Bad Weekend, Need Some Support

[paganismos]

So today it's five weeks since the onset. I wrote something last week when I was feeling positive and things seemed brighter (https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/one-month-in-dont-lose-hope.27554/) but today... things don't seem good. I'm really sad. On friday I had an episode of fleeting tinnitus. I was really loud for a few seconds and then it came down and settled. This pushed my anxiety over the roof again. I cried and got sad. Couldn't sleep well that night. Satuday wasn't bad, but I was still anxious, although I couldn't hear the pitch or even the hissing sound when I went to sleep. I tried to ignore it and it seems to work but I get so tired I eventually give in. Yesterday was a shit day. I got really stressed and my jaw started to tense so it hurt a lot, this too helped me going into anxiety mode and although it didn't make my T louder, I started hearing another pitch tone when I plugged my ears, and this one is higher than the other one. So now I'm stuck with three different sounds (a much lower and intermittent tone, a high pitch tone that sometimes it's there and a hissing). Fuck.

Last week things seemed so good... sleeping was ok, my attitude was good and I was living a normal life. I couldn't hear it that much and then this. Couldn't sleep last night and the lower and intermittent tone was steady and louder, but of course I was so anxious and stressed that I percieved it that way. I am truly afraid that my progress has been ruined. Life doesn't seem much brighter now.

This morning I had another episode of fleeting tinnitus, although without muffled hearing. What is that? Does it happen to everyone?

I am praying and praying this will go away in a few months, but I know it can take longer. I was just so hopeful for recovery.

I need some positive words from you guys. Thank you.

 

[glynis]

Hi @paganismos,
Sorry to hear your having a tough time with your tinnitus and sounds adding to your normal sound.
Tinnitus is like that for some people especially in the early months but it could be for a reason also so have your ears checked for wax or start 0f an infection and even anxiety can be the cause too.
Try keep relaxing music on around you when you can as getting worked up about it will just ramp up your sound.
keep posting for support.....love glynis

 

[dnl]

I have fleeting tinnitus episodes also (on top of my regular tinnitus, which I've had for 3 months). I've always had these episodes throughout my life. They manifest as a few seconds of high pitched whistling in one ear or the other, and then everything goes back to 'normal'. Also... sometimes, I'll have a few seconds where everything sounds muffled... and then, again, back to 'normal'.
These episodes definitely induce more panic now that I have 'permanent tinnitus'. I start to panic and think that something is going terribly wrong. But I've gotten better at handling them over the past month or so.
You're still early into your tinnitus. I think you can expect to have good days and bad days, even good weeks and bad weeks. I had a few extended terrible periods in my first 2 months where I thought things were getting worse, but they got 'better' after a while. I'd recommend evaluating yourself in monthly increments instead of in real time. Don't ask "was this hour better than last hour" or "was this day better than yesterday". Instead ask, "was this month better than last month". You're still early in, so you should be looking at weekly increments, with the understanding that you can have a bad week and still be getting 'better'.
I had a terrible week last week. My kids were sick with a cold, and I got it, which caused a sinus infection, which really made my tinnitus loud. It's been better today and yesterday... and overall this past month has been better than the prior two months... I'm not sure if it's due to healing, habituation or both, but it's just 'better'.
Hang in there! You're still adjusting, habituating, and healing.
Get sleep, be healthy, and do something nice for yourself!

 

[paganismos]

Thank you @glynis and @dnl

You're right @dnl, if I look back two weeks ago my T was much more louder. Sometimes I feel like a baby because mine's very mild. Even in the first weeks I couldn't hear it above everyday sounds. I'm trying to live each day, but sometimes it's so hard. If I could describe my T, I'd rate it a 1,5/10, since I can't really hear it, even when I go to sleep. I might be getting better at ignoring it, but the slip I had yesterday night.

One can really heal from T? When I get sad I tend to think it's a myth... Even when I read testimonials...

