Deciding Whether to Have Children

[threefirefour]

Even before tinnitus I knew I never wanted children. Seemed like everyone my age having kids could not understand and felt that they needed to change my mind. Then it was hard to have a lot of close friends whose lives seemed to be only on their kids.

I enjoy the freedom. My husband has two boys that are my age from a previous early marriage. Makes for a strange family reunion at times. But I am friends with their mother.

It seems women are pressured into wanting kids a lot more

 

[Emperor-Drax]

I totally feel you, it gets harder to find friends who don't have kids and who talk about anything else except their children. You can't relate so instead just sit there and wait patiently until they're done before you're like: "So i went on a hike the other day...the mountains were so beautiful!"...then you just sit there in awkward silence

I love my nieces and nephews to bits, i spoil them like crazy when they come to my house...but i am always glad when they leave and become their parent's problems <3

I immediately ran into this issue right out the gate from uni and into the workplace where suddenly it seemed everyone else was married with kids and I was the single pariah. And some of them with too much time on their hands even tried to "counsel" me into finding someone to marry and have kids with. I was like "ugh stop!" So, yep, they thought me as strange, and because of my social deviance and lack of kids to talk about, they kind of indirectly excluded me from their conversations.

 

[Bill Bauer]

you're like: "So i went on a hike the other day...the mountains were so beautiful!"...then you just sit there in awkward silence

Even when those "family people" Do go on a hike, their kids seem to be poisoning their experience.

Wasn't Alexander the Great an accomplished world conqueror by his death at 32? And Octavian became the first Emperor of Rome at 36?

I was talking about average people.

 

[threefirefour]

Even when those "family people" Do go on a hike, their kids seem to be poisoning their experience.

I was talking about average people.

That's my main issue with kids. Even when they're not yours they can still ruin your fun. Nothing sours my day like some kid screaming his lungs off in an indoor space and giving me noise-induced tinnitus.

 

[Fally]

We had a kid in the library yesterday who was screaming there head off and i could hear it 3 flights up. Now i wear my earplugs normally all day during work and especially last few days been wearing my muffs due to construction across the street. I came down the stairs with this kid screaming and i went off. Walked over directly to the child and said, stop screaming this is a library not a playground. It annoys me so much parents let there kids run around screaming when the place is suppose to be a quiet environment. The kid did stop screaming.

Ive always wanted kids and like some of you mentioned above have friends like mine who are now all married with kids and your the odd single one left who has to deal with the conversations. But lately i feel like ive turned into scrooge and not sure i can handle kids because there so loud. If i have to one kid will do me fine and thats it but not for a VERY long time. Even though I am in my early 30's and keep getting nagged about it

 

[threefirefour]

We had a kid in the library yesterday who was screaming there head off and i could hear it 3 flights up. Now i wear my earplugs normally all day during work and especially last few days been wearing my muffs due to construction across the street. I came down the stairs with this kid screaming and i went off. Walked over directly to the child and said, stop screaming this is a library not a playground. It annoys me so much parents let there kids run around screaming when the place is suppose to be a quiet environment. The kid did stop screaming.

Ive always wanted kids and like some of you mentioned above have friends like mine who are now all married with kids and your the odd single one left who has to deal with the conversations. But lately i feel like ive turned into scrooge and not sure i can handle kids because there so loud. If i have to one kid will do me fine and thats it but not for a VERY long time. Even though I am in my early 30's and keep getting nagged about it

Is it because your female? I nevertheless have this issue. It's sexist af to badger women to have kids.

 

[Fally]

Is it because your female? I nevertheless have this issue. It's sexist af to badger women to have kids.

Yep. There is only me and my other friend who dont have kids. Everyone else is married with kids. I went to my only other single friends birthday few months ago was a BBQ the entire time all our other friends sat there and spoke about marriage and children. I have never felt so left out of a conversation in my life. Then there is the whole "when are you going to find someone and have children." I went into the shop the other day to buy perfume the man behind the counter was like "oh you can always give the free bag that comes with it to your partner." I looked him dead in the eye and said. "I dont have a partner." Never seen someone look so uncomfortable. It just annoys me that because I am a certain age i need to be with a partner or should have kids. I am happy being single go away lol.

