Hi everyone,
This is the first time I have posted on any forum about T.
I have been looking at the site since about October 2016 when I went into a dark place with T. After four months I thought I had found the light again and returned to living my life as usual for the last 4-5 weeks until this week.
I had written a very different story and was about to post it as a success story and an introduction some weeks back, so as I am slipping down again I can't claim success just yet and instead come looking for help.
My story started 17 years ago when I was 17, I'm 34 now.
It was April 2000 when I first encountered permanent T. I was doing much the same thing that everyone else was doing at that age, parties, drinking, music, nightclubs. Like everyone else I had the warning signs after a night out, ringing ears when I went to bed - but by the morning it had gone. I didn't get too concerned as by the morning the ringing had gone and everyone was doing it; there was no warning poster in clubs or gigs telling you of the dangers, no public information from the government or health service I was aware of. That is what hurts, that nobody was concerned for my welfare and I was too juvenile to see the bigger picture, if ear plugs were available and a warning sign have been present then I would have taken notice - that's the sort of person I am.
I first had a big scare some years before when I was 15. I went with some friends to a gig, (I wasn't a gig person and never have been - but at that age, hey why not). I think the gig was Slip Knot or something, it was terrible anyway but the music was so loud like nothing I had ever known before, louder than at any club. The following morning the T was still there; and so it was for the next four days! I was seriously scared and confided in my parents, eventually the T did go after 4 days or so. I should have learnt my lesson from this but didn't.
I started going to nightclubs just before my 16th birthday, I used to love it, it was such a buzz. For around another year I would frequently go until one day I noticed that things were not at all the same on leaving a venue. Like others report, I would have to really concentrate in a quiet room to hear it and it was alarming at the time. My life literally fell apart on that day. I stopped seeing my friends, stopped going out and became very depressed at the thought of letting this happen to myself. I was ashamed.
I eventually picked my life up although it did take some years and I am proud to say it didn't stop me. It made me very determined in life to succeed, I went back to College and then University from previously leaving school at 16 not choosing to stay on into 6th form. I now have a family and two beautiful kids, a business in IT which is doing well, property investments, a great circle of friends and the best family. I have coped very well through the years and just accepted it as part of me, I even started going out again to bars in my late 20's, and the occasional nightclub (only with ear plugs of cause!).
That brings me to September 30th last year when I was out with friends for a joint birthday and celebration of my second child's birth just two weeks prior to that. We went out for a meal, went to a non music bar and then to a bar that did have music playing. I made the worst mistake of my life because I was drunk; I went in there without ear plugs. I always have a pair in my pocket and have been so careful for all these years and this night I was so drunk I didn't have any in my pocket and just didn't even think going in regardless.
The following morning I saw the devastation - my hearing was so dull and the ringing so loud from being previously mild. It was like falling off a cliff and loosing it all in an instant. I fell into the worst depression of my life. The hearing did come back so that I can't tell too much difference but the T, although it did reduce in volume, it was much louder than before and is something I have had to get used to. I thought that for sure my life was over because I couldn't go on with this ringing, from only hearing it at night; I now hear it all the time if I listen for it. I started looking online to see if anything had changed since I last looked for help all those years ago and became very desperate, very low and with constant suicidal thoughts, bad dreams all around death and dying. I thought for sure that that was it - my interest in everything had gone overnight. I quit drinking all together and haven't touched a drop since that night, it's not worth it and I love my family more that pint, it's not just that though I quit because it doesn't agree with my mental health anymore.
For several months I have struggled until a few weeks ago when I finally managed to habituate for the second time, there was several ups and downs in that time. I reached out for help this time, I talked to people, involved my family, did CBT sessions which really helped unlock feelings and events of the past I have been ashamed of help me to deal with them, the mindfulness part of CBT is really helping. I learned that what the issue was more than anything was the depression from my emotional response to the noise and my actions of that night and that 17 year old boy. I had to get AD's from the GP and stayed on them for several months until tapering off them, but the end result is that I have separated the depression from the T. The T may not be treatable but the depression is, and to my astonishment I have got back to where I was previously in life.
It was at this point I was going to claim success from the way I was handling the T (sound apps and trying to not be in a quiet room with it) and the happiness that re-entered my life.
Since the middle of January I have started returning to the things I love for enjoyment, snooker and the gym. I had an ENT appointment booked for 6th Feb which I went to but apart from having an 8khz hearing test and a talk I was fine in myself so didn't take up too much of their time.
This week I may have some something silly again, it's either that or a cold that I have had. I went on Monday 13th to a lunch time gym class, 15 minute abs. The class was quite loud and I should have walked out or used ear plugs. I've been to this class loads of times in 2016 and never noticed any problem with no plugs. The following day I got a cold and my nose was literally pouring all day. Since either one of these events my hearing has dulled in my left ear and the T more noticeable still. I have had this sort of thing before and I am hoping that it comes back because I feel that I am slipping back in progress.
Thanks for reading. Special mention to @billie48, @glynis and @Michael Leigh for helpful posts, reading them over the months has helped me.
