Deciding Whether to Have Children

[Bill Bauer]

But I am thinking of even now. Say something happens to a child in your neighborhood or community.

You have a point.

Here, I expressed my devotion to avoiding problems that can be avoided (i.e., having to take care of a child), so logically I ought to be less likely to commit a crime (an act that, like the act of fathering a child, would give rise to a huge, unnecessary hassle). But I understand what you mean, and of course you are right.

 

[Tinker Bell]

I think that's pretty unlikely. There's a lot of people who really don't like kids and don't do/want to do that. I would think people who are around kids more or like kids would be statistically more likely to be worse (rapists, parents who had enough, etc).

Wishing death on someone else (mostly momentarily) is pretty normal.

You are right. Statistically people — not just children — are more likely to be hurt by someone they know. But obviously that does not happen in every case.

 

[threefirefour]

You are right. Statistically people — not just children — are more likely to be hurt by someone they know. But obviously that does not happen in every case.

I know in terms of rape and murder it's MUCH more likely to happen to someone from someone else they know. I think that's better because it narrows down the pool of suspects. So if someone doesn't have kids, they're much less likely to kill a kid.

 

[Tinker Bell]

You have a point.

Here, I expressed my devotion to avoiding problems that can be avoided (i.e., having to take care of a child), so logically I ought to be less likely to commit a crime (an act that, like the act of fathering a child, would give rise to a huge, unnecessary hassle). But I understand what you mean, and of course you are right.

I am glad you did not misunderstand what I was trying to say. I probably sound crazy, but as a parent I think I am more tuned into these things and have heard some truly terrifying stories.

I can respect not wanting children. Not everyone needs to have children. Honestly, sometimes I think of it like attending a university. Does everyone need a four-year college degree? No, of course not. Can you only be happy and successful with a college degree? No, of course not. Everyone needs to follow their own path.

 

[threefirefour]

Did you mean to write "thought criminal"?

Remember, those are thoughts that are a result of a thought experiment (me imagining learning that I am a dad).

I am making sure that I don't have children, so I am not sure what your problem is (although I don't really want to find out).

Good question. I wouldn't even be remotely as upset at her about this, except this isn't her first time sperging out over something insignificant and making a mountain out of a molehill.

 

[Tinker Bell]

I know in terms of rape and murder it's MUCH more likely to happen to someone from someone else they know. I think that's better because it narrows down the pool of suspects. So if someone doesn't have kids, they're much less likely to kill a kid.

Unless it's some crazy crime drama.

Maybe it's a good thing I watch less TV thanks to my tinnitus.

 

[threefirefour]

Unless it's some crazy crime drama.

Maybe it's a good thing I watch less TV thanks to my tinnitus.

See law and order? Okay-ish show I guess burn it has a bad habit of distorting reality. I remember there was an episode where they thought weeaboos were child porn distributors. That was absolutely hilarious but sad that people might think it's reflective of reality. Crimes like that are very few and far between.

 

[Tinker Bell]

See law and order? Okay-ish show I guess burn it has a bad habit of distorting reality. I remember there was an episode where they thought weeaboos were child porn distributors. That was absolutely hilarious but sad that people might think it's reflective of reality. Crimes like that are very few and far between.

Ha, Law and Order. Ripped from the headlines . . . then totally distorted to completely and dramatically alter the story.

Really actual life is scary enough as it is.

 

[threefirefour]

Ha, Law and Order. Ripped from the headlines . . . then totally distorted to completely and dramatically alter the story.

Really actual life is scary enough as it is.

Yup.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Honestly, sometimes I think of it like attending a university. Does everyone need a four-year college degree? No, of course not. Can you only be happy and successful with a college degree? No, of course not. Everyone needs to follow their own path.

The analogy that I like involves being on a receiving end of sex with a horse. I have as much interest in that, as I have in having kids, and yet there Are folks out there who are into that sort of thing and there are surprisingly many of them. I will never understand them, but that's ok.

