I have read all your stories here on Tinnitus Talk over the past 2 months and decided it's time to tell mine. I have encountered such compassion and understanding here, along with wonderful resources, advice, and personal experiences that people have shared over the years. I guess I'm in need of support and understanding myself, as I feel my life has become an unrecognizable mess.
I'm sorry about the incredibly long story I'm about to write, but I need to get it all off my chest, and writing can be sort of therapeutic.
Backstory
I'm a 31-year-old female, living in a Northern European country. In the past, I've been exposed to loud noises quite a bit, which have never hurt or bothered me. I've been blasted with fire alarms going off on multiple occasions. I used to work in bars and nightclubs for 3 years during my undergrad studies. I've been to several concerts, festivals, and events with no problems. My ears were durable.
However, that was all 5+ years ago. In more recent years, I was living a very quiet life. I hardly even used earphones and always preferred to be in quiet environments. I had never had any ear problems. Nothing at all. Except for once 3 years ago, I had a bout of high-pitched pure tone fleeting tinnitus, which went after me yanking my ear (I used one of those silly tinnitus relief methods you can see circulating on the internet) and it was never heard again. At the time, I didn't even know that it could become permanent.
It is now very appalling to me how incredibly and unnecessarily loud some of the alarms are. I was reading @Jason C's story about a burglar alarm going off at 120+ dB (Jason's success story has been giving me so much hope and I'm so glad it got better for him) and @Brian Newman's accident with the airbag deploying at 170+ dB (I also read Brian's whole story about multiple accidents/injuries and can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be). It is insane that's even legal and how little awareness there seems to be around the damage it could cause. I've been thinking and sobbing about all the stories I've read here.
Acoustic trauma incident
Well, anyway. Back to my mess of a story. I was visiting my friend in the USA and as per American tradition, we went shooting with friends, something that is wildly uncommon where I live. Although I had been to the USA before and went shooting there, I wasn't aware of the damage a gunshot could cause or how loud some of the guns were. I forgot to put on my earplugs and took one shot with a .45 handgun that, according to Google is around 157 dB. That's a lot of noise.
After the shot, I initially had a very loud high-pitched ringing in my ears that subsided in less than a minute and seemingly I felt back to normal. I put on my earplugs and continued shooting. There was no muffled hearing, no dizziness, no pain, and no ringing. In fact, I had no sign of any trauma for a week, during which I went to see a hockey game, watched movies, and went to the stockyards, all of which were quite loud events, but even then, it did not feel too loud. A week after the gunshot accident and a week full of loud activities, on one evening I noticed a very faint ringing in my left ear, which I hoped would go away in a couple of days. Deep down, I knew I was in trouble. Perhaps it was all the doom and gloom stories on the internet that I was reading.
I was in Texas at the time, and we were experiencing an ice storm, which meant all the pharmacies and urgent care offices were closed. I finally got a Methylprednisolone taper pack in about a week after the ringing started and 2 weeks after the acoustic trauma. Maybe it was too late, but I thought it could be worth a shot (no pun intended).
Methylprednisolone side effects and withdrawal
I generally tolerate the medication well, but then again, I haven't taken anything this powerful before. I was told I'd probably be experiencing an increased appetite and slight trouble with sleeping. For the first 3 days, I was sleeping like a baby, I had no side effects at all. Nothing. Although, I noticed that the ringing in my ear spiked considerably, from level 2/10 to 7/10 when I was laying down. I'm not saying that correlation is causation, but Methylprednisolone might be the culprit here. As soon as I would stand up, fortunately, tinnitus would go down again. That was weird, but I was determined to stick to the steroids for the potential benefit.
On the 4th day, I could not fall asleep anymore and I started experiencing some anxiety (I also read that it was a common side effect of Methylprednisolone) that escalated into a full-blown dissociative panic attack, during which I could not really understand anymore what was going on with me. I was just walking from one room to another, unable to calm down or sit in one place. Rationally I knew it was the side effects of the steroids, but emotionally I couldn't register it. That lasted for 3 days straight.
I also did not sleep for those 3 days. I had never experienced anything like that before. I was staying at my friend's house, and I was literally losing touch with reality. Every morning at 6 am, after another sleepless anxiety-filled night I was vigorously browsing plane tickets for the same-day flight back home, which would have cost 1500 dollars. I was desperate to get back to Europe and go see a doctor.