 

[Jcb]

Thank you @glynis and @dnl

You're right @dnl, if I look back two weeks ago my T was much more louder. Sometimes I feel like a baby because mine's very mild. Even in the first weeks I couldn't hear it above everyday sounds. I'm trying to live each day, but sometimes it's so hard. If I could describe my T, I'd rate it a 1,5/10, since I can't really hear it, even when I go to sleep. I might be getting better at ignoring it, but the slip I had yesterday night.

One can really heal from T? When I get sad I tend to think it's a myth... Even when I read testimonials...

Mine is mild/moderate and I feel the same sometimes as you that's it's not as bad as others.... that being said it doesn't matter the volume you still have this alien nose that's taken away your silence, it's a natural human emotion to feel like this. I have my up and down days and try to stay on the postive side of things even though it's hard.
As far as it going you can't say it will or it won't, hopefully it will if not you will learn to live with it and I know there's a lot of arguments regarding "habituation" if it real or not.... but till a cure comes or it goes away you've got to live the best life you can and not let it beat you.

 

[Hazel]

@paganismos , trust me, it will get better! I'm 5 months in. It's been a rough journey and I'm not out of the woods yet, but compared to where I was at 5 weeks it's a world of difference and a definite upward trajectory! T does not dominate my days anymore, and I enjoy life to the fullest.

It's all about managing the emotional response, regardless of loudness. And it's a perfectly normal human reaction to feel completely stressed out in the beginning. Your brain triggers a 'fight or flight' response, which keeps your body on red alert, and makes it very hard to relax or do anything else than worry about your T or monitor the sound. It can become a vicious cycle. But most people manage to break through that, and judging from your posts you will too!

It takes time, perseverance and patience. It's normal to have setbacks along the way (like you're experiencing now). There are a lot of techniques you can try that may help you cope. If you're interested to know what helped me or want more personal advice, feel free to PM me.

 

[Bill Bauer]

On friday I had an episode of fleeting tinnitus. I was really loud for a few seconds and then it came down and settled.

The vast majority of us experience this, and think of it as being completely harmless. After reading posts here every day for over 13 months, I remember reading only ONE post here where the poster had fleeting T that did not go away. There is a good chance that fleeting T is your body's attempt to recalibrate and to heal!

although I couldn't hear the pitch or even the hissing sound when I went to sleep. I tried to ignore it

Is it the case that you heard silence when you went to sleep, or is it the case that you heard both a hiss and a high pitch tone?

Does it happen to everyone?

Yes! Search this forum. It is harmless.

Last week things seemed so good... sleeping was ok, my attitude was good and I was living a normal life. I couldn't hear it that much

The fact that it got better so rapidly is a good sign. Even if it is a little worse now, what matters is the monthly trend. You should compare to how you had been feeling a month or two ago, and not to how you felt two days ago. Ears take forever to heal, and daily fluctuations are meaningless.

 

[paganismos]

The vast majority of us experience this, and think of it as being completely harmless. After reading posts here every day for over 13 months, I remember reading only ONE post here where the poster had fleeting T that did not go away. There is a good chance that fleeting T is your body's attempt to recalibrate and to heal!

I truly hope so. Friday it was my first time in over a month haha.

Is it the case that you heard silence when you went to sleep, or is it the case that you heard both a hiss and a high pitch tone?

Not silence, I think I just ignore it.

The fact that it got better so rapidly is a good sign. Even if it is a little worse now, what matters is the monthly trend. You should compare to how you had been feeling a month or two ago, and not to how you felt two days ago. Ears take forever to heal, and daily fluctuations are meaningless.

Thank you so much for answering! You are one of the members on this site that has helped me through this month, I really like you haha . I thought of PMing you but I believe it is disabled. I think it is true... I tend to focus daily, you know? My therapist told me to contrast reality (that i has gotten better) instead of focusing on a bad day -that we all tend to have from time to time-. What made my anxiety go through the roof was full ears, cracking sounds when swallowing saliva and mild ear pain that started a week ago or so. I believe is ETD, because the fullness can go away when I yawn and move my muscles a certain way... Could it be?

