Does Anyone Else Get Resentful of People with Healthy Hearing?

[Zenyatta]

Because I sure do. I have reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis and I've become extremely limited in what I can do.

Unfortunately, this has caused me to hate the people who are close to me - I don't see my friends anymore, nor do I really talk to them online because I just cannot get over the insane jealousy that they just get to go outside like it's nothing.

I don't talk to them because I'm scared I'd wish horrible things on them and they deserve better. It's hard to even tolerate my parents, and I'm currently reliant on them which makes me even more resentful. Not screaming and cursing at them for giving birth to me is taking up all my energy.

All in all, tinnitus and hyperacusis are making me an awful person... anyone else struggle with jealousy and anger towards "normal" people?

 

[TheDanishGirl]

Yes, very much unfortunately

I so wish to be them and it kills me when i know it can't happen. Same when people mention they enjoy a silent moment.....yeah wish to god i could have that

 

[Michael Leigh]

@Zenyatta
Jelousy and resentment often affects people and they don't have to be sick to experience it. We live in a very materialistic world and it's easy to focus on oneself instead of appreciating what we have and looking at the bigger picture. Life is problematic and everyone has and goes through problems. If we look at the positives in our life and appreciate what we have, which is often more than what someone else might have. Then we become less self centered and a more loving and considerate person.
I have no doubt that you are suffering as many people do with severe tinnitus and hyperacusis. My tinnitus and hyperacusis were once so severe I didn't think getting better was a posibility. However, in the mist of all this adversity, thankfully I never stopped believing or was resentful for what had befallen upon me. I'm nothing special but looked at the positives in my life. Imagine for a moment you woke up tomorrow morning and opened your eyes and all you saw was darkeness?

Some people live like this everyday and I wonder sometimes how they cope but hope I never have to find out. I saw a young man a few days go coming out of a store with a long white stick tapping on the ground as he walked towards a van. When he got there he used both hands feeling his way along the vehicle until he held the passenger side door handle and got in. It was a bright sunny day without a cloud in the sky.
I rest my case.
Michael

 

[Zenyatta]

Imagine for a moment you woke up tomorrow morning and opened your eyes and all you saw was darkeness?

That would actually make things much easier, as I would immediately know that my life was over and I would kill myself as soon as I got the chance. This was, I'm still having trouble gathering the courage necessary for it. Then again, I have an eye disease so I might end up legally blind either way, ha!

 

[TheDanishGirl]

That would actually make things much easier, as I would immediately know that my life was over and I would kill myself as soon as I got the chance. This was, I'm still having trouble gathering the courage necessary for it. Then again, I have an eye disease so I might end up legally blind either way, ha!

I hear ya

It is awful to be in this battle between wanting to live and wanting to die.

 

[flobo]

I am resentful as well even though i know there is no point.

I'm resentful toward "normal people" but also especially toward those people with extra loud music in their car.
I can't help but think "why the hell was it me and not them ?" .

 

[Michael Leigh]

I am resentful as well even though i know there is no point.
I'm resentful toward "normal people" but also especially toward those people with extra loud music in their car.
I can't help but think "why the hell was it me and not them ?" .

The only answer is to accentuate the positive things in your life and this will help to eliminate the negative thinking that you have towards tinnitus and life. Unless you learn this then you will not advance or get better. Seek counselling with a Hearing Therapist whose trained in the managment and treatment of tinnitus. This is the only way forward if you are finding it difficult to cope.
Michael

 

[Zenyatta]

The only answer is to accentuate the positive things in your life and this will help to eliminate the negative thinking that you have towards tinnitus and life. Unless you learn this then you will not advance or get better. Seek counselling with a Hearing Therapist whose trained in the managment and treatment of tinnitus. This is the only way forward if you are finding it difficult to cope.
Michael

...which I would gladly do, if there was a person like that in my country. It's not even the tinnitus that really gets me at this point, it's the hyperacusis *sigh*

 

[flobo]

The only answer is to accentuate the positive things in your life and this will help to eliminate the negative thinking that you have towards tinnitus and life. Unless you learn this then you will not advance or get better. Seek counselling with a Hearing Therapist whose trained in the managment and treatment of tinnitus. This is the only way forward if you are finding it difficult to cope.
Michael

I am seeking help, but finding the right people takes time. So far, not much luck. I'm trying to see a new T specialist in august.