Urgent care visit
Rewind. On my 4th day of taking Methylprednisolone and not sleeping for one day, while my anxiety was mild in comparison to what it turned into, I decided to go to urgent care. I had travel insurance, and I was determined to put it to good use. I read through my insurance policy and realized that for my insurance to compensate for the cost of an emergency flight home, I would need a letter from a doctor with a recommendation to return to my country. Always read your insurance policy. With that goal in mind, I ended up at the local urgent care office. I paid 180 American dollars to get to see a doctor for 15 minutes.
The whole ordeal felt ridiculous.
I'm not familiar with the procedures in the United States, but before you get to see a doctor, you have to talk to a nurse (I'm assuming it was a nurse) who gathers your family's medical background and listens to what you're complaining about. The one I saw was absolutely unhinged.
When I said I had suffered an acoustic trauma from a gunshot, and, mind you, I'm a pretty sensitive person and I was literally on the verge of tears, the nurse (?) YELLS "Pew, pew, pew, you're such a badass." Okay, I get maybe she was trying to make me feel better or lift the mood, but it came off as if she was making light of the whole situation, which felt inappropriate.
I told her that I'm experiencing some side effects of Methylprednisolone. At this point I had been awake more than 24 hours, unable to sleep at all. She seemed blissfully unaware of what Methylprednisolone/Prednisolone was and kept referring to it as an antibiotic. She wanted to write down Methylprednisolone, but struggled to spell it and asked me 3 times "What was the antibiotic you were taking?" after me telling her a million times it was a steroid medication called Methylprednisolone. It was baffling. At this point, I started questioning whether she was even a nurse.
Anyway, I finally got to see the doctor, who was perfectly nice and pleasant, but obviously being in family medicine, he didn't seem to know much of the implications of acoustic trauma. I told him that I had suffered an acoustic trauma and was experiencing tinnitus, to which he suggested that I should get an MRI because I might have a tumor. It just felt unnecessary and completely off base.
Then he said I have Meniere's disease because I mentioned that bout of fleeting tinnitus I had 3 years ago, and said that the side effects of Methylprednisolone were making me dizzy. According to him, that was enough to conclude I probably have Meniere's. Although, I was still pretty sure that the tinnitus was caused by that damn acoustic trauma incident. Plus, me being dumb and forgetful. Oh, how many times I wished I could just go back in time and put those earplugs on.
At least I got a prescription for Klonopin for the insane anxiety that Methylprednisolone was causing me, and a letter for my insurance stating that I should return home immediately.
Back to the side effect story
Well, when I left the urgent care, I think I had been awake well beyond 24 hours. I kept taking the Methylprednisolone since it's a taper pack and you're not supposed to quit it abruptly. I got my 10-dollar Klonopin and decided that I would use it only when absolutely necessary. I do not need to become dependent on benzos and would prefer to steer clear of it if possible. So, I had another anxiety-filled sleepless night.
I was calling my mom and crying on the phone for hours. I had not eaten anything but 6 carrots in 2 days. Fast forward to day 3 without sleeping, eating, and anxiety the size of an American bison, I took the Klonopin, but it did not put me to sleep. At this point, I had stopped taking Methylprednisolone for one day and I had acquired some fun muscle twitches and body shakes too. I finally went to ER.
ER visit (USA)
Got a bunch of unnecessary and excessively expensive tests done. It was so weird that they did not even ask for my ID. Literally said, no US phone number, no address, no nothing. Got a 6000-dollar bill for the ordeal that with an uninsured discount came out to around 4500 dollars total. I honestly don't know how people without insurance or poor insurance cope with the cost of healthcare in the US.
I got an IV that seemed to clear up Methylprednisolone side effects/withdrawal symptoms, and when I returned to my friend's house, I was able to finally eat and fall asleep after being awake for 3 days. I also got myself a ticket back home and left the country after 5 painfully long days.
First ENT visit at home
This was almost a month after the acoustic trauma. That visit was relatively useless. ENT did a hearing test that showed no hearing loss, and I refused the loudness discomfort level test since I was so freaked out (at this point I had moderate tinnitus and mild hyperacusis with TTTS symptoms). The ENT prescribed me Gabapentin, which I haven't taken yet. I purchased the medication just in case though. She said she had never seen anyone with acoustic trauma and did not seem to know anything about it, or at least she did not talk to me about it at all. Pointless visit, which unfortunately reflects the experiences of most people here.