I don't really have a previous month to compare it to, just my first week when I was suicidal, so I don't think it's tactical to do it haha. The truth is that the tone has diminished and is now intermittent and low (like when a toy with sound is running out of batteries), and that the hiss it's there but sometimes lower, sometimes much more louder.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I thought of PMing you but I believe it is disabled.

I haven't disabled anything, and I have gotten messages from others.

You are one of the members on this site that has helped me through this month

Thank you for your kind words. I used to get freaked out about fleeting T too. I guess it reminded me of how my T started - it just turned on and never turned off. Now I am telling myself that when I experience fleeting T, I will only worry about it if it lasts for longer than two minutes.

By the way, regarding that person who said their fleeting T had never gone away - it is possible that what they had was Not fleeing T. It might have been just a T spike, that felt a little like fleeting T...

My therapist told me to contrast reality (that i has gotten better) instead of focusing on a bad day

If yours shows any signs of getting better, it means that in the long run it will likely continue getting better. It will be gradual, but chances are that it will fade. Your body Wants to heal and get back to its healthy state.

What made my anxiety go through the roof was full ears

Full ears is a sign that your ears are not well. But you knew that already... Do you know whether anything was a direct cause of that full ear sensation?! In any case, I have had this happen to me (full ear sensation that appeared out of the blue). You just need to protect your ears and "ride it out."

I don't really have a previous month to compare it to, just my first week when I was suicidal, so I don't think it's tactical to do it

In that case, I recommend that you try to find a way to measure your T now, to allow you to see (in a month or two or three) whether it fades compared to how it is now. Find some sound (that has a volume that will still be the same when you listen to it in the future) that has a volume that is similar to the volume of your T now. One sound I used in the past was "the loudest noise I can make by breathing the air in through my nose."

After months of T I learned that hourly and daily (and even weekly!) fluctuations are not important.

 

[Bill Bauer]

The truth is that the tone has diminished and is now intermittent and low (like when a toy with sound is running out of batteries), and that the hiss it's there but sometimes lower, sometimes much more louder.

And you are only one month in! This is encouraging.

 

[paganismos]

Full ears is a sign that your ears are not well. But you knew that already... Do you know whether anything was a direct cause of that full ear sensation?! In any case, I have had this happen to me (full ear sensation that appeared out of the blue). You just need to protect your ears and "ride it out."
fluctuations are not important.

No, I just have a lot of mucus and phlegm in my throat right now. I wasn't exposed to anything loud, I always wear earplugs when outside. I believe is ETD because when I swallow water with my nose closed, my ears crack and pop. I'm going to the ENT on friday, see if they prescribe me a nasal spray to help me with it.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I'm going to the ENT on friday, see if they prescribe me a nasal spray to help me with it.

Sounds like a good plan. Hopefully once a potential cause of your T gets taken care of, your T will begin fading even faster (but don't expect anything to happen overnight).

 

[paganismos]

Yeah @Bill Bauer, and I have a bad jaw too... I'm getting a splint done tomorrow, see if it helps in the long term.
Hey, when I yawn, I can hear the tone louder... Is it common?

I was thinking if i should have my hopes up and just accept it. What do you think? I believe it was my approach the first weeks but it depressed me

 

[Bill Bauer]

when I yawn, I can hear the tone louder... Is it common?

When I move my jaw forward, my T gets louder. I asked about this a year or so ago, and most seem to have it. I believe that this is what is called "somatic T". There is some treatment method that is supposed to reduce T volume for people who can change their T's pitch.

Actually yes. There's been some great developments with Susan Shore's signal timing. It could go on the market by 2020 and offer a reduction of around 12dB to ~45%-55% of Somatic sufferers. Maybe more. There's also been some good stuff on FX.

Technically somatic tinnitus means tinnitus from the body (ex: TMD, ETD, SCMD, etc). The proper term for tinnitus that can be modulated by body movement is somasensory, but somatic is used as an umbrella term for all this tinnitus. Somatic proper isn't, but somasensory can be.

Read that whole thread: https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/any-new-hopeful-treatments.27308

I was thinking if i should have my hopes up and just accept it.

