Be Honest. Do You Still Enjoy Life?

[beefling]

I would say in moments I do.

It's not my tinnitus symptoms that bother me as much as it is the isolation I feel compelled to keep myself in due to advice I've been given. I am slowly trying to find what works for me and my tinnitus and live as close to the way I'd like with accommodations and consideration to my condition. I am curious to know what kind of tinnitus person can I be. The depression and anxiety I suffer, that I've suffered with before tinnitus is more of a hindrance than tinnitus but the tinnitus absolutely impacts and contributes to both. Those feel like daily battles. I am considering antidepressants and more because I know that my brain is not "normal" and when it isn't normal and healthy is is really difficult to heal from anything but especially tinnitus (such a condition that affects mental state... that is a mental psychological challenge even).

I will say that I do have happy moments where I enjoy life, and I try to bask in those moments as long as possible because I feel life is short, and I am determined to enjoy every good sensation that comes my way. I feel like I am not done yet. I have a lot of life and happiness left to live and feel. It's important to me to do that. I don't know if that's just my stubborn nature or what.

Really took the words right out of my mouth. How can I take this thing and use it as a force for positive change? Before tinnitus I was already dealing with major depression and anxiety issues. The tinnitus is just the tip of the iceberg (granted, it's a BIG piece of that berg). The hump that broke the camel's back, so to speak. The state of my mood shifts constantly. I'm trying to move forward for once and make a change. It'll be a slow, grueling process. Baby steps.

So my answer to the thread title is: mostly no, though that was true even before tinnitus, albeit not quite as bad. But I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet.

 

[Steph1710]

@Steph1710, glad for you, one has to be financially comfortable to live your life!

Bloody hell! I nearly fell off my seat reading that! I haven't got a pot to piss in (English saying - meaning I'm poor as hell).

I work and save money. I live in a van. I don't have a mortgage or pay rent. I sacrifice being comfortable to be able to do the things I want.

Also, a lot of what I listed is free to do. Wild swimming, hiking, kayaking, fossil hunting - all free! My van means I don't have to pay for campsites or hotels - so again free! Most of my hobbies/activities don't cost money at all.

 

[Greg Sacramento]

I think I could enjoy life a lot more if I didn't have comorbidities along with the tinnitus. They seem to, at times, bring it to the fore, and are debilitating in and of themselves. It often ends up making the t seem that much worse, although sometimes they are to the point where they distract from it.

That also pretty much sums it up for me. 69 years old, with very high-pitched physical somatic tinnitus accompanied by a matching band.

It's my physical comorbidities with severe pain that makes having tinnitus more difficult.

I cannot bend or lift more than a pound. One condition being burning vein and artery disease. My feet are so swollen, I can't wear shoes. I can't clean or dress myself without assistance. Cut nerves in jaw from dental gone wrong are very painful.

I can't take medications for pain because of sensitive nerves.

 

[Travis Henry]

If y'all don't have catastrophic reactive tinnitus with loudness hyperacusis or something along those lines and you don't enjoy life... man just realize it could be much worse and go enjoy things.

 

[Steph1710]

If y'all don't have catastrophic reactive tinnitus with loudness hyperacusis or something along those lines and you don't enjoy life... man just realize it could be much worse and go enjoy things.

I'm so sorry you're suffering @Travis Henry. Life can be unbelievably cruel.

I remember when my tinnitus was unbelievably loud - like 8-9/10 loud. I could hear it above everything. I had a loud fan running, the TV on, and sound enrichment playing on my phone... nothing covered it. It was all consuming. But, it wasn't reactive (though it is now), and I didn't have hyperacusis (though I have that now too).

However, after a few months the volume did fade to a much more manageable level. I don't know how long you've had tinnitus & hyperacusis, but if it's not for very long, then there is still hope - don't give up just yet buddy.

We're all rooting for ya.

Steph
<3

 

[Steph1710]

That also pretty much sums it up for me. 69 years old, with very high-pitched physical somatic tinnitus accompanied by a matching band.

All these physical problems yet you're still so kind and helpful to everyone on here.

Bless you. X

 

[Steph1710]

But I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet.

"Not being ready to throw the towel in yet" is a great place to be. Means you're a fighter, whenever you think/feel it, or not.

I'm trying to move forward for once and make a change. It'll be a slow, grueling process. Baby steps.

Baby steps all the way! You can do it. Be kind to yourself and take it slowly. Adjusting to the new norm of tinnitus is hard work, but from your post, I have the feeling you will get there just fine.

 

[Steph1710]

I am slowly trying to find what works for me and my tinnitus and live as close to the way I'd like with accommodations and consideration to my condition.

I have to do this with all my conditions. But as humans, we are great at adapting. I feel I have successfully adapted to my shitty body and brain. Gotta ride with what we've got hey.

X

 

[Wrfortiscue]

I do enjoy life for the most part. Life's always been a struggle, maybe not as much as for some others here.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

With "only" tinnitus and hyperacusis? Yes, I did still enjoy life to some extend fairly often.

Now with tremors and severe shortness of breath that renders me bedbound most of the time and unable to take walks in nature which was my therapy? No, I don't enjoy life anymore. It's just survival at this point.

 

[BrOKeN_1]

Wild swimming, hiking, kayaking, fossil hunting - all free!

Being outside is the best! I can't sit on a couch anymore. Gotta keep moving. It's imperative!

 

[Shelbylynn]

I do. I got my tinnitus when I was 10. I'm 21 now. I feel like I jinxed it... My dad had tinnitus, and my mum and I would crack the occasional joke about it (after he would make a joke). I went to sleep one night and the last thing I thought was, "I wonder what it'd be like to have tinnitus..." I kid you not. I woke up at 4 or 5 am, and I still remember my final few moments of silence before the ringing began! It's funny now that I look back at it, lol.

This happened to me! I made a stupid joke (can't even really remember why I said it at the time, as I am not one to usually crack jokes as I am a very sensitive person myself and don't find comedy in teasing-- not my type of humor) about my step dad's tinnitus. Something like "oh it would be interesting to have your own sound in your head- like a personal song" (GIRL NO, It's not.) and then not that long after (maybe a few weeks) I got tinnitus. .___. IF karma was real I definitely got it.

 

[GeorgeLG]

Being outside is the best! I can't sit on a couch anymore. Gotta keep moving. It's imperative!

Anytime I have a setback I strap on the ear defenders and get to work on a project. It always helps.

George

 

[PebblesForNow]

I'm so sorry you're suffering @Travis Henry. Life can be unbelievably cruel.

I remember when my tinnitus was unbelievably loud - like 8-9/10 loud. I could hear it above everything. I had a loud fan running, the TV on, and sound enrichment playing on my phone... nothing covered it. It was all consuming. But, it wasn't reactive (though it is now), and I didn't have hyperacusis (though I have that now too).

However, after a few months the volume did fade to a much more manageable level. I don't know how long you've had tinnitus & hyperacusis, but if it's not for very long, then there is still hope - don't give up just yet buddy.

We're all rooting for ya.

Steph
<3

Travis - This is my experience too. My tinnitus began in 2011 after a concert (and my ears were vulnerable due to some issues from my autoimmune condition). It was a 10/10, totally unmaskabke, and it consumed my life every waking (and many non-waking) hour. But it did fade over the course of a year or two. Hang in there!

 

[Gman45]

I have had tinnitus for nearly two years now. It sucks. Life will not be the same unless a cure Is found.

 

[crescentsky]

A nightmare where I am unable to wake up from.

 

[Strawberryblonde]

The anxiety that has accompanied the new level of tinnitus is what makes life more difficult as I seem to be more on edge with things. I was more chilled, if still a little anxious, the first time around. I still enjoy life. I just do it more carefully now and with earplugs. Got too much to live for and what I want to do yet. It's just going to take a lot of effort and perseverance to get me back to my old self.

 

[Stuart-T]

I manage to enjoy certain things in life despite tinnitus but I am generally not that happy. Not because of tinnitus. Other reasons. I can't figure out what the hell to do with my life beyond just living, eating etc day to day. People forget that minus tinnitus, people still have other life issues. Having said that - after my recent horrible spike which has now gone back to baseline - I am persuaded that happiness is this gentle hiss in my left ear - and not the sharp whine I had last week.

 

[SamRosemary]

My mood is so unstable, I switch from highs and lows multiple times a day.

For the most part though, yea I enjoy life.

I just tucked my son in bed. I have many great things coming up that I get to look forward to.

But always in the back of my mind is that I'll have to deal with tinnitus every day for the rest of my life. I'm coming up on 6 months and I know that's not a lot in terms of having tinnitus a long time, but it seems like an eternity to me. I will say the last 6 months have been the hardest time of my life. I was so hopeful to be one of the lucky ones to have it go away. The loudness and amount of sounds have only gotten worse. But somehow I think I manage to not think about it as much and even ignore it sometimes.

I'm not giving up though. Going to keep trying supplements, random stretches, massages, doctors, even hearing aids if that's what helps. Because as of this point nothing has helped or lowered it.

 

[GeorgeLG]

My mood is so unstable, I switch from highs and lows multiple times a day.

For the most part though, yea I enjoy life.

I just tucked my son in bed. I have many great things coming up that I get to look forward to.

But always in the back of my mind is that I'll have to deal with tinnitus every day for the rest of my life. I'm coming up on 6 months and I know that's not a lot in terms of having tinnitus a long time, but it seems like an eternity to me. I will say the last 6 months have been the hardest time of my life. I was so hopeful to be one of the lucky ones to have it go away. The loudness and amount of sounds have only gotten worse. But somehow I think I manage to not think about it as much and even ignore it sometimes.

I'm not giving up though. Going to keep trying supplements, random stretches, massages, doctors, even hearing aids if that's what helps. Because as of this point nothing has helped or lowered it.

@SamRosemary, "and even ignore it sometimes.". This is where your hope lies. Taking this start and taking it to "most of the time". Keep focusing on the good things coming up and imagining doing those things and having fun.

George

 

[Ace]

This has been a tough year for me because my tinnitus is so up and down. I think I have a pretty low baseline but my spikes this year have been so frequent and long lasting and seemingly very easy to trigger. Since my major spike in early 2018 I barely leave the house if it's not work or errand related. My favorite thing ever used to be going to concerts and jam sessions, it was one of my main ways to connect with people and now I'm not even comfortable playing saxophone for practice, let alone going to jams. To be honest, I lost a part of myself and that's something I will always regret. I do have social outings some times with family or friends some times but this year in particular it's been a little harder to enjoy those because the frequent spikes lately have made me overly concerned about the noise levels around me, so I plug up but then it's hard to actively participate in noisy environments. Shoot, I suspect the spike I'm dealing with right now is a result of the occlusion effect hitting my ear kinda hard while I was talking to someone with my earplugs in. Talk about a lose-lose.

But it's not all bad. Some of the things that help me get through the toughest times - friends, family, music, rap/poetry, video games, anime, webcomics, food, art, good news, the hope that eventually researchers might be on the cusp of figuring out how to fix us in the next decade or less. Also, although I keep having spikes that shake me to the core and have me thinking "this is the one that's going to be permanent, I f*cked up"(I'm honestly feeling this right now smh), my baseline still seems low once the spike resolves.

Although things definitely didn't turn out how we wanted, our lives present us with unique opportunities to help others. I find some comfort in that as well, despite the despair I sometimes feel. Once a cure is found, it might actually feel good to properly mourn the years that I lost. But it's always important that we try to find joy in the little things, especially right now while we are dealing with this condition. The little things that maybe we overlooked in our lives before tinnitus. Even now, we can still enrich our lives in ways we might have never imagined.

 

[CW Dragon]

This summer (July forward) I have been miserable. I want to do things to mainly take the focus off the tinnitus. Skiing, getting a cat, better understanding the cochlea, getting back into shape and gaining weight/muscle, more sleep, gardening, yoga are on the agenda.

Making the most of life instead wasting time casually watching random YouTube videos like mukbangs, pranks gone wrong, scammer videos, freaky eaters, hoarders, etc. I'm still trying to reach the final acceptance stage of the five stages of grief - will hopefully reach it in the next few years. I guess maybe take the next couple of years off and focus on achieving inner strength.

 

[AnthonyMcDonald]

Yes, very much so.

 

[ZFire]

Yes, very much so.

This is really damn good to hear from you of all people.

 

[tpj]

Yes, very much so.

You were in such a dark place not too long ago.

Can you tell us what has happened that you can now give this very hopeful response?

 

[AnthonyMcDonald]

You were in such a dark place not too long ago.

Can you tell us what has happened that you can now give this very hopeful response?

After months of silence and a controlled environment I eventually started doing some things I was comfortable with, like talking to people quietly, cooking, and going outside. Eventually my hyperacusis started improving and my tinnitus tones and quality/reactivity improved massively from insane unpredictable shrieking of 10-15 tones that reacted and spiked from sounds below 40 dB to where it is now (2-3 stable tones, electrical whooshing with a bit of high pitch; it's still loud, but the stability is SO IMPORTANT for not suffering). The loudness has not improved but my stability has improved MASSIVELY.

 

[GeorgeLG]

the stability is SO IMPORTANT for not suffering). The loudness has not improved but my stability has improved MASSIVELY.

Stability equals certainty and less fear of the unknown. Variability may have no end point and so uncertainty and more fear. For others suffering the trick is to embrace what you've got even if it varies. Mine varies, it scared me at first but now I find it interesting. I just say oh, that's different. Squeaky balloons, motor boats, typerwriters, high pitched, warbling tomes, musical playback... This is by definition impossible to totally control and new and different is just more of the same. Either way we need to get right with what we are dealing with so we can move on.

I am glad that you are better Anthony, following your journey has helped me understand some of this better. I now understand why "variable" causes some to suffer more. Uncertainty.

George

 

[tpj]

stability is SO IMPORTANT for not suffering). The loudness has not improved but my stability has improved MASSIVELY.

Yeah, you always mentioned how stability was so important. Very happy and relieved for you.

 

[BrysonKingMe]

Eventually my hyperacusis started improving and my tinnitus tones and quality/reactivity improved massively from insane unpredictable shrieking of 10-15 tones that reacted and spiked from sounds below 40 dB to where it is now (2-3 stable tones, electrical whooshing with a bit of high pitch; it's still loud, but the stability is SO IMPORTANT for not suffering). The loudness has not improved but my stability has improved MASSIVELY.

Mild case.

 

[kingsfan]

I agree. Stability is the most important thing. So fucking tired of getting worse.