Second ENT (audiologist) visit at home
She was much nicer and more knowledgeable and had seen patients with acoustic trauma (with both tinnitus and hyperacusis symptoms). I got another audiogram, still no hearing loss (I didn't get an extended audiogram, but at least up to 8 kHz I have normal hearing, which is good). Tympanogram came back normal, but LDL (loudness discomfort level) test showed a decreased threshold for sound, capping around 50-70 dB, which felt very loud and uncomfortable for me. It used to be an average range for my headphone usage that I could listen to comfortably.
Anyway, she pretty much said that it's a good sign that I don't have any hearing loss (maybe I have in high frequencies though) and that my symptoms (tinnitus; hyperacusis; TTTS) just might go away on their own. Time will tell. Since there isn't much of a treatment, she referred me to a non-clinical audiologist (a person trained in audiology but is not a doctor) to figure out what the course of treatment should be or how to get habituated to it.
Ear symptoms
Bilateral tinnitus, with my left ear/side being worse and generating more brain noise. That was my only symptom for the first month after the acoustic trauma. I experienced various sounds, tones, and intensities. Some days were better, some were worse. My tinnitus was really all over the place, ranging from a loud flat E to beeping to loud hissing that felt like a whole head buzz, which made thinking and concentrating very difficult without masking the tinnitus.
After a month, I developed loudness hyperacusis and TTTS symptoms. Regular low-level sounds like crinkling plastic wrapping, turning the light switch on/off, dropping the plastic bottle on the floor, cutlery noises, sometimes MY OWN FUCKING VOICE, and many other things trigger ear spasms and feel incredibly loud to me, although something like a car driving by somewhat feels normal. Any sudden noise at a certain frequency seems to trigger it. This is way more annoying than tinnitus. I have read that it is mostly thought to be an anxiety-based condition and, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I developed it due to the mental distress I was in because of my tinnitus.
I also have some sort of odd pain here and there (I don't think it's pain hyperacusis though, as it doesn't seem a direct, sharp response to sounds, but rather a dull next-day pain when I have over-exhausted my ears by exposing myself to sounds a little too much), a burning/heat sensation, tightness or a tense feeling in the ears, "fluttering" ears and muscle spasms in response to sound (TTTS).
I also have ETD-like symptoms. I think my Eustachian tube keeps "popping" and crackling randomly, plus it started making a very loud sound when I swallow (which I know can be normal, but I feel like I did not have it before and developed it along with TTTS and hyperacusis symptoms a month after my acoustic trauma). It feels like the E tubes are "sticky."
At the beginning of month 2, I started also having attacks of fleeting tinnitus multiple times a day, which, as ridiculous as it sounds, were quite enjoyable in the sense that they would always go away and it was something new for a second that overpowered the old annoying hiss and/or ring. Bouts of fleeing tinnitus have mostly died down for now. I get them when I expose my ears to sound a little too much. I liked to think of them, as @Jason C said, brain/ears recalibrating or healing itself.
I've always been a heavy sleeper, so at least my sleep has been unaffected by tinnitus. I feel for everyone who is unable to fall or stay asleep due to this mental noise torture.
On a good note, in the last few weeks, I have had some moments of almost silence, where I can barely hear my tinnitus in a quiet room (knock on the wood).
I wish I could go back to only having tinnitus. At this point (a little over 2 months in), I'm mostly habituated to my tinnitus and it does not cause me that much mental pain anymore (knock on the wood again). Hyperacusis and TTTS are entirely different ball games.
Emotional state
I know rationally, by any means my situation is not objectively catastrophic, but my emotional reaction to it has been catastrophic. I've been grieving the loss of a carefree life I used to have, the loss of silence. Probably like many of you here. Although, feelings of depression and despair seem to be a "suitable" emotional response.
I know many recover (I have read all the success stories) and for most people symptoms improve. I was looking at posts from 2013 on here and lurking on people's comment history and saw many experiencing improvements in symptoms over the course of 1-2 years. This gives me hope too. It just seems to be a long and tedious process, with setbacks waiting for you at every corner.
I guess most people write here when they are experiencing a setback or feel their lowest. I am here after 2 somewhat noisy days and ENT tests that made my ears feel more sensitive and fragile again. I've been crying a lot, feeling sorry for myself, and mad at myself. I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of making my ears worse, and developing pain hyperacusis (knock on the goddamn wood again). I don't know how to function in a society that is so wildly loud. I guess I'm really struggling to accept what has happened in my life. It's just depressing in general. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either.