If I were you, I would tell myself that I will have it at least for the next 3 months. I would tell myself to not think about the future. Just wait for several months and then if it fades then you can cautiously begin hoping for it to continue to fade. For now just focus on surviving the next three months.

 

[paganismos]

Hi everyone. Not a good day today either. I had fleeting T twice today, I think. lmao. Anyways, I had a weird moment this morning. It was 5:30 AM and I got up... I have been obsessing over my T this past few days, so I grabbed my foam earplugs and put them on. I was still asleep but it was really curious how the tone I hear went away... I'm not sure it did because I was still asleep or because I focused on the hissing but ALAS. When I came home, I put my foam earplugs again and focused on my T... The hissing was there, but the pitch was intermittent and weak and then went away, after that it came back intermittent and low.

I'm really anxious right now. Anxious in I want to hit myself and my whole body is shaking kind of way. Someone gave me a kiss on the cheek and it felt full. The fullness goes away sometimes, but i'm afraid i fucked up. My T doesn't spike with loud noises... PLEASE HELP ME

 

[paganismos]

Ok, so here I am again. I'm still in the mid of an anxiety attack, my body shakes from time to time. Wanted to say that two hours ago my head seemed filled with crickets and loud noises. Now I'm much more calmer and the sounds have come down. My hearing is still sensitive but alas

 

[paganismos]

I am much better now. T tone almost audible in silence, still sensitive to some sounds. another fleeting t episode on my good ear i believe.

It's so impressive what stress and anxiety can do to your tinnitus.

 

[paganismos]

Forgot to mention:
Yesterday afternoon I went to a friend's house and when I came in it was very very quiet, in silence even. I didn't hear my T tone or the hissing. I was in silence for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Don't know if I was ignoring it or it just wasn't on my awareness.

 

[PetitGarsTimide]

Forgot to mention:
Yesterday afternoon I went to a friend's house and when I came in it was very very quiet, in silence even. I didn't hear my T tone or the hissing. I was in silence for maybe 10 or 15 minutes. Don't know if I was ignoring it or it just wasn't on my awareness.

maybe you were just relaxed and you enjoyed a good moment with friends so the tinnitus decreased "naturally"

 

[housemzk]

maybe you were just relaxed and you enjoyed a good moment with friends so the tinnitus decreased "naturally"

I absolutely agree with this. Keeping anxiety at bay is such a tough challenge early on with tinnitus. The ups and downs of anxiety and tinnitus is enough to break people mentally. Finding distractions to where we take our mind off of tinnitus is so important, and I continue to struggle with it 2 months in. But, to your point, even taking a walk outside can provide enough of a distraction to where the tinnitus is less recognizable for a few hours. For me anyway. I feel for you @paganismos!

 

[paganismos]

Hello, i am still struggling.

As of right now I am sitting in a library with my foam earplugs on listening to the hissing. The high pitched tone I heard sometime is not there. WHY?!
I hear the hissing -loud- and the intermittent tone is in the back, really really really mild, almost unhearable.

Has anyone with acoustic trauma recovered even having ETD/TMJ-like symptoms?

My ears started to crack a week ago, one month into T. I have mucus and phlegm in my throat, and an appointment with my ENT on friday, but what if it's not related? what if it doesn't go away?

I'm seriously considering suicide. Why must things be so hard?

 

[Dij111]

Hey @paganismos from what I'm reading here your situation is very good, you're only a month in and already and your T tone is fading a lot.

I was in your situation yesterday(you can look in my profile page it was not very positive), I would say that right now you need to give it time, it is a marathon and not a race, it should continue to fade as is in my case.

Just like you I am struggling but trying my best to remain positive.
Try to do something you really want to do - one day at a time, that will make the rest of your day happier.

 

[JohnnyMx]

Hello, i am still struggling.

My Dear, this challenge is like a rollercoaster, you will feel very good, and suddendly very bad, sometimes in the same day.

You will start to have more very good times, than bad times,

For today, just FORCE your positive thinking. It will do magic. If you don't feel good, just push positive thoughts, and trash all of the bad ones, this will help you IMMENSELY.

Please keep around we can give you for help and advise, everyone here was (or still is) in your same situation, but I tell you, things get better.

