20-Year-Old with Tinnitus: Can't Live Life Doing Nothing — World Is Loud, How Do You Go Out?

[Gabriel5050]

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to be honest with you. I am 20, had tinnitus since around the beginning of 2018. At the beginning it was quiet and after looking it up I thought it must be from listening to music on loud volume / gaming in voice chat with others for so long. Especially since I did have a memory of going to sleep late on night after gaming with a soft ringing. Doctors instead keep insisting it has to do with my blood pressure since I had a non invasive surgery for a stent (now I have blood pressure under control). I didn't do anything stupid and lived my life. But, as the final high school exams came close it became more bothersome. At this time I wore small cotton balls in my ears if I thought things were gonna be loud. A few events like graduation festivities and two 18th birthday parties probably set the wheels in motion for the tinnitus I have today. A bit later I found out on Reddit about musician ear plugs and started wearing them, but despite my efforts my tinnitus liked to spike often. When I finally began university I was faced my tinnitus worsening even more. Every end of the day I would be exhausted from the ear ringing. I want to underline that those hours felt like sensory torture. I couldn't (and still can't) stand using ear plugs for more than say, an hour, because it exacerbates the ringing and electric buzzing even more. I dropped out just as 2020 begun because I was having trouble sleeping, concentrating and felt generally unwell. I still have sleeping problems to this day.

Now I stay at home and best I can do is go out to the neighborhood shop because it's close and quiet and it doesn't take long. I think time is an important factor, because if I'm out for too long I get overwhelmed by the ringing accentuated by the plugs, especially in my right ear which goes crazy!

I don't go other places that are far away and stay there for longer time unless I absolutely have to. Because there are situations in life when you need to be physically there. This is the point I really really want to make. Every time I go out my tinnitus gets worse. It has been proven to me time and time again. You got to believe me! After going out I end up spending one or two days with a sort of restless feeling and can't be calm because of the ringing.

At the same time - I can't live my life doing nothing. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Being so useless at such a young age feels so depressing. Especially when I put it here so bluntly for you guys.Despite all of this I'm sure there are people with tinnitus worse than mine...

I don't understand how you people can go out! The world is so loud.

How do you work?

How can you do daily activities that require going out? Do you wear those huge construction earmuffs?

I am asking for your guys' advice. What can someone like me do? Bite the bullet and start university again? I am afraid it might end the same way it did the first time.

What can I work from home without an university degree? I did look stuff up myself but I only found out stuff that sounds fishy (like without contracts/or no clear base salary). I would honestly be happy even to make a little money, since I live with my parents and, thank God, they are understanding and have seen how much I suffered. Obviously, I am not going to hold anyone accountable for the advice you give me, I know I make decisions for myself.

 

[Ben_2020]

Hi Gabriel, I'm sorry to hear about your ongoing ordeal, I really am. I can't begin to tell you how much it resonates, I totally get where you coming from because I have the same thoughts, how will I work, what will I do, even the suicidal ones you mentioned too. I'm exhausted man. It's like in battling it all the time and so my brain gets tired, like you said it's sensory torture. I'm writing to you at 3:45am, I'm up, again. Lying in the darkness listening to electric orchestra of my mind, tired from sleep deprivation, tired from crying. I'm sorry that I don't have advice for you really (oh how many times people have heard that). I got tinnitus when I was 15, had it through college and University, ruined my experience. All I can think of is that I would try not to seclude myself from the world, and accept that some things are off limits now... eg clubs, live music etc. However, I'd look to other options that young people are doing too. You got to make something else your thing, like hiking or volunteer work or something of value where you meet others in an environment which is safe and fun and won't make things worse. I'm at a low point too, and so in many ways the worst person to speak to is someone who going through "a hell" period of time. I just joined this forum, and I was going to post something then I saw you post. If you ever want to chat, reach out man, we can Skype or something. You are not alone, if you ever feel like you can't go on, speak to your folks, your friends, or even come here. Good luck.

 

[Gabriel5050]

@Ben_2020 Hello and welcome to the forum. You have no idea how glad I am to get any sort of response. I mean it. There is an introduce yourself section. When I first visited the forum I got so absorbed into reading support and treatments I didn't even notice that section lol. You'll find both positivity and negativity. Just try to take the information you can and, if you're more of a sensitive person, try to not to get scared. I guess I might have to recalibrate my life expectations. I know it sounds cliché but so many people have it bad. Especially now with COVID-19 and the other patients that have a hard time getting treatment as a consequence. Just know, man, that there are promising things in the working. We might get tinnitus cured in our lifetimes.

 

[Ben_2020]

@Gabriel5050 thanks man yes i have literally just posted in the introduction section, a long post! (You probably shouldn't Resd it - it's a bit depressing ) but here's to a cure! It would be like winning the lottery for me. Take care man and yes i think recalibration is the right way to go about it. Let me know how you get on :/)

 

[Tybs]

How do you work?

You could try programming. Plenty of well written tutorials online, all the required tools are free to use these days. Since you're pretty much solving puzzles all the time, it's a good distraction from the torment, and it can all be done from home as long as you have a pc with internet available.

Thinking long term, developers are (and always will be) in high demand, so remote jobs could help out later. Unless some global disaster strikes which would short out all communication, but then we're probably done for anyway...

 

[Gabriel5050]

You could try programming. Plenty of well written tutorials online,

The funny thing is that was what I was studying for. And we all know those jobs ask for degrees. Everyone says try programming but it's not something to joke about. It's really methodical and requires quite advanced maths. I doubt you can teach yourself the same problem solving at home. You're right, there are many resources, but hard to find the actual good stuff from the phonies who are just trying to cash grab or make YouTube dollars. It's a very fuzzy line to follow going by yourself.