I don't really know how to help myself at this point. I'm sorry it's been a depressing day.
I'm sorry about the incredibly long story I'm about to write, but I need to get it all off my chest, and writing can be sort of therapeutic.
Backstory
I'm a 31-year-old female, living in a Northern European country. In the past, I've been exposed to loud noises quite a bit, which have never hurt or bothered me. I've been blasted with fire alarms going off on multiple occasions. I used to work in bars and nightclubs for 3 years during my undergrad studies. I've been to several concerts, festivals, and events with no problems. My ears were durable.
However, that was all 5+ years ago. In more recent years, I was living a very quiet life. I hardly even used earphones and always preferred to be in quiet environments. I had never had any ear problems. Nothing at all. Except for once 3 years ago, I had a bout of high-pitched pure tone fleeting tinnitus, which went after me yanking my ear (I used one of those silly tinnitus relief methods you can see circulating on the internet) and it was never heard again. At the time, I didn't even know that it could become permanent.
It is now very appalling to me how incredibly and unnecessarily loud some of the alarms are. I was reading @Jason C's story about a burglar alarm going off at 120+ dB (Jason's success story has been giving me so much hope and I'm so glad it got better for him) and @Brian Newman's accident with the airbag deploying at 170+ dB (I also read Brian's whole story about multiple accidents/injuries and can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must be). It is insane that's even legal and how little awareness there seems to be around the damage it could cause. I've been thinking and sobbing about all the stories I've read here.
Acoustic trauma incident
Well, anyway. Back to my mess of a story. I was visiting my friend in the USA and as per American tradition, we went shooting with friends, something that is wildly uncommon where I live. Although I had been to the USA before and went shooting there, I wasn't aware of the damage a gunshot could cause or how loud some of the guns were. I forgot to put on my earplugs and took one shot with a .45 handgun that, according to Google is around 157 dB. That's a lot of noise.
After the shot, I initially had a very loud high-pitched ringing in my ears that subsided in less than a minute and seemingly I felt back to normal. I put on my earplugs and continued shooting. There was no muffled hearing, no dizziness, no pain, and no ringing. In fact, I had no sign of any trauma for a week, during which I went to see a hockey game, watched movies, and went to the stockyards, all of which were quite loud events, but even then, it did not feel too loud. A week after the gunshot accident and a week full of loud activities, on one evening I noticed a very faint ringing in my left ear, which I hoped would go away in a couple of days. Deep down, I knew I was in trouble. Perhaps it was all the doom and gloom stories on the internet that I was reading.
I was in Texas at the time, and we were experiencing an ice storm, which meant all the pharmacies and urgent care offices were closed. I finally got a Methylprednisolone taper pack in about a week after the ringing started and 2 weeks after the acoustic trauma. Maybe it was too late, but I thought it could be worth a shot (no pun intended).
Methylprednisolone side effects and withdrawal
I generally tolerate the medication well, but then again, I haven't taken anything this powerful before. I was told I'd probably be experiencing an increased appetite and slight trouble with sleeping. For the first 3 days, I was sleeping like a baby, I had no side effects at all. Nothing. Although, I noticed that the ringing in my ear spiked considerably, from level 2/10 to 7/10 when I was laying down. I'm not saying that correlation is causation, but Methylprednisolone might be the culprit here. As soon as I would stand up, fortunately, tinnitus would go down again. That was weird, but I was determined to stick to the steroids for the potential benefit.
On the 4th day, I could not fall asleep anymore and I started experiencing some anxiety (I also read that it was a common side effect of Methylprednisolone) that escalated into a full-blown dissociative panic attack, during which I could not really understand anymore what was going on with me. I was just walking from one room to another, unable to calm down or sit in one place. Rationally I knew it was the side effects of the steroids, but emotionally I couldn't register it. That lasted for 3 days straight.
I also did not sleep for those 3 days. I had never experienced anything like that before. I was staying at my friend's house, and I was literally losing touch with reality. Every morning at 6 am, after another sleepless anxiety-filled night I was vigorously browsing plane tickets for the same-day flight back home, which would have cost 1500 dollars. I was desperate to get back to Europe and go see a doctor.
