me then what's not to say that in 5-10 years my life might resume where it left off. I am still keeping positive..I guess in my heart I have this strong wish to resume my life where it left off.
Visual Snow
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Dark Eye Floaters
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Member
I have been taking a supplement called Lithium Orotate lately. It seems to be helping with my mood and seems to make my tinnitus lower some days. I noticed a little bit of a change at first but after a few weeks of taking this, I really seem to notice a difference in my mood. I take one tablet a day. I don't know if that would help you or not but figured I would mention it to you. I really do hope you get well soon.