This is the first time I have posted on any forum about T.
I have been looking at the site since about October 2016 when I went into a dark place with T. After four months I thought I had found the light again and returned to living my life as usual for the last 4-5 weeks until this week.
I had written a very different story and was about to post it as a success story and an introduction some weeks back, so as I am slipping down again I can't claim success just yet and instead come looking for help.
My story started 17 years ago when I was 17, I'm 34 now.
It was April 2000 when I first encountered permanent T. I was doing much the same thing that everyone else was doing at that age, parties, drinking, music, nightclubs. Like everyone else I had the warning signs after a night out, ringing ears when I went to bed - but by the morning it had gone. I didn't get too concerned as by the morning the ringing had gone and everyone was doing it; there was no warning poster in clubs or gigs telling you of the dangers, no public information from the government or health service I was aware of. That is what hurts, that nobody was concerned for my welfare and I was too juvenile to see the bigger picture, if ear plugs were available and a warning sign have been present then I would have taken notice - that's the sort of person I am.
I first had a big scare some years before when I was 15. I went with some friends to a gig, (I wasn't a gig person and never have been - but at that age, hey why not). I think the gig was Slip Knot or something, it was terrible anyway but the music was so loud like nothing I had ever known before, louder than at any club. The following morning the T was still there; and so it was for the next four days! I was seriously scared and confided in my parents, eventually the T did go after 4 days or so. I should have learnt my lesson from this but didn't.
I started going to nightclubs just before my 16th birthday, I used to love it, it was such a buzz. For around another year I would frequently go until one day I noticed that things were not at all the same on leaving a venue. Like others report, I would have to really concentrate in a quiet room to hear it and it was alarming at the time. My life literally fell apart on that day. I stopped seeing my friends, stopped going out and became very depressed at the thought of letting this happen to myself. I was ashamed.
I eventually picked my life up although it did take some years and I am proud to say it didn't stop me. It made me very determined in life to succeed, I went back to College and then University from previously leaving school at 16 not choosing to stay on into 6th form. I now have a family and two beautiful kids, a business in IT which is doing well, property investments, a great circle of friends and the best family. I have coped very well through the years and just accepted it as part of me, I even started going out again to bars in my late 20's, and the occasional nightclub (only with ear plugs of cause!).
That brings me to September 30th last year when I was out with friends for a joint birthday and celebration of my second child's birth just two weeks prior to that. We went out for a meal, went to a non music bar and then to a bar that did have music playing. I made the worst mistake of my life because I was drunk; I went in there without ear plugs. I always have a pair in my pocket and have been so careful for all these years and this night I was so drunk I didn't have any in my pocket and just didn't even think going in regardless.
The following morning I saw the devastation - my hearing was so dull and the ringing so loud from being previously mild. It was like falling off a cliff and loosing it all in an instant. I fell into the worst depression of my life. The hearing did come back so that I can't tell too much difference but the T, although it did reduce in volume, it was much louder than before and is something I have had to get used to. I thought that for sure my life was over because I couldn't go on with this ringing, from only hearing it at night; I now hear it all the time if I listen for it. I started looking online to see if anything had changed since I last looked for help all those years ago and became very desperate, very low and with constant suicidal thoughts, bad dreams all around death and dying. I thought for sure that that was it - my interest in everything had gone overnight. I quit drinking all together and haven't touched a drop since that night, it's not worth it and I love my family more that pint, it's not just that though I quit because it doesn't agree with my mental health anymore.
For several months I have struggled until a few weeks ago when I finally managed to habituate for the second time, there was several ups and downs in that time. I reached out for help this time, I talked to people, involved my family, did CBT sessions which really helped unlock feelings and events of the past I have been ashamed of help me to deal with them, the mindfulness part of CBT is really helping. I learned that what the issue was more than anything was the depression from my emotional response to the noise and my actions of that night and that 17 year old boy. I had to get AD's from the GP and stayed on them for several months until tapering off them, but the end result is that I have separated the depression from the T. The T may not be treatable but the depression is, and to my astonishment I have got back to where I was previously in life.
It was at this point I was going to claim success from the way I was handling the T (sound apps and trying to not be in a quiet room with it) and the happiness that re-entered my life.
Since the middle of January I have started returning to the things I love for enjoyment, snooker and the gym. I had an ENT appointment booked for 6th Feb which I went to but apart from having an 8khz hearing test and a talk I was fine in myself so didn't take up too much of their time.
This week I may have some something silly again, it's either that or a cold that I have had. I went on Monday 13th to a lunch time gym class, 15 minute abs. The class was quite loud and I should have walked out or used ear plugs. I've been to this class loads of times in 2016 and never noticed any problem with no plugs. The following day I got a cold and my nose was literally pouring all day. Since either one of these events my hearing has dulled in my left ear and the T more noticeable still. I have had this sort of thing before and I am hoping that it comes back because I feel that I am slipping back in progress.
Thanks for reading. Special mention to @billie48, @glynis and @Michael Leigh for helpful posts, reading them over the months has helped me.
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