Dear anyone that's now where I was 3 months ago,
I promised myself I would come back to this forum when I would feel better, as these stories are what helped me go to sleep somewhat calmly. In short, 3 months ago, I was filled with depression, anxiety, despair, suicidal thoughts, lack of concentration, and a loud T and H. The latter of which was linked to the anxiety. I abandoned lectures and meetings due to anxiety, I was completely and utterly obsessed with tinnitus and myself, losing all enjoyment and attention in talking with my friends and family, or merely watching children play on the streets.
When I saw people, especially kids, I wanted their ears. When I saw people on the TV that had 'made it', I wanted their lifes.
Thankfully though, I received help from a CBT therapist very experienced with T patients. And now after about 2 months of (now bi-) weekly treatment, I can once again refer to myself as generally happy. Through shifting my attention to things that I do enjoy, the usual 'challenging thoughts' procedure of CBT, and tackling some of the problems that my 'hyper-responsible' personality bring, I'm now living (and really living) with my tinnitus: Instead of just saying I'm fine, here's some examples
Reading a book? Is once again fun, regardless of the loudness of my T that night
Studying? Back to 'smarter than most' and 'ahead of the schedule'
Playing the (acoustic) guitar? Tinnitus isn't even intrusive anymore
Study related group meetings? Once again leading the discussions and insights are very much appreciated by colleagues (instead of me being quiet, thinking about T)
Conversating with friends? Haven't heard T in a week during that; H is gone generally
Playing video games with a headset*? Over the last 2 weeks and after buying a new PC, I'm now once again one of the 'stronger' players in my team for Planetside 2**, and I do not notice T most of the time, despite outside noise suppression
Watching TV? CSI is immersing me more now than GOT season two, three and four 3 months ago
Sports? My legs hurt so much I don't hear anything, and otherwise, I'll turn up the (handsfree) music
Kids on the streets? I shortly "go along with" them, in whatever they're doing in their fantasy
And well, that's about what I do in a day***, and I'm not troubled at all during any of those activities, therefore, I'm not quite ill anymore, am I?
I've had only one bad day the last 4 weeks, and that was directly caused by me forcefully and consiously listening to my T for one hour during an appointment with an audiologist. I didn't freak out, just got quite depressed (emotional talk with psych about quitting drums) and because of this combo, had a super loud T and wasn't in the best of moods. The next day though, I studied the entire day without trouble and ran over some peeps in PS2.
And for the frequently asked question "Do you hear still it": Yes I do still hear T, but in 90% of cases after I've thought of it. And in the other 10%, it's either while I'm falling asleep, gaming is quiet+non-intensive, or after a run. In non of those cases, I'm really bothered by T for more than 10 seconds. As for those who want a more 'biological' reference: 4kHz tone at 27dB, and 'noise' at 20-ish dB.
And of course I'm not saying that my story, will or should be like yours, but merely to give some hope: things get better.
Finally, here's a song that really helps me, from the genre of folk punk: Adorable punks, but not from the city, but the country side. They still can't sing in tone though...
*I know this is ill advised here. But, I have noticed no problems, and sort of need to use a headset. the only way I enjoy FPS games is in a competitive format, and I need sound-spatial awareness and a microphone there.
** We're gonna plow through some Russians tonight, hopefully
*** Soon to be adding research projects and the mud-crawling, obstacle climbing sport of 'survivalruns'
I promised myself I would come back to this forum when I would feel better, as these stories are what helped me go to sleep somewhat calmly. In short, 3 months ago, I was filled with depression, anxiety, despair, suicidal thoughts, lack of concentration, and a loud T and H. The latter of which was linked to the anxiety. I abandoned lectures and meetings due to anxiety, I was completely and utterly obsessed with tinnitus and myself, losing all enjoyment and attention in talking with my friends and family, or merely watching children play on the streets.
When I saw people, especially kids, I wanted their ears. When I saw people on the TV that had 'made it', I wanted their lifes.
Thankfully though, I received help from a CBT therapist very experienced with T patients. And now after about 2 months of (now bi-) weekly treatment, I can once again refer to myself as generally happy. Through shifting my attention to things that I do enjoy, the usual 'challenging thoughts' procedure of CBT, and tackling some of the problems that my 'hyper-responsible' personality bring, I'm now living (and really living) with my tinnitus: Instead of just saying I'm fine, here's some examples
Reading a book? Is once again fun, regardless of the loudness of my T that night
Studying? Back to 'smarter than most' and 'ahead of the schedule'
Playing the (acoustic) guitar? Tinnitus isn't even intrusive anymore
Study related group meetings? Once again leading the discussions and insights are very much appreciated by colleagues (instead of me being quiet, thinking about T)
Conversating with friends? Haven't heard T in a week during that; H is gone generally
Playing video games with a headset*? Over the last 2 weeks and after buying a new PC, I'm now once again one of the 'stronger' players in my team for Planetside 2**, and I do not notice T most of the time, despite outside noise suppression
Watching TV? CSI is immersing me more now than GOT season two, three and four 3 months ago
Sports? My legs hurt so much I don't hear anything, and otherwise, I'll turn up the (handsfree) music
Kids on the streets? I shortly "go along with" them, in whatever they're doing in their fantasy
And well, that's about what I do in a day***, and I'm not troubled at all during any of those activities, therefore, I'm not quite ill anymore, am I?
I've had only one bad day the last 4 weeks, and that was directly caused by me forcefully and consiously listening to my T for one hour during an appointment with an audiologist. I didn't freak out, just got quite depressed (emotional talk with psych about quitting drums) and because of this combo, had a super loud T and wasn't in the best of moods. The next day though, I studied the entire day without trouble and ran over some peeps in PS2.
And for the frequently asked question "Do you hear still it": Yes I do still hear T, but in 90% of cases after I've thought of it. And in the other 10%, it's either while I'm falling asleep, gaming is quiet+non-intensive, or after a run. In non of those cases, I'm really bothered by T for more than 10 seconds. As for those who want a more 'biological' reference: 4kHz tone at 27dB, and 'noise' at 20-ish dB.
And of course I'm not saying that my story, will or should be like yours, but merely to give some hope: things get better.
Finally, here's a song that really helps me, from the genre of folk punk: Adorable punks, but not from the city, but the country side. They still can't sing in tone though...
*I know this is ill advised here. But, I have noticed no problems, and sort of need to use a headset. the only way I enjoy FPS games is in a competitive format, and I need sound-spatial awareness and a microphone there.
** We're gonna plow through some Russians tonight, hopefully
*** Soon to be adding research projects and the mud-crawling, obstacle climbing sport of 'survivalruns'
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