So far, i can hardly leave the house without spiking T for the night so it's hard to think positively.

 

[Bobbie7]

I neither envied nor became jealous of anyone in my life for anything they had (or didn't have like tinnitus). I realize each person has their own cross(es) to bear. While you may envy someone who has no tinnitus and perfect hearing, who knows what other afflictions they may have which are not readily apparent.... the type which you can not ever imagine having or feel you would be able to bear. It's only natural to complain about specific maladies we have to endure but as the saying goes "there is always someone who has it worse"; however, when suffering, we never consider this. I like the saying "I complained I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet". I think what helps is to look at what we DO have and not focus on what we do not.

As everyone will or has already learned there will be many challenges which lie ahead not having anything to do with tinnitus. You may not feel strong presently but if your tinnitus should be permanent.... at the point when you have somehow learned to manage and live with it (as many in the success stories attest) you will be far stronger to face any adversity in the future. As a result of experiencing the unwelcomed and unrelenting sounds of T, I do believe any hardship serves to weaken us in the early stages but, ultimately, strengthens us in the long run. This comes from someone who has faced a great many challenges of varying types in her 72 years.

I sincerely hope that everyone in this forum summons whatever inner strength they possess to stand up to T and, despite this adversity, try to search for some joy/pleasure and concentrate on whatever made them happy prior to T - and make whatever modifications are needed.

Wishing everyone hope,
Barbara

 

[Zenyatta]

@Bobbie7 I couldn't disagree more about the whole "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" approach. I have battled mental illness for most of my teenage and young adult years. I do not feel one bit stronger for it. I've gone through things that most people in my age group couldn't even imagine. I'm not saying this for anyone to feel bad for me, mind - but I have done permanent and irreversible damage to myself with my eating disorder and self-injury. They did not make me stronger, and neither will tinnitus and hyperacusis, especially combined with a disease that is causing me to lose my vision. I do not buy that argument. I see no hope, no chance of recovery, especially since I've established that there are no doctors in my country that have a clue about tinnitus and how to treat it. Maybe the normal kind, but not the one combined with reactivity and hyperacusis. Being locked inside my home without the ability to enjoy my hobbies has made me a bitter person. I am actively wishing for my friends to become sick and lose the ability to enjoy their lives. Do I want to feel like that? No. Do I tell them? Of course not. But it's there none the same and it's ugly and there's nothing I can do about it. I hate them. I hate them for being capable of the basic necessities of life and I hope they get sick and die. I fucking hate everything and I can't tell anyone because it will make me look like a psycho. And now I hate myself for thinking that.

 

[Michael Leigh]

...which I would gladly do, if there was a person like that in my country. It's not even the tinnitus that really gets me at this point, it's the hyperacusis *sigh*

Then I advise you to try and help yourself because only you can do it. Follow the advice in my articles and some of the helpful advice from positive thinking people in this forum and there are many. @Bobbie7 post is a brilliant example. It is up to you. It does take time because nothing good comes easily in this world. It took me two years to habituate to tinnitus the first time and four years the second time and I'm still here.

Michael

 

[Michael Leigh]

So far, i can hardly leave the house without spiking T for the night so it's hard to think positively.

Positive thinking doesn't happen overnight and I'm not saying that you shouldn't ever feel negative. Please read my post: Positivity and tinnitus, which you have in my article: Tinnitus, A Personal View. I advise you to read it often and whenever you feel negativity taking hold.
Michael

 

[Alue]

Not people that are close to me, but people around me that think I'm making it all up or people that make loud noises knowing full well I don't tolerate them well. Mainly some coworkers.

 

[Zenyatta]

@Michael Leigh I'm afraid there's not much else I can do - I've started using the WNGs, read every article available multiple times and I'm only getting more bitter, not less. I used to be able to talk to my friends, now I just want to tell them to kill themselves. The escitalopram I was given greatly spiked my hyperacusis and gave me a new tinnitus tone - fortunately that mostly went away when I realised what was happening and quit. I do not know how to not be bitter. Positive articles don't help, the therapists I've met all want to discuss my childhood and my relationship with my parents when it isn't even remotely relevant and I'm sick of all the incompetence I encounter. At this point I really just wish they'd support me with my suicide, it would make things so much easier.

