My experience 1 month 1/2 into having tinnitus. And need some advice pls on how accepting it has definitely changed in the past 3 weeks. First 3 weeks were definitely hell on earth. Until your brain starts to somewhat accept the ringing there is really no avoiding that phase. My tinnitus went from a high pitched ring directly in my left ear (the ear i have moderate hearing loss) to a very high pitched crickets sounds in what seems like my entire head. That tone transition happened about 3-4 weeks ago.
When I first got tinnitus I had really bad anxiety attacks. I was anxious about the tinnitus constantly. I was given Xanax .025 "as needed" and definitely w/o a doubt helped me when i was a train wreck. Was given 15 pills and ive only taken 7 of them in over a month.
The thing im struggling with now....since my mind is forced to try to accept that i have this life changing affliction is the anxiety / panic attacks i had the first 3 weeks are oddly....pretty much gone. Definitely no panic attacks any longer. BUT it has transitioned to severe depresssion episodes. Sometimes i will just cry uncontrollably out of nowhere about my life now. I find like ZERO enjoyment / joy in ANYTHING that i did my entire life. I spend my days now just trying to do stuff back to back to back to make the day go by. I used to absolutely treasure my "alone time" in my little studio apt. doing things on the computer etc., etc but i have ZERO interest in doing anything like that anymore. Now, I feel extremely lonely if im alone, and if i have a day off from work, where as before i would treasure a day off i dont any longer. Basically i just find ZERO joy in anything I used to enjoy. And it really really sucks. In addition to this overall umbrella depression i have, i'll also have severe dibilitating depression episodes on some days that can last 1 hour to a few hours and these episodes are brutal. Oddly during these episodes i have no anxiety at all.....just deep deep depression and frustration and anger about how my life is 100% different than it was my entire life until tinnitus.
I'm struggling with the depression part now. It's affecting my life, my relationships, everything. I FINALLY was able to secure a psychiatrist appt which is today. Finding an available one in Hawaii was extremely tough. Everyone around me who has seen my decline and my depression episodes say i definitely need "something" to help with the depression. Ive done all the regular stuff, meditation, exercise, diet, etc etc and has done nothing. It feels impossible for my mind to accept that the life i had for 46 years prior to T is totally changed. No joy.
Im sure the psychiatrist (its the same place my best friend goes to) will prescribe me lexapro or zoloft or whatever. Lexapro has REALLY helped a couple of my friends with their depression. But they dont have tinnitus. Me being me, i read and watched videos on all the SSRI's and alternatives like Remeron and its scary. Scary that it may help me tremendously or make it worse. Thats what i HATE about tinnitus. Its always "something" you have to be weary off doing or taking anything now.
I'm sure people will respond to my post both ways....some will tell me DO NOT go on anti-depressants!!! and some will say the opposite and try it out everyone is different. All i know...is i need "something".......to assist me for this period in my life. The depression attacks are just unbearable when they happen. And the overall depression just absolutely sucks. No joy in anything anymore. And for now in this early stage of tinnitus im in, just living by just trying to make the time go by isn't living at all....
When I first got tinnitus I had really bad anxiety attacks. I was anxious about the tinnitus constantly. I was given Xanax .025 "as needed" and definitely w/o a doubt helped me when i was a train wreck. Was given 15 pills and ive only taken 7 of them in over a month.
The thing im struggling with now....since my mind is forced to try to accept that i have this life changing affliction is the anxiety / panic attacks i had the first 3 weeks are oddly....pretty much gone. Definitely no panic attacks any longer. BUT it has transitioned to severe depresssion episodes. Sometimes i will just cry uncontrollably out of nowhere about my life now. I find like ZERO enjoyment / joy in ANYTHING that i did my entire life. I spend my days now just trying to do stuff back to back to back to make the day go by. I used to absolutely treasure my "alone time" in my little studio apt. doing things on the computer etc., etc but i have ZERO interest in doing anything like that anymore. Now, I feel extremely lonely if im alone, and if i have a day off from work, where as before i would treasure a day off i dont any longer. Basically i just find ZERO joy in anything I used to enjoy. And it really really sucks. In addition to this overall umbrella depression i have, i'll also have severe dibilitating depression episodes on some days that can last 1 hour to a few hours and these episodes are brutal. Oddly during these episodes i have no anxiety at all.....just deep deep depression and frustration and anger about how my life is 100% different than it was my entire life until tinnitus.
I'm struggling with the depression part now. It's affecting my life, my relationships, everything. I FINALLY was able to secure a psychiatrist appt which is today. Finding an available one in Hawaii was extremely tough. Everyone around me who has seen my decline and my depression episodes say i definitely need "something" to help with the depression. Ive done all the regular stuff, meditation, exercise, diet, etc etc and has done nothing. It feels impossible for my mind to accept that the life i had for 46 years prior to T is totally changed. No joy.
Im sure the psychiatrist (its the same place my best friend goes to) will prescribe me lexapro or zoloft or whatever. Lexapro has REALLY helped a couple of my friends with their depression. But they dont have tinnitus. Me being me, i read and watched videos on all the SSRI's and alternatives like Remeron and its scary. Scary that it may help me tremendously or make it worse. Thats what i HATE about tinnitus. Its always "something" you have to be weary off doing or taking anything now.
I'm sure people will respond to my post both ways....some will tell me DO NOT go on anti-depressants!!! and some will say the opposite and try it out everyone is different. All i know...is i need "something".......to assist me for this period in my life. The depression attacks are just unbearable when they happen. And the overall depression just absolutely sucks. No joy in anything anymore. And for now in this early stage of tinnitus im in, just living by just trying to make the time go by isn't living at all....
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