 

[threefirefour]

Yep. There is only me and my other friend who dont have kids. Everyone else is married with kids. I went to my only other single friends birthday few months ago was a BBQ the entire time all our other friends sat there and spoke about marriage and children. I have never felt so left out of a conversation in my life. Then there is the whole "when are you going to find someone and have children." I went into the shop the other day to buy perfume the man behind the counter was like "oh you can always give the free bag that comes with it to your partner." I looked him dead in the eye and said. "I dont have a partner." Never seen someone look so uncomfortable. It just annoys me that because I am a certain age i need to be with a partner or should have kids. I am happy being single go away lol.

Nice thing about being an Asian male nobody's pestering me to breed.

 

[Fally]

Nice thing about being an Asian male nobody's pestering me to breed.

Hahaha, my Mum wants more grandchildren. I cant even cope with my nephew around because hes so loud. Which is sad because I love hanging out with him. Not sure I would make a good Mum anymore like i thought i would back in the day.

 

[threefirefour]

Hahaha, my Mum wants more grandchildren. I cant even cope with my nephew around because hes so loud. Which is sad because I love hanging out with him. Not sure I would make a good Mum anymore like i thought i would back in the day.

No need to have kids just because your parents want you to. My parents want me to have kids for revenge so I could suffer through parenthood like they did. No bueno.

 

[Fally]

No need to have kids just because your parents want you to. My parents want me to have kids for revenge so I could suffer through parenthood like they did. No bueno.

Oh geez. I know children right now for me isnt something i could handle maybe in the distant future or maybe not. Going to focus on today because tomorrow is too far away, (not really 3 hours away till tomorrow but you get the point)

 

[threefirefour]

Oh geez. I know children right now for me isnt something i could handle maybe in the distant future or maybe not. Going to focus on today because tomorrow is too far away, (not really 3 hours away till tomorrow but you get the point)

Some people can handle them and some people can't. If you value money privacy scilence or a good romantic relationship and a low stress lifestyle then kids probably aren't right for you. If you're main interest is what society and your parents think about you or just having kids then it's a good idea. I think most people with bad tinnitus would probably not be fans of kids though.

 

[Fally]

Some people can handle them and some people can't. If you value money privacy scilence or a good romantic relationship and a low stress lifestyle then kids probably aren't right for you. If you're main interest is what society and your parents think about you or just having kids then it's a good idea. I think most people with bad tinnitus would probably not be fans of kids though.

I use to be able to handle children, I even wanted to be a childrens librarian but then tinnitus came along and took it from me. I wear my earplugs nearly all the time because im scared of my tinnitus getting worse like it did a few months ago so yeah children not right for me now. I society can go take a jump into pressuring me into what they want.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Is it because your female?

I am male, and back when I was in my early 30s, my co-workers tried bringing it up during an office party. I told them that I hate being around children so much, and trust people so little, that I would never have sex with a woman who hasn't had her menopause yet. They never asked me again.

 

[threefirefour]

I am male, and back when I was in my early 30s, my co-workers tried bringing it up during an office party. I told them that I hate being around children so much, and trust people so little, that I would never have sex with a woman who hasn't had her menopause yet. They never asked me again.

I wouldn't mind riding a young woman though because I'm getting a vasectomy. Although to be safe it's always a good idea to make sure your partner doesn't want kids before you smash.

 

[Bill Bauer]

make sure your partner doesn't want kids before you smash

If you succeed in becoming a doctor, you might want to be more careful than that. It is easy to lie about not wanting kids if wants your alimony payments.

I'm getting a vasectomy

I remember explaining to my co-workers that I read that something like 1% of men who get a vasectomy end up with a lifetime of chronic pain. Chronic pain is a condition that is similar to T. Even back before I had a chance to experience T, I knew that such a risk is unacceptable.

 

[threefirefour]

If you succeed in becoming a doctor, you might want to be more careful than that. It is easy to lie about not wanting kids if wants your alimony payments.

I remember explaining to my co-workers that I read that something like 1% of men who get a vasectomy end up with a lifetime of chronic pain. Chronic pain is a condition that is similar to T. Even back before I had a chance to experience T, I knew that such a risk is unacceptable.

It's actually a lot lower than that. Its in the ball park of 1%, but it usually can be reversed and no more pain in 9/10 of those cases. Which means in reality it's more like .1% of people get chronic testicular pain. And with more precise instruments the risk is much much lower than it was 10-20 years ago.

Although vasectomy reversal is expensive af.

 

[threefirefour]

If you succeed in becoming a doctor, you might want to be more careful than that. It is easy to lie about not wanting kids if wants your alimony payments.

I remember explaining to my co-workers that I read that something like 1% of men who get a vasectomy end up with a lifetime of chronic pain. Chronic pain is a condition that is similar to T. Even back before I had a chance to experience T, I knew that such a risk is unacceptable.