 

[Zenyatta]

Not people that are close to me, but people around me that think I'm making it all up or people that make loud noises knowing full well I don't tolerate them well. Mainly some coworkers.

There's a door in our otherwise quiet-ish office that people keep slamming. Fortunately I'm not that close to it, but one of these days it feels like I'm going to flip...

 

[Michael Leigh]

That is unfortunate @Zenyatta
I wish you well.
Michael

 

[fishbone]

Because I sure do. I have reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis and I've become extremely limited in what I can do.

Unfortunately, this has caused me to hate the people who are close to me - I don't see my friends anymore, nor do I really talk to them online because I just cannot get over the insane jealousy that they just get to go outside like it's nothing.

I don't talk to them because I'm scared I'd wish horrible things on them and they deserve better. It's hard to even tolerate my parents, and I'm currently reliant on them which makes me even more resentful. Not screaming and cursing at them for giving birth to me is taking up all my energy.

All in all, tinnitus and hyperacusis are making me an awful person... anyone else struggle with jealousy and anger towards "normal" people?

It's all based on experience in life and where we come from and what we have seen and been through. I resent no one , i envy no one. The only tad bit of envy, that might exist in me, is for those people that are surrounded by loving and caring friends and family. I am a loving person, that lost my child and parents and it does get me when I see people that are happy with a family full of love.....

This rotten world has eliminated, lots of those elements.

Why would I envy someone that hears better than I do? Do you know what they face? Where they been in their life? What demons they face? Are you walking in their shoes? Some healthy hearing people have no money, face severe depression, lost loved ones and just live in utter hell. We cannot just assume things.

We cannot just assume, since someone that hears well and can go to loud places, has a great life and the people with noises in their heads are off worst than they are.

There are people and CHILDREN in parts of the world dying because of no food, love and place to sleep. Homeless people that are crying alone in some alley at nights.

I been on both side of the fences and I tell it like it is and I am truthful and that's just how I roll.

Don't be pissed at someone, because their ears are better......

 

[Zenyatta]

It's all based on experience in life and where we come from and what we have seen and been through. I resent no one , i envy no one. The only tad bit of envy, that might exist in me, is for those people that are surrounded by loving and caring friends and family. I am a loving person, that lost my child and parents and it does get me when I see people that are happy with a family full of love.....

This rotten world has eliminated, lots of those elements.

Why would I envy someone that hears better than I do? Do you know what they face? Where they been in their life? What demons they face? Are you walking in their shoes? Some healthy hearing people have no money, face severe depression, lost loved ones and just live in utter hell. We cannot just assume things.

We cannot just assume, since someone that hears well and can go to loud places, has a great life and the people with noises in their heads are off worst than they are.

There are people and CHILDREN in parts of the world dying because of no food, love and place to sleep. Homeless people that are crying alone in some alley at nights.

I been on both side of the fences and I tell it like it is and I am truthful and that's just how I roll.

Don't be pissed at someone, because their ears are better......

You're right, I immediately feel better about my life now and all the terrible thoughts are gone!

 

[fishbone]

You're right, I immediately feel better about my life now and all the terrible thoughts are gone!

I am honest and my thoughts and words are based on living this life with experiences.....

I have seen it all and do TELL it all as well......

I see that you just recently got tinnitus, I do feel your pain and DO know where you are at as well. I was there before and it took me quite some time to understand, adapt and move forward.

Don't be too hard on yourself......

 

[Michael Leigh]

Why would I envy someone that hears better than I do? Do you know what they face? Where they been in their life? What demons they face? Are you walking in their shoes? Some healthy hearing people have no money, face severe depression, lost loved ones and just live in utter hell. We cannot just assume things.

Beautifully put @fishbone.....
Michael

 

[Michael Leigh]

You're right, I immediately feel better about my life now and all the terrible thoughts are gone!

It would be a good idea to PRINT @fishbone post and hang it up in your room and read it every day. That kind of advice comes from many years experience with tinnitus which you will never find in any tinnitus book or at a tinnitus clinic!
Michael

 

[Zenyatta]

I am honest and my thoughts and words are based on living this life with experiences.....

I have seen it all and do TELL it all as well......