Urgent care visit
Rewind. On my 4th day of taking Methylprednisolone and not sleeping for one day, while my anxiety was mild in comparison to what it turned into, I decided to go to urgent care. I had travel insurance, and I was determined to put it to good use. I read through my insurance policy and realized that for my insurance to compensate for the cost of an emergency flight home, I would need a letter from a doctor with a recommendation to return to my country. Always read your insurance policy. With that goal in mind, I ended up at the local urgent care office. I paid 180 American dollars to get to see a doctor for 15 minutes.
The whole ordeal felt ridiculous.
I'm not familiar with the procedures in the United States, but before you get to see a doctor, you have to talk to a nurse (I'm assuming it was a nurse) who gathers your family's medical background and listens to what you're complaining about. The one I saw was absolutely unhinged.
When I said I had suffered an acoustic trauma from a gunshot, and, mind you, I'm a pretty sensitive person and I was literally on the verge of tears, the nurse (?) YELLS "Pew, pew, pew, you're such a badass." Okay, I get maybe she was trying to make me feel better or lift the mood, but it came off as if she was making light of the whole situation, which felt inappropriate.
I told her that I'm experiencing some side effects of Methylprednisolone. At this point I had been awake more than 24 hours, unable to sleep at all. She seemed blissfully unaware of what Methylprednisolone/Prednisolone was and kept referring to it as an antibiotic. She wanted to write down Methylprednisolone, but struggled to spell it and asked me 3 times "What was the antibiotic you were taking?" after me telling her a million times it was a steroid medication called Methylprednisolone. It was baffling. At this point, I started questioning whether she was even a nurse.
Anyway, I finally got to see the doctor, who was perfectly nice and pleasant, but obviously being in family medicine, he didn't seem to know much of the implications of acoustic trauma. I told him that I had suffered an acoustic trauma and was experiencing tinnitus, to which he suggested that I should get an MRI because I might have a tumor. It just felt unnecessary and completely off base.
Then he said I have Meniere's disease because I mentioned that bout of fleeting tinnitus I had 3 years ago, and said that the side effects of Methylprednisolone were making me dizzy. According to him, that was enough to conclude I probably have Meniere's. Although, I was still pretty sure that the tinnitus was caused by that damn acoustic trauma incident. Plus, me being dumb and forgetful. Oh, how many times I wished I could just go back in time and put those earplugs on.
At least I got a prescription for Klonopin for the insane anxiety that Methylprednisolone was causing me, and a letter for my insurance stating that I should return home immediately.
Back to the side effect story
Well, when I left the urgent care, I think I had been awake well beyond 24 hours. I kept taking the Methylprednisolone since it's a taper pack and you're not supposed to quit it abruptly. I got my 10-dollar Klonopin and decided that I would use it only when absolutely necessary. I do not need to become dependent on benzos and would prefer to steer clear of it if possible. So, I had another anxiety-filled sleepless night.
I was calling my mom and crying on the phone for hours. I had not eaten anything but 6 carrots in 2 days. Fast forward to day 3 without sleeping, eating, and anxiety the size of an American bison, I took the Klonopin, but it did not put me to sleep. At this point, I had stopped taking Methylprednisolone for one day and I had acquired some fun muscle twitches and body shakes too. I finally went to ER.
ER visit (USA)
Got a bunch of unnecessary and excessively expensive tests done. It was so weird that they did not even ask for my ID. Literally said, no US phone number, no address, no nothing. Got a 6000-dollar bill for the ordeal that with an uninsured discount came out to around 4500 dollars total. I honestly don't know how people without insurance or poor insurance cope with the cost of healthcare in the US.
I got an IV that seemed to clear up Methylprednisolone side effects/withdrawal symptoms, and when I returned to my friend's house, I was able to finally eat and fall asleep after being awake for 3 days. I also got myself a ticket back home and left the country after 5 painfully long days.
First ENT visit at home
This was almost a month after the acoustic trauma. That visit was relatively useless. ENT did a hearing test that showed no hearing loss, and I refused the loudness discomfort level test since I was so freaked out (at this point I had moderate tinnitus and mild hyperacusis with TTTS symptoms). The ENT prescribed me Gabapentin, which I haven't taken yet. I purchased the medication just in case though. She said she had never seen anyone with acoustic trauma and did not seem to know anything about it, or at least she did not talk to me about it at all. Pointless visit, which unfortunately reflects the experiences of most people here.