The best for you,

 

[paganismos]

Hey @paganismos from what I'm reading here your situation is very good, you're only a month in and already and your T tone is fading a lot.

I was in your situation yesterday(you can look in my profile page it was not very positive), I would say that right now you need to give it time, it is a marathon and not a race, it should continue to fade as is in my case.

Just like you I am struggling but trying my best to remain positive.
Try to do something you really want to do - one day at a time, that will make the rest of your day happier.

Thank you. I feel like a baby because even my loud hissing is not audible without 33db reduction earplugs. Not in class, not outside. Currently I am sitting in an office without them and the voices of my teacher and classmate cover it.

I do have sensitivity to sound. Wouldn't say H but i believe is due to anxiety and inflammation in my ears that make them more receptive to sound. I too had this the first week after an anxiety attack so I wouldn't say I have H.

I don't know if to take anti anxiety meds because I'm a handful right now, and it would help me a lot, because stress and anxiety are not good when healing. I try to distract myself but I deal with obsessive thoughts. Dunno what to do

 

[paganismos]

My Dear, this challenge is like a rollercoaster, you will feel very good, and suddendly very bad, sometimes in the same day.

You will start to have more very good times, than bad times,

For today, just FORCE your positive thinking. It will do magic. If you don't feel good, just push positive thoughts, and trash all of the bad ones, this will help you IMMENSELY.

Please keep around we can give you for help and advise, everyone here was (or still is) in your same situation, but I tell you, things get better.

The best for you,

Gracias, muchísimas gracias. I still don't know what to do, how to force positive thoughts because my mind is a black hole.

 

[Dij111]

Thank you. I feel like a baby because even my loud hissing is not audible without 33db reduction earplugs. Not in class, not outside. Currently I am sitting in an office without them and the voices of my teacher and classmate cover it.

I do have sensitivity to sound. Wouldn't say H but i believe is due to anxiety and inflammation in my ears that make them more receptive to sound. I too had this the first week after an anxiety attack so I wouldn't say I have H.

I don't know if to take anti anxiety meds because I'm a handful right now, and it would help me a lot, because stress and anxiety are not good when healing. I try to distract myself but I deal with obsessive thoughts. Dunno what to do

I'd advise against anti-anxiety meds as they can lead you down a worse path with addiction, personally I've been taking natural supplements that induce anti-anxiety reaction like griffonia pills, eating passion fruit etc.

 

[paganismos]

I'd advise against anti-anxiety meds as they can lead you down a worse path with addiction, personally I've been taking natural supplements that induce anti-anxiety reaction like griffonia pills, eating passion fruit etc.

How long have you had t? Have you seen progress? I'm 5 weeks in and feel so hopeless. This will be eternal.

 

[JohnnyMx]

my mind is a black hole.

I used to be in that same position, years ago. I was that way for around a year, but if I knew the things I know now, I would'nt had to suffer that much.

Life is great, even with T, but with high loads of stress and anxiety that this sound brings to our lives, is very easy to forget it.

Start small, VERY SMALL. Do something enjoyable just a couple of minutes. Take a walk, enjoy the nature around you, and DONT think about your T in that time. Very small. Maybe not even minutes, but seconds. Several times a day.

And, chances are high that you are already comparing your life, with other's people "good situations". Stop that, really. Most of people have alot of problems, even worst than T, nobody have a perfect life. So don't feel anxious about that.

Be grateful with what you have, remember, very small steps.

I was a living vegetable for as long as 1 year. Today, T is just a thing part of me, does not bother me, or make me feel bad, I enjoy my life even better than before T.

My T is loud enough to hear it inside of a big airplane, but most of the time "it's just not there".

Es bueno encontrar a alguien por acá que hable español.

Saludos, un abrazo.

 

[paganismos]

Another tone added. High pitched but not ultra high, haha. Dunno where it came from

 

[Dij111]

How long have you had t? Have you seen progress? I'm 5 weeks in and feel so hopeless. This will be eternal.

Almost 2 months, it has gone down in volume considerably.