I see that you just recently got tinnitus, I do feel your pain and DO know where you are at as well. I was there before and it took me quite some time to understand, adapt and move forward.

Don't be too hard on yourself......

I have no issue with honesty, all I'm saying is that the whole "someone else has it worse" thing doesn't make me feel better, lol. This is the problem - I don't want to live like this. This kind of existence isn't living, it's just waiting for the day to end. What's the point? (And I don't really care about the tinnitus, I've had it for ages, it's the hyperacusis that's ruining my life.)

I'm full of hate right now. I don't know how not to be. I don't like it and I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar.

 

[PaulBe]

Getting through the day can be enough of an effort without dragging the ball and chain of resentment along.

 

[Zenyatta]

yeah okay i get it, someone else has it worse and i should get over it. i know that, i know all that. fuck this, i'll just off myself

 

[Foncky]

I'm not. I'm just glad for them, as I was glad when I was one of them.

I just get angry when some of them don't understand what hyperacusis is.

And I know that even though they don't have H, they might be struggling more than me, with something easier or very much awful. Something we don't see.

 

[fishbone]

I have no issue with honesty, all I'm saying is that the whole "someone else has it worse" thing doesn't make me feel better, lol. This is the problem - I don't want to live like this. This kind of existence isn't living, it's just waiting for the day to end. What's the point? (And I don't really care about the tinnitus, I've had it for ages, it's the hyperacusis that's ruining my life.)

I'm full of hate right now. I don't know how not to be. I don't like it and I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with anything similar.

Ok good, you are being honest and open and that is the first step in getting better and further in your journey!

There are some treatments to help with this, possibly look into it.

I wish you the best, really do. You sound like a younger me, at one point in my life and I totally understand your pain

 

[Bobbie7]

Dear @Zenyatta -

I wish there was something I could say... I understand you concerning mental illness, I do -- and the self-harming was done to lessen the emotional pain and the frustration turning inward. I understand your anger and bitterness since you are suffering but YOU must be kinder to yourself. I would like to know if there is someone whom you trust other than a therapist (since you say they only concentrate on your relationship with your parents) with whom you can relate all you are feeling are who can try to understand? This forum is excellent and can offer solace/good suggestions but at times it helps to also have another who cares sitting near you while you speak. You appear to be very intelligent, a valuable person not only important to your parents but others who may eventually come to know you so to concentrate on suicide is counter-productive. Be gentle on yourself, you deserve kindness. I think you have a lot to contribute and all I can say is you need to stay strong and I hope you can begin to change your outlook. I agree with @Michael Leigh and @fishbone and wish you could take to heart what we are saying.

Would you consider finding a new therapist (they are certainly not all the same)? Are you currently being treated for your eye issue? Is there anything at all which brings you some relief or at least lessens your tinnitus?

 

[Raphael7713]

Your only choice is trying to get better. You can't do anything else. And if you wont bother about it, who will?
And these things doesn't happen over a night, it takes time and effort to create a better reality.

 

[fishbone]

I will share something with you again.....

There are many things in my life that I could be resentful for. MANY, the list will be too long, but the point is this. Everyday I wake up from my bed and I being alive is a gift! I have rotten people around me all the time, rude, nasty and just plain disgusting. That's them, I am not like that and I have a purpose in my life and goals that WILL be met!

In all honesty, If i resent something, it would be that I at times don't push as hard as i should be, to reach the goal I have set for myself. In my life i see no limits at all, i careless if i can hear or not. I careless if have to tell someone to repeat themselves or not. I could resent not being the best, ME that I can BE! That is what I resent at times.

My way of thinking at my youth and younger days were WAY WAY different than now! I am all about paying it forward in life and making an impact and helping good people reach their goals.

I was at one of my favorite restaurants today and this guy in his 20s was working there. I look at this guy and i see the old me, its like identical images. He's working hard, broke and given up. He needs an outlet in life to change his life and let him live his dreams.

I pulled him aside and I mentored him on some knowledge and training that I have. His EYEs opened up and he sees that his future is set and he has HOPE!

Always try to make an impact and love people, resenting people based on our own issues, simply just limits us and what we try to achieve and keeps us from moving forward....

I pay it forward and come here to mentor those that suffer with this horrible ordeal..........