 

[vermillion]

Hello @Gabriel5050.

Reading your post was you being in my head. I have the same worries and feelings.
It's pretty harsh to have this condition in such a young age.
I don't have any advice as I too struggle. The only thing I can tell you is that, before a few weeks when things got bad for me again, due to a major worsening of my hyperacusis, I was doing better with my tinnitus which is quite complicated. And when I say better I don't mean that I was happy and completely back to my activities. I mean that I started to cope better and accept the new reality. Was calmer. I quit my career as a dancer and a dance instructor and began training to become a pilates instructor which doesn't require music.
Anyway, if my stupid hyperacusis didn't show up to ruin my plans I think that I could survive being in my previous state which was still bad. There's a limit to everything. I think I reached mine. However my point is to give time and see if you can somehow manage. There's a chance you will. Only time can tell.
I understand you. I know how reactive tinnitus is.

 

[Tybs]

The funny thing is that was what I was studying for. And we all know those jobs ask for degrees.

I guess that's different in your region: degrees don't matter that much here anymore. People usually still have to do some kind of logical-thinking test if there is no degree, but that's pretty much it. Mostly depends on the company though: some old companies that I've worked for still consider it a requirement, but plenty think otherwise. A good thing is that region doesn't necessarily matter anymore, there are many remote jobs available online, especially during the current Covid pandemic (though we all hope that won't last...).

Everyone says try programming but it's not something to joke about. It's really methodical and requires quite advanced maths. I doubt you can teach yourself the same problem solving at home. You're right, there are many resources, but hard to find the actual good stuff from the phonies who are just trying to cash grab or make YouTube dollars. It's a very fuzzy line to follow going by yourself.

What kind of advanced maths did you encounter during your study? I never have to deal with it: unless I'd take the database route, but I went with .NET programming instead. 90% of the obstacles I run into can eventually be dumbed down to googling the issue(s) and converting the code a bit. Sure, you need to understand the basis, but being able to "cut the obstacle into small slices" and fixing one step at a time is the most important aspect.

This has been the way of handling it in my past ten years. Worked with dozens of teams, which all have their own weird quirks: but that's a communication issue, not related to programming. And I'm not trying to be special here: pretty much all of my colleagues have the same attitude. Identify the problem, slice it down to manageable small steps, fix one thing at a time. Actually works both for learning and building

What study were you following? I have the impression it was quite specialized, and not limited to the basics of programming. It is possible you have a different impression of what programming is about and what companies usually require from a developer.

 

[Ben_2020]

Hello @Gabriel5050.

Reading your post was you being in my head. I have the same worries and feelings.
It's pretty harsh to have this condition in such a young age.
I don't have any advice as I too struggle. The only thing I can tell you is that, before a few weeks when things got bad for me again, due to a major worsening of my hyperacusis, I was doing better with my tinnitus which is quite complicated. And when I say better I don't mean that I was happy and completely back to my activities. I mean that I started to cope better and accept the new reality. Was calmer. I quit my career as a dancer and a dance instructor and began training to become a pilates instructor which doesn't require music.
Anyway, if my stupid hyperacusis didn't show up to ruin my plans I think that I could survive being in my previous state which was still bad. There's a limit to everything. I think I reached mine. However my point is to give time and see if you can somehow manage. There's a chance you will. Only time can tell.
I understand you. I know how reactive tinnitus is.

I totally understand you man when you say "there is a limit to everything" l feel that limit I am reaching, staying positive is soo difficult right now.

 

[all to gain]

@Gabriel5050

Why not do a programming degree via the Open University (or the equivalent where you live), ie distance learning?

I wear those ear muffs more and more. I never wear ear plugs.

I feel for you man!!

 

[vermillion]

I totally understand you man when you say "there is a limit to everything" l feel that limit I am reaching, staying positive is soo difficult right now.

I hear you buddy. God help us!

 

[Gabriel5050]

@Tybs Analytic mathematics, advanced algebra. They also include data structures, yes. Also, some useless stuff like English and P. E. If you didn't manage to learn English in 12~ years then you won't now. Everyone in my country (Romania) thinks you need a university degree. So much so that people will do one regardless of interests and never work in the field!! Our education system is absolute garbage.

 

[Gabriel5050]

@Gabriel5050

Why not do a programming degree via the Open University (or the equivalent where you live), ie distance learning?

I wear those ear muffs more and more. I never wear ear plugs.

I feel for you man!!

@all to gain There is no remote university course available to me. What they call remote is just weekend classrooms instead of during the week. Also, those few courses don't even interest me at all.

 

[all to gain]

@all to gain There is no remote university course available to me. What they call remote is just weekend classrooms instead of during the week. Also, those few courses don't even interest me at all.

What about doing a degree with the Open University in the UK? It would be expensive though, but you could do it over a long time period and pay as you go along. Or you could try and find some other open uniersity in another country that teaches in English but is cheaper.

 

[Gabriel5050]

@all to gain I didn't know about the Open University, so thanks for that. It is expensive indeed. I will look into similar options.

 

[Juan]

I don't understand how you people can go out! The world is so loud.

How do you work?

How can you do daily activities that require going out? Do you wear those huge construction earmuffs?

I am asking for your guys' advice. What can someone like me do? Bite the bullet and start university again? I am afraid it might end the same way it did the first time.

University, in my opinion, should be OK, unless today classes are taught through speakers. Speakers may be a problem because sometimes they produce loud feedback at a high pitch and that's an ear killer.

As for going out, when my H was severe I would use earplugs and earmuffs to navigate around traffic (brief exposure time). Best choice is not being around loud sound at all. Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do to fix sound damage so it is best to try to go on with your life, adapt to the new situation.

I had a lot of setbacks and over the years lost some hearing.