Second ENT (audiologist) visit at home
She was much nicer and more knowledgeable and had seen patients with acoustic trauma (with both tinnitus and hyperacusis symptoms). I got another audiogram, still no hearing loss (I didn't get an extended audiogram, but at least up to 8 kHz I have normal hearing, which is good). Tympanogram came back normal, but LDL (loudness discomfort level) test showed a decreased threshold for sound, capping around 50-70 dB, which felt very loud and uncomfortable for me. It used to be an average range for my headphone usage that I could listen to comfortably.
Anyway, she pretty much said that it's a good sign that I don't have any hearing loss (maybe I have in high frequencies though) and that my symptoms (tinnitus; hyperacusis; TTTS) just might go away on their own. Time will tell. Since there isn't much of a treatment, she referred me to a non-clinical audiologist (a person trained in audiology but is not a doctor) to figure out what the course of treatment should be or how to get habituated to it.
Ear symptoms
Bilateral tinnitus, with my left ear/side being worse and generating more brain noise. That was my only symptom for the first month after the acoustic trauma. I experienced various sounds, tones, and intensities. Some days were better, some were worse. My tinnitus was really all over the place, ranging from a loud flat E to beeping to loud hissing that felt like a whole head buzz, which made thinking and concentrating very difficult without masking the tinnitus.
After a month, I developed loudness hyperacusis and TTTS symptoms. Regular low-level sounds like crinkling plastic wrapping, turning the light switch on/off, dropping the plastic bottle on the floor, cutlery noises, sometimes MY OWN FUCKING VOICE, and many other things trigger ear spasms and feel incredibly loud to me, although something like a car driving by somewhat feels normal. Any sudden noise at a certain frequency seems to trigger it. This is way more annoying than tinnitus. I have read that it is mostly thought to be an anxiety-based condition and, honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if I developed it due to the mental distress I was in because of my tinnitus.
I also have some sort of odd pain here and there (I don't think it's pain hyperacusis though, as it doesn't seem a direct, sharp response to sounds, but rather a dull next-day pain when I have over-exhausted my ears by exposing myself to sounds a little too much), a burning/heat sensation, tightness or a tense feeling in the ears, "fluttering" ears and muscle spasms in response to sound (TTTS).
I also have ETD-like symptoms. I think my Eustachian tube keeps "popping" and crackling randomly, plus it started making a very loud sound when I swallow (which I know can be normal, but I feel like I did not have it before and developed it along with TTTS and hyperacusis symptoms a month after my acoustic trauma). It feels like the E tubes are "sticky."
At the beginning of month 2, I started also having attacks of fleeting tinnitus multiple times a day, which, as ridiculous as it sounds, were quite enjoyable in the sense that they would always go away and it was something new for a second that overpowered the old annoying hiss and/or ring. Bouts of fleeing tinnitus have mostly died down for now. I get them when I expose my ears to sound a little too much. I liked to think of them, as @Jason C said, brain/ears recalibrating or healing itself.
I've always been a heavy sleeper, so at least my sleep has been unaffected by tinnitus. I feel for everyone who is unable to fall or stay asleep due to this mental noise torture.
On a good note, in the last few weeks, I have had some moments of almost silence, where I can barely hear my tinnitus in a quiet room (knock on the wood).
I wish I could go back to only having tinnitus. At this point (a little over 2 months in), I'm mostly habituated to my tinnitus and it does not cause me that much mental pain anymore (knock on the wood again). Hyperacusis and TTTS are entirely different ball games.
Emotional state
I know rationally, by any means my situation is not objectively catastrophic, but my emotional reaction to it has been catastrophic. I've been grieving the loss of a carefree life I used to have, the loss of silence. Probably like many of you here. Although, feelings of depression and despair seem to be a "suitable" emotional response.
I know many recover (I have read all the success stories) and for most people symptoms improve. I was looking at posts from 2013 on here and lurking on people's comment history and saw many experiencing improvements in symptoms over the course of 1-2 years. This gives me hope too. It just seems to be a long and tedious process, with setbacks waiting for you at every corner.
I guess most people write here when they are experiencing a setback or feel their lowest. I am here after 2 somewhat noisy days and ENT tests that made my ears feel more sensitive and fragile again. I've been crying a lot, feeling sorry for myself, and mad at myself. I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of making my ears worse, and developing pain hyperacusis (knock on the goddamn wood again). I don't know how to function in a society that is so wildly loud. I guess I'm really struggling to accept what has happened in my life. It's just depressing in general. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live like this either.
I don't really know how to help myself at this point. I'm sorry it's been a depressing day.