Dead on about the alimony thing. My system would be to ask if they want kids before I think about a relationship. It's important to do this before I say I don't. If they do then that's the end of that. Helps weed out the Trojan-breeders.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Which means in reality it's more like .1% of people get chronic testicular pain.

That is still unacceptably high (more than 13000 times higher than the chance of getting the winning combination in a 6/49 lottery).

My system would be to ask if they want kids before I think about a relationship.

If you ask that, don't forget to ask whether they would be ok with aborting the fetus. I've actually met women who truthfully told me that they didn't want kids, and later revealed that they would never have an abortion. But once you become an American doctor... I don't know - I don't think you can trust anything anyone says at that point. The amount of money that one stands to make by lying to you is too high.

 

[threefirefour]

That is still unacceptably high (more than 13000 times higher than the chance of getting the winning combination in a 6/49 lottery).

If you ask that, don't forget to ask whether they would be ok with aborting the fetus. I've actually met women who truthfully told me that they didn't want kids, and later revealed that they would never have an abortion. But once you become an American doctor... I don't know - I don't think you can trust anything anyone says at that point. The amount of money that one stands to make by lying to you is too high.

Yeah that's really true. Maybe it's a generational thing most women around my age group don't care about abortions but still not worth the risk. If they're really Trojan-breeders then they could just pretend to not care to get me to sleep with them. That's why I want the visectomt before I start dating (both of which are probably really far off).

 

[Alue]

That's my main issue with kids. Even when they're not yours they can still ruin your fun. Nothing sours my day like some kid screaming his lungs off in an indoor space and giving me noise-induced tinnitus.

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I fly frequently and my biggest fear is not the plane crashing, it's getting stuck next to a screaming child.

 

[Bill Bauer]

most women around my age group don't care about abortions but still not worth the risk. If they're really Trojan-breeders then they could just pretend to not care to get me to sleep with them.

Yes, aborting a medical doctor's baby is like

 

[Bill Bauer]

I fly frequently and my biggest fear is not the plane crashing, it's getting stuck next to a screaming child.

Thank you for making me aware of this problem. I will now want to carry $100 bill with me so that I could offer it to people to get them to switch seats with me.

 

[Emperor-Drax]

What's the recommendation here on hearing protection while the plane is in the process of taking off?

 

[Bill Bauer]

What's the recommendation here on hearing protection while the plane is in the process of taking off?

Bose noise cancelling headphones over earplugs have been working well for me. If you are on a Boeing aircraft (especially the Dreamliner ones), you will not want to take that off until you land. Most Airbus are surprisingly quiet.

 

[Agrajag364]

I know there's another post here about coping with kids, but would you start a family if you already had severe tinnitus and hyperacusis?

Are there people here who have had babies while suffering from this and managed it? How did you cope?

To the OP, if I just had my (often loud) tinnitus and no other health problems, yes I would start a family. Children are hard work but they are also hilarious and for many people children and family are the biggest joys and securities in life. With tinnitus if it affects you it might be tough, but only you can judge depending on how much you/your spouse/partner want children, your age, how many other hard things you have to deal with in life. Just wanted to give an alternate preference to those who would never want children. I respect the choice of those who don't - everyone is different.

 

[just1morething]

I wouldn't mind riding a young woman though because I'm getting a vasectomy. Although to be safe it's always a good idea to make sure your partner doesn't want kids before you smash.

A vasectomy would be a good idea. Either that or ride a horse.

 

[Emperor-Drax]

Bose noise cancelling headphones over earplugs have been working well for me. If you are on a Boeing aircraft (especially the Dreamliner ones), you will not want to take that off until you land. Most Airbus are surprisingly quiet.

I have a pair of Sennheiser overear noise cancelling headphones that might be the next best thing.

Tinnitus spikes aren't really my problem, rather I seem to get ear fullness and soreness after noise exposure. I've ordered a set of musician's earplugs because those rolly foamy ones are starting to annoy the hell out of me.

 

[New Guy]

they are so cute and they won't put me in a nursing home

If you raise them right they'll let you move in with you as they get older and not go the other route. I'm anticipating the nursing home.

 

[SugarMagnolia]

Free time with my wife and her unruined body

"ruined body" is pretty laughable (not to mention at least toeing the line to just being misogynistic).

I didn't find this misogynistic. It's the #1 reason on a long list of reasons why I chose not to have kids. I didn't want to ruin my body, the inside or the outside.