 

[Sonic17]

@Bill Bauer @Bobbie7 @Tinker Bell
Hey, I know Bill pretty good and he is far from being a monster or an ass. He helped me a lot when I was really down about my T and I will always be grateful.
Bill does not have kids, it is hard for someone who does not have their own children to understand the deep love for them that a parent has.
To be honest, my T has made my life as a parent more difficult. I have a 22 year old, a 10 year old and an 11 yo. My T started April of 2017, so I had many years of parenting before T. As much as I love my kids, I did find I had more patience with my kids before all this racket started in my head.

 

[Bobbie7]

@Bill Bauer and @Sonic17 - Oh... I know he's not really a "monster". In fact, I do see he earnestly tries to help others in this forum and apparently he has lent his support to you as well.

Best wishes,
Barbara

 

[Greg Sacramento]

@Bill Bauer @Sonic17 @Bobbie 7 Bill has also been understanding to me in private conversation. He's a good guy.

 

[threefirefour]

@Bill Bauer @Sonic17 @Bobbie 7 Bill has also been understanding to me in private conversation. He's a good guy.

You, Bill, dpdx, and equalizer are probably the coolest people on the site.

 

[Bill Bauer]

But saying you would wish death on another human being . . .

There are people from the Salvation Army outside of my grocery store, jingling loud bells nonstop. When I see them, I always think of the following passage in Jim Norton's book "Happy Endings":
"I really want to pick up a baseball bat and smash one of their heads on the table like DeNiro in The Untouchables. A nice solid CLUNK, the sound of a coconut being split open, followed by blood and brains all over the table and a stunned, uncomfortable silence. Since I am basically a coward and can never find a bat when I need one, I enjoy these thoughts for a few moments and giggle good-naturedly."

 

[Bill Bauer]

@threefirefour
It would be better to move that discussion from that other thread to this thread.

Yeah me too. I remember once growing up my parents decided to lecture me about how raising kids was terrible, and the only thing that could "repay" it was for the kid to eventually have kids of his/her own, so they could go through it.

I'm glad some people reproduce but if you look at the math, kids suck. I'll give you the rundown of why I don't want kids:

I get to retire very early because I'm a doctor w/ no kids
I get good free time at home
Pets
Free time with my wife and her unruined body
much less stress, live longer, and look younger.
And of course, money. So much money.

Sure I think people should have kids if they want, but they should just be aware it's a bad idea.

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One time I ended up having to pay for my co-worker's lunch. I felt bad about it. Imagine having to do this for years and years?! I would be disgusted with myself if I were to get myself into a situation where I would be forced to pay for some person's (my son or daugher) meals for decades.

How bizarre is it that people fight For the custody of their kids?! I can understand going to court to try to get another person to shoulder the burden, but not the other way around.

As for the people who care about their genes living on, they must not know math. After X generations, one's descendants will have 1/2^x of one's genes. So the 7th generation will have 1/128 of your genes, which is less than 1%. Your genome is NOT going to "live on" after your death because you had children.

 

[threefirefour]

@threefirefour
It would be better to move that discussion from that other thread to this thread.


One time I ended up having to pay for my co-worker's lunch. I felt bad about it. Imagine having to do this for years and years?! I would be disgusted with myself if I were to get myself into a situation where I would be forced to pay for some person's (my son or daugher) meals for decades.

How bizarre is it that people fight For the custody of their kids?! I can understand going to court to try to get another person to shoulder the burden, but not the other way around.

As for the people who care about their genes living on, they must not know math. After X generations, one's descendants will have 1/2^x of one's genes. So the 7th generation will have 1/128 of your genes, which is less than 1%. Your genome is NOT going to "live on" after your death because you had children.

Yeah honestly having to foot 250k for all this stuff plus food is the main reason for me. Most people don't think of it, but if you asked a person if they wanted a child or 250k up front, most would take the money without blinking.

If my wife divorced me and took my kids, I would count my lucky stars and not try to rock the boat in court. Maybe to lower my alimony or something.

And I'm chinese there's so many of us my genes really don't matter at all.

 

[coffee_girl]

The world is already over populated enough as it is.

 

[Red]

The world is already over populated enough as it is.

Mhmm. Often a counter is that birth rates in developed countries are falling and developing countries have many more children. However, a child in a developed country uses up vastly more resources.

