Absolutely. My life is a trash can.
I don't recall ever saying I'd rather be severely disabled than having worsened T and H, those are words you put into my mouth, but I would certainly rather be dead. I'd almost rather be dead than alive right now, actually. My tinnitus hardly bothers me these days. The unyielding hyperacusis, among vertigo, ear/facial/head pain, among other symptoms are my major struggles.
I disagree that wanting to be dead is always irrational. When you contribute nothing to society, live in constant suffering, and have noone in your life who values your presence, what value is there to your life? If anything it would be better if I were dead.
You act like I've never sought out this kind of help in the 4+ years since this started. I have yet to be assisted in any way by any of these clowns. One of the psychiatrists I saw insisted on prescribing me amphetamines. Laughable. The same guy also said that he doesn't think I'm depressed.
It doesn't. I'm mostly fine with my tinnitus these days. It rarely bothers me anymore, although I would prefer to not have it worsen. 4+ months of TRT and my hyperacusis only got worse, though. And now I have a ton of new super fun symptoms on top of it.
I look forward to hearing your stunning insight into my thoughts and situation.
Wasn't trying to offend you, your post just made it clear you wasn't very happy. I suppose psychology is very dependant upon the person you see and the rapport you have with them. They can be very hit and miss. My mom suffers from severe depression so I've seen it all with her. Two of the psychologists she saw were absolutely awful, they actually made her worse. Then she started seeing this one guy who was truly life changing, he turned her life around 180 degrees. She still suffers with depression but he has taken her from suicidal to a pretty happy place. Life can change, I suppose the first step is to actually believe it yourself.