Be Honest. Do You Still Enjoy Life?

How old are you? And how are you doing now? Do you still have pain hyperacusis? Did you do all the loud stuff with hyperacusis?

 

I'm trying to despite it all. I really, really am. Stubborn determination. Delusional positivity even. Feeding my brain with success stories from people worse off than me to reassure myself that this isn't how it will be for the rest of my life. I'm only barely two months in at this point...

I'm losing my composure, though. All of this doesn't feel real. It's like I've been in a bad dream these past weeks. I quite literally have manifested one of my biggest fears with my oversight as to why I'm left with tinnitus now. Going deaf was my first, and being left with tinnitus was my 2nd. I knew about tinnitus. Yet I let this happen. I hate myself for this.

I don't know how my Audiologist looked into my eyes and sincerely said that my life wouldn't be impacted dramatically by all of this. It has. Every single thing in my life has been impacted in some way by this. "There's nothing we can do. You'll learn to ignore it," and sent me on my way. No guidance on how. No follow-up. Nothing. Every time I explain to people its impact, it's undermined as "just ringing" or "just anxiety." At this point, it's not even the ringing that has messed me up the most; it's everyone else affected by it. Friendships, music, eating, sleep, my personality, how I used to calm myself down. No one, except for sufferers on boards such as this one, seems to understand or even want to understand. And that's what's so isolating in all of this. No one gives this condition the time of day to realize its impact except for those who are truly in the pits of it now. I now understand the frustration that is voiced here of how no one does give two shits. Being treated like I am overdramatic about this by people who don't have to listen to this 24/7 adds insult to injury. Man.

Right now, no. I'm not enjoying life. Fuck no. How can I? Every time I try to, I'm brought back in with this. I'm trying not to let myself stay in this negative psyche for my own sake and keeping myself sane with distraction... But I miss silence & solitude so much. I'm grieving it. But I want to enjoy life again. That's enough for me to put all the effort I can muster into achieving that.

 

I am 34 now and generally doing well. I did not do much when I was suffering from hyperacusis. My hyperacusis very rarely acts up anymore, luckily. Still, when I have hyperacusis flare-ups, I don't do much besides try to rest and slowly build tolerance to sounds/frequencies that make me uncomfortable. It took a while to get to a place where I don't really have setbacks with hyperacusis.

 

Nope. I didn't have a chance to attempt to keep enjoying life with tinnitus because mild whiners are the ones who make the protocols and "treatments" for tinnitus and hyperacusis. They call people who tell the truth about how bad this shit can be fearmongers. They downplay these afflictions. This shit 100% should be taken seriously as a suicide-inducing affliction. Damage control should be the number one priority, not sound therapy or TRT.

Frigging mild assholes claiming they're severe get natural remission and say TRT or medications worked for them, so they push everyone that has actual damage to the grave. There is blood on their hands, I tell you. Anxiety asshats.

 

I struggled a lot with my tinnitus, but I managed to get back to an enjoyable life with my wife and my daughter.

Of course, there are periods (days, sometimes weeks, or even months) when it’s harder than usual, but I know that there will already be a way back to joy and happiness in life.

 

Three years into this, I'm still not enjoying life. Each ear squeals and shrieks because of fans, air conditioners, and cars passing by. Birds chirping pierce directly into my skull. This is the end.

 

Of course I still enjoy life. We only live once. I have to live it up to the fullest, even with this terrible condition. I still go to the gym, work, hang with friends, go to theme parks, and go out to eat. I stopped DJing, going to the club and raves for now, though, sadly. Maybe one day I’ll go back. But I have to heal my hyperacusis and tinnitus first.