According to a study, deciding to not have children and literally doing nothing to support the environment is still mathematically better on the environment than being a parent who does everything in the book to be green.

 

[coffee_girl]

Mhmm. Often a counter is that birth rates in developed countries are falling and developing countries have many more children. However, a child in a developed country uses up vastly more resources.

According to a study, deciding to not have children and literally doing nothing to support the environment is still mathematically better on the environment than being a parent who does everything in the book to be green.

Every time someone cuts me off in traffic or decides to go on a murdering spree, I always think to myself...hmm someone once thought it was a good idea to have 5 of these creatures under one roof...they got bored of them and then unleashed them on to society for no reason.

Unless there is a 100% way to be sure that any of my kids would make a positive impact on society...i'll just let everyone else populate, that way i can save my hypothetical grandchildren a destroyed planet. Either way, i live guilt free...and do what i want. If i do want to have kids some day, i'll just visit a sperm bank

 

[Emperor-Drax]

I've never been a traditional dad type anyway, since I'm a non-conformist and a bit of a social deviant. And although I'm 33, I've never been able to shake off the mindset "nah I'm too young to have kids!"

Plus I'd need a woman to make them happen, and I'm totally bored with the dating scene right now. Due to some of my oddball quirks, women I date seem to decide within the first five minutes of meeting me that I'm gay, so they lose interest in me very quickly.

 

[Bill Bauer]

And although I'm 33

Take it from someone who is pushing 45: a 33-year old is (for all intents, constructions, and purposes) basically a child. I don't trust the judgement of anyone under 50.

 

[Emperor-Drax]

Wasn't Alexander the Great an accomplished world conqueror by his death at 32? And Octavian became the first Emperor of Rome at 36?

 

[coffee_girl]

Wasn't Alexander the Great an accomplished world conqueror by his death at 32? And Octavian became the first Emperor of Rome at 36?

Yes but in today's standards you'd have to be at least age 98 to be at his level

 

[Emperor-Drax]

I bet all those klinking swords never bothered him.

 

[Sarah200]

I would love to have been a mother but even before I got tinnitus I was unable to have kids due to surviving cervical cancer, it gave me my life which I will always be grateful for but it left me unable to ever have kids.

Now that I have tinnitus, I know that even if I was able to have kids I would not choose to as I'd be too paranoid about crying / screaming affecting my tinnitus.

 

[coffee_girl]

I would love to have been a mother but even before I got tinnitus I was unable to have kids due to surviving cervical cancer, it gave me my life which I will always be grateful for but it left me unable to ever have kids.

Now that I have tinnitus, I know that even if I was able to have kids I would not choose to as I'd be too paranoid about crying / screaming affecting my tinnitus.

Do you have pets? I swear a dog is like a permanent toddler, they are so cute and they won't put me in a nursing home

 

[threefirefour]

Do you have pets? I swear a dog is like a permanent toddler, they are so cute and they won't put me in a nursing home

I'm a cat guy. Cats are so nice and quiet.

 

[Starthrower]

Even before tinnitus I knew I never wanted children. Seemed like everyone my age having kids could not understand and felt that they needed to change my mind. Then it was hard to have a lot of close friends whose lives seemed to be only on their kids.

I enjoy the freedom. My husband has two boys that are my age from a previous early marriage. Makes for a strange family reunion at times. But I am friends with their mother.

 

[coffee_girl]

Even before tinnitus I knew I never wanted children. Seemed like everyone my age having kids could not understand and felt that they needed to change my mind. Then it was hard to have a lot of close friends whose lives seemed to be only on their kids.

I enjoy the freedom. My husband has two boys that are my age from a previous early marriage. Makes for a strange family reunion at times. But I am friends with their mother.

I totally feel you, it gets harder to find friends who don't have kids and who talk about anything else except their children. You can't relate so instead just sit there and wait patiently until they're done before you're like: "So i went on a hike the other day...the mountains were so beautiful!"...then you just sit there in awkward silence

I love my nieces and nephews to bits, i spoil them like crazy when they come to my house...but i am always glad when they leave and